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Before I am your daughter, your sister, your aunt, niece, or cousin, I am my own person, and I will not set fire to myself to keep you warm.

1/? Things To Remember  (via ahyasidi)

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Updates

I suck at blogging when I'm stressed, and boy have I been stressed. Anywho... Updates. I haven't weighed myself in awhile, but I don't think I have gained. If I have, I have been lulled into a sense of security by my NSV. I bought jeans in a smaller size!!! They are a 24! Yes! I have pretty much liberated myself from girdles. I've worn one every day since I was about 13 yrs old. Even at my smallest size, which was an 18/20. It's funny, because I stopped wearing them at a size 26/28. Which makes me more excited because I fit in the 24 without a girdle! Yes there is a great deal of stretch... But man just let me be great. I have a lot of work to do on the inside. I have started by deciding to give moving out of state another go. I first tried in 2010, at the height of the recession. I got scared and came home. Biggest. Mistake. Ever. Life here is toxic for me. Maybe someday I will sit down and share why. As for now, because of losing my best friend/parent, I get a pension check. I am taking it and running, knowing she would support me. And although technically I can come back, I am going to treat it like there is no home to come back to. Its sink or swim. There are a lot of moving parts to this relo, which is bringing me a great deal of stress. Mainly my physical wellness. As we speak, my sciatica is flaring up, which is making it exceedingly hard to move around, far less pack. So I am taking the down time to reflect on what I need to do for myself, which of course brought me here. Hopefully with some stretching and lidocaine I will be back to the 'new' normal soon. I'm both excited and terribly anxious about this new chapter in my life. I will continue to work on me!

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pineapple coconut vitamin c smoothie

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So I know I've been absent...

I stopped posting around the last week in Sept. I also stopped logging on MFP. Stopped my water aerobics... And I know everyone will be like theres never a reason... But I have mine. I haven't abandoned my journey. I haven't even abandoned watching what I eat, or weighing myself for that matter. I have not gained weight. I have not lost weight (ok a pound for 6-8 weeks). I have placed the focus on the journey on hold. Physically, I am going through a lot. My cortisone has long since worn off, and my herniation is reintroducing pain to my body. I have also had my cycle for the past 6 or so weeks, which is dropping my iron levels dramatically. I have nearly zero energy. My anemia is in full force. My energy is spent in getting myself through the days. Days like today, I barely have the energy to sit up. But I wanted to let those who are watching know, it's not over. I wanted to remind myself. When I am feeling more up to it, I will come back and update you all on my changes in goals. I hope you all are continuing success, and I hope to be back in joining the ranks of the fitblr army soon. Best of luck.

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A nice set of grocery lists for different types of people or types of food you want to get. I got all these from 10000steps but I am just putting them in one post. Enjoy! :D

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Weigh In

So I was super discouraged yesterday, and did not weigh in.

I decided to just do it today, and I'm down 5.4lbs. Don't know if that's in a week or over 2 since I had such trouble with the scale last Sunday...

But either way I hit my 5% goal. So... I'm super excited!

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ugh

So normally I do my weigh ins on Sundays, but today I'm really not feeling for the disappointment. Last week upset me in an obscene way. Plus I already ate.

I have kept to my food goals, so I'm not worried about gaining. Maybe I've maintained.

As far as exercise, well the pool goal is twice a week. So far I've only been once a week, due to logistical issues. If I spend 2 hours swimming and another hour in aqua aerobics like I did last week, MFP tells me I burned over 2,000 calories. I just don't know if I should. I was DOG tired and my body STILL hurts. Especially my back.

It's getting chilly here in NYC, and I'm not sure how much I can safely do with my disc issue, as the pain is beginning to get worse. I'm getting super frustrated because I know I need to move, and my body won't let me.

All I can do with this eating is drop weight, but the most important part of this journey for me is to build muscle. I NEED that, more than to lose the weight. Because although the weight loss is super important, the degenerative muscular disease that I have already tested positive for markers of, is what I'm trying to get a head start on. And the mobility to accomplish all the things I want to do, before I can't.

This journey is super hard, but if I keep my eye on why I'm doing it... maybe I'll succeed where my family hasn't.

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Weigh in

Down 2.5... I think. Normally because I have seen the scale vary slightly, I have a system of weighing until I have 3 consistant weights. I may have weighed myself 15 times today, and gotten 10 vastly different weights. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, or if I can even trust the numbers I've seen before or now. I took the mid range weight of the 3 sets of weights that came up twice. That gives me a 2.5 loss. The low weight takes an additinal 3 lbs off that weight, the hw gives 0.1 lbs loss since last week. I'm frustrated because the numbers are my only form of evedence that something is coming of my efforts, and I gotta tell you, I honestly NEED that. And while I'd normally be satisfied with 2.5, I'm left wondering... What if I'm wrong and nothing is happening to my body? What if the one hw that popped up is really what I weigh? Because I don't SEE or FEEL the changes. I probably won't for some time either. If I can't trust the scale, how will I know I'm on the right track? How will I know I'm not wasting my time? How will I know that in the end I'm not just fooling myself?

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That smile after though... He's like "... got 'em". I had to save this. Like... I had to.

I can’t stop watching this…

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Workout update

So I finally got in the pool!

I'll be going to the pool Tuesdays and Thursdays until our bodies (my mothers as well, I am trying to get her to work on her mobility) can better acclimate to the activity after sedentary living. My body still hurts, but the 1,027 calories it calculated that I burned with 30 min of pool play and 60 min of aqua aerobics was well worth it.

The workout is basic, but it relies on the waters natural resistance, we even have water dumbells. I don't feel it in my joints, but I did feel it in my muscles. I did have to sit out one exercise, because on my second rep of 10, I felt a sharp pain up my back. The point of aqua aerobics is not to upset my herniated disc, so I will have to do a better job at restricting myself when it comes to certain movements.

The most of the pain that I still feel 2 days later, is in my back and my arms. The arms are sore, the back is closer to sharp pains. So next time I'm thinking to take my anti inflammatory before the workout, and after, following my instructed dosage. Hopefully that will help.

I'm excited, as I really want to start my year with more mobility, and its looking more and more like a possibility. Sure eating healthier helps, but being physically restricted won't really change unless I get moving. So I am hoping for the best.

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 Idea. Stolen. Thanks!

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I’ve improved.. but still don’t drink enough

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Weigh in

Down 3.6, still no exercise. Everything hurts. I do hope to be in the pool by Wednesday though.