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[musings-of-a-19yr-old]

WELCOME TO #IMANI’S MUSINGS!

Welcome to Imani’s Musings; your #1 social commentary! You heard it here first(😉). From your host, ME; a self-inflicted outsider looking in, someone who is more often than not guilty of being a teensy bit too passive in her approach to life; someone who rather than get in on all the action, ‘prefers’ to watch ‘safely’ from the sidelines. In truth maybe it’s because I’m a little too scared to go out into the real world and fully immerse myself in the land of the living. Maybe because I’m terrified of rolling the dice every single day to see which experience I’ll have to settle for today; beauty? joy? pain? an up or down? a high or low? failure? success?  Love? Hate? Adoration or Discrimination? The good, the bad, or the ugly? Will it be a dream come true day, a nightmare when it rains it pours day, a meh day, or all of them wrapped into one day?

So I limit myself to watching life from the sidelines, isolating myself, withdrawing from the rest of the world, and retreating into the cocoon of my imagination fearful of being rejected, of being told my screwball personality, and wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve countenance are too messy, too awkward, too much to handle.

Interestingly enough, I have found comfort in writing, journaling, and using Plain-Ol words to create depth, meaning, belonging, nostalgia, and most importantly hope! Hope that I will one day be able to overcome the inertia with which I currently approach my life. The process of arousing the suppressed feelings buried deep within me, pooling together the most random collection of words to develop a stream of consciousness that adequately captures my inner turmoil, fills me with sweet cathartic relief, to say the least.  Thankfully it also helps my over-active, hypersensitive, HSP brain to cope with the extra-loud, sometimes hostile, in-your-face, and confrontational physical environment by allowing me to break down the countless bits of overwhelming sensory information mercilessly flung my way, each and every day by the real world, into smaller digestible pieces. Interestingly enough this recently re-discovered hobby has become the source of my empowerment, my strength! My means of communicating with the outside world, my way of interacting with my fellow human beings who I yearn to connect with so dearly, to love, exchange camaraderie with, laugh with, hold hands with, hug, and share the deepest parts of myself with. BUT but who are more often than not put off by the aloof, reserved mask of shyness that I put on to shield my sensitive, introverted, spirited, idealistic soul.  

 The words on the page give me a voice, who would’ve thought that my imagination would be the key to unearthing this newfound feeling of confidence, that was previously so foreign to me. When I write I’m no longer the timid, socially awkward girl struggling to live up to the demands and pressures of our fast-paced, ever-changing, technology-reliant, 21st-century social life, I’m no longer an outsider looking in, I’m just your resident wordsmith, romanticist, screwball, HSP, young at heart but an old soul, overthinking-insomniac, with a wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve countenance. It’s a lot, I know.🙈🙈🙈

Just kidding😅. Slowly but surely writing is helping me to not only discover myself but also to appreciate this person that I am discovering myself to be, instead of chasing this idealized image of perfection that I have in my head of who I think I am supposed to be. Most importantly I have discovered that only by laying bare my soul for all to see, only by showing glimpses of vulnerability, only by admitting to others that I am flawed, as counter-intuitive as it may seem will people ever truly love me. (Not the mask I put on for them to see, or an idealized image they have in their heads of me, but the real, unwavering ME!).

Moreover, I have learned that as different as we all may seem, on the inside you and I are similar as can be quite literally! we are all souls housed in a body of cells and matter, we all bleed red, and we are all kept alive by our hearts beating on average 60 to seventy times per minute. We are also very similar in the more abstract sense of our need for touch, human connection, love, and affection, we all fear rejection, failure, and the thought of suppressing our true selves our entire lives in order to fit into the societal definition of what is acceptable, being unwanted, cast aside or shunned by our neighbors, countrymen, families, and peers, we all tremble at the thought of never finding our purpose, of floating through life feeling irrelevant, of not mattering, of not making an impact,  at the thought of being instantly forgotten the moment we step out of a room, or worse yet being seemingly invisible the moment we step into the room, going through life without someone ever acknowledging our existence.

The point is I think it’s time for me to let my guard down, come out of my shell and you know start to explore the possibilities that life has to offer, my purpose, and potential paths for my future, cause if not now, at 19yrs of age (during my youth; the supposed prime of my life) then when!!! Anyway, I have decided to give this living life to the fullest thing a go more often and this blog is my way of inviting you along with me on my journey, letting my guard down, opening up, and, showing off my writing skills, if at all I have any😬😬😅 

P/S: Your welcome!😏🙃😝

TTYL!!!!! 

BYE FOR NOW👋😉 

SO GLAD I GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST, Phew!!!😅😊 

[musings-of-a-19yr-old]

COMMENTARY 1 : MARGINALISATION

Marginalization has a way of de-humanizing people slowly but surely! It is an attack targeted toward the very core of someone’s being, their identity, and their existence. It is society constantly reiterating to us that if only we were something or someone other than who or what we currently are life would be better. It is telling the poor that only rich peoples’ lives amount to something, it is telling those who color outside the lines, that sticking to the norms is the only way society will ever accept them. It is telling little girls that only by having a particular body shape will society finally stop hounding them and concede they are beautiful. It is telling people, that if you do not tick this box or that, then your life means nothing. 

The resulting effect in today’s world is that you have all these beautiful, talented, wonderful, human beings going through life cursing the day they were born, wishing they were someone they’re not and why wouldn’t they? When social media is constantly bombarding them with proof that “faking it so you make it” is the key to earning society’s; approval, respect, love, a decent standard of living, and happiness. If it meant people would notice you, take you seriously, and maybe stop treating you like crap, If it were the key to society finally acknowledging your existence and your worth; wouldn’t you go along with pretending to be someone other than who you truly are too?