mundanemurphy

[mundanemurphy]

Playing chess but I can't afford name brand so I'm capturing prawns and getting put in Czech and that kinda shit

[mundanemurphy]

Thank you for choosing different towns upon which to send your wading birds. Having a wizard roommate is hard enough.

No one is taking my hellish portal to the plane of infinite infernal ibis because it is “too derivative of Alfre Hitchcock’s The Birds”.

Like, okay, fuck me I guess. I’m still tormenting this town with my magics at least. No one is talking about that.

[mundanemurphy]

Oh. I think a former girlfriend said that quartz is associated with emotional health or something. She had a rose quartz that she would "charge" when she was feeling down.

There once was a wizard of quartz

Who’s smooth skin kept him free of warts

It was smooth and polished

But to everyone’s knowledge

He was too fragile to play in group sports

[mundanemurphy]

Quartz has a hardness of 7 and conchoidal fracture with few cleavage planes. Quartz is tough as fuck! He should be one of the toughest wizards out there. 0/10

There once was a wizard of quartz

Who’s smooth skin kept him free of warts

It was smooth and polished

But to everyone’s knowledge

He was too fragile to play in group sports

[mundanemurphy]

Dang. Fellowship of the Dingalings.

Down at the wizard club and there was a table of sorcerers that were doing body swap spells to see what different sorcerous origins felt like. It’s all good and innocent fun, I think my friend Vediel the Violet may have realized something about (her?)self.

Unfortunately, after enough arcane appletinis, one of the sorcerers missed his mark and sent his spirit into the bottle behind the bar that is secretly a passageway to the plane of elemental darkness.

Normally it’s just there for patrons that need to get cut off, but now there a bunch of drunk girls at a table crying and asking everyone to join their quest to rescue their gay friend.

[mundanemurphy]

These things never happen on my nights out. Did he end up okay?

Down at the wizard club and there was a table of sorcerers that were doing body swap spells to see what different sorcerous origins felt like. It’s all good and innocent fun, I think my friend Vediel the Violet may have realized something about (her?)self.

Unfortunately, after enough arcane appletinis, one of the sorcerers missed his mark and sent his spirit into the bottle behind the bar that is secretly a passageway to the plane of elemental darkness.

Normally it’s just there for patrons that need to get cut off, but now there a bunch of drunk girls at a table crying and asking everyone to join their quest to rescue their gay friend.

[mundanemurphy]

That seems like a good way to get cursed.

New idea for an object to seal people into: A fork. It would be hiding among other forks that aren’t holding any entities, so it would be very hard to find.

Downside? I have accidentally used it a few times and the warlock I sealed in it has been throwing off the salty and sweet balance in my foods. Absolutely messing with my confidence for chicken teriyaki.

[mundanemurphy]

You're not keeping those in the regular kitchen on this side, are you?

New idea for an object to seal people into: A fork. It would be hiding among other forks that aren’t holding any entities, so it would be very hard to find.

Downside? I have accidentally used it a few times and the warlock I sealed in it has been throwing off the salty and sweet balance in my foods. Absolutely messing with my confidence for chicken teriyaki.

[mundanemurphy]

You uh.... Are not always in incognito when you search that. For the record.

I wonder could a group of dragonesses could merge together to be like tiamat.

I could swear I’ve typed that exact phrase into an incognito browser window.

But really, who doesn’t want to see dragonesses merging?

[mundanemurphy]

No one tell Gav about cave swifts.

homunculus facts¡

it,s fathers day again' so here,s your reminder that alchemists do not count as dads for creating homunculi•

no' not even hohenheim• no' not even that idiot in the flask•

they can say it all they like' that doesn,t make it true•

but happy fathers day to ratazom and gavamont anyway•

[mundanemurphy]

I'm sure you have invisible bandages in your tower. I don't think anything at our place will fix that.

Down at the tavern yesterday and a ranger claimed that he had hunted the mythical invisible ibex. This is what every damn ranger claims, because there’s no way to disprove it, so I start asking if he has the invisible horns to prove it. The standard taunts you give a ranger like that.

Also, the sudden puncture wound I received is completely unrelated and untraceable. So don’t ask about it.

[mundanemurphy]

😔😔😔

A wizard is crafting a wizardly mead

For that magic bees is what you’ll need

They pollinate flowers in strange dimensions

So the honey they make is beyond comprehension

Mix it with water from the elemental planes

Age it with yeast of a most rare strain

Accented with berries that boggle the brain

Such spirits would surely drive a lesser mage insane

But to me, it is balanced with notes of flaxseed

When a wizard is crafting wizardly mead

[mundanemurphy]

That's how yeast works in the real world, too. Except it's a fungus instead of a homunculus.

A wizard is crafting a wizardly mead

For that magic bees is what you’ll need

They pollinate flowers in strange dimensions

So the honey they make is beyond comprehension

Mix it with water from the elemental planes

Age it with yeast of a most rare strain

Accented with berries that boggle the brain

Such spirits would surely drive a lesser mage insane

But to me, it is balanced with notes of flaxseed

When a wizard is crafting wizardly mead

[mundanemurphy]

Wizard tapping on a rock

Like it’s a mouse, though it is not

But he uses it to the same effect

He clicks on his enemy and menu select

Looking at options, the last one he smashes

Not copy or info, but move to trashes

[mundanemurphy]

Your world is so beautiful 🥹

Wizard tapping on a rock

Like it’s a mouse, though it is not

But he uses it to the same effect

He clicks on his enemy and menu select

Looking at options, the last one he smashes

Not copy or info, but move to trashes

[mundanemurphy]

Is this the wizard who keeps installing programs? I expected his set up to be less... Neolithic. 🤔

Wizard tapping on a rock

Like it’s a mouse, though it is not

But he uses it to the same effect

He clicks on his enemy and menu select

Looking at options, the last one he smashes

Not copy or info, but move to trashes

[mundanemurphy]

Bring one back for me, I didn't have a dinner plan yet.

gavamont the green unnoticed, unseen past the guards he sneaks to give court jesters peen

Penis hilarious, penis nefarious

Penis from the jester is often precarious

Penis amusing, penis abusing

Thrown in the dungeon because the Duke is quite fuming