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multifandom-flash · 3 months ago

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Chionophobia

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> Lia ('Natasha Romanoff' headmate) x Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ->The second Christmas after the birth of their second child, the farm is hit with a snowstorm. The kids are thrilled, but not everyone shares their joy. (A Multitudes universe one-shot, set after the main story.)

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 5656

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (M) Hallucinations, panic attacks, DID, references to past abuse, references to previous mental health struggles, attempted suicide, desperation.

𝐀/𝐍 -> Check it out below, or on AO3 here! Dividers by us! Cards at the end <3 Contains just all the prompts, so they're at the bottom for readability.

The mornings were getting darker – a sleepy fumble through the blackness towards a deafening, heart-wrenching wail, bundling my son to my chest with a soft croon and a kiss to his forehead.

Not that it made much difference usually, but you can’t blame a girl for trying.

Artemis had been an easy baby, by all accounts. She’d settled well, drunk readily, and hit all her milestones with scarcely a wobble. At almost four, she was thriving, blue eyes sparkling under an unruly bushel of red hair as she took in the world around her – usually trying to decide where she could cause mayhem next.

But Apollo had struggled since the beginning. Despite the easier pregnancy – no post-partum crazies for us, not this time – he’d been persistently sickly, hit with every virus and bug around, fighting with colic and croup. As he’d grown, his tiny, fragile body had accepted the world a little more; sometimes, though, we were still woken in the early hours of the morning by his insistent cries, our beloved son unable to be soothed until whatever merciless forces that toyed with him released their grasp. There was nothing wrong with him physically – he’d been checked and rechecked more than once, bloods and scans and observations all forming a file almost as thick as my own. And it was receding, it seemed, at last. There was mercy in that.

As I held him close to my chest, however, bare feet padding silently against the heated hardwood on a December morning, I wondered, as I often had, if it was my fault. We hadn’t been around for some of Artemis’ formative weeks – had that put her on a better path in life? Had her mothers’ absences been a blessing, not a blight?

Because of me, this sweet, harmless little bundle had been exposed to things no child should know exists. Stephen had assured me time and again that his health issues were in no way related; the time we’d spent in Jotunheim had been so early in his development that he was barely a bundle of cells by the time we returned. But I still wondered if some deeper kind of evil had crept into my blood, if something intangible and demonic had cursed my child long before he took his first breath.

And if it had, then all his suffering, and all the pain the family felt as a result, was because of me. Because of selfish, illogical, dangerous decisions that I had made. And until I had hard proof to the contrary, I couldn’t forgive myself.

So I rose disproportionately, holding him even as his screams made me cry into his dark curls, emerald eyes screwed tight when colic made every movement agony. My sleepless nights and grief were my atonement for my sins, and if he had to suffer for my choices, then I would be there with him for every moment.

But, nevertheless, his cries died quicker each time and he fell back asleep against me, mahogany curls the color of his fathers’ resting on his flushed cheek. I smoothed then away gently, pressing my lips lightly to his forehead, and rose my gaze to the window. The world beyond the glass was pure, unbroken white, flat save the vague lumps indicating our chicken coop and the surrounding fence. The porch had vanished beneath the drifts, icicles hanging from the rafters in an intimidating beauty.

I shuddered, holding my son closer protectively, unable to look away.

For most people, a white Christmas would be a dream come true.

But for most people, snowstorms didn’t come with whispers on the wind and the echoes of fingertips on their skin. They were the easy pleasure of snowmen and hot chocolates, and not-

There he was, staring silently out at the world. Of course he was. His form left no imprint on the frozen crust over the snow where he sat on our porch swing, a spectre of a demon.

But knowing that the real God of Mischief was dead and buried didn’t stop my eyes from blurring with tears, trembling as waves of cold and fear overtook me. The sound of the kettle whistling faded out, a bubble of my own insanity wreathing around me.

“I had a dream about you.”

I winced, unable to look away as emerald eyes turned to focus on me, consuming every thought and safety. The feeling of my son in my arms grew faint, and as his body pressed closer, I was aware only of the scar on my ribcage – once a gunshot wound, then made deeper and wider with a god’s blade in the darkness before being stitched closed with loving tenderness.

They told me he didn’t love me, though.

He didn’t love me. He just wanted to toy with me. To torture me. He didn’t love me.

He smiled sadly, one side of his lips curled up as he considered me, fingers coming up to tent under his chin thoughtfully. “Nobody ever did understand us, did they, little bird? Even the other ones – those Spiders, as you called yourselves... They could never see that what we had was truly special, could they? They never saw how perfectly made for me you were.”

I winced a little, fingers curling tighter, until my son let out a soft protest, startling me back to reality. “Hey, hey... It’s okay. I’ve got you, sweet boy. It’s okay. I’m sorry.” I shifted his weight to my hip, pressing a soft kiss to his hair.

Trying not to think about the faded burn pressed to the curl of my fingers.

“You remember how good it was.”

My muscles stiffened as I fought not to look at him, hand shaking as I poured the kettle, letting the steam ground me.

It was quiet in my head. It was always quiet when I went crazy, when he appeared before me like smoke given form. Like his very appearance shut them out, isolating me.

Water overran the rim of my mug, and I winced.

I’d fallen asleep with my son on my chest, his fingers curled in my hair, his soft snoring soothing the ragged edges of my soul even as the macabre monster whispered from beyond the threshold. My tea was left to go cold on the coffee table, forgotten in the comfort I found with my child held close.

But, as is typical in a house with two children under three, my rest was short-lived. I was stirred by an insistent tugging on my hand, Apollo grumbling about the disturbance and burrowing closer against me. One eye cracked open, and I smiled softly, my fingers moving to caress a mass of red curls adoringly. “Morning, Princess.”

“Mama! Snow!” she squeaked back, ducking my touch to tug insistently at my arm, her nails dragging over the skin firmly enough to make me wince despite my broadening grin.

“I see that!” I chuckled, moving to sit upright and scooping her up against my other side, brushing my lips over her forehead. “It’s a lot of snow, huh?”

She nodded, green eyes – my eyes – wide with amazement as she watched through the window, the thick flakes still falling fast. I swallowed as I followed her gaze, breathing out a soft sigh of relief at the absence of the morning’s spectre.

He was never there in the first place.

“Sled?”

She’d seen people sledding in movies, and was always enamoured, sullen that the snowfall in her short life had never proved sufficient for her to experience the wonders for herself. It was bittersweet, seeing her small face light up at the portrayal but never getting to show her the joy. Between the difficulties around her first few months, becoming pregnant with Apollo, and the postnatal complications… We kept meaning to take her over the border and spend a few weeks in a snowier area, but time passed without any of us noticing.

Time always passed.

Her smile didn’t fade as she watched me, patiently waiting for my reply. My oldest was used to my behaviour – knew that sometimes I would disappear into my own mind, lost in thought, and was content to wait for me to return to her. Shaking my head to clear it, I offered her what I hoped was more grin that grimace, squeezing her gently against my side. “Sled, for sure! Why don’t you go and wake your dads, and we’ll see if we can get them outside, huh?”

She let out a sharp, ear-piercing shriek, bouncing to her feet, the mass of curls mimicking the movement. “I go!” she answered enthusiastically, nodding with every ounce of her chaotic toddler energy, scampering towards the stairs with reckless abandon. At approaching three, she’d been able to climb the stairs alone for a few months now – but the process always gave me anxiety, and I watched nervously as she ascended until she rounded the corner and passed from my view, listening to her rapid, quiet footsteps until they turned into the sound of her running along the hall, quickly followed by the bang of wood on wall and her insistence that ‘Momma Lia said get up now!’.

Her fathers were not naïve enough to believe I’d issued such a command – and their laughter at her demands reinforced this, accompanied by a fond mutter and the sound of feet on the floor. They were well-versed in our daughter’s emphasis to produce desirable results; though it had been proven unnecessary many times over. A mere flutter of her eyelashes and a demure whine of ‘want’, and we were all putty in her hands – a collection of soldiers and assassins, utterly helpless to the whims of a two-year-old.

Almost three, I noted to myself, shuffling my son higher up my chest with a soft chuckle. So she keeps reminding us.

Soft footfalls on the stairs had my head turning, and Steve leant over, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Morning, Little Spider. Did you get any sleep?” He kissed our son’s head in turn, stretching his arms high overhead with a soft grunt as I shrugged a shoulder vaguely.

“Some – he settled after we came downstairs,” I offered, non-committal and stubbornly silent on the topic of my intangible intruder.

I’d long ago learnt that mentioning my visions only caused concern. No, better to let them dissipate in their own time. After all, it’s not like he could hurt me like this.

Not anymore,I added, shivering softly. Before it all – before Ashe… Did what they did – being a ghost hadn’t stopped him. I could still remember what it was to have his incorporeal hands soft as breath whispering over my skin – not touching, not quite, but an allusion to the concept. A warning of what was to come, of danger given flesh.

Thought can also be armed to the teeth.

“Lia?”

“Hm?” My head jerked in alarm at the gentle hand on my shoulder, panic jolting through my muscles and making me stiffen, earning a quiet whine of disapproval from the slumbering child held close against me. With a subtle frown barely creasing the skin between his brows, Steve shifted closer, scooping Apollo from my embrace with soft, soothing clucking, tucking our baby boy against his own body and stroking his back comfortingly.

“I asked if you were okay. Is something bothering you?” he pressed, lips forming a tight line. “You seem… Distracted.”

I shook my head insistently, a minute frown tugging at the corner of my mouth. “No, I… No. I’m okay. You know what it’s like- What I… I’m not a fan of the cold,” I added pointedly, sparing a glance to the white world beyond the glass. Steve followed my gaze and winced, his own eyes glazing over for a heartbeat, no doubt recalling the sight of me held fast to the Trickster’s chest, bruised and beaten.

And begging to stay.

Even now, I could recall the terror I felt at the thought of him leaving me. I could remember what it was to be His, and to feel as though my very happiness depended on earning every scrap of his approval that I could, in any manner possible.

“You can talk about it, you know. I know it’s hard for you to-”

“I hope she didn’t wake you,” I interrupted pointedly, glancing behind him as our daughter thundered – albeit slowly – down the stairs, tiny nose crinkled in concentration. I’d sheltered her so far about the disappearance of her mothers in her formative years, and while I knew it was likely that she would, someday, find out that we hadn’t been there for her, I would fight with every breath I took to keep her from ever knowing the truth of our absence.

“Nope, we were just being too lazy to get up,” James snorted as his knees appeared at the top of the stairs, waiting patiently for his significantly less-experienced daughter to finish her decent. “It was warm in the bed – at least until someone decided to drag the sheets off,” he added. No sooner had Artemis hopped onto the ground, ready to take off once more, than he swooped in behind her, lifting her easily into the air and making her shriek with laughter.

“Ducky, sled!” she squealed insistently, reaching up to tug on his long, dark hair in adoring protest, and earning a grin from Clint as he descended behind the pair, shaking his head fondly.

“Ducky,” he signed, sighing fondly. Our daughter still struggled with the repeated ‘-y’ sound of ‘Daddy Bucky’, and so, in a stroke of brilliance and humour, Nat had suggested ‘Ducky’ until her language was more developed. Our little Agent of Chaos had, of course, been delighted by the idea, immediately resorting to calling James ‘Ducky’, as well as taking to hiding rubber ducks in his shoes, bed, wardrobe…

We still have no idea where she’s getting them, I noted with amazed amusement as James predictably removed a rubber duck the size of his thumbnail from his shirt pocket with a fond sigh.

“Sled,” she whined, lower lip protruding as she gazed around at us imploringly, signing and whimpering the word insistently. As if on cue, we nodded in unison, all moving to accommodate her request unfalteringly.

She’s got us whipped, Ashe snorted in the back of my mind, and I grinned, kissing Clint’s cheek gently as I passed.

Absolutely, Roma agreed, her smile audible.

And we couldn’t be happier, Nat murmured, sighing contently.

Couldn’t be happier, I echoed, and tried to quash the feeling of unease building low in my chest. Couldn’t be happier.

I found myself in the bathroom, breathing raggedly, hands curled around the edge of the sink as I stared into my own wild eyes, my entire body trembling.

There were tears on my cheeks and snow crusted into the furred cuffs of my sleeves, but I had no recollection of how they got there. My mind was empty of voices or memory, and it was all I could do to fight my body, to hold back the roiling contents of my stomach and the traitorous itching of my skin longing to open veins like blooming flowers as I attempted to piece together some clumsy timeline of events.

I didn’t remember going outside. I could recall Artie dragging Bucky down the stairs by the hand, swaddled so completely in a thick coat that her ability to walk was nothing short of a miracle. I could feel the icy wind on my face as we’d opened the front door, Arrow barrelling past us and straight into the drifts with an excited bark – but I’d been frozen, stuck fast by the chill and unable to take another step.

And Artemis had slipped one small hand into mine, and I’d backed out. It was a memory that I would have cherished, but one I wasn’t to make – but I couldn’t deny my beloved daughter the opportunity. I’d handed over control of the body shivering from chill and half-conscious fear to those more capable, more strong, and I had receded into the warmth and darkness I could find when I was not looking through these eyes.

These eyes, locked on themselves so intently under my control, pupils large and skittish and decidedly deer-like, appearing for all the world as though they should be reflecting headlights rather than the less intense overhead glow of our master bathroom.

I’d receded to the darkness, and…

Oh.

And a voice soft as silk and sickly sweet as honey had wreathed around me, murmuring compliments and curses and threats.

“You always loved when I spoke softly to you – no matter the words.”

I looked over my shoulder at the demonic spectre leaning against the wall, eyes narrowing with false bravado. “You’re not real.”

He moved closer with a quiet, musical laugh, his fingertips tracing the line of my shoulders half an inch from the fabric-clad skin. “Does that matter, really? I’ve made you denounce everything you ever loved without being real, Little Bird. I’m sure I could do it again, were I so inclined.”

My eyes moved from his in the mirror to the mirror itself, fighting my urges. There was always one way to cope, come what may. I hadn’t sought the sharp edge of a blade in almost six months, but it was never far from my mind; I knew that I was not the only inhabitant of this body with sharp articles squirrelled away in hidden places.

He leaned in over my shoulder, his breath dusting over my cheek, and I winced as my cage tightened. “You will always be mine, Little Bird. No matter how far you run, or how deeply you try to bury me… You will always belong to me.”

I winced, jerking away from the warmth of his words on my skin, shaking my head hard. “No. You’re not here. You’re not… You’re dead. You’re gone. You can’t hurt me anymore, you can’t-”

“Then why does a little snow frighten you so, hm?” he teased, eyes sparkling. “If you truly had no doubt, you’d be out there right now. You’d be making memories with those precious children of yours, not standing here talking to me.”

I hesitated minutely, uncertainty flickering across the reflection of my face. As much as I wished I could attest to my certainty, I knew it was a lie.

That was the thing with Loki... You could never be certain.

“You’re not here,” I repeated, my voice weak and thin. “You’re not here...” My uncertain resolve hardened, jaw setting, and I scowled. “I’m not afraid of you, and I’ll prove it.”

Without waiting for a response, I ploughed past him, fists clenched tight by my sides. My steps landed heavy and determined on the stairs, but once again, I found myself stiffening as I opened the front door, the breeze sending light flakes swirling across the porch and over the threshold to wreath around my feet like ropes, tying me down, holding me so tight, too tight, I can’t-

No.

He’s not here. He’s dead and gone, and he can’t hurt me anymore. He’s not here.

“Are you sure?”

I ignored the whisper washing feather-light over my jaw, his breath just as sweet as I remembered, and closed my eyes, taking a steadying breath as I stepped forward.

I forgot it made so much noise.

My lids parted in surprise at the crunch of snow beneath my boots – thick and heavy, because not one inhabitant of that house would let us get away with anything less, of course – and the way it echoed in the silence; a reverent hush of majesty at the sight before me, our rolling fields piled high with white, unbroken save a path where the boys had led our daughter around the side of the house, bound for the slope at the edge of the woods, the trail occasionally intersected by the staccato dips and drags of our bounding retriever.

I fell into line, stepping gingerly in the knee-high trench punctuated by the occasional small imprint of a perfect little shoe when Artemis had stepped in her fathers’ footprint, unable to keep my lips from quirking infinitesimally.

Do it for her. For both of them.

Quickly, I soldiered on, carefully avoiding those tiny shoe marks as I rounded the edge of our home. The boys’ laughter rang out over the open expanse, and I paused for a moment, watching.

James had Artemis tucked carefully between his knees, one metal arm firm but undoubtedly gentle as it wrapped sturdily around her tiny frame. Steve crouched at the bottom of the slope, a camera in hand, while Clint stood off to one side, watching fondly with our son in his arms, the movement of his mouth visible even from a distance as he crooned to his youngest.

It was a perfect scene – a fairytale come to life.

“It seems they didn’t need you, did they?” he purred, walking along the top of the snow beside me, his feet ghosting over the surface without leaving a mark as he watched me, emerald eyes glittering with malice. “They’re happier with you gone.”

“Go away,” I growled, shaking my head hard. “Just stop it, okay? I don’t care what you have to say.”

“Come now, little bird. We both know that isn’t true.” He hopped into the trail in front of me, and I stopped despite myself, unable to walk through his seemingly corporeal figure. “You loved me so earnestly. You’d have walked to the ends of the Earth, had I asked it of you.”

“You’re nothing,” I pressed stubbornly, my eyes narrowing against the harsh wind as I looked away. “You’re dead. You can’t hurt me anymore.”

“Then why can’t you look at me?” he asked softly, stepping closer. I blinked in surprise at the undercurrent of hurt in his voice, and glanced back at him uncertainly, earning a soft smile. “There’s my girl. You know I miss you, don’t you?”

“I know,” I breathed, tears pooling along my lash line. “I... Sometimes, I miss you too.”

His gaze lit up, and he moved closer, the fog of my breath seeming to curve around the sharp edge of his jaw. “I knew you did,” he preened, beaming. “You were always my special little bird, weren’t you? So different from the rest...” The long, pale fingers stopped a half-inch from my cheek, and I fought the urge to lean into his palm. “We had something special.”

“I loved you,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I loved you so much, and you...”

“I never would have left you if I’d had the choice,” he pressed, mouth setting into a tight line. “That sibling of yours took away my choice, though, didn’t they? Nobody understood why you needed to be with me. I was the only one who ever understood you, little bird. You know that.”

I looked over his shoulder at my family, lost in their fun, seemingly unaware that I was no longer present.

Nobody needs me around. Not really.

“You could be with me, you know,” he crooned, moving to stand behind me, the warmth of his breath on the back of my neck. Slender fingers grasped my chin and turned my head away, guiding my gaze to the frozen pond. “All you have to do... Is dance for me. One last time. You can do that, can’t you? You can dance for me, little bird. I know you can.”

My first steps out onto the ice were hesitant, unaccustomed to the lack of traction beneath my feet, but I soon found my footing.

I could see the water swirling beneath the frosted glass underfoot, black and deep and lifelessly cold. The movement of the stream flowing into the pond had kept it liquid beneath a thin surface, and with each trembling step, the platform I was precariously balanced on shifted and groaned, detaching from the bank as water spilled over the edge.

“Lia!”

I raised my eyes at the sound, looking past Loki, who was sat with his feet dangling over the edge of the grass, rippling the slowly spreading water with his toes. Steve was stood motionless at the bottom of the slope, our son cradled against his chest, eyes wide as he stared at me. “Lia, honey, don’t move,” he called, quickly passing Apollo to James. “Just don’t move.”

“Hurry,” the Trickster pressed, a growl of urgency in his tone. “They’ll try to stop you, just like last time. Are you going to let America’s Ken doll tell you what to do? I didn’t realise you were so easily bought by a pretty face and a good name...”

My movement began slowly, stumbling over the uncertain terrain, but it didn’t take long for me to find my feet. By the time Steve reached the bank, standing next to the grinning spectre with his face paled in terror, I was twirling quickly, faster and faster as the ice beneath me creaked and cracked ominously.

“No, no- Li- Lia, stop, sweetheart, stop, you-”

His words died as the surface beneath me gave way, sending me plummeting without opportunity for so much as a quick breath. The water wrapped around me, constricting my chest and weighing down my thick winter coat, dragging me deeper as I gazed up at the light dancing on the surface where I’d stood not a second before.

Viridian eyes and ghostly fingers called me from the depths, beckoning me further until the toes of my socked feet skimmed sand underfoot. Red wreathed around my vision as my bun unravelled in the current, lips parting in a long stream of bubbles as muscles numbed by cold and shock forgot how to contract.

The last thing I saw as the darkness encompassed me were those dancing green eyes, closer now, peering into mine as I felt myself begin to fade.

I’m coming.

But it wasn’t green I found as I blinked my eyes open, lashes fluttering, squinting against the light. It wasn’t a fantasy world of snowfall that fell like feathers on my skin, my lover’s magic keeping the chill from my bones.

It was a fire that kept me warm, and four sets of blue eyes watching me worriedly beneath crinkled brows, one smaller and softer than the others.

My head turned with little direction, and there I found emerald at last, peering at me curiously, shining wide and innocent from my son’s face where he sat atop the blankets I’d been bundled in. Automatically, I felt my lips quirk into a smile as he giggled at me, his small, chubby hand wrapping around my finger, but it faded quickly as I looked around.

Where is he? Where has he gone? I’m sorry, Loki, I tried, I-

“Lia.”

My eyes flicked back to Steve, crouched beside me with his eyebrows knitted together with concern. “Lia, sweetheart... What are you looking for?”

“Loki,” I answered automatically, struggling against the weight of the blankets atop me as I fought to sit up, careful not to dislodge Apollo from my abdomen. “Loki, h-he...” My words faded as I took in the expressions surrounding me, worry and fear intermingled, and I shook my head. “Nothing. A bad dream, that’s all. I just wanted to dance on the ice.”

“Li-”

“I’m tired,” I interrupted softly, holding my son closer to my chest as I rolled away from the four sets of cerulean gaze, clinging to my emerald-eyed boy for warmth and comfort as he nestled willingly against my chest. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

The silence stretched on for a moment before slowly, one by one, sets of footsteps faded away, and I was left to my heartache in peace.

A small hand found my leg as my daughter climbed onto the sofa, slotting into the space behind my knees. My hand moved instinctively to trail through the untamed curls spilling over my thigh, the motion soothing me.

“Momma Li?”

“Yes, baby girl?”

“You cold.”

I chuckled weakly, nodding against the throw cushion beneath my cheek as a few tears crept out. “Yeah. But it’s okay – I’ll warm up soon.”

I lay listening to the quiet sounds of the fire cracking and popping until it became punctuated by the soft snores of my children, and moved to sit up once more, gently sliding an arm from beneath Apollo’s back with a wince as he stirred briefly, long, dark lashes fluttering before he settled once more.

“Such beautiful children.”

My stomach rolled, and I turned my head to find him leant against the counter, a soft smile playing on his lips as he eyed my sleeping infants. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think the boy could be mine.”

“He’s not,” I whispered, glancing down at my cherubic offspring once more. “Neither of them are anything to do with you.”

He smiled coldly, and a chill went down my spine.

I know that look.

“Well, if you can’t serve me sufficiently...” He breathed, stepping forward to lean over the sofa, his fingers trailing half an inch from her sleep-flushed cheek, and I blanched as she shivered.

“She’s nothing to do with you – leave her alone,” I pressed, my voice wavering uncertainly. “Please, just- just leave her alone.”

He glanced up at me, eyebrow arching. “Excuse me?” He straightened, and I froze, terror forming frost in my lungs. “Know your place, Little Bird. You don’t tell me what to do.”

My mouth worked wordlessly, tears pricking my eyes as he rounded the sofa, the bright emerald darkening into an ominous forest, reflecting no light from the fire beside me as he towered over me. “Would you like to try again?”

My gaze lowered from his as my daughter let out a soft sigh in her sleep, auburn hair splayed over the blankets I’d vacated, curling closer in on herself as she dreamt. I glanced at my son, the crease between his brow finally relaxed in his rest, his cherubic cheeks tinged pink with warmth. Green found green once more, and I flared to life, emboldened by my fierce devotion – but not to him.

“I told you to leave her the fuck alone,” I spat, drawing myself up to stare him down hatefully. “You’re not real. You’re not here. You have no control over her, or my son, or me. You are a remnant of an asshole long dead and buried, and you can’t hurt me anymore. You used me and you abused me, but you will not destroy me. I am more than the things you made me, Trickster, and I am alive. I survived you.” The edge of his hateful apparition shivered, and I smirked. “You’re not you. You’re just part of my screwed-up brain. If I made you, I can destroy you. You don’t have any power here, Loki. Not anymore.”

Hands grasped me as my knees gave way, a retched sob tearing from my throat. I sank into the arms enveloping me as I wept, face pressed to the chest I found myself gathered against.

“You’re okay. You’re okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Pushing my face through my tears, I found azure eyes staring down at me, wide and worried and so unlike those of my dark master. ��I’m so sorry,” I whispered, voice breaking, fingers curling hard in his shirt to hold myself closer. “I’m s-sorry… I wish I didn’t… I wish he didn’t… I- I wish…”

Steve nodded once, his embrave tightening protectively around me. “I know, honey. We’ll get past it, I promise you. He can’t hurt you anymore. Nobody will ever hurt you again – not while I’m around.” I curled closer as violent shiver overcame me, the chill of the cold water still far from driven from my bones. Steve frowned, one arm passing under my thighs to lift me easily. “You’ll catch your death, Tink. You’re lucky you don’t have hypothermia, or frostbite.” He placed me gently back on the sofa beside our snoring, blissfully unaware son, and draped the blanket over me once more as Artemis let our a sleepy sigh, shifting to rub her cheek against my thigh drowsily. I smiled softly at the pair for a moment before the expression faded into a frown.

“Sometimes I forget, for a little while,” I admitted quietly, averting my eyes from his. “Sometimes I forget how much it hurt.”

His hand found mine, interrupting my nails picking unconsciously at the skin around my thumb, and squeezed softly. “Sometimes forgetting pain is convenient, and remembering it, agonising,” he noted gently. “It’s how we protect ourselves from the worst of things.”

“But if I don’t remember, I can’t protect myself,” I countered, unable to keep the forlorn edge from my voice. “This is all my fault, and if I can’t remember, I don’t know how to keep it from happening again.”

With a sad smile, he brought my knuckles to his lips, skinning a gentle kiss over the blue-tinged flesh. “Perhaps it will,” he acknowledged quietly. “I can’t promise you that he’ll never haunt you again -I hope not, but it isn’t a vow I can make.” His eyes met mine, fierce and devoted and so intensely blue. “But I can promise that I – and Clint, and James, and Winter, and all your friends that love you… We will always be here to help you through it until you can find your way out of the darkness. I love you, Lia. I’ll always keep you safe.”

As he spoke, I’d sunken back into my pillow, Apollo nestled against my chest. The warmth of the flames soothed me, and, in my physical and emotional exhaustion, the reassuring timbre of Steve’s voice threatened to lull me into sleep. As my eyelids flickered and closed, his fingers found my hair, smoothing softly as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I’ve got you, Lia. Always.”

- ‘Victim Blaming’ – @eclipsingbingo ; - ‘Falling Through Ice’ – @fandom-free-bingo (Flight Edition); - ‘Natasha Romanoff’ – @fandombingo ; - “You Remember How Good it Was.” – Fandom Bingo (The Little Prince); - “There He Was, Staring Silently Out at the World.” – Fandom Bingo (The Magnus Archives); - ‘The Buried’ – Fandom Bingo (The Magnus Archives); - “I Had a Dream About You.” – Fandom Bingo (The Magnus Archives); - “We’ll Get Past it.” – Fandom Bingo (The Martian); - ‘Thought Can Also Be Armed to the Teeth.’ – Fandom Bingo (Reverse: 1999); - ‘She Only Had One Way of Settling All Difficulties, Great or Small.’, “You’ve Used Me and Abused Me, But You Will NOT Destroy Me!” – Fandom Bingo (Wonderland, 3x3); - “Forgetting Pain is Convenient. Remembering it, Agonising.” – Fandom Bingo (Wonderland, 3x3); - ‘Everyone is Watching’, ‘Her Smile Fades.’ – Fandom Bingo (Wonderland, 5x5).

- ‘Audio Hallucinations’ – @hurtcomfort-bingo (Pick Your Poison, C025); - ‘Blurred Vision’ – Hurt Comfort Bingo (Pick Your Poison, C026); - ‘Cutting Communication or Can’t Talk Right Now’, “Is Something Bothering You?” – @julybreakbingo (Summer); - ‘Love as an Apology’ – July Break Bingo (6x6); - ‘Bittersweet’, ‘Love as Patience’, ‘Grieving or Moving on’, ‘Love as Selflessness’ – July Break Bingo (7x7); - ‘Polyamorous! Relationship’ – @lgbtqbingo Bingo; - ‘Pagophobia – Fear of Ice or Frost’ - @multifandom-flash (Fear); - ‘Tea’, ‘Buried Under Layers of Blankets’ – @seasonaldelightsbingo (Dark Academia); - ‘Snuggling For Warmth’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Rainy Weather); - ‘All of Them Just Laying on the Bed and Lazing Around’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Types of Love); - ‘All of Them Are Worried For One of Their Partners’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Types of Love); - ‘Can’t Forget’, ‘Frostbite’, ‘Hypothermia’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Under the Sea); - ‘They Were Never There in the First Place’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Under the Sea); - ‘Stuck in a Cage’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Under the Sea).

#voiceoffenrisulfr #marvel #fear flash bingo #square filled: Pagophobia Fear of ice or frost #multifandom-flash #bingo events

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multifandom-flash · 5 months ago

Text

Paws for Applause - Chapter Four Drever

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> James "Bucky" Barnes(&) x Original Nonbinary Character(&) (Soldierbug&, pluralpoly)

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> The boys begin to open up, and a storm is coming.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 6358

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 -> (T) Mentions of abuse and trauma, nightmares.

𝐀/𝐍 -> Check it out below, or on AO3 here! Dividers by us! Cards at the end <3

<- Chapter Three

Prompts at end because there's a lot siesefesfjsef

I woke slowly, blinking my way into consciousness with a flickering of eyelashes and a prolonged stretch. The cotton beneath my cheek was sleep-warmed and softened with age, and I let out a quiet sigh, burrowing deeper into the material, reluctant to face the sunlight.

“Good morning, Темнота.” Gentle fingers caressed my hair, and I blushed, hiding a smile in their shirt.

“Hi,” I whispered, embarrassed at having been caught so vulnerable, but happy with the situation in which I’d found myself. I glanced up at them through my lashes, finding them grinning affectionately down at me, one arm still tight around me, their cell in their other hand. “Did you sleep at all? I hope you didn’t stay up all night ‘cause of me…”

The chuckled softly, offering me a gentle squeeze. “I slept, don’t worry. You cuddle in pretty well; I don’t think I could’ve stayed awake if I’d wanted to!” They lapsed into silence once more, fingers teasing my hair, and I purred, watching them closely.

“… Whatcha doing?” I asked as I tracked their eyes skimming over their screen, blushing at my nosiness. “Not that you… I mean, you don’t gotta tell me. Obviously.”

With a snort, they rested their cheek on my hair. “Reading. It’s about fairy tales, folklore… It’s interesting!”

I smiled and nestled closer, yawning widely. “Will you read to me?”

Their cheeks pinkened minutely, but they nodded, clearing their throat uncertainly.

“Come away, O, human child! To the woods and waters wild, With a fairy hand in hand, For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand…”

My eyes closed of their own volition as I burrowed in, fingers curling in their shirt to hold myself nearer, and they paused. “… Wanna go and settle in on the bed? You might be more comfortable…”

My nod was subtle but sure; this strange person who had appeared quite without warning in our lives and shook up everything we thought we knew was an unexplainable tranquiliser, soothing my soul and calming my mind.

I trusted them without hesitation.

Despite the anxiety warring in my head, Winter and Bucky murmuring their concerns, I allowed Mars to manoeuvre me gently into position between the sheets. My hand shot out instinctively as they went to back away, eyes low. “Will you stay with me?” I whispered, and they paused infinitesimally before nodding, sliding in beside me and wrapping an arm around me as my head found their chest.

I let out a quiet, contented sigh, curling into their side, their cheek resting lightly on my hair.

“Where the wandering water gushes,” they continued, their melodic, friendly tone a balm to the ragged edges of my psyche, “From the hills above Glen-Car, In pools among the rushes, That scarce could bathe a star…”

By the time I re-emerged from the darkness, the candle had gone out, and Mars was snoring lightly, their phone having fallen against their chest. With a soft smile, I gazed up at them in wonder, following the lines and curves of their open, honest face, enraptured.

Their long lashes fluttered and parted slowly, forehead creasing into a subtle scowl. “No flight checks…” they muttered, eyes closing once more, and I snorted aloud. One eye opened again, taking me in, and they smiled tiredly. “Hm?”

“‘Flight checks’?” I repeated, biting back a giggle, and their cheeks turned pink.

“My get-up routine,” they clarified timidly, one side of their mouth rising in a shy grin. “I need an established series of tasks, or else I get distracted, and forget to do… Well, anything that needs doing, really…”

I hummed and nodded thoughtfully, head cocking slightly against their shoulder. “I think Bucky could use something like that…” I mused, grinning as he snorted in the back of my mind, though quickly murmuring his agreement. “He gets distracted pretty easily.”

“I know the feeling,” they replied, chuckling, and let out a long stretch, groaning aloud. “Alright… As much as I love a good lazy Sunday, I do actually have a few responsibilities to attend to, even if the store’s not open.”

“Gross,” I replied, grinning, but sat up obediently to let them free.

“You, uh… You can come with. If you like,” they added quickly, blushing once more. My own cheeks flushed as I nodded shyly, looking away to pet Zeus as a distraction for my embarrassment.

“I’d like that,” I replied timidly, almost overheating from the scalding blush in my face, and they broke into a broad grin.

Zeus was already beginning to learn the path to the store, and the realisation made me giggle as he fought to drag me along, Mars chuckling fondly. “We really need to start on some training with him, huh?” they mused, head cocked.

“Maybe,” I agreed, squealing with laughter as his feet scrabbled against the ground eagerly. “But he’s so happy!”

“I think he’ll maybe be happier when getting to the end of the street doesn’t exhaust him,” they countered, laughing, and I grinned back, glancing back at the mastiff mix as he relaxed at the end of the leash, panting heavily from his fight against an immovable force. He stopped to sniff every bush and post and blade of grass as we continued, having resigned his war against restraint – for now – and peeing prolifically. I could only shake my head fondly, letting the joyful hound stop and start as he saw fit, so thoroughly absorbed in his inexplicable canid behaviours that I hardly noticed when Mars came to a halt, watching us with their head cocked, smiling fondly.

“Are you two coming with me, or heading for the border?” they teased, eyes alight with humour as I skidded to a sheepish stop.

“Oops,” I offered, shrugging shyly – but they simply laughed and shook their head, leading the way up to the side door of the store.

“I’m sorry in advance,” they offered, grimacing. “It’s a little… Chaotic, in here…”

I waved a hand as I followed them up a dim staircase, making a soft sound of objection. “Trust me, I’ve seen worse.”

Their space was a continuation of the store downstairs, punctuated by the calls and whistles of several birds perched around the room, eyeing me with suspicion.

Recalling the green gremlin that had dive-bombed me the first time I visited Paws, I eyed them right back, apprehensive.

Mars caught me watching them and let out a laugh, shaking their head. “They’ll leave you be. They’re not all like Denzel,” they added, glaring with undisguised affection at the lime-coloured creature sat atop the bookcase with a look of pride. When it wasn’t aiming for my face, the relatively small bird – particularly in comparison to the towering macaw beside it – looked almost elegant, pale green fading into deep emerald along wings and head, interrupted only by a black and pink band around the neck and a vibrantly red beak.

And then it squawked definitely, and I jumped.

“Seems… Sociable,” I replied, eyes narrowed warily, earning another fond chuckle.

“He’s a baby, really. Wanna meet him?”

I glanced at the bird uncertainly, opening my mouth to reply.

“Sure,” I agreed, grinning broadly as I took in the delightfully chaotic featherball. “I’d love to!”

A ripple of surprise flickered over their face, then they lit up, letting out a low whistle. “Dezzie!”

The bird let out an unholy series of shrieks before catapulting itself bodily across the room, wings moving in a blur. I couldn’t help but admire the way his back arched as he landed, gracefully tucking his feet forward to latch himself onto Mars’ shoulder. My fingers reached out of their own accord, curling away at the last moment with a blush. They offered me a reassuring smile, raising their own hand to rub the side of the bird’s head, chuckling when he leant into the touch. “You can pet him. He won’t bite.”

Slowly, hesitantly, I extended my hand once more to the fragile creature. I’m not concerned about him hurting me…

The back of my fingers brushed theirs as I skimmed my tentative touch over the delicate plumage, heat rising in Mars’s cheeks. But I was too busy to notice, enraptured by the way the creature pressed into my hand, chirruping quietly.

When he turned his head and stepped up into the space between thumb and forefinger, my chest ached with joy. I couldn’t help the delighted chuckle that escaped me, blinking in surprise. Mars stepped back a little, leaving me supporting my new feathered friend, and I hesitantly drew him closer, raising metal fingers to continue caressing his chest gently.

“Looks like you’ve got a fan, Winter,” Mars teased affectionately, and I blushed, head ducking.

“You recognise me?” I clarified, and they laughed, making the bird open one eye and glare at the interruption.

“Of course! Firstly, Dezzie here scares the crap out of Bucky. Secondly… You’re not as similar as you might think.” Their eyes narrowed a little as they considered me, quiet and thoughtful. “You’re like… The sun and the moon. Same general category, but distinct and unique.”

I chuckled softly, flicking my gaze to theirs. “You think?” They nodded firmly, and I smiled, looking back to the creature perched on my hand, his eyes closed with joy. “I… Thank you.”

With a nod, they glanced around. “Feel free to make yourself comfortable. I have a few… Dozen critters to feed, then I’ll be with you.”

I was happy to recline on their sofa, Denzel exploring my clothes and a cat curled up beside me, licking my hand with enthusiasm and pausing only long enough to hiss a warning as Zeus rested his nose on the seat beside him, earning a chuckle and an eyeroll from Mars as they passed by.

“She’s fine. She’s incredibly dog-savvy; she’s just making sure he knows who’s the boss!” they snorted, shaking their head fondly. Zeus sniffed the cat tentatively, the latter of which had returned to purring and licking, tail thumping with interest before he trotted away, distracted by Mars’ movements and the bag of bird seed they carried.

I let out a soft chuckle, one hand smoothing the sleek, patchwork fur of the cat’s anguine spine. “He likes you,” I noted, smiling fondly at the shadow diligently following them around the apartment as they attended to their feathered dependents.

“Or he likes that I’ve got chicken in my pocket for him,” they countered with a snort, dropping the bag beside the last of the cages. “C’mon, pup. Let’s see what you can do, hm?”

Zeus followed them obligingly, a thick strand of drool hanging from the corner of his mouth as they led the way over to sit beside me, perching on the edge of the sofa to avoid the cat languidly enjoying her petting. Despite the empty-headed expression, the dog’s eyes were focused wholeheartedly on Mars, watching for any indication as to food that may be heading his way. “Alright, Zeus. Let’s do you a little test, hm? See where you’re starting. Can you… Sit?”

The enormous behind hit the ground immediately and with an audible whump, and I laughed. “I think he’s got that one down,” I teased as they praised him, the mighty jaws working around their fingers as he took a scrap of chicken. They simply smiled and nodded, offering him a gentle scratch under the chin.

“He’s a smart boy,” they agreed, crooning closer to him and squeaking with surprise when a large tongue trailed the length of their cheek, earning a snort and a fond shake of my head. Wiping their sleeve across their face with an overdramatic shudder, they refocused, eyes on his. “Okay, okay. How about… Down?” Their hand lowered a little, and Zeus dropped obediently, settling against the ground in a heartbeat. “Yes! Good boy!” He earned another treat for his efforts, and Mars shot me a broad grin.

“He’s deceptive,” I replied with a chuckle, the dog’s huge, open maw giving him a decidedly mindless expression, and reached over to give him a scratch of my own. “A smart boy, aren’t you, huh?”

“He takes after his dads!” Mars replied, then blushed timidly when I glanced at them, smirking. “I- Uh… Let’s keep going, shall we?”

By the time their stomach began to rumble audibly, Mars and I had come up with a plan of action of sorts, based on the things we’d concluded Zeus knew well.

“So, first and foremost, he needs some leash manners,” they noted, eyeing the dog wagging by their hip with faux sternness. “He might not pull you over, but if anyone else ever has to hold him, he’s going to pull their arm off at the moment. Not to mention the damage he could do to himself in the long-term.”

I hummed my agreement, fingers toying with one of his soft ears idly. “I… Will you help us?” I murmured, blushing timidly as my head ducked, and they chuckled.

“Of course… Темнота,” they added, elbowing me gently and grinning.

I blushed harder, squatting to busy myself with Zeus’ only-too-willing attention. “How did you know?”

They chuckled, smiling softly when I glanced up through my lashes. “It’s like Winter said. You’re… Sweet.” My cheeks flamed, and their grin grew. “But yes – I’d be honoured to help.”

“We can pay,” I added quickly, and they started to shake their head, but I raised a hand imploringly. “Money isn’t really an issue.”

“I’ve seen your apartment,” they replied, eyebrow arching in disbelief, before they paled, horrified. “I m- I didn- I-”

I simply laughed, shaking my head. “I get it. But it’s not a financial thing, we just…” I shrugged a shoulder, lowering my gaze to my dog’s once more. “I don’t know. Didn’t want to get too comfortable, I guess.”

“Why?”

It was asked gently and without judgement, but still I stiffened, muscles becoming clumsy and terse. Because I don’t deserve comfort.

Because I’m a hero killer.

Because I don’t deserve to be treated like more than I am.

“Not sure how long I’ll be around,” I replied eventually, chewing on my lip quietly. “I might have to move on before too long.” When they didn’t reply, I sighed, settling myself on the ground and smoothing a hand along his neck falteringly. “I... Need to stay ahead of certain people. I may need to move on quite quickly.”

“Are you running from the law or something?” they asked softly, squatting beside me, and I shrugged a shoulder.

“There’s probably more than one government out there who would love to make us disappear. But... No. Not this time.” Quietly, I trailed my finger along the edge of the white blaze down Zeus’ chest, the short, soft fur grounding me. “We’ve done some real bad things in our time. Some of those things... Well, they only recently came to light. The folks affected by them weren’t very happy. It’s best if we keep ourselves ready. Never settling, you know? Always ready to move, if we need to.”

They nodded once in response, considering me quietly. “… I know about you, you know.” I looked up in surprise, and they offered me a soft, sad smile. “Well, about y’all. The singlet that society sees you as, I mean. The Soldier.” I winced, and their hand found my shoulder gently as my head ducked once more. “There’s… Stories, and stuff. I’m sure they don’t do justice to what y’all really went through, but… They make it more than understandable that you were forced to do things that you wouldn’t have done otherwise. By all accounts, you were – you are – a good person. Good people, I mean. Captain America has always been very vocal about-”

“Yeah, Steve’s good people,” I interrupted smoothly, jaw setting as I stood. “But he doesn’t know me – he knows Bucky. I’m the man that HYDRA created, and I am not a good person. I did those things, and I didn’t care while I did them.”

“And now?” they interjected quietly, unfaltering in the face of my sudden appearance and vehement disagreement. “You were trained and conditioned from the moment you existed, Win. But now you know more of this world, and of yourself. Do you care now?”

I blinked hard and lowered my gaze, the stiffness of my muscles draining with my stubbornness. “I… Yes,” I whispered, eyes closing. “Yes. I do.”

Their touch found my arm again, gentle and reassuring. “Because you, like the other two, are a good man, Winter.”

I blushed a little, shooting them a half-grin. “I guess I try,” I offered sheepishly, shrugging a vibranium shoulder. “But hey – how about this good man cooks you a good meal, to say thanks?”

They groaned their way through their meal, eyes alight and shining. They’d reluctantly allowed me to take over their kitchen at my insistence, stammering as I purchased the ingredients with a wave of my hand.

“Like I said – money isn’t an issue,” I replied simply, shrugging. They’d mumbled their red-faced thanks, occupying the apartment’s furry and feathered inhabitants while I cooked – with Buck’s help, given my inexperience.

They’d eyed and subtly poked at the dumplings uncertainly, somewhat dubious, but the aromas filling the room – and doubtless a desire to appear polite – led to their breaking open a single pelmen, considering the filling of ground meat silently, unable to keep themselves from inhaling deeply. “I won’t be offended if you don’t like it,” I assured them with a grin, chuckling as their expression flickered with relief. Slowly, hesitantly, they took a small bite; they dissolved immediately into quiet groans, the rest of the dumpling disappearing between their lips quickly.

“Holy shit.”

Snorting, I shook my head affectionately, beginning my meal with rather a more restrained manner. “Good?”

“This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten,” they grunted, before shooting me a timid grin around bulging cheeks. “Sorry. Beautiful, I know.”

“You’re exquisite,” I replied softly, grinning when their cheeks flamed and they swallowed with difficulty. “But thank you. It’s my favourite thing in the world. I don’t remember where I learned the recipe, but…” Shaking my head lightly, I shrugged a shoulder, considering one of my creations. “I’ve been making it for years. It’s warm, and filling, and comfortable.”

They nodded vigorously, eagerly tucking into the contents of their plate. “It’s delicious, Win. Do you make it often?”

“Not as often as I’d like,” I admitted, eating slowly. I was too lost in them, in the way they could enjoy something so simple as this staple, making soft sounds of delight at the seemingly wonderous new experience. I – we - hadn’t felt such pleasure in almost a century, though I found myself settling into the company, the warm, scent-wreathed room lulling my mind and allowing my muscles to unclench slightly.

“Why not? You clearly love it,” they added, indicating their head at the faint smile tugging at my lips, and I chuckled.

“I do,” I agreed, “but it’s hard to find the time. Or the motivation.”

They considered this for a moment, then blushed, lowering their gaze once more.

“It doesn’t pay so much, but I love it,” they gushed, leaning back in their seat. They’d talked endlessly about work when I’d asked, eyes bright with joy. “I’d far rather be happy than rich, you know? I can afford the things I need to, and that’s enough for me.”

I smiled fondly, nodding once. “That definitely sounds like an ideal way to live.”

“What about you?” they asked, hands folding over their stomach as they let out an overfed huff of air. “What’s next for you guys, now that you’re not in the team any more?”

My brow furrowed, and I looked away uncertainly.

What is next for us?

Is there a next?

Or is this our life now? Running from one bolt hole to the next, constantly looking over our shoulder?

Will we ever find peace?

Will we always be hunted?

A hand found mine, and I glanced back at my companion, blinking in surprise. “I’m sorry,” they murmured, their steady, dark gaze locked on mine. “That wasn’t very thoughtful of me...”

I shook my head once, shrugging a shoulder. “It’s okay. I guess I just... I don’t know the answer. I have no idea what we do next; for as long as we can remember, our only mission has been survival.” It was almost overwhelming to think about the variety of options spread before us, each just as attainable and uncomprehensible as the last. “There’s too many choices.”

They chuckled at that, squeezing my hand gently. “It’s a lot, I know. But you don’t have to decide right now, right?” Their spare hand found Zeus’ head, caressing lightly, and they shot him a grin. “I guess the only thing you need to decide tonight is when to go home.”

I don’t want to...

Despite myself, I couldn’t help humming my agreement, comfortable, warm and relaxed in their company. It would be

“Will you read again?” I asked quietly, biting my lip as a blush crept up my cheeks. Their eyes cut back to mine, glowing with warmth.

“I’d be happy to, Tem,” they agreed readily, and I felt my face heat further at the recognition, wondering if I’d ever get tired of being so transparently seen.

It took a moment for their words to sink in, and I paused, surprised. “... ‘Tem’?”

Colour rose in their own complexion, and their head cocked infinitesimally as they smiled. “Is that okay? If you don’t like it, I don’t-”

“No,” I interrupted quickly, joy fizzing under my skin as I grinned. “No... I like it.”

The rain started to come down as I sat beside them, soft at first, and then loud enough to almost drown out their voice as they read to me from a nature book, regaling me with facts about the Sulawesi Forest Turtle.

“They live in the streams in the forests on the island of Sulawesi, and are thought to be a vital part of their native ecosystem. In studies of their feces, scientists have found insect specimens as yet unidentified- hey, that’s really cool, huh? Isn’t it weird that they can-”

They cut themselves off as they darted to their feet, cursing under their breath as they stumbled and rousing me from my contented, transfixed state. Nonsensical mutters fell from their lips as they moved around, and I saw the cause of their concern - a steady stream of drips falling from the ceiling, spraying out over the floor as they landed. I was beside them in an instant, gazing up at the damage with concern.

“Don’t worry about it - it happens whenever there’s a storm,” they grumbled, dropping a mop bucket beneath the leak with a sigh. “I really need to get it fixed, but... Well, I can’t afford to pay anyone, and the last thing anyone needs is me up a ladder. I’m more likely to end up falling off the roof than mending it.”

“We can do it,” I offered immediately, unfalteringly, and they blushed.

“Thanks, but you-”

“Consider it a gift of gratitude,” I interrupted softly, reaching out to rest a hand on their arm gently. “Please. We’d like to.”

Their eyes met mine once more, and they blushed, looking down as they nodded. “I... Okay. Thanks, Tem.” The gaze locked on mine flickered, shifting to the metal fingers on their skin, and I winced, drawing back with an apologetic murmur, causing their eyes to widen in alarm. “No, no! I didn’t - it doesn’t bother me or anything, I just-” They grimaced at their own fumbling, pausing to gather their thoughts as they leant back against the counter. “I... I wondered who... How it... What happened? Not that you have to say,” they added quickly, turning ever more crimson.

I rested against my hip beside them, considering my metal joints as I thought about how to answer. “This exact edition is courtesy of a very intelligent young engineer in Wakanda,” I started, digits twitching. “But... I lost my arm falling from a train.”

They winced sympathetically, turning to face me more fully. “I can’t imagine how much that must have hurt...”

Shrugging, I looked away. “I didn’t know much about it until after. There were... I remember flashes, now and then. Moments during the removal of what was left, and the fitting of the joints and bones that would hold the metal one. Usually they’re out of reach when I’m awake, though,” I added.

A mercy.

The glimpses of blood and pain always seemed just beneath the surface, ready to come for us at the slightest provocation, holding us fast in their terror until our subconscious deemed us tortured enough to be released. No matter how many years passed, we still dreaded those nightmares and the memories they contained.

“Who did this to you?” they breathed, a look of horror flickering across their features, and I offered them a weak smile as thoughts of being tied down and cut open without as much as a shot to dull the pain.

“I was part of a military experiment run by HYDRA - so-called scientists who wanted to create super soldiers, like St- like Captain America,” I rectified quickly. We’d learnt long ago that most people found it odd to hear America’s Sweetheart referred to by his first name - though he’d always be a nerdy, skinny teenager to us, no matter how big he got. “I guess they were successful, in a way. Their technique wasn’t as finessed as Stark’s, but... Whatever they’d done to us when we’d been captured a few months before meant that we could survive that fall. Not that we often felt it a worthy trade-off,” I noted bitterly, earning a sympathetic hum.

“Does it hurt?” they whispered, and I closed my eyes briefly before responding.

“Every single second,” I replied quietly.

“Is there anything I can do?”

I blinked in surprise, gaze finding theirs once more, rendered silent by the question. “I... What?”

They shrugged shyly, fingers entwining in front of them. “Is there anything I can do - anything that might help?”

... We could-

No.

But-

No, Temnota. We don’t do that.

I jus-

Win’s right. We can’t - it’s not safe.

Reluctantly, I shook my head, the endless ache of damaged nerves throbbing along my chest more than ever at the tantalising opportunity for relief. “No... No. There’s nothing you can do.”

No matter how I fought it, I found myself inching closer to their side as evening faded into night, an age-worn blanket adorning our laps without my noticing. By the time I became aware of the encroaching darkness, we were all but huddled together, the winter chill driving us to seek warmth in one another.

They shot me a look as they lit a candle on the coffee table, an unreadable expression in the flickering light, and I cocked my head. “What is it?”

“I... The bottles.”

I opened my mouth to clarify, confused, then slowly closed it with a click as comprehension dawned. “Oh.”

“That- It was a lot of empty whisky, Tem...”

With a subtle grimace, I waved a hand. “It takes much more than that to have an effect on us, I promise. Zeus is safe, if that’s what you-”

“It’s not just Zeus I’m worried about,” they interjected softly, glancing at the dog snoring contentedly beside them. “I care about you guys, too.”

The intimacy of the soft, shimmering light kept the flush from my cheeks, but my eyes still dropped timidly, shy under their gaze. “I... It’s the only way we can sleep,” I admitted, my voice barely audible. “And even then, it’s not... We don’t... We don’t sleep much.”

They nodded slowly, expression thoughtful. “...Would you like to stay over?” I felt my eyes widen in surprise, and they paled. “I don’t- I’m n- I j-” They cleared their throat, cheeks vermillion in the low light, and started over. “You seemed to sleep pretty well when you weren’t alone. If ever you need some rest... I know this place isn’t much, but...”

Pausing, I chewed my lip, holding back my own answer reluctantly.

We shouldn’t.

Why not?

Do we really want to get them more involved in this mess?

It’s putting them at unnecessary risk.

But they’re right... I slept so much better with them...

That doesn’t matter, Tem.

It would be selfish to endanger them like that.

The rejection was gentle, but still it stung, and I found myself blinking back tears that threatened to spill as I shook my head slowly. “I... I can’t.”

“I’m not afraid of whatever demons you have, you know.”

Startled, I looked up, the motion causing the water clustered along my lash line to trail down my cheek, and they offered me a sad smile as they reached out to brush it away. “I know you think you’re haunted. Or hunted, or whatever. But I’m not afraid of you, and I’m not afraid of any ghosts that y’all may have.”

“And what if those ghosts come calling?” I clarified softly, and they smiled.

“Then I know you would never let anything happen to me,” they responded simply.

Never.

No... Never.

Woe betide anyone who dares try.

“You can stay, but only if you’d like to.” Their fingers found mine and they squeezed softly, leaning against my shoulder. “It’s okay to be afraid, though. I can be brave for all of us.”

By the time I woke, daylight was streaming across the pillow in front of me, and I sat upright quickly, startled.

The bed was empty save for a small calico curled up against my side, who opened one eye at the movement, swiping a paw over her ear before returning to her slumber, unphased. I scanned the room quickly, panic rising in my throat at Mars’ conspicuous absence.

Oh God, what did we do?

Did we have a nightmare and freak them out?

Did something happen to them?

What if we-

Our internal dialogue cut off as the front door opened, Zeus leading the way inside, his tail wagging energetically and mouth hanging open with glee. Mars seemed surprised to see me sat upright, but their expression recovered quickly, and they shot me a broad smile, holding up a tray of two coffee cups that shook from the straining on the leash in the other hand.

“You’re lucky you’re super strong - this guy is like a bulldozer!” they laughed, shaking their head fondly as they deposited the tray on the table before kneeling, calling the dog to them before removing his collar and smoothing a hand over his brindle fur. “I nearly ended up wearing the coffee!”

An odd, sweet scent permeated the room, and I cocked my head. “That doesn’t smell like coffee,” I noted, and they chuckled, shrugging shyly.

“It’s pumpkin spiced latte,” they admitted, seemingly slightly ashamed of this choice. “Which, for the record, is not spiced with pumpkins, nor does it taste anything like pumpkins.”

“Then where does it get its name?” I mused aloud, taking the cup offered to me - which, mercifully, smelled only of regular Americano.

“I think it’s made of the same stuff they spice pumpkin pie with?” they offered, sitting beside me and crossing their legs beneath them as they shrugged. “I’m not sure. It’s not terrible, though. But I kind of wish it did taste like pumpkins.”

I laughed aloud, taking a sip and shaking my head fondly. “Never been a fan, myself. Stevie loved pumpkin pie, though. My mom used to make it for us every Thanksgiving, just for him.” I smiled softly to myself at the memory of a warm house, the scents wafting from the oven, and the laughter of our small, broken band of misfits.

“What was she like?” they asked quietly after a moment, turning to face me fully, dark eyes locked on mine with undivided attention. I hummed thoughtfully, letting the aroma of their drink wash over me as I considered how to respond, before chuckling under my breath.

“Kind. She... That’s the best way to sum her up, really. She was one of the kindest people you’d ever meet. Steve’s home life wasn’t great - neither was mine, before my father died. She knew what it was like to live with fear. She couldn’t save him from that - much as she tried - but she could give him somewhere safe to go. This small, scrawny shrimp of a kid who seemed to have a target on his back and a knack for making it bigger. He was easy bait when he was young. There was nothing to him - no matter how much my mom tried to fatten him up, he was always so small, so sickly...”

They nodded once, head cocked thoughtfully. “I’ve seen pictures, somewhere. Before the serum, I mean. He looked like he might break a rib if he coughed too hard...” They grimaced and flushed, looking away. “That was mean.”

“No, it was accurate,” I reassured them softly, reaching out to squeeze their hand gently. “He wasn’t strong - not physically. He was ill a lot. Sarah - his mom - she told us once when he was sick that she never thought he’d make it past the first year. She loved that boy, but every day felt like borrowed time. She always assumed he’d be taken from her one day, so every time he got ill, she was prepared for the worst. But not our Stevie,” I added, shaking my head fondly at the memories. “He got better every time, no matter how many doctors said he wouldn’t survive the night. And my mom - she’d make him broth when he could barely eat, even when she was working twelve, fourteen hours a day. She’d go over every evening and stay until the entire thing was gone, even if she had to spoon it into his mouth herself.”

“She sounds like a good woman,” they replied gently, and I nodded, jaw tensing a little as my eyes stung.

“She was,” I answered, my voice cracking minutely.

I never got to say goodbye.

I thought, then, about what it must have been like for her. To have an officer at her door tell her that her child was missing and presumed dead. They never found a body, of course. I couldn’t help but wonder if she waited, if she spent the rest of her life rushing to answer every knock at the door in case I’d come home.

It wasn’t just me she would mourn, either. Steve was as much her child as I was by the time we joined up, and I wouldn’t have expected anyone ever told her - or Sarah, for that matter - what really happened to him. And by the time anyone knew either of us was alive...

“She’s gone now,” I noted softly, allowing waves of grief I’d scarcely permitted myself to acknowledge over the years wash over me in the safety of this small apartment with its leaking roof, dark eyes watching me quietly. “I wonder what she’d make of me now.”

I wonder if she’d fear us.

I wonder if she’d still love us.

I wonder if she’d recognise us after everything we’ve done.

“She’d be so proud of you, Bucky.”

I bit my lip, fighting the tears that build along my lash line.

“I hope so.”

By the time we stepped out into the daylight, the sun was high in the sky, though it did little to ease the chill. Mars shivered violently, wrapping their thick fleece further about themselves as a breeze made their curls sway endearingly. “I’m gonna get frostbite one day, I know it,” they whined, a good-natured smirk betraying their delight.

We’d spent almost an hour practicing Zeus’ leash etiquette, and I marvelled at the progress he – we – had made under Mars’ kind and patient tutelage. While still easily distracted and prone to attempting to chase down anything moving within his eyeline – be it cat, dog, or leaf – during quieter moments there was no more tension in the leash, and he looked to me frequently, checking to see if the treat pouch clipped to my belt would bear delicious meaty fruit for his calmness.

The sky opened as we neared my apartment, and we darted into the building as a torrent of rain began to fall, immediately soaking us to the bone. One glance at one another’s dripping faces had us creasing with laughter, their hand finding my arm to support themselves as they chortled.

When they looked up, laughter fading, I found myself gazing into enchanting, entrancing brown eyes, dancing with joy and amusement, their smile fading into seriousness as neither they nor I looked away. They were close enough for me to see the flecks of hazel buried in the mahogany depths, and my breath caught in my throat as their lips parted infinitesimally.

They were no more than an inch away when Zeus shook violently, showering us in a cascade of droplets and breaking the spell that held us fast. With a nervous laugh, cheeks colouring, they stepped back, hand leaving the fabric-covered vibranium of my arm as they glanced toward the door. “I should probably…”

Wordlessly, I nodded, struck silent as I watched them step back out into the downpour.

Probably a good thing…

We’re not supposed to be getting attached to this place...

We’re not supposed to be…

My internal thoughts, and those of my brothers, fell quiet as I saw them glance back, ringlets forming rivulets of rainwater along their jaw.

“Fuck it.”

I was outside without thinking, and they half-turned when they heard my footsteps on the wet ground, surprised to see me jogging toward them with Zeus trotting along eagerly beside me.

“Bucky – it’s pouring, what are you-”

My hands cradling their face cut them off, and they blinked up at me with wide eyes, nodding almost imperceptibly when I gave them time to object before crushing my lips to theirs with a soft sigh of surrender.

- “Who did this to you?” – @anyfandomgoesbingo (Dark); - ‘Ghosts’ – @buckybarnesbingo (B005); - ‘Hero-Killer’ – Bug’s First Bingo; - ‘Standing in the Rain’ – @darkacademiabingo ; - ‘There Was Only One Bed’ – @eclipsingbingo ; - ‘Nerve Damage’ – Eclipsing Bingo (Dark); - ‘No Anaesthetic’ – @fandom-free-bingo (Flight Edition); - ‘Lazy Sunday’, ‘Deception’, ‘I Know What You Did’, ‘Memories’ – Fandom Free Bingo (Frosty Edition); - ‘Sulawesi Forest Turtle’ – Fandom-Free Bingo (Wild Edition); - ‘Fairy Tales and Folklore’ – Gen Prompt Bingo;

- ‘Aftermath’- @hurtcomfort-bingo (CO42); - ‘Love as Cooking Their Favourite Meal’ – @julybreakbingo (Kofi Exclusive); - ‘Huddling For Warmth’ – July Break Bingo (Flash); - ‘Endless’, ‘Gangrene or Frostbite’ – July Break Bingo (6x6); - ‘Stealing or Running From the Law’ – July Break Bingo (7x7); - ‘Cuddling’ – @lgbtqbingo Bingo;

- ‘Become an Early Bird’ – @multifandom-flash (New Year – Gen); - ‘Reading as it Rains Outside’, ‘Pumpkin Spice Latte’ – @seasonaldelightsbingo (Fall Vibes Bingo); - ‘Sun & Moon’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Five Nights at Freddy’s - BINGO!); - ‘“I’ll Be With You From Dusk Till Dawn.”’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Language of Flowers); - ‘First Kiss’ – Seasonal Delights Bingo (Rainy Weather Bingo); - ‘Would You Rather… Work a Job You Hate or Have No Money’ – @slumberpartybingo.

I had to remove some cards because there's an image cap *SOBS* but none of them had card numbers or were finished soooooo

#voiceoffenrisulfr #marvel #New Year's resolution - Gen card #square filled: Become an Early Bird #multifandom-flash #bingo events

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