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msvirginia21-blog · 7 years ago

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Not mine, but good Domme advice

Not mine, but I LOVE it

I’d like to share some experience, ideas, and tips I’ve put together after about 4 years of dominating my BF. This is all my personal experience, so it won’t apply to everyone.

Firstly, I need to share that we aren’t in a 24/7 Domme-sub relationship. That doesn’t interest me or my BF. My BF came to me about 4 ½ years ago and confessed some of his desires for femdom sex, and I decided to entertain it with him. It’s been a lot of fun, but I’m not making it a “lifestyle”, although we do have some “extended” sessions, which I’ll detail later in this post. Its something we do for fun in the bedroom (well, not always in the bedroom). We still have frequent “vanilla” sex, he’s actually quite good at it. :) That being said, I’m not here to pass judgement on anyone else, or pretend to be an expert on the subject of BDSM. My current BF is the only person I’ve played with like this, but we’ve learned a lot about femdom by experimenting, reading, and talking to each other. A good portion of these ideas and suggestions were his idea, and many are mine. Some may think that this is topping from the bottom, but I don’t take it too seriously. This is all just in good fun for us.

Also, even though I talk about some of the stuff below being “forced”, that’s not to imply he hasn’t consented. We always have a safeword, and we discuss generalities before we decide on trying something new (although I do definitely surprise him with new activities to push his limits). Also, keep safety in mind with any activity. Not all of this is safe for every couple or every person. So, with all that out of the way, lets get to it!

I approach femdom by classifying activities into 4 categories, then I put them together for an experience. The categories I use are: Degradation/Humiliation, Pain and Control, Frustration/Teasing, and Service. I’ll go over activities in each then describe how I put them together.

DEGRADATION/HUMILIATION

This is a very fun category and can include a lot of different things. Here’s a list of activities that I enjoy inflicting on him.

Forced feminization - I frequently make him wear women’s clothing during our sessions. This can include lots of different outfits. Feel free to mix and match to your taste. Amazon is great for getting lingerie on a budget. I like to go with really girly colors and patterns for my guy. My favorites are:

High heels. These are an absolute necessity. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on these, but you might want more than one pair if you insist his outfits match. Lingerie. This can include teddies, stockings, babydoll, fishnet dresses, etc. Just a pair of panties. This makes him feel very exposed. I like ones that ride up his little butt (cheekies, thongs), but still cover his entire penis. Don’t let him wear anything else. Pasties. This is very, very fun. Pasties are cheap, and not something you ever see a man wearing. A pair of high heels, pink thong, and some pasties is great outfit for him to wear while he cleans the bathroom for you. Schoolgirl outfit. This is a classic, and can lead to some incredible role-playing situations. The skirt should be short enough you can see his little white panties peeking out without even bending over. French Maid. Another classic, useful for the Service category I’ll go into later. Makeup. This is a favorite activity. I love giving him a makeover. Super slutty makeup is the best and can be combined with any outfit. Tight jeans, yoga pants, leggings. Pair these with a skin tight top and you’ve got a great outfit for lounging around the house. Short shorts. These can be cut off jean type shorts, yoga style shorts, or anything you like. The shorter the better. Corset. Use this to give him a girlish figure! Women’s bodystocking. These are hilarious. They come in all kinds of patterns and colors, and are really cheap. Halloween costumes. Great for any time of year! Amazon has cheap playboy bunny outfits, tinkerbell costumes, sexy nurse, etc. There are so many to choose from! Pegging/dildo play - This falls into the pain category as well depending on your mood. I really feel that in order to make this act as degrading as possible, its important to get a dildo that looks and feels like a real penis. It should have balls and be a realistic skin tone. It should also be at least slightly bigger than his own penis (within reason). A big aspect that makes pegging so humiliating is the mental side to it. Obviously, there’s some physical to it as well, but just being forced to “deal” with a dick is mortifying to most straight men. Some activities involving your strapon or dildo:

Deepthroat training. Let’s eliminate that gag reflex ladies! Seriously one of the most degrading things you can do to your man is fucking his face. I like to recreate positions from porn in this activity. Relax on the couch or chair while wearing your strapon. Put him on his knees and make him get to work. If he’s not going deep enough grab his hair and force his face down on that dick! Trust me, he can take it. Don’t be gentle. Make sure he maintains eye contact like a good little porn star! I also like to have him lay on his back on the bed or couch, with his head hanging over the side and cram my dick down his throat. Do this until he gags, over and over, he’ll be drooling all over himself soon enough. Have him lie down on his back, then straddle his upper chest/neck area so the only thing you can see is his face. Put your dildo in his mouth and jackhammer that thing down his throat. Don’t be scared of hurting him, even if your dildo is on the large side of realistic. he’ll eventually be able to take it balls deep. He might complain that it doesn’t fit. Well, its your job to MAKE it fit. Yes he’s going to cough and gag, a lot, yes he’s going to have a lot of drool and mucus coming out of his mouth. That’s OK. Don’t be deterred by any sounds, drool, or complaints. Also give him instructions and compliments when appropriate (“yeah, show me your tongue” “hands behind your back and open wide bitch” “give me that throat” “that’s a good little cocksucker”) EDIT: I’ve received several questions about this point. I’ll clarify exactly what were doing here and why. When I make him suck my dildo, I’m not getting any physical pleasure out of it and neither is he. This is not meant to be physically pleasurable to us, it’s meant to make him feel like my bitch. When you do this, make it an ordeal he needs to suffer through. When he’s on his knees in front of you, fuck his mouth hard and fast. Really make an effort to get your entire dildo down his throat as you thrust in and out. Make him suffer here for quite some time, 5, 10, 15 minutes even. Don’t let him get away with pulling his head away or anything either. Make him keep your dick in his mouth, see how long you can keep it buried balls deep in his mouth, lock your legs around his head if necessary. His jaw and throat should be very sore after this ordeal, and his face should be a mess of slobber and spit. Once he can take your whole dildo down his throat without gagging, its time to upgrade to something longer and/or thicker. Your goal should be to have him performing at THIS LEVEL and he won’t get there without proper training.

Butt fucking. Work up to this using your fingers, plugs (he should wear a large sized one for a while before a pegging session), and other toys, but eventually your goal should be forceful pounding. Make him feel what its like to really get fucked. While pegging him, yank his hair, push his face down into the bed or floor, slap his ass. Be creative with positions and locations. One of my favorites is the tile kitchen floor, he doesn’t have to be comfortable while getting fucked. Use lots and lots of lube here, it makes getting your dick in a lot easier on both of you. Dildo masturbation. Make him suck and fuck himself with a dildo or other toys for your amusement. This one can be done with very minimal effort on your part. Just give him a toy, order him to the corner, and tell him to get it up his ass. Using other objects to fuck him with. This can be a lot of fun, but be careful. Some items I’ve fucked him with: Beer bottle, drumsticks, vodka bottle, Forced Nudity - This one is simple, but you can spice it up with toys if you like. Simply order him to be naked while you remain clothed. If you like, make him wear a butt plug that you can smack and wiggle around while he gets you a drink. Put a collar on him if you want, or combine this with forced feminization from above (for example make him wear only high heels, lipstick, and a chastity cage for the evening). Sometimes its fun to combine this with pegging. I’ll strap my dick on over my jeans, while he’s completely naked. Its a very humbling experience for him. I also frequently have him sleep naked.

Forced Performances. This is very entertaining and again a low-effort humiliation. Sometimes I like to put on some music and have him dance for me. I’ll make him perform a little strip tease, twerk, etc. Sometimes I will have him masturbate for me. I’ll give directions. (these are great times for video recording)

Spitting. We’re getting a little more extreme here. Don’t be afraid to spit on your male. This can be especially degrading during pegging, even more so during deepthroat training. While he’s making eye contact, just launch a huge wad of spit right in his face. He’ll love you for it! It can also be degrading while you’re criticizing his performance to spit in his face.

Golden showers. We haven’t worked our way up to here yet, and to be honest, I don’t know if I want to. Something we have tried in this area though, making him lick me clean after I take a piss.

Verbal humiliation (Disclaimer: Talk to your partner about this first if you’re worried about crossing a line with him, because this can be emotionally charged.) I really like this, and to me, there are two components. 1. You degrading him with words. 2. Making him degrade himself with words.

You degrading him. Name calling. Call him degrading names. This can include the following: Bitch, sissy, cunt, slut, whore, piece of shit, stupid, worthless. Penis humiliation/emasculation. This is common on femdom porn sites. Make fun of the size of his dick, his sexual ability, the things he lets you do to him, etc. Terms like shrimp-dick, bitch boy, butt boy, fuck-hole, cum eater, cum dumpster, cocksucker, limp dick. etc. Combine insults. Example: “You’re a little limp dick cocksucker.” “You’re a little cum eating bitch, aren’t you?” Being forceful and insulting with your directions. Example: Instead of saying “get on your knees and suck my dick”, say “Get on your fucking knees and get this dick down your throat you little bitch.” Instead of using his name and telling him to bend over the kitchen table for his pegging, say something like, “Hey shrimp-dick! Get in here, bend over the table and get fucked.” Instead of saying come here and lick my pussy say “get over here and make me cum you little piece of shit”. Tell him what you’re going to do to him later. Send him a text letting him know you’re going to make him eat your pussy and send him away hard and frustrated. Order him to do things for you. *MOST IMPORTANTLY: Don’t be afraid to raise your voice, or even yell. Its encouraged in this situation that you will be very forceful with your voice. Yell in his face if he isn’t licking your pussy correctly. Yell in his face after you cum and tell him to get the fuck off the bed and do the dishes. Making him degrade himself. This can be really fun. Make him beg. Use this for anything, make him beg to fuck you, beg you to peg him, beg you to let him masturbate, beg you to let him eat his cum, beg you to spank him, etc. It doesn’t even have to be something he wants. The key to this though, is to make sure his begging meets your standards. If you don’t believe he really wants it, punish him and make him try again, and again until you really believe him. Make him apologize. Maybe the orgasm he gave you was mediocre. Maybe he didn’t take your dildo up his ass with enough enthusiasm. Maybe when you told him to deepthroat your strapon, he couldn’t get his nose to touch your stomach like you insisted. He should be punished for such infractions, but he should also tell you how sorry he is first. (maybe after his punishment too.) Make sure he apologizes sincerely for any shortcomings. Shit, sometimes I make him apologize for having a small dick (even though he doesn’t). Make him thank you. Did you let him have an orgasm? Did you fuck his little butthole really well? Did you let him lick your asshole? He needs to thank you for the privlege. Make him confess. Make him tell you his fantasies. This works especially well if you have him on the edge of orgasm. Make him confess a deep, dark fantasy that he’s never told anyone before. (He’ll probably run out of ideas at some point, you can punish him for that) Public Play. There are some really fun ways you can take this play out of the house for some really great humiliation that doesn’t involve violating other people boundaries.

Clothes shopping. I enjoy taking him to stores, wal-mart, target, etc. and picking out some really girly panties and outfits for him to wear. If there isn’t anyone around, I’ll occasionally make him go try them on in the dressing room. Wearing plugs or other toys in public. And finally, for one of the most humiliating things a man can ever do……

Swallowing cum and/or getting a facial. He fucking hates this, which is why I love it. Any time he has an orgasm during any femdom activity, he’s eating it or its going on his face. I don’t care where it lands, how he came, if it was an accident, or if he really doesn’t want to. That cum is going in his mouth and down his throat. There are a lot of ways to accomplish this, but I really enjoy planning ahead for it. Its also a huge turn on for him, knowing that he’s going to be forced to eat it, even though immediately after he cums he’s absolutely repulsed by it. Some of my favorite ways to do this are:

Make him cum into a condom, then empty it into his mouth. Make him have a ruined orgasm (I’ll explain later) onto the tile or hardwood floor. Then make him lick it up. If he resists, shove his face in it. If you have carpet, that isn’t a problem. Make him suck the cum out of it until its all gone. If you let him cum inside you or on you, make him suck the cum out of you or lick it off of you. While he’s wearing a pair of panties, rub his dick until he cums in them. Then peel them off and make him lick it out, or smear them all over his face. Flip his legs over his head into the piledriver position (good for pegging also) and make him shoot his load all over his own face. This is a favorite of mine, simply because of the role reversal mind fuck going on in his head. I also like making him leave the jizz on his face for the rest of the day. Make him cum into a glass and then pour it into his mouth, or pour it all over his face and/or hair. However he gets the cum into his mouth, occasionally I’ll have him “play” with it. Gargle it, show it to me on his tongue, drool it out and then suck it back up like a porn star. EDIT: Ladies, he’s going to be much more compliant with eating his semen if he has had a ruined orgasm instead of a pleasurable one. I mention this below but I’ll go into some more detail here. When your man has an orgasm his sexual desire drops off a cliff. He won’t want to eat his cum and will resist. But if you give him a ruined orgasm, he doesn’t get much pleasure at all, and his sexual desire remains high, but he still can expel a good amount of sperm. The goal here is to make his semen come out of his dick without pleasure, but for most men, the pleasure and orgasm actually begins several seconds before he ejaculates. So I like to have fun with this. With him on his knees and his hands restrained I’ll stroke his dick until he gets very close to orgasm, and then when I think hes right on the edge, I’ll let go and watch. I’ll wait about 20 seconds and if no semen comes out, start again. If you’ve done this perfectly, his semen will leak out about 10-15 seconds AFTER you stopped stroking it. He’ll be left sexually frustrated, but you actually DID give him an orgasm, its not your fault he didn’t feel it! He’ll be much more compliant in regards to consuming semen in this way. I like to combine this with chastity sometimes too. I’ll have him locked in the cage for a few days, give him a ruined orgasm and then put him back in. Its wonderful!

ADDED HUMILIATION BONUS!

For added humiliation, I frequently take pictures and video of my pet during these humiliating sessions. I keep these and then use them later for addiitonal humiliaiton. Seriously, having a video of him, with his face covered in his own semen, apologizing for not deepthroating my strapon well enough, all while dressed in daisy dukes and a bikini top….well that’s just good entertainment. Sometimes I make him watch some of the videos with me and laugh at him. It always results in a giant erection in his pants, haha.

PAIN AND CONTROL

DISCLAIMER: It seems online, many people are nervous about this category, and with good reason. Its sometimes hard to tell what your partner is comfortable with, and they may not even be sure of it themselves. So take all of this slowly at first until you and your partner can figure out what works for you. That being said, I seek to push right up against my boyfriend’s limits here. This is where the “forced” part of the humiliation listed above becomes more real.

There are several ways to inflict some pain on your male, here are some of my favorites.

Face slapping. I really enjoy this. Nothing gets his attention so quickly as a pop to the side of his cheek. Several (5-6) in quick succession create a look of fear in his face that I love. He can take a lot of punishment here too, just watch out for his eyes and ears. This is an especially good thing to practice while you’re fucking his face or he’s licking your pussy and/or ass. Use your slaps to get his attention, give direction, and have fun. “I slap told slap you slap to slapfocus slap on slap my slap clit!! slap”

Hair Pulling. Grab his hair and yank his head around. Do this while pegging (in any position), while he’s giving you oral (or sucking your dildo), to lead him where you want him, to hold his head in place while you slap him, to force his face into a puddle of semen, etc.

Spanking/whipping. The most common. I like to use a belt, flogger, occasionally a cane.

Cock and Ball Torture. Another common theme on femdom websites. Here’s a list of techniques I use.

Squeezing/Pinching. Grab his balls and squeeze. Pinch the head of his dick. Slapping. Simple. To make it hurt worse, you can grab his balls into one hand and hold them tight and steady while you slap. Punching. Same as above but creates a lot more pain. :) Kicking. Kicking him right in the balls after you just fucked his ass can be quite the experience for both of you. Take this one more slowly haha. Nipple Play. Most people know about this already. Use clamps, clothespins, pinches, flicks, twists, and scrapes to inflict some pain here. He can take more than you think.

Chemical Play. Ok, we’re getting to some more extreme areas here again. This is not to be taken lightly, as many people’s bodies react differently. Here’s a list of things we’ve tried.

Ice cubes. Rub on his penis, balls, asshole, and nipples. This can sometimes eliminate a pesky erection in a pinch. I’ve inserted cubes into his anus as well, he doesn’t like that lol. Ben-gay/Icy Hot. Rub this on the penis balls, taint, and anus. This creates a very unpleasant burning sensation. My pet feels very intense pain for about 10-20 minutes. It then subsides to a mild cooling sensation. Tabasco/hot sauce. Same as above, rub on genitals and asshole. Your man’s experience will vary here depending on the type of sauce you use, the duration you leave it on, and the amount you use. I reserve this for serious punishment. I once poured some hot sauce on the dildo I fucked him with. Let’s just say he didn’t have a great night. Electricity. You need to be even more careful here. My only experience is a dog shock collar. I attach the collar around his penis and testicles. It has a vibrate function (for when he’s been a good boy) and 8 levels of shocks. We’ve gotten up to level 6. He really hopes I don’t have to use 7 or 8 on him. You can experiment with the position of the collar on his genitals. If the contacts are touching his balls, he’ll feel it throughout his sack and his perineum. If you flip it over and the contacts touch the base of his penis, shocking sensations will affect his entire penis, all the way to the head. We’ve experimented with different levels here, and it seems his penis is much more sensitive to electricity than his balls are. Your man’s experience may vary. This collar also has a sound/beeping function that I use as a pager when I need him. If his balls beep, he has 10 seconds to be on his knees in front of me, regardless of his prior activity, or else he’ll face punishment.

Bondage and Restraints. I keep this simple as I don’t enjoy taking the time to set up intricate bondage situations. I’m sure my BF would like it, but its just too much effort when I can use simpler items to accomplish the same things. I own a few types of gags, a collar and leash, handcuffs, bed restraint system and, my favorite, a spreader bar (bar with cuffs for hands and feet).

Control. A lot of the more severe pain and control items above are essentially just a method to get my guy to do what he’s told. This is where the “forced” aspect really comes into play. For example, he absolutely hates eating sperm. But if I want him to eat sperm, he’s going to fucking eat it. So I use pain to get him to do it. One way I do this is with the electric dog collar and handcuffs. After he cums, and there’s a load of sperm sitting there on the floor, I give him a choice. Either put your face on it and suck up all that lovely sperm, or, get shocked in increasing intervals and strength. Eventually he’ll do it. This is an area where we’ve both agreed that he doesn’t get a choice any longer. He submits to being forced to lick his jizz off the floor.

Another example is dildo play. If i instruct him to deepthroat my strapon, and get the entire 7 inches down his throat while maintaining eye contact, that’s his job to do. If he doesn’t, I inflict pain. For example, I might start by slapping his face as a warning if he’s disobeying, increasing the strength and quantity of the slaps as I try to work the dildo down his throat. If that doesn’t work, I move on to other means. I may whip him with the belt, or punch his balls a few times then give him another chance. I increase the pain until he obeys. Its really fun to give him tasks that are hard to acheive. I also use pain as punsihment for failure. If he can’t make me orgasm in a certain time period, or its less pleasurable than what I expected, I may attach the spreader bar to his ankles and wrists, gag him, slather his cock and balls with ben-gay, and then go have a glass of wine while he contemplates how he can improve his performance next time.

This doesn’t mean I need a reason to hurt my toy. When we’re playing, I may slap him for fun or for no reason at all. If he’s getting pegged, he should expect to get popped in the face a few times just because I fucking feel like it. Maybe I’ll kick his little blue balls afterwards while he’s still on all fours on the kitchen floor, just because I want to be a bitch.

FRUSTRATION/TEASING

This is really quite simple. When we’re playing, I cum when I want, he cums when he’s allowed to. I enjoy making him suffer in this way, its honestly the most fun part of all this. There are a lot of ways I enjoy teasing and frustrating him and I’ll go over some of them now. There is one hard and fast rule in this game for us. He must always ask permission to ejaculate, no exceptions. He’ll be punished severely for an unauthorized orgasm or ejaculation.

Chastity. This is a must for us. While we don’t play 24/7, I enjoy making him wear a chastity device frequently when we’re apart. I work nights, so if I’m at work, chances are he’s locked into “The Vice”. This is a locking chastity cage, similar to others, only this one has an anti-pullout mechanism that makes it very difficult to remove without the key. Basically “The Vice” (available at www.lockedinlust.com ) is a plastic sheath for his dick that attaches to a ring around the base of his balls. It prevents erections and masturbation very well for the price. I don’t want my man’s dick mangled by a piercing for this game we play, and some of the other devices out there require that to be secure. The Vice keeps it secure and out of his (or anyone else’s) hands. Its so empowering to be able to restrict access to his own dick. I have the power to grant him erections and orgasms, he can’t have them without me or my approval. The length of time he wears the device really changes, but is up to me. I usually don’t keep him in it for more than a couple days, but we’ve had times that I left him in there for over 3 weeks. He really wasn’t happy about the time I had to leave town for 4 days and took the key with me, AFTER he’d been locked up for a week already.

There are a log of fun chastity games you can find online. Some fun chastity games we play:

Try to cum. I enjoy leaving the device on him, and tell him to try to have an orgasm with it on (no vibrator allowed!). Its fucking entertaining to see him hump his hand, finger his asshole, shake the cage around, pinch his own nipples, etc. I like to offer some cheering words of encouragement here for him. Usually I have him do this on the floor in the middle of the living room while I sit on the couch and watch. He hasn’t been able to cum yet, but maybe one day he’ll get there. (Another great video opportunity) Coin flip. If he’s been locked up for several days, I’ll strap him to the bed or handcuff him to remove the device. Then I’ll start stroking his dick until he’s very close to orgasm, right on the edge. Then I flip a coin, heads I finish him off. Tails, I immediately stop, put an ice pack on his dick and lock him back up once he’s soft again. Better luck next time honey. Roll of the dice. If he rolls a six, he gets to cum. If not, that’s the number of days he stays locked up until he gets another chance. This went on for over 3 weeks for us at one point. He was really on edge lol. Chastity can also play into the control aspect as well. Sometimes when we play I don’t take the cage off. For example, he doesn’t need an erection to get fucked in his ass or to use my dildo and vibrator on my pussy, so why take it off? If he starts giving me a bad attitude, I’ll simply add another day or two to his lockup time. I use this as punishment for disobedience when playing, so it gives me more control.

One of the big things you’ll notice if you start incorporating chastity into your sex life, is that he will become more and more agreeable and obedient as time goes on, if you restrict his orgasms. If we’re playing with chastity more seriously, I like to make him wait 1 to 2 weeks between orgasms. He has a high sex drive, so when I do this, he gets so horny he’ll do anything to get out of his chastity cage. Its really entertaining to see what I can get him to do. Once, after 13 days locked into the Vice, I insisted he detail my car if he wanted out of the device. He whined and complained, so I told him that he just earned himself another 3 days in the device, and I still expected the car detailed.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing when incorporating chastity into your sex life is this. SAY NO. Don’t be swayed by his begging, whining, or complaining. Firstly lets get this out of the way, no one NEEDS to have an orgasm. He wants to cum, he doesn’t need to. So lets get that little idea out of the way immediately. We have a rule, when he’s locked up, he gets to politely ask for an orgasm once per day. If I feel like it, I’ll have him earnestly beg me. This is great for extracting promises from him. But if I say no, he needs to shut the fuck up about it immediately. Occasionally I’ll say yes, but most of the time I’ll say no as I’ve already decided on how long he’s going to be locked up. Do not feel bad about this. In fact, relish your power here.

I get off on having him go down on me right after I tell him “No, you’re staying locked up.” While we both agreed to incorporate chastity devices into our sex life, the lockup duration is my decision alone. Use the device to modify his behavior to your liking. If you want something from him, sexual or not, give him the order. If he doesn’t comply, add time in the device. The power is intoxicating.

Teasing. Sometimes he wears The Vice around the house, sometimes not. But regardless I like to wear skimpy clothing, rub up against him, feel and squeeze his balls, ass cheeks, and body just to see him get a boner (or try to, hehe). I’ll take this a lot further sometimes, stroking his dick until he starts leaking precum, getting him close to orgasm, only to stop and tell him to calm down. Sometimes I even let him fuck me until I have an orgasm or two, then tell him to stop. This is delightfully frustrating for him. Other times I’ll leave him in the chastity cage and masturbate right in front of him. One of my favorite teases is to use his mouth to make me cum and send him away completely denied. Sometimes I tell him I’m going to make him cum, only to stop at the last second and tell him I changed my mind.

Ruined Orgasm. By far the funniest aspect to this whole femdom thing. Its really an artform. The basic idea is that you get your man very, very close to the point of orgasm and then stop all stimulation. If you do it right, he’ll just tip over the edge, and his semen will dribble out of his dick with barely any force, and next to no pleasure. This works best with his hands restrained so he can’t try to finish the job himself. I like to pair this sometimes with the shock collar to make it completely miserable.

SERVICE

So now we get to the fun part. A lot of the above is playing into my man’s fetish, and that’s ok. I do love him, and I don’t have a problem doing stuff for his enjoyment. But you can be sure I’m going to be getting something out of all this! A big part of femdom is serving the woman in the relationship. And I’ll detail how that all works for us now.

Sexual Service. This encompasses everything. If I want my ass eaten out for 2 hours while I watch TV, he does it. If I want a full body massage from a muscled, naked man, that’s what I get. If I want to fuck and get off two or three times, I get that. If I want my nipples sucked while I use my vibrator on myself, that’s what I get. Nothing is off limits to me sexually. I speak, he obeys. That’s just how it goes. I typically don’t orgasm from oral sex alone or penetrative sex alone, and sometimes it can take quite a while for me to get there. The point is, I get what I want. Not that I want him eating my ass for 2 hours necessarily, but I’ll make him do something like that sometimes just because I can. (Then sometimes make fun of him for it.)

Facesitting. I love sitting on his face. Its a great experience to cum all over his face. Sometimes I use just his tongue, while other times I’ll shove a dildo in his mouth and ride it while using my vibrator. I also have a gag that has a dildo sticking out of it. Whatever I’m using, its important that I’m only concerned with my own pleasure during this experience. Don’t worry about whether or not he’s able to breathe, if his tongue is tired, if his neck hurts, etc. In fact, its quite enjoyable to put him in intentionally uncomfortable positions for this. We have a hard wooden chair that I like to use for this. He’ll be required to sit on the floor and lean his head back onto the seat of the chair. This hurts his neck and head when I really start riding and bouncing on it, but who gives a fuck? He needs to focus on my orgasm, not his temporary discomfort.

As part of the sexual service aspect of femdom in our sex life, we’ve decided that he no longer decides when and where he gets to orgasm, when and where I get to orgasm, and he doesn’t decide on when or where any other sexual activity takes place. That’s up to me now. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t initiate sex any longer, far from it. But it does mean he doesn’t get to complain, and he doesn’t get to turn me down when I want it either.

The goal of sexual service is two-fold. One, for you to get all the pleasure you want. Two, for him to feel completely objectified. When you are using him sexually, think of him as just another sex toy, a dildo that you can use up and throw away when you are finished.

But this isn’t limited to sexual service only.

Domestic Service. Basics. When we’re in femdom mode, he does the chores. All of them. We get to spice up mundane things like cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming in easy ways. For example, if the dishes need washed, and the kitchen mopped, I tell my bitch to get his maid outfit and shock collar on and bring me the large butt plug. While he gets dressed I may watch TV, text friends, do some shopping online, or anything else I want. When he’s ready, he lubes up the plug and I put it up his tight little ass. He then goes off to do whatever I’ve told him to do while I relax. After he’s done I may or may not inspect his work, if he did a good job then he may get a reward. His reward may be the privilege of kissing my asshole for example. If its not up to par he may get punished. This can be implemented immediately, or added to a play session later. If you are going to go this route though, I would suggest using punishments he really wants to avoid (extended chastity time, severe spankings, etc.) or else you may find him purposefully messing up in order to get some “punishment” he wants.

This applies to any chore we need completed. My laundry, dishes, car washes, lawn mowing (its funny seeing him on a riding mower when I know there’s a plug up his ass), cooking, etc.

Personal Service. These are generally intimate things that I want done for me. They can really play up the tease element as well. Some examples:

Shave me. In the shower or bath, I like to have him shave my legs and pussy. Toenails/pedicure. I pick the color, then he massages, moisturizes my feet. Then polishes my nails for me. He’s also responsible for removing any old polish from my nails. Massage. Sometimes just a shoulder rub, other times I’ll be nude and he is required to give me a full body massage with oil. I like for him to be nude for this as well. It’s really torture for him to give me a few orgasms afterwards and stay denied. Body worship. It can be really relaxing to have him kiss and nuzzle my thighs, feet nipples, and pussy. I especially enjoy having my asshole worshiped though. Just light kisses, licks and nuzzles. Basically he’s making out with my asshole. It’s a serious power trip to have him do this while I watch TV or play games on my phone, ignoring him except to give instructions if I want something done differently. PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

I’ve outlined several ideas and topics here, and now I’ll give an example on how I’ve put all of it together. Remember when reading this, its all in fun, and it doesn’t necessarily have to make a lot of sense. Remember, if your guy is into femdom, he likes a lot of this kind of stuff already.

I like to choose something from each category when we play, just to round out the session. Not always, but frequently.

For one session I decided we were going to do some pegging, so before I got home I told him to get himself cleaned up, naked, and get a plug in. I got home about an hour later, so he’d been stretched out for a little while. I got home, grabbed him by the hair and dragged him into the garage. I told him to get on all fours in the middle of the floor and wait. He waited there for 20 minutes. I know he was scared, he’d never been fucked on the garage floor before. It wasn’t clean, and he was completely naked except for the plug in his ass.

I came in turned all the lights on and started taking pictures. I was already wearing the strapon. I made him smile for the camera, and pose for me. It looked like a really trashy photoshoot. I took several pictures in varioius positions and then I told him it was time to get busy.

I lubed up my cock, slowly pulled out the plug and got to work. I fucked him on the floor of the garage for about 5 minutes, eventually really pounding him. I pulled him up by his hair, bent him over the hood of my car and pounded some more. I insisted he fake an orgasm like a girl. It was reallly funny listening him attempt to moan and scream like a woman orgasming.

Once he was done, I pulled him around by the hair and spit directly into his face. I told him that was the worst fuck I’d ever had and told him to “go clean my fucking bathroom”. He stared at me dumbfounded, so I slapped him hard in his face and repeated it louder. He quickly scurried off to the master bath. About 5 minutes later I came in and threw the strapon and butt plug on the floor and told him to clean up my toys as well. When he came and reported that he was done, I went to inspect his work. It was spotless.

So I told him to get himself cleaned up and ready for bed. As a reward I let him go down on me for a while and then use my vibrator to give me an orgasm. He didn’t get to cum that night. (but we did cuddle and watch a movie)

There are many more ways you can mix and match categories, and many of them run together. For example, you can facefuck your man with your strapon, while you rub his dick. Once you’re satisfied he’s learned how to deepthroat, pull him off and make him beg for the privilege of masturbating in your presence. You can record this on video if you like, then, make him eat his own cum on video. The possibilities are endless! Again, I know a lot of this isn’t “authentic” if you’re doing it for your submissive partner, but that doesn’t really matter to me. What matters is that we’re having fun, and I get what I need out of it too.

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msvirginia21-blog · 7 years ago

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Maid contract Template

This Agreement is entered into this _____ day of _______ 2012 (the "Effective Date") by and between ________________ ("Mistress") and __________________________ ("Maid") Recitals WHEREAS: Mistress requires to obtain useful Services and WHEREAS: Maid has the potential ability and desire to provide those Services and, WHEREAS: Maid needs direction in order to attain an acceptable standard in the provision of Services, NOW THEREFORE: The parties agree as follows: Definitions For the purpose of this Agreement the following terms shall have the following meanings: "Appearance" Measures additional to Uniform that help to define the status and role of the Maid. "Behaviour" Actions, speech and demeanour of Maid when providing Services. "Discipline" Any action initiated by or performed by Mistress to achieve change in Behaviour, for disobedience, poor performance of Services or slackness in Maid Training. "Dress Code" Is the combination of Uniform and other aspects of Appearance designed to be indicative of Maid's role and status. "Duty Hours" Is those occasions when Maid will be available to perform Services as required. "Maid Training" Those activities performed by Maid, upon instruction by Mistress or her nominees or by Maid's 1. General Conditions 1.1. Maid's Obligations 1.1.1 During Duty Hours, Maid agrees to conform to Dress Code as Mistress decides to be appropriate for the occasion and the tasks to be carried out. 1.1.2 During Duty Hours, Maid agrees to perform, promptly and to the best of ability, any Services required by Mistress within the boundaries of the Agreement. 1.1.3 During Duty Hours, Maid agrees to conform to the rules of Behaviour set down in this Agreement. 1.1.4 Maid will attend promptly at Locations directed by Mistress during Duty Hours. 1.1.5 Maid understands that time needed to conform to Dress Code is taken before the commencment of Duty Hours. 1.1.6 Maid agrees to inform Mistress about any deficiencies in skills as a Maid, or failures in the performance of Services where improvements may be needed. 1.1.7 Maid agrees to inform Mistress about any contraventions to the rules of Behaviour or of personal habits where behavior modifications may be required. 1.1.8 Maid agrees, willingly and enthusiastically, to perform any Training instructed by Mistress within the boundaries of the Agreement 1.1.9 Maid agrees to concentrate on finding means for improving Services for Mistress, improving Behaviour or levels of conformance to Dress Code. 1.1.10 Maid agrees to keep Uniform perfectly clean and neat at all times. 1.1.11 Maid agrees to inform Mistress of any faults having occurred during performance of Services. 1.1.12 Maid agrees to present for Discipline whenever required during or outside Duty Hours and to accept such Discipline as Mistress considers necessary. 1.2. Maid's Rights 1.2.1 Maid has the right to refuse to perform any task identified as contrary to a Strict Limit in 6. below. 1.3. Mistress's Agreement 1.3.1 Mistress agrees to provide adequate direction for the Maid as to where when and how Services are to be performed and will provide instruction, correction, Training and Discipline as needed in order for the Maid to improve Services. 1.3.2 Mistress will provide a Schedule detailing which sevices are required when. 1.3.3 Mistress accepts that Maid's lack of experience will need Mistress to provide close attention and strict assessment and correction of Maid's performance of services and conformance to Behaviour and Dress Code. 1.4. Mistress's Rights 1.4.1 Mistress has rights for Maid to carry out Services during Duty Hours and that during that period Maid will conform to Dress Code and Behaviour rules 1.4.2 Mistress has rights to require Training to be performed by Maid to improve Services, within the boundaries of the Agreement. 1.4.3 Mistress has rights to administer Discipline in order to improve Maid's attitude and capability to conform to required Behaviour, meet the Dress Code or provide Services. 2. Breach of Agreement 2.1. Breach of Agreement by Maid 2.1.1 Maid will be in breach of agreement by failing to meet obligations specifided in 1.1 2.1.2 An initial breach of the Agreement by Maid is considered to a serious case of disobedience and may be subject to Discipline, as decided by Mistress at her discretion. 2.1.3 A subsequent breach will allow the Mistress to terminate the Agreement without compensation or further notice 2.2. Breach of Agreement by Mistress 2.2.1 Mistress will be in breach of agreement if any instructions given, or actions initiated, by Mistress: - are in conflict with the provisions and limits given in Sections 5 and 6 of the Contract - are in conflict with any existing laws that may lead to prosecution of Maid - may cause family dificulties for Maid - which may have detrimental effects on Maid's job and income - which may cause permanent psychological trauma or bodily harm to Maid 2.2.2 In the event of breach of Agreement by Mistress. Maid may rightfully refuse to obey such instructions or require such actions to be stopped. 2.2.3 Unjustiified refusal to obey is to be considered as breach of Agreement by Maid, according to Section 2.1. 3. Alteration of Agreement 3.1 This Agreement may not be altered, except with the signature of both parties. 4. Termination of Agreement 4.1. Termination required by Maid 4.1.1 Maid has no right to terminate the Agreement except in the event that Mistress has breached Agreement, according to Section 2.2, and continues to insists on obedience after Maid has rightfully refused to obey and stated reasons for doing so. Maid may at that specific time - but not at a later time - require the Agreement to be terminated. 4.1.2 Maid will receive no compensation of whatever kind in such event. 4.2. Termination required by Mistress 4.2.1 Mistress has the authority to terminate the Contract at any time she may decide. 4.2.2 Maid will receive no compensation of whatever kind in such event. 5. Provisions 5.1. Term 5.1.1 Maid's TERM under the Contract starts: at 12:00 am on / / (dd/mm/yy) and ends: at 12:00 am on / / (dd/mm/yy) 5.2. Duty Hours 5.2.1 The Maid's Duty Hours will be according to the times specified below: Day Times Location Services to be provided / Training to be carried out. 5.2.2 In addition the Maid will be prepared to undertake Training tasks for up to __ hours per week. 5.2.3 Mistress at her entire discretion assign Duty Hours for the purpose of Training or for Discipline. 5.3. Uniform 5.3.1 During Duty Hours, Maid is obliged at all times to present an appropriate Appearance and will wear Uniform in order to observe the Dress Code. 5.3.2 Maid will provide the following items, to be worn as Uniform as instructed by Mistress: Underwear: Corset – waist cinching Corset – long line* Black stockings, panties, garter belt and bra* Pantyhose, black, sheer and opaque. * To include appropriate padding as directed (see 5.4) Uniform Dress: Knee length day uniform, black with white collar and sleeve cuffs Knee length day uniform, grey with white colar and sleeve cuffs Long, formal uniform, black Accessories: Cap Collar Gloves (cotton, rubber and heavy duty rubber) Apron Pinafore apron Footwear: One pair low heeled court shoes, black One pair high heeled court shoes, black, patent. 5.3.3 Uniform will be inspected at start of Maid's Duty Hours. All clothing must be laundered, ironed and free from defect. Footwear will be clean and polished. Items such as cap and apron must be laundered, ironed and starched. 5.3.4 Maid will take care to ensure that Uniform is worn correctly including: • Uniform dress to be clean and pressed • Cap to be worn straight and level. • Apron to be straight and tied tape tails at rear to be of equal length • All buttons, zips and other fastenings closed correctly • Stocking seams to be straight 5.4. Appearance 5.4.1 Maid is required to present a feminised appearance as part of the Dress Code. This may include, but not be limited to: • Use of padding in conjunction with the Uniform to provide a feminised silhouette • Use of corsetting as part of Uniform to provide a feminised silhouettte • Removal of body hair below the neck • Use of make-up including lipstick, eye make-up and powder or use of female face mask as directed by Mistress • Wearing of a wig (unless / until own hair is of suitable length). • Maintaining posture, walking and sitting in a feminised manner 5.5 Services 5.5.1 During Duty Hours, Maid is required to provide Services including, but not limited to, the following : • Dusting and other light domestic chores • Cleaning and other heavy domestic chores • Sweeping, mopping and polishing floors • Do laundry and ironing • Making and turning down beds • Keep Mistress's wardrobe in perfect order, including ensuring clothes are always presentable. • Clean and care for Mistress's shoes and boots • Clean and care for Mistress's leathers • Clean and care for Mistress's punishment & restraint equipment • Prepare meals • Serve at table • Lay and clear table • Clean and store crockery, cutlery and cooking equipment • Lay and clear fireplaces • Wait at the door and attend on callers • Do shopping and errands • Assist Mistress in bathing, dressing, applying make-up, dressing hair • Provide Mistress with massage or other physical pleasuring as directed. 5.5.2 Maid is expected to exercise care and attention in the execution of Services in order to enusure that Mistress's property in not damaged or marked as a result of Maid's actions. 5.5.2 Mistress will provide Maid with a schedule of which Services are to be carried out when and will judge whether duties have been completed satisfactorily. Failure by the Maid to complete duties to the required satisfaction level or according to schedule may result in Discipline measures (see 5.7) or further Training (see 5.8). 5.6. Behaviour 5.6.1 Maid's behaviour must be appropriate for Maid's subservient status and role. Maid must always show the utmost respect for Mistress, her friends, visitors and guests. 5.6.2 Maid will not speak without permission or behave in a way so as to seek attention. When permitted, Maid will address Mistress, her visitors and guests is such manner as Mistress determines but only in exceptional circumstances will involve the use of personal names. 5.6.3 Maid is not permitted to sit in the presence of Mistress her friends, visitors or guests unless specifically so granted. If waiting for instructions, Maid will stand quietly, hands behind back and head bowed. 5.6.4 Maid will curtsy as a sign of deference to her betters and will do so in the following conditions: • upon entering and leaving Mistress’s presence, • when Mistress enters or leaves any room which Maid is in, • when greeting guests, • before and after correction / punishment, • before and after serving Mistress, visitors or guests 5.6.5 Maid must obey Mistress at all times, promptly, cheerfuly and to the best of Maid's ability. 5.6.6 Maid will respond to being called "Maid" or such feminine name as Mistress may use. Maid will also respond to other summonses such as bells, a clap of the hands, flick of the fingers or other gesture. Attention to being called and a speedy response is a sign that Maid is anxious to please and be of use to Mistress. Failure to respond will be an indication of a need for Discipline. 5.6.7 When allowed to speak Maid must take the oportunity to inform Mistress of any failures to carry out Services to the standard anticipated or any breach of the letter or spirit of this Agreeent. 5.6.7 Failure by the Maid to exhibit the required Behaviour may result in Discipline measures (see 5.8) or further Training (see 5.9) 5.7 Locations 5.7.1 Maid will provide Services in the following locations as determined by Mistress: • at Mistress's residence for Mistress or such others as Mistress may designate • for Mistress when visiting Mistress's friends • for Mistress in public (for public service, Mistress may, at her absolute discretion, relax or enforce aspects of the Dress Code or required Behaviour) 5.8. Discipline 5.8.1 Mistress will determine appropriate sanctions where required to correct poor performance of Maid or to punish disobedience, insolence or other failures by Maid to meet obligations under this Agreement. Methods of discipline may include but not be limited to: • Verbal abuse • Standing in corner or kneeling with hands on head • Humiliation including the carrying out of Services while restrained • Periods in restraint • Periods silenced by use of a gag • Confinement within enclosed spaces such as cage or cupboard • Tight corsetting in excess of that needed for 5.4 • Face slapping • Spanking on buttocks with hand, paddle, hair brush or strap • Beating on buttocks or hands with cane, crop, tawse or whip • The application of devices such as clamps, weights or plugs intended to inflict instructive discomfort or pain 5.8.2 Mistress is the sole arbitor of the need for, appropriateness and extent of Discipline measures in response to particular instances of poor performance, disobedience or other failures. Repeated instances of the same failing can expect to attract increasing levels of punishment. 5.8.3 Maid is required to recognise the benefits of Discipline and will thank Mistress on each occasion for correcting or improving Behaviour, Appearance or Services. 5.9 Training 5.9.1 Mistress will provide for Maid a schedule of Training tasks designed to enable Maid to acquire and develop the skills needed to meet this Agreement. 5.9.2 Training tasks may be carried out in Mistress's presence under her immediate supervision or may be assigned for other times. 5.9.3 Training tasks may involve the preparation of written or verbal responses to questions, making example pieces of work or the learning of rules, duty lists or other information. The Mistress is the sole arbitor of acceptable performance in these tasks. 5.9.4 Training tasks will include improving Maid's capabilities in: • providing Services • conforming to Dress Code • achieving acceptable Behaviour 5.9.5 Maid will carry out Training with the same diligence and attention to detail as given to Services and will inform Mistress of any dificulty in completing assigned work. 5.10 Additional Provisions The following additional provisions are agreed between Mistress and Maid: 5.10.1 Maid will not under any circumstances engage in sexual self-gratification without specific permission from Mistress. 5.10.2 Maid will obtain and wear a secure device selected by Mistress in order to ensure conformance with provision 5.10.1. Mistress will retain control of the security mechanism for the device. 5.10.3 In emulation of the feminine cycle, Maid will wear, in addition to the device specified in 5.10.2, a butt plug ("tampon") for four sucessive days in every twenty eight, days to be directed by Mistress. 5.10.4 Maid recognises the long tradition whereby domestic staff are available for the sexual amusement of the head of household. Maid will, at the direction of Mistress, accept strap on penetration, and act as Mistress' female sexual partner. Maid understands that Maid's male sexual member will play no part in physical acts with Mistress. 5.10.5 Maid will undertake such actions as eating meals, using toilet or carryng out permitted sexual release only at times directed by Mistress. 6. Strict Limits The following are agreed as strict limits of actions not to be required by Maid: 6.1 Maid will not be required to make any modification to Appearance that is visible to others outside of Duty Hours. 6.2 The effects of Discipline should not be generally visible to others outside of Duty Hours. 7. Confidentiality 7.1 Maid will keep the existence of this Agreement and its terms confidential.Maid will keep all other aspects of the Mistress's business including any details of Mistress's actions, associates, possessions or behaviour confidential. 7.2 Maid will keep confidential details of any personal experiences relating to this Agreement. 7.3 Mistress may reveal the terms of this Agreement to individuals that Maid is expected to provide Services to but will otherwise keep the Agreement confidential. 8. Signatures In witness whereof, the parties have executed this Agreement as of the Effective Date. 8.1. Maid's Signature I, in the above named as Maid, has read and fully understand this Agreement in its entirety. I understand that I cannot withdraw from this Agreement except as stated in this Agreement. By signing this Agreement I also confirm my understanding of the priviledge extended to me by Mistress in accepting me into her service and in providing me with Direction, Training & Discipline in order to attain the highest possible standard of service to her. Date: ___________ Signature: ____________________________ 8.2. Mistress's Signature I, in the above named as Mistress, has read and fully understand this Agreement in entirety. I understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time. I am also accept that under the spirit of the Agreement, the treatment of Maid will be such that Maid will be enabled to improve skills in Services for my benefit and the benefit of others that Maid may serve in future. Date: ___________ Signature: ____________________________

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msvirginia21-blog · 7 years ago

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Spanking basics

Spanking Basics

This is intended to be a quick overview of the basics of spanking to provide an introduction for people who are new to spanking.

First, let me say that there is no one “Right” way to spank. People are very different in their motivations and pain tolerance, so what works perfectly for one person might be completely wrong for another. That said, I will try to lay out the basics and suggest good starting places and methods.

Let’s start with implements. The hand spanking is what most people start with and it is also favored by a lot of bottoms (spankees) who like the personal contact of feeling the spankers hand on their body. As you progress to longer spankings the spanker’s hand can get quite sore. This is the point where most people start considering various implements.

While most people don’t think of it as an implement, a tight fitting leather glove such as a driving, bicycling or handball glove is the simplest of implements, providing some protection for the spankers hand while still allowing for the feel of a hand spanking.

From there you have a number of options that you can move to. Leather belts and straps are a good starting place because their flexibility decreases the chance of causing an injury while the spanker is first learning. With straps and belts, the thicker the leather, the more painful it will be because of the extra weight. Belt width can be anywhere from 1 to 2 inches, with 1¼” and 1½” being the best place to start.

There are basically 2 ways to hold the belt. You can hold both ends in your hand and strike with the doubled center of the belt, or you can fold or wrap the buckle end around your hand leaving a single thickness strap extending to strike with. Also, just in case it isn’t obvious, never strike with the buckle on a belt, only the leather part.

Straps are just strips of leather, often with some sort of built-up handle to make them easier to hold. They include Barber’s Straps among other possibilities. Straps range from about 15” to 24” in length and 1” to 2½” in width. A strap much longer than 24” (total length including handle) gets too floppy to control with precision. For a longer, more severe strap, you want to incorporate a long wooden handle. Wooden handles can go up to about 18” in length, with an 18” to 20” strap extending from the handle. When made with heavy 12 oz. leather, these are extremely severe and are not for use by beginners.

Leather thickness can range from 8 oz. to 13 oz., with the thicker, heavier leather obviously being the more severe in use. It is generally good to have several straps ranging from a short 15” by 1” or 1¼” strap made from 8 oz. leather, up to a 24” by 1½” to 2” strap made from 12 oz. leather. That will give you a range of severity levels to cover every situation.

Because of their flexibility belts and straps can very easily “Wrap” and cause a lot of damage on the outside of the far buttock. The answer to this is to make sure that the end does not extend too far past the far butt cheek when in use.

Paddles of various sorts include hair brushes and their more severe cousins bath brushes. Brushes are a good place to start because they are generally smaller and lighter than most paddles and allow more room for error while learning. It should be noted that paddles are among the more painful implements and tend to cause the most bruising. For more on this, read my piece: “The Mechanics of Bruising” in my Writings.

Paddles should never be used on any area where there are bones near the surface. They are best on thick muscles like the buttocks that serve to protect the underlying bones with a good bit of padding. Large, heavy paddles like Frat paddles should only be used by experienced spankers as there are some serious injury risks with them if improperly used. This will be discussed in more detail in the Safety section later on.

Because paddles don’t flex, it can be difficult to hit both butt cheeks evenly when using a large paddle. You need to really focus on having the paddle strike squarely on both butt cheeks. It is often easier for a new spanker to strike one side and then the other. This is where something like a bath brush comes into its own, it is perfectly sized to strike a single cheek and is a good place for a new spanker to start when first using paddles.

Canes would be the next implement to consider. Natural canes range from light Rattan to thick, heavy Rattan and Whangee at the more severe end of the range. Stay away from bamboo as it can split and break causing injury from the sharp ends when this happens. With bamboo the only exception is Whangee which is part of the root section and does not suffer from same problems as bamboo canes.

Rattan comes in both peeled and unpeeled forms. Peeled rattan has no visible nodes and is off-white in color. It is not as strong or as durable as unpeeled rattan, but it is somewhat gentler and less marking because it doesn’t have the raised nodes. Unpeeled rattan is more yellow in color in addition to having visible raised nodes.

You will also find hardwood canes which are somewhat heavier than rattan and therefore more severe. It is best not to use commercial dowel rods, as the grain frequently does not run straight down the length of the dowel, which will cause them to break if swung hard. Historically, the most commonly used woods for canes (or switches as the hardwood ones were frequently called) were: Willow, Hazel, Birch and Hickory. All cut as green shoots directly from a tree and not as sawn dowels.

Natural canes can range from 1/4” to 1/2” diameter, and up to 36” long. The basic rule with canes is: The thicker the cane, the more painful it is because of the extra weight.

There are also synthetic canes which can be made from Polycarbonate (Lexan), Acetal (Delrin), Nylon 6/6 and Fiberglass. These are significantly heavier and therefore more severe than natural canes of the same diameter. They can be purchased as simple rods from Amazon and the ends rounded with a file. Avoid Acrylic canes as these can break without warning and the broken ends are very sharp.

The best sizes for Polycarbonate, Acetal and Nylon canes are 5/16” and 3/8” diameter, and up to 36” long. Because Fiberglass is much stiffer, you can use 3/16” and 1/4” diameter in the same length without it getting too whippy to control.

There is also the issue that natural canes can’t take too much of a bend without significantly shortening their life. With a natural cane, especially peeled rattan, you want a stroke with minimal follow through. Avoid a lot of wrist action after the cane has hit its target. A lot of wrist movement after impact will cause a severe bend in the cane just above your hand. This will result in frequent cane breakage with peeled rattan canes. Less so with unpeeled rattan which is considerably more durable.

Raw, unfinished rattan canes should also be soaked in water every so often to keep the moisture content up. Dry canes are more susceptible to breakage. Rattan canes can also be varnished, which eliminates the need to soak them as the varnish seals them preventing moisture from escaping.

Learning to use a cane is best done on a pillow with a mark or pattern. Pick a spot on the pillow and practice until you can hit within 1 inch of the spot every time. When you can do that, you are ready to try it on a person.

Canes require special care in their use. Because of their flexibility they can “Wrap” and cause a lot of damage on the outside of the far buttock. This is controlled by making sure that the end of the cane does not extend too far past the far butt cheek. If the punishment is being distributed unevenly with the far cheek getting most of the action, the spanker should take a small step toward the spankee’s head so that the cane strikes the near buttock first and then bends slightly to hit the far buttock.

Floggers are something I personally don’t use much. That is strictly a personal preference as many people like them quite a bit. They come in a huge variety of types and weights from light horsehair to very heavy leather and intensities from very mild to quite painful. I will leave it to people more experienced than I am to describe their use. Flogger users sometimes get to a level that is focused more on Preforming Art than punishment. Serious users will master complex striking patterns using two floggers at the same time. It is impressive to watch, but as I said, it gets more into the realm of a performance than a method of spanking.

There are also many other less well-known implements: Short Flat Tailed whips (such as the Dragon Tail), Quirts, Riding Crops, Dressage Whips, Singletail Whips, Cats, etc.

There are also implements which have normal household or personal uses and are called “Pervertables”. In addition to Belts, Hairbrushes and Bath Brushes, these include things like large wooden spoons, spatulas and other kitchen utensils. A simple hand towel either dry or wet (Much more painful) also works well, especially if you need something in a hurry or don’t want to be carrying anything that might be identifiable if you are traveling or visiting.

Last are the “Nontraditional” implements. This would include things like rubber jump ropes, which leave marks like a cane but are less likely to break the skin and cause bleeding. These are used folded over so that the spanker has either one or two loops of rope extending 12 to 24 inches from his hand. The Valeo Speed Jump Rope is an excellent and inexpensive place to start for these. The handles can be cut off and it can be cut to the preferred length to make it less clumsy to use if you wish.

There are many places to buy implements. I will give a short list of companies that I have used personally and have been happy with. If a company is not on this list, it does not in any way mean that there is a problem with them, just that I don’t have personal experience with them.

First is Amazon, which is a source for leather straps, Polycarbonate, Acetal, Nylon and Fiberglass Rods which can be made into canes by rounding their ends with a file, Bath Brushes, Hairbrushes, Rubber Jump Ropes, etc.

The others would be: Adam & Gillian’s, Woodrage, Spanking Paddles by Walt, Bullhide Belts, Canes4Pain, CANE-IAC, Snakewhip (Victor Tella), EF Whips, Ouch.uk.com, Springfield Leather Company, The Original Horse Tack Co., Frank’s Cane & Rush Supply, and Knot & Rope Supply. The London Tanners was out of business for a while but is now selling again under new ownership. I have not purchased from the new owner, but I have many of their items from the first owner and they are all of excellent quality. Based on that, I would suggest checking them out in the hope that the new owner is still making similar quality implements. All of these companies can be found on the web and have very informative websites that will give you a lot of ideas.

Before we go further, let’s cover some safety basics. There are several places you can do serious damage during a spanking. These are the Kidneys (Small of the back on both sides just above the hip bones), the Spine and the Tailbone. Never strike the lower back in the area around the kidneys with anything heavy. Heavy strikes to the kidneys can cause internal bleeding that will show up as blood in the urine. This is not to be taken lightly as there can be very serious complications.

The tailbone is primarily an issue with paddles or other hard and heavy implements. Hitting the tailbone with something hard and/or heavy can break it, requiring a trip to the hospital and surgery. This is the main thing to watch for when using paddles, be careful to position the spankee so that a missed swing can’t hit the tailbone. This is more of an issue on women with small or flat butts as there isn’t as much padding to keep the paddle at a safe distance from the tailbone. As a side note, don't ever think: "I am a good spanker, so I will never miss my target." People have a bad habit of moving suddenly and unexpectedly when they know a heavy paddle or something similar is on its' way to their butt!

Now let’s move on to spanking areas (Targets). The center of the butt just above the thighs is called the "Sweet Spot", if the spankee is bent over this would be the area right around the pussy. The nerves in that part of the butt are connected to the same nerve ganglion as the genitals. That's why some women orgasm or become very aroused from being spanked. There is crosstalk between the nerves that stimulates the genitals. That is the best area for the spanker to give the majority of his attention to when first starting out with spanking and any time the spanking is intended to have erotic overtones. The upper part of the butt and the outsides of the butt are much harder for the recipient to eroticize because there is no crosstalk with the genitals from those areas. These areas would be appropriate to spend more time on for a punishment spanking.

Other good spanking areas, besides the butt, include the backs of the upper thighs. Be aware that the thighs are more sensitive and spanking them is considerably more painful than the butt. Generally speaking, it is never a good idea to strike below the middle of the thighs. The point where the tendons in the backs of the legs start is the limit. Light things like a whip wouldn't be a problem here, but heavier implements could damage the tendons since they are right at the surface and not protected by any padding.

The insides of the thighs are a very sensitive area that can also have an erotic connection, but because of the extreme sensitivity, this area is best left for after you are more experienced with spanking in general.

Before we start with the actual spanking, we need to discuss communication issues. These are important at all times, but especially so with people who are new to spanking. It is essential that the spanker have a good idea of how the spankee is experiencing the spanking. This can vary tremendously from one person to another. Some women would be screaming in pain from a spanking that other women would consider quite mild. Never assume anything with a new partner or when you are starting out, always communicate clearly!

A very good procedure that I like to use is to ask the spankee to "Give Me a Number". The way this works is the spankee rates the severity of the spanking at that moment by giving the spanker a number between 1 and 5. 1 meaning "Stop Tickling Me", and 5 meaning "I Absolutely Can’t Take It Any Harder". That way the spanker can calibrate his intensity to how the spankee is experiencing it. This greatly speeds up learning with a new partner. When first learning, the spankee should also be encouraged to volunteer a number unasked if they feel they need to.

This brings us to the subject of Safewords. Special safewords are only needed if the spankee wants to be able to Role Play and pretend that they are being forced or victimized, by saying things like: “Stop”, “Don’t”, etc. without the spanker listening or actually stopping. If you don’t feel a need to role play, then direct communication like saying: Stop! Is all that’s needed.

If you do want separate safe words, you should have at least 2. The main safeword causes everything to stop completely and instantly. If you use it, the session is OVER! The most commonly used word is “RED”, although I also like "Safeword". You would never have any other reason to say "Safeword", so there couldn't be any chance of a misunderstanding.

Next you need a soft safeword. "Yellow" is good for this. Saying "Yellow" means that the spankee doesn’t want to end the session, but something needs to be addressed. They have a limb falling asleep, cramping or something else that needs to be dealt with. Yellow means the spanker stops temporarily and checks in with the spankee to see what the problem is.

"5" can also be used as a soft safeword. It is another way for the spankee to let the spanker know they are very close to their limit and that the spanker needs to back off slightly and give them time to catch up.

If you anticipate being involved with other spanking partners in future, it is probably best to learn to use RED and YELLOW, since they have become the accepted norm in the spanking / BDSM community.

Warmups are a very important part of any spanking (Other than a pure discipline spanking). When you are ready to start, make sure the spanker warms the spankee up for at least 5 minutes with a hand spanking, starting lightly and increasing in intensity before moving on to more severe implements. This will get the blood flow established in the area and allow the spankee time to adjust to the new sensations.

Even with experienced players, a warmup is standard since it allows the spankee to take a considerably harder or longer spanking than would be possible without a warm up. This is why it is sometime omitted in a discipline spanking, because skipping it makes the spanking a good bit more painful. A warmup can also reduce the severity of bruising, although the extent to which this works varies a lot from one person to another.

Now, for the spankee, breathing is an important subject. While you are being spanked, focus on your breath. Take long deep breaths; don't let your breathing get short and shallow. You will be surprised by the difference in how you experience the spanking between those two types of breathing.

Something else I should mention. The more the spankee is bent over, the more the muscles are stretched, which makes the spanking more painful and somewhat increases the severity of bruising. (See my writing on “The Mechanics of Bruising” for more on this.)

There is also the fact that most women can take a lot more pain and enjoy it more if they are sexually aroused. The spanker can get the spankee wet before he starts spanking severely, and can take short time outs during the spanking to rub the spankee’s ass, slip his fingers into her cunt, and play with her clit. This will have to be experimented with as there are large variations in types of spankings and the reactions of different women. For instance, something like this would obviously not be appropriate for a straight punishment type spanking or something along those lines. You will also find that certain women want to focus on the spanking with no distractions. (For more on this, see my writing “The Reasons People Seek or Accept Pain”.)

One additional thing to be aware of is where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. Most women have significantly reduced pain tolerance starting shortly before their period begins and lasting until it is over. If you are spanking a woman during her period, expect her to be able to take noticeably less pain than at other times. Most women also have tender breasts during this time, so slapping or spanking the breasts is generally more painful and perceived by them as less sexually stimulating than at other times.

Positions for spanking start with the basic across the knees while sitting in a chair position. This is good for shorter spankings but longer spankings become uncomfortable for the spankee because they have to support their upper body weight with their arms. For longer hand spankings, lying across the spanker’s lap on a bed is better because it provides better support. These positions are also good for hairbrushes and other short implements like wooden spoons, short straps/belts, etc.

Next we go to things like lying face down on a bed either with or without a pillow or something similar under the lower belly and hips to raise the spankee’s ass. Assuming a narrow bed, this position also allows the spanker to alternate spanking from both sides for more even coverage. Because of the reach involved, this works best with longer implements: Belts, Straps, Jump Ropes, Quirts and Canes all come into their own here.

After that comes bent over. The possibilities for this are almost endless, the most obvious being bent over a table (Padding under the hips is good here or the sharp edge will be a distraction for the spankee). Bent over the end of a bed, the arm of a couch or large chair. Kneeling with hands and knees on a large padded foot stool or ottoman, etc. A little imagination will find lots of possibilities.

I am not personally a big fan of unsupported, bent over spankings. While you will see a lot of pictures of women holding their ankles and such while being spanked, I have found that if they are being spanked hard balance becomes a problem. It is quite possible to tip someone over, and having to worry about their balance is a significant distraction for many spankees.

Last among the basics is “Diaper Position” with the spankee on their back on a bed or similar surface and the spanker lifting their legs straight up to allow access to the butt for the spanking.

As for the spanking itself, once you are through the warmup, the possibilities are almost endless. I could write 10 long articles on different scenarios and still not cover everything. There are erotic spankings that are basically foreplay for (frequently rough) sex. There are discipline spankings, frequently in a Domestic Discipline type setting. There are fantasy/role play spankings that can encompass almost anything from school spankings on up.

The best I can give you here is to encourage you to use your imagination and be willing to talk openly with your partner about any fantasies the two of you have around the subject of spanking. Discussion is very important for new partners. What one person has in mind when they think spanking can be vastly different from what another person is envisioning. Take nothing for granted in the beginning. Have each person describe in detail what they have in mind, then discuss it to find a scenario that will work for both people.

There are also many books of varying quality on how to spank. A quick check of Amazon’s website will reveal a good assortment. I am hesitant to make a general recommendation of any because they all tend to have a specific area that they focus on, and if that doesn’t happen to be your area, even the best book will be of little interest to you.

The last thing I want to mention is Aftercare. I can’t go into all the details of aftercare here as that would be quite a long article all by itself. I just want to make you aware that it is important and urge you to read up on it. Aftercare is not usually as much of an issue for short simple beginner type spankings, but as you progress to longer and more serious sessions it becomes vital that the spanker understand aftercare and also be familiar with Subdrop, how to minimize its chances of happening and how to deal with it if it does happen.

As you become more advanced, you may also want to become familiar with Subspace, how it’s caused and how to proceed when it is encountered.

This has by necessity, been a rather short and simple introduction to a very involved subject, but I think it will serve to help get you started in the right direction and at least make you aware of what things you need to think about and address when approaching the subject of spanking for the first time.

If, after reading this, you have specific questions on spanking matters that I haven’t covered here, you can message me with your questions and I will answer them where possible.

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