mothmanmagicalboy

[mothmanmagicalboy]

stoned and autistic at a party trying to make conversation: I find the comparative lifespan of organisms so interesting. Spiders are comparatively long lived animals. Female black widows can live up to 3 years but their male counterparts rarely live four months. Some tarantulas live upwards of 20 years. The longest lived spider was around 43 years old when she was cruelly assassinated by a parasitic wasp. Domestic rats have a lifespan comparable to female black widows. To put things into perspective, there are spiders that remember a pre-pandemic world but it is likely every rat on earth was born post-COVID. There could be a spider out there born when Reagan was in office.

[mothmanmagicalboy]

[mothmanmagicalboy]

You see me at a party, I'm smoking a cigarette. With shock, you notice that I'm taking bites out of it. You move closer and realize the cigarette is actually a raw green bean.

[mothmanmagicalboy]

“transmascs, use men’s deodorant for gender euphoria!” have you considered that i dont want to smell like a highschool gym and actually enjoy smelling like geranium and citrus? have you considered i get gender euphoria from smelling like vanilla bc it makes me feel like an omega male from the omegaverse. have you considered that i am a pervert.

[mothmanmagicalboy]

the helpful & informative nilered that concocts a night-time beverage VS the wretched & dastardly nileblue that brews the dark and secret KILLS YOU potion

[mothmanmagicalboy]

[mothmanmagicalboy]

Well if it isn't my old friend, nemesis and secret gay lover, Heinous Penis Lovecraft.

[mothmanmagicalboy]

no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.

[mothmanmagicalboy]

government websites are like “solve my riddles three to get the mandatory thing you need” and then you call the support number and a robot tells you intermittently for an hour to just use the website and then a guy named amhed picks up and goes “hey yeah i can do that for you in like five minutes, the website sucks” and cracks jokes while solving the problem for you with complete ease

[mothmanmagicalboy]

the bad part about making pasta bake or lasagna is i gotta put so much willpower into not eating all the bechamel with a spoon while i wait for the sauce to finish. i am god’s strongest soldier.

[mothmanmagicalboy]

So last month I got hit by a car and died right. Which I didn't initially realize until I watched some guy haul my body into his pickup and drive off. Which, being that it's deep in rural Michigan, I assume means my body will make some venison jerky and maybe some wall decoration, and I'll be resigned to being one of hundreds of deer ghosts floating around Saginaw, which is w/e. But then I find out the guy works at a taxidermy shop or something, and he's actually pretty good at stuffing and mounting deer carcasses, which I come to find out when I find myself face to face with my old body in the shop window. So naturally, I figure since ghosts need to possess something to interact with the living world and etc etc etc the most logical thing to do is to possess my own body, since it's basically a statue of myself. And a little surprisingly, it actually fits like a glove. Like, since it's my body, it feels like stepping right back into place. So I get out of town and back to my herd, eventually. And that's where the trouble starts coming into it, because after I get settled again, I don't know how to explain to everyone else what feels so weird. Like since I can move my body and do everything I used to do, it's functionally the same, like nothing happened. Or it SHOULD be, so I don't know how to explain how it's NOT. But it's just hard to explain it to someone who's never been hit by a truck I guess

[mothmanmagicalboy]

me: i wish to be able to drink through my skin.

genie: ok, see, usually i do a sorta cursed rabbit’s foot “be careful what you wish for” type of thing but i genuinely really want to know what you’re getting out of this. you could have wished for money or super strength or true love but you went for this? is it somehow sexual? do you have some plan to profit off of it in some way? why would this be your first choice???

me, still fully clothed, already climbing into a bathtub full of milk: sorry man, did you say something?

[mothmanmagicalboy]

I love salad

[mothmanmagicalboy]

it's called joint pain bc i could really do with a fucking joint rn

[mothmanmagicalboy]

btw im gonna be on artfight this year! my name is mothmanmagicalboy and i’ve literally only uploaded one character so far but yeah. it’s my first time so any sage advice would be deeply appreciated :3

[mothmanmagicalboy]

does anyone wanna do some gay bullshit to me

[mothmanmagicalboy]

being bitten is so important, everybody deserves to get bit