musings-of-misfits

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Call me weird, but I find something so comforting in typical mundane romance animes as an ace person.

Like, they portray hand holding as such a big deal. Sometimes it takes episodes to build up the courage. And walking beside each other is seen as a big step, or accidentally touching. A peck of a kiss is the pinnacle of affection. It's stuff people don't think twice about in reality.

I just love it; the different ways of showing two people in love without all the overt physical affection.

Bless you, shojo anime. Got me here feeling all accepted.

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shoutout to slow growers, late bloomers, people whose plans got derailed by circumstances beyond their control or their own choices, people who never had a plan to begin with, people who have had to start over when theyre too old to feel like theyre supposed to be where they are, people who cant pretend theyre built for the environment theyre in, and everyone who's not living the life they thought they would. im proud of you for making it this far and i hope you keep going until youre happy ♡

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My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

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The Power of the Mind: Speculating Yor’s Super Strength

This is going to be long post on how I think Yor’s strength works after reading the events of Chapter 85.

In the fandom the topic of Yor’s strength is a common topic with with two main conclusions. Yor’s is a test subject of Ostania’s super-soldier experiment projects or her strength is exaggerated for the sake of comic relief or an Anime trope. I attribute Yor’s Skills to her assassin training that began at a young age which become ingrained in the form off Muscle memory. It is developed through repetitive practice of specific skills or movements over time. When a skill is practiced repeatedly, the brain creates neural pathways that strengthen the connections between the brain and the relevant muscle groups, making the movements more efficient and precise. But know I think it is more, efficiency and precision is one thing but elevated amount of strength and speed is another.  Yor’s powers seem far-fetched in reality, After Chapter 85 I wanted to explore a speculative concept that suggests a connection between mindfulness meditation and the potential manifestation of super strength.

The reason I never associated Yor’s with any human experimentation was because super-soldiers are not in style with Ostania’s Human experimentation which focus on creating higher-intelligence subjects. Project Apple and Anya’s secret organization both produced subjects that are associated with neurology resulting in psychic super powers of precognition and telepathy, Super speed, endurance and strength just don’t fit in their. Besides Ostania can always employ Blackbell industries to make mechanical suits armors that would achieve the same results. (Chapter 25).  

Anya, Bond and Yor’s power which I earlier separated on the basis of mind-body are not so distinct after all, the below panel provides a unique connection between checks on mental inhibitors and the manifestation of super strength in individuals.

The technical term for Yor’s strength is Hysterical Strength : In real-world scenarios, cases of “hysterical strength” have been reported where individuals have displayed astonishing feats of physical strength during life-threatening situations. It is believed that adrenaline release and the “fight or flight” response may temporarily override mental inhibitors, enabling individuals to access greater strength. It is also reported to be present during situations of altered states of consciousness. (Source)

An altered state of consciousness (ASC) refers to any mental state that differs significantly from a person’s usual waking awareness. In these states, the individual’s thoughts, perceptions, emotions, and sense of self may be altered or modified, leading to a different experience of reality. Altered states of consciousness can be induced by various factors, including meditation, Yoga, spacing out (Source). The practice disengaging yourself convoluted emotions of mind by not denying or burring them but to simply step and and observe them from a different perspective in mindfulness to foster inner peace and self awareness. This concept was first introduced to us by Mr. Green in Chapter 39.

(Mr. Green is definitely a member of Garden, but that is an topic for another day)

Yor is spaced out all the time, it’s like her personality trait, what we call ditzy and brain empty no thoughts, forgetful is literally her way of channeling her super strength. She is disengaged from her conscious mind. In this speculative narrative, she might temporarily enter altered states of consciousness where mental inhibitors are temporarily suspended or tweaked to channel her strength in any way she wants.. 

This means that Yor is in autopilot most of the time and her brain is at wakeful rest. No wonder her character was inspired by Little Briar Rose, a.k.a the Sleeping Beauty. This autopilot mode also made her seem more robot like to her colleagues who often say terms like “come back to earth Yor”. The autopilot mode also is an result of her training that has developed her muscle memory mentioned before, thus she has excellent mind-body coordination. We see her in the state of deep contemplation mostly when she is alone or outside the Forger family, Anya and Loid bring out Yor from this trance back to reality as seen in the clip below.

Honestly Thorn Princesses blank glazed eye feature should be every bit as popular as Twilights Sharp focused one.

This kind of contemplative state can be achieved by Yoga, and I am talking about the philosophy of Yoga that is part of the Indian and Buddhist cultures, not the western version of exercise. In yoga philosophy, it is believed that energy, or prana, flows through the body. When this energy is blocked or stagnant, it can lead to physical and mental discomfort. Yoga practices, including asanas and breathwork, aim to unblock and balance the flow of prana, promoting vitality and clarity of mind. The existence of inner energy reserves (e.g., prana, chi) that, when harnessed through meditation, can lead to enhanced physical abilities. Yeah Yor wasn’t lying here when she said she learned it through Yoga.

Fiona trained her body not her mind, we see her break her mental barriers but she achieved this because of hysteria a state of great emotional distress and not something that she could just tap into, thus it cost her 3 out of 4 limbs. Yor does it through mindfulness, it encourages observing thoughts and emotions as they arise without attaching judgments or becoming entangled in them. So even though she is enraged and distressed when harm comes to Anya she does not become entangled in her emotions and maintains control over her strength by not overtly harming herself or others. Emotions come and go they are part of what makes us human. What’s important is not to give into them but to channel them into positive actions. And at the end this is what Wheeler and Fiona are unable to do. He lacks any emotions this can never attain true strength and she doesn’t reign in her emotions thus making herself vulnerable.

I will follow up on the nature Garden it’s relationship with Ostania and government in another post, but for this is how I think Yor’s powers work.

TL;DR: Yor strength is connected to neuroscience of mindfulness, her extraordinary strength results from her extreme control of her consciousness which she can tap into to tweak the mental blocks.

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Yor and Anya

Sometimes I think about how, even though Yor thinks she is the substitute parent in their family, to the telepathic Anya, she is the realest parent this girl has.

Because while Yor, like Loid, agreed to be part of this family as a cover, in her belief that Loid and Anya are a widower and his daughter, she is determined to do right by them. While Loid is also catching feelings for his family, he is also extremely mission-focused, occasionally still thinking about how this family is temporary.

But for Yor, however much she might have agreed to get married as a cover and sees her relationship with Loid as fake, in her relationship with Anya, she is absolutely sincere and doing her best to be a good stepmother without overstepping her boundaries.

Yor is the one who breaks with decorum and rushes to Anya's side during the interview. Yor is the one who cares so much about Anya's happiness that she gently suggests to Loid that pushing her to do better in school might not be for the best.

Anya is hugely attached to Loid, and idolizes his lifestyle in a way that she does not idolize Yor's. When she reads their minds about their work, most often she gets excited by Loid's and horrified by Yor's. Anya chose Loid to be her parent, and while she also basically chose Yor, it was, I think, because she already had one parent who was a spy that an assassin coparent also looking for a cover struck her as a good idea. There is some truth to Yor's idea that Loid is the primary parent and she is the secondary, though not for the reasons she believes.

But at the end of the day, Yor is the one who brings them together and turns them into a family, rather than a comedy of errors about a spy who accidentally ended up saddled with a telepath fake-daughter.

As far as Loid is concerned, neither Anya nor Yor know his true motivations, but he is very focused on the mission. If Anya were not a telepath and did not know what was going on, I would be concerned for her—but that's not the story, and we don't know how she would have behaved to be pushed and pushed to excel at this stuffy, not-very-compassionate school. What we do know is that Yor, who is in practice the only one who does not know about the mission, sees this and speaks up.

And Loid listens to her. He sees the truth of her advice, and also as he calms down, he realizes how hard Anya is trying to please him.

I love this family, all of them. But I have a special place in my heart for Yor. For the way that even though she thinks she is the odd one out, using a real family as a cover, in practice she is the one who brings them together, by treating them as a family more than a mission.

No one in this family could really be called the lynchpin, since all of them are crucial parts to making it work the way that it does. I love the hilarity of the fact that Anya, of all people, is the one with the best sense of what's going on, and I ache for her that she is too frightened of people's reactions to learning about her telepathy to seek help when there is a crisis, and feels she must try to fix everything all by herself. And the love that Yor offers Anya, I feel, is a salvation that Anya does not yet know she needs.

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okay, so, you guys know how yor’s theme is also the lullaby from episode 24? Well, I’ve come to realize something.

so, the lullaby represents Loid’s childhood, and the peace that came with it. Its all the things he lost when the war took them away. and since it’s Yor’s theme, that means Yor also represents that.

meaning that Yor is peace.

Yor is the peace Loid needs in his life. The calm and kindness that he’s been missing since he was a child.

Yor is peace

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A Linguistic Analysis of the Spelling Names "Ania" and "Anya" (and the chapter and languages of Ostania)

This includes spoilers from Short Mission 11, or Chapter 90.1

It's not a secret that Anya's (Ania) name change was officialized along with Loid (Lloyd) and Yor (Yoru/Yolanda) in July 2019. I do recall that our loveable Forger family had different spellings in the early manga releases. Many believed that it was Endo-san's way to cover up the spelling mistake, but I believe that, whether or not the origin and/or intention was a mistake, it paved a beautiful opportunity for a deep dive into linguistics and character analysis on Anya Forger.

First, I'd like to address my thoughts on "ANIA" as the spelling. Here are a few of my impressions on this:

"ANIA" could be perceived as her original spelling because wherever she came from used this spelling.

"ANIA" could just be her limitation as a child when it came to spelling her name.

"ANIA" could be an acronym from her lab that probably served the purpose of her existence.

"ANIA" could be the name of her mother/creator. And she was subjected to share the same name of her creator for "sourcing" purposes.

"ANIA" when applied to numerology number, reinforced her code name which is 007 (which is super meta to me, but probably is a coincidence because we all know 007 was Endo's way of referencing James Bond). S/O to @momentocollector for sharing this!

Second, I'd like to address "ANIA" as an identity for our precious baby girl.

"Ania" is the chosen spelling. This could possibly mean that this is her real name and how it should be spelled (You, as the owner of your name have every right to decide what your name should be, spelled, or pronounced after all).

"Ania" could possibly be an influence of either her mother-tongue language's spelling.

"Ania" could possibly be due to her limitation of spelling. (I don't think she is aware of how her name should be spelled.)

Recall that Yor carved out Anya's name as "Ania" and didn't question it. This could be a reflection of Yor's own lack of familiarity of Ostanian orthography since she is academically limited, and she would have listened to how Anya would have wanted her name to be spelled. Furthermore, this tells me that Yor's absence of questioning reflects that she accepts her daughter no matter who she is, be it "Ania" or "Anya".

Third, I'd like to address "ANYA" as her name's spelling.

"A-N-Y-A" is the spelling that her papa gave her, which tells her that she can now be on the same playing field as her parents. Their names and titles are all "masks" in this masquerade that they call "Forger". So, to little Anya, it means that she finally belongs with someone. Anya has essentially found "her home".

We also know that Franky did do a lot of paperwork and found that "Anya" is the spelling that was written down on her adoption papers. This reinforces that "Anya" is the standard Ostanian orthography of her name.

I perceive Loid as a person replicating the "average Ostanian" (since this is a deep cover mission after all), so to also tell her that her name is spelled a certain way reinforces that she has a new identity as an "Ostanian child". (I find this quite ironically poetic because it's a "fake man" giving a "fake name" to his "fake daughter").

I also see that when Anya's eyes light up, it could also mean that this new identity in her spelling change meant she was finally liberated from her days as a lab experiment and living in an orphanage.

Fourth, I'd like to address spelling etymology.

Since I'm not a Japanese linguist expert, I found @connoisseursdecomfort post to be quite educational when it came to Japanese spelling.

What we learn from the above post is that "Ania" is an acceptable name spelling in "Old Japanese". But as time progressed, the spelling changed to "Anya" which is the modern-day spelling of this name (this may tie into Anya's character lore).

We can track "i" becomes "y" in the evolution of the alphabet from Phoenician (c. 1000 BC) to Archaeic Greek (c. 750 BC). S/O to @rachellysebrook for this link. (Again, what this reinforces is Anya's background with an unidentified mother country/mother tongue language).

Another thing is that Yor Forger did not react to the spelling of "Ania". It could possibly be that she recognized Anya's limitation, given that her daughter already had poor scores since her admission.

We also learned that Yor, a real Ostanian, seems to be limited with Ostanian orthography which is most likely due to her dropping out of school to take care of Yuri (fake Ostanian /j). From her interaction with Anya, off-screen, it appears that Yor seems indifferent to spelling standards of names (Which is nice! She is subtly against society's norm and I love her for that). Had she been aware of the spelling, she would have been the one to ask instead of Loid. (But again, it must be Loid because it's poetic and has a much more meaningful interaction between "Loid" and "Anya").

Fifth, I'd like to address the name's (possible) impact on character purpose in the story.

"Anya" means mother in Hungarian (S/O to @httplovecraft1890. This inspired my thoughts on "Ania" as a name in the lab). Could this possibly be an inspiration or coincidence? It could be a stretch, but perhaps Anya's purpose in the lab is that she's a "mother weapon" for war.

"Ania" means "gracious" and "merciful" according to Google. Which makes me think that the lab scientists went with this name because it would represent her purpose as a weapon of war. Perhaps Ania becomes the "truth serum" and could be seen as the "angel of death" because she knows the war captor's thoughts and inevitably they are executed (a possible headcanon).

Sixth, I'd like to discuss the factors of the mysterious "unidentified language".

Anya did use "oui" in the anime when Loid had adopted her. This automatically made me think her possible origins could be French, but it could also take another step back in the language family: Romance. What makes this work is that we treat "Classical Language" as a dead language based on what we read/saw in the manga/anime like Latin. Anya has an innate potential to be bi-/multilingual.

Bonus: Seventh, I'd like to talk about the languages in this anime (This is a bit of a ramble but since we're talking about linguistics, I thought why not)...

Based on the dialogues spoken in the anime, we can confirm that English exclamatory (Oh my God, Goddammit, Shit, Wow, Elegant, etc.) and the Japanese language are the main components of the Ostanian language. This is reinforced by many characters who have used English expressions (Loid, Yuri, Yor, Anya, Damian, Henderson, etc.)

What does bug me is whether or not "oui", a French exclamatory, should be categorized as part of the Ostanian language or if that should be categorized for Anya's hidden lore. The reason is that when Loid/Twilight heard Anya say "oui" in front of him, he did not question it. (Perhaps he was too tired to process this, or he excused it as something Anya could have seen on TV and is merely mimicking. I really don't think Twilight would be the type to excuse this realization had he not had the aforementioned state of mind). I'm leaning more towards the latter as this is from Anya's mother tongue language.

In conclusion (or tldr;): "Ania" may be her real name, but "Anya" is her new identity as part of the Forgers.

If you read everything, thank you for your time! The linguist in me is so happy that Endo-san is steeping his foot into linguistic territory. As short as this chapter was, it said A LOT to me linguistically and provided more details to the scraps of lore that we know of Anya but it also tells us a bit more about Yor, Loid/Twilight, and Ostania.

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For my fan theory that Mr. Matthew McMahon is Twilight's father,

I have a head canon that he will give Twilight his wedding ring so he can propose to Yor properly for real. Since, that's the ring he married his mother with (not the one he proposed with but something he shares with her). Since Twilight loves his mother and even complimented Yor that she's just like his mother.

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The Origins of Anya's Name

*Spoilers for Mission 11*

Thanks to the CDA discord for inspiring me to write this.

As someone who shares a name with our beloved main character, I am just now realising that I have taken for granted how 'Anya' goes through several different spelling presentations in the manga. Blame the people in my life who constantly mispell it, which has densitised me to all the versions.😂

So, I know none of you asked for this little etymology lesson, but here you go anyway 🥰

P1: Anya

'Anya' is the Anglicisation of both 'Anja' and 'Ania'. (It is, in my biased opinion, the best version.)

P2: Anja

Anya with a 'j' (still pronounced as a 'y') originates from Germany. On reflection, it's interesting that although SxF is set in a German-adjacent country, we never see this version.

P3: Ania

In the early chapters, many of you noticed that Anya's name was spelled "Ania" on the front of her door. This is actually not a spelling mistake, because "Ania" originates from Eastern Europe (e.g. Poland or Russia, but I lean towards Polish explanations because that is my ancestry).

The interesting thing about this version is that "Ania" is actually the diminutive of "Anna". Eastern European names tend to have a 'formal' version (the name on legal documents), and the 'diminutive' version, which is essentially a nickname that close friends or family would use.

In Polish, other examples of diminutives would be:

'Olka' for 'Aleksandra' (sound familiar?)

'Basia' for 'Barbara'

'Kasia' for 'Katarzyna'

'Joasia' for 'Joanna' (sometimes people will also use 'Asia' - pronounced 'Asha') - As a side note, this sounds a bit familiar to the previous incarnation of Anya's design, which I believe was 'Ashe'. Perhaps Endo just really like diminutives. Perhaps it's a coincidence.

I also think it's interesting that Yor carved this version first. I'm wondering if it relates somehow to Yor's background, for example if her hometown was bordering an Eastern European country, or if she knows anyone with this background.

If I were use the information from Mission 11 to create a hypothesis, it would be that Anya (the character) likely originates from a Polish/Russian/Eastern European country in the SxF world. I think because Endo has used diminutives for other characters (e.g. Olka), a country like this likely exists in this world.

(I've actually HC'd this for a long time, I've just never had a chance to bring it up...)

Secondly, because the name 'Ania' is also used by friends and family, it is also possible that Anya doesn't know that her formal/legal name might actually be Anna. I would like to believe that in Anya's pre-lab life, she learned that her name is 'Anya' because the name was spoken by someone who loved her.

I'm not sure why the scientists at the lab called her 'Anya' instead of her lab number: perhaps the lab is not located in her home country, and therefore the scientists wouldn't know that the actual origin is 'Anna'. Or maybe they use her diminutive because it is a manipulative tactic to get her to comply with their demands (by appearing more 'friendly'). Who knows.

This could potentially make the reveal of her past that much more heartbreaking, as we don't know yet how she ended up in the lab.

Finally:

I've seen so many more hypotheses and theories from this chapter, so feel free to add them on! Thank you for reading and letting me share my piece.

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i will absolutely never get over how loid's body reacts to seeing yor's calm smile, it's like all of the tension and guard that he held all day completely melted away the moment he saw his wife. his body physically gave out because he knew he was safe omg i'm not okay

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『 everything ✕ everywhere ✕ all at once 』

my piece for the inner cover of the In Every Universe Spy x Family zine! 💖 I included the regular cast, mermaid AU, and royalty AU!

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Spy x Family Live wallpaper by @vegatchusaga

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sweet dreams 🌙 ✨  #SPYxFAMILY

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spy x family as 90’s anime 👨‍👩‍👧✨

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One subtle theme in spy x family that I love is the choice between duty and family. It's something people really did have to face in times of war. Where do your true loyalties lie?

It's an easy answer for us, but you have to understand where Loid is coming from. He places the weight of the world on his shoulders alone. He holds himself partially responsible for the death of his friends because he didn't have the right information. Of only he had, he could have saved them. It doesn't matter if he'll never have a normal life as long as peace is maintained.

Now it's obvious he's starting to catch feelings for his little family. But how could he justify choosing them over the world? What if he lost them too because he wasn't actively engaged in keeping the world at peace? Losing his edge could result in fatal mistakes.

For what choice does he have? Choose his family and sacrifice the world (and perhaps countless of innocent lives), or create a world that's safe for his family, and lose them in the process? He is a spy driven not by money or recognition, but by a sincere desire to make the world a better place. But he misunderstands the key element of where we draw our strength.

The relationships and bonds we forge are our greatest defense against a raging world of hate. Perhaps the greatest work he will ever do, his most important mission, is within the walls of his own home. As the noble Faramir once said, "I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend."

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I feel like something that gets overlooked when analyzing Yuri's excessive feelings for his sister is that when it comes to the Forgers, he distrusts Loid but isn't jealous of him; the one he's jealous of is Anya.

Like, I see people interpret his feelings for Yor as creepy, weird and inappropriate when in reality it's just that they're mixed between seeing her as his naive big sister and seeing her as his primary caregiver. His main motive driving him forward and into the extremism of the State Security Service is making the country a safe space for her to live in, but at the same time he gets all elated when he gets to spend time with her. Hence why he's distrusting of Loid - because he doesn't know for sure if Loid is a safe person for Yor to be around - and jealous of Anya - because she gets to have all the fun with Yor that he once had as a kid.

As he says, when he was little he felt so powerless to do anything to help her that the moment he was able to be financially independent he jumped at the opportunity, probably hoping that if he became independent then Yor wouldn't need work herself bloody for his sake. So circumstances led him to getting further and further away from her - both in a physical sense as his job requires him to spend a lot of time away, and emotionally as he lies to her about what he's truly doing - and I think he hasn't realized how much that has impacted him emotionally. Spy x Family is a story all about human connection. It makes sense that someone who adores his big sister and feels indebted to her for sacrificing her teenage years (and in his view, her well-being) will be having issues upon becoming distanced from said sister. I don't think I need to say it's not a mature thing to be jealous of a first-grader.

Of course, I'm not condemning him. He definitely has a lot of space to grow, I just think it's interesting and very on-topic to show how Yuri has been impacted from the distance his job forced him to keep from Yor. But because he's a little less mature in that area, he blames Loid and Anya for keeping Yor away from him, when it's his own choices that put the distance between them.

Like, for all intents and purposes, he's distrusting of Loid because he doesn't know him very well and because Loid was very suddenly introduced to him as Yor's husband, not even just as a boyfriend. He is fine with Yor having a partner, as long as Yuri knows said partner is a decent enough person (decent according to his standards, at least). And with his circumstances, that's completely understandable - not fully excused, but way more human than people give him credit for.

(Anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

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my retro swimsuit yor for @spyxfashionzine!! thank you so much for having me 🌹👙

leftover sales still open! 🛒 http://spyxfashionzine.bigcartel.com