moscryptidsstuff

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thinking.

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Arches National Park, Utah photo: Elliot McGucken

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Tim and Bruce getting into an argument bcs Tim demands to be independent and NOT get involved in the mess of being a legal part of the Wayne family, and Bruce being final on the fact that Tim is FIFTEEN and needs a legal guardian. out of spite Tim asks the person he thinks Bruce would approve of as a guardian the least to sign some guardian papers.

Tim: you don’t have to do anything parental i just REALLY wanna make Batman mad and i get the sense that our wishes align on that specific aspect so if you could just sign here for shits and giggles-

Red Hood:

Red Hood, rapidly changing his plans on how to deal with getting revenge on Bruce because his replacement is actually kinda hysterical: if we’re doing this we’re fucking doing it right, kid

Bruce shows up to Tim’s next parent teacher conference because hey just because he’s being given the silent treatment over this whole adoption thing doesn’t mean he’s going to slack off on his parental duties, only to freeze in the doorway because Tim Drake-Hood is stood there with his shiny new CRIME LORD LEGAL GUARDIAN giving him the most SHIT EATING GRIN POSSIBLE, and he almost has a panic attack on the spot.

Jason’s really getting into this whole caretaker thing. he’s doing school runs, delivering home cooked meals to Drake manor, helping with homework, this was his fucking CALLING. Tim is having the time of his life because him and Hood actually get along really well, but then he realises two weeks in that it turns out Hood is actually Jason fucking Todd, and he has to deal with the existential crisis of causing the very thing he was trying to stop because he is now technically a legal child of the Wayne family.

out of embarrassment for the fact that he failed and amazement at the fact that he’s bonding so well with Bruce’s dead kid and his own childhood hero (who is now a badass crime lord that lets him call for advice about english assignments while organising drug runs and picks up batburger on his way home from weapon shipments, seriously what more could Tim want in a parent), Tim somehow becomes even more invested in hiding Red Hood’s identity than Jason is.

Bruce has just been in a constant state of panic for the past three months and he doesn’t know what to fucking do. Dick was concerned for Tim up until he demanded to have dinner with him and his new ‘guardian’ to vet the guy and Jason, who stopped caring about his identity when he realised how much being a working dad agrees with his mental health and is only actively keeping his identity from Bruce for Tim’s pride’s sake, takes off his helmet to eat and Dick stares at him frozen for fifteen minutes across the table before finally pointing at the two and saying ‘you know what? he didn’t even tell me Jason was dead until after the funeral. whatever the fuck’s going on here? he has it coming. proceed.’

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Jason: “Who died and made you Robin?”

Tim: “...you?”

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Eddie Diaz FaceTiming Buck from El Paso like:

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Learning about the Ides of March in middle school was so surreal for me because it’s my birthday, so when the teacher started talking about March 15th and Caesar’s murder, everyone who knew my birthday gave me the side eye like I was the one who stabbed him, so I was sitting there like

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JOHN??!!??

get in losers we're killing caesar.

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sorry i cant hang out tomorrow im celebrating the death of a 2123 year old roman politician with a bunch of psychos on tumblr. yeah its gonna be all day

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Knives! Get your Knives here for no particular reason!

🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

Get em while they're cold, get em while they're sharp!

Special discount if your name is Brutus for no reason in particular!

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et tu?

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You’ve been hit by 🔪

You’ve been struck by 🔪

A Roman Senator 🔪🔪🔪

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Damian: Why did Richard quit being Robin and move out?

Jason: He- wait, why did you?

Dick: Joker shot me in the shoulder.

Tim, scoffing: You wouldn't quit because of that, c'mon tell us the actual reason.

Dick: How would you kn- Oh yeah, your stalker years.

Tim: I wasn't a stalker

Dick: Keep telling yourself that.

Damian: Richard stop deflecting the question.

Dick:

Jason: Dick

Dick, sighing: Bruce got really upset and didn't want me getting hurt as Robin.

Tim: You wouldn't listen to that without a fight so do tell what else did he do to make you quit?

Damian, catching on: Did Father fire you?

Dick: He did it to keep me safe.

Tim: If he fired you, did he kick you out too?

Dick: I guess...

Damian: Richard was 17 at the time, was he not?

Jason: Roy mentioned you staying at his place once. Did Bruce not give you a place to stay?

Dick, getting increasingly nervous: I only spent a few nights, and I could make money perfectly fine.

Tim, growing pale: B didn't help you?

Dick: Don't worry, I don't think he'd do that to any of you.

Damian, appalled: I'm his blood son but what difference is there between you and Drake?

Dick: Well, I was going to age out in a couple months anyway.

Jason: Age out?

Tim, dread filling him: The articles only referred to him as B's ward.

Jason: Why are you mentioning that now, there's some more important things to be thinking about!

Damian: ...Was Richard not adopted?

Dick: I'm still here, y'know.

Damian: Apologies, but I require a proper response. Were you adopted?

Dick: I am now.

Everyone:

Jason: I'm murdering Bruce.

Tim, grinning: I have some alternatives in mind

Jason: Oh?

Damian: I shall sharpen my blades in preparation.

Dick, exasperated: stop, please.

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Tim, holding something behind his back: don’t be mad.

Bruce, already getting mad: I won’t get mad, you can always talk to me. What’s going on?

Tim, revealing a swaddled baby: I messed up when cloning Kon and accidently spilt my DNA into it and now I have a clone baby with my dead situationship.

Bruce, flabbergasted: ..???

Bruce: why were you cloning- when did you start datin- I’m a grandpa?! No, go back, how did you ‘accidently’ spill DNA aren’t you paranoid too????

Tim, who may or may not have been crying over one of the clones and accidently cut his lip trying not to sob and got blood into a test chamber: that’s not important.

Bruce, hyperventilating: why is it so small????

Tim: cause she’s only two months old.

Bruce; I understand that, but even an average two month old should be-…

Bruce: two.

Bruce: you said two months.

Tim: you said you wouldn’t get mad.

Bruce: you hid a baby for TWO MONTHS?!

Tim: I WAS PANICKING LEAVE ME ALONE!

Bruce: IVE BEEN A GRANDPA FOR TWO MONTHS AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME?!

Tim: WELL! I don’t know I’m seventeen, what did you expect?

Bruce, actively loosing brain cells: if you can clone your dead boyfriend-

Tim: we never actually started dating-

Bruce: -then you can tell your father you had a baby.

Tim: …

Tim: I’m not exactly sure what stage of being an adult I am, I started a little young I think.

Tim: but I am a mother now so don’t you dare yell at me.

Bruce: …

Tim: …

Bruce: …

Bruce: … can I hold her?

Tim, grinning in victory: wash your hands first and then you can.

LATER:

Bruce: why is she a girl if you and Kon are both male?

Tim: are you questioning my baby’s gender??? That’s so homophobic, gay men can raise girls.

Bruce: you know damn well I didn’t mean-

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Bucky: I'm gonna regret this, who is Robin?

Clint: the most famous fictional sidekick

Bucky: is he anything like me?

Clint: well their are different ones, I like the first but I'm biased, you're more like the second one. Jason Todd.

Bucky: do I want to known how?

Clint: Jason was Robin, then he got killed, then he came back with guns a blazing.

Bucky:... I asked

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Tim Drake faked a public assassination attempt and went through a year of PT to protect his identity, but he spent twenty minutes in Paris traffic and started running across cars because he was inconvenienced