myelectrictwist

[myelectrictwist]

Down 65 lb now 🥰

30lbs down, million more to go - So grateful for modern medicine finally kicking my PCOS to the curb. It was so disheartening to do everything right for so long and get no where. I felt like my body was so broken and no one knew how to help.

Can’t wait to see where I’ll be in 6 months

[myelectrictwist]

[myelectrictwist]

I just want to eat gluten free orange chicken and have my hair played with by my favorite hands.

I miss home

I wish I didn’t make it so difficult for people to love me

Maybe I don’t deserve to have a safe space

Maybe I’m too dangerous

[myelectrictwist]

[myelectrictwist]

[myelectrictwist]

do you ever think about dead versions of yourself that are fossilized in someone else's mind

[myelectrictwist]

this too shall pass

[myelectrictwist]

i want the world to stop for like 1 year so i can rest

[myelectrictwist]

This song is what it feels like when my CPTSD is triggered and I go from an overly empathic people pleaser to a raging self protective bitch. This is who they made me to be, but somehow they’re still surprised. “Why is Celie such an angry person? She loves making up reasons to be upset”.

If you wanted me dead, you should have just said.

…

The scandal was contained

The bullet had just grazed

At all costs, keep your good name

You don't get to tell me you feel bad.

…..

Cause you lured me, and you hurt me, and you taught me

You caged me,

And then you called me crazy

I am what I am cause you trained me

So who's afraid of me?

….

I was tame, I was gentle

Til the circus life made me mean

Don't you worry folks,

We took out all her teeth

…

So tell me everything is not about me.

But what if it is?

Then say they didn't do it to hurt me

But what if they did?

I want to snarl and show you

just how disturbed this has made me

You wouldn't last an hour

In the asylum where they raised me

[myelectrictwist]

JOINTS IS PAIN

[myelectrictwist]

my mum was googling for an article about why everyone in the lord of the rings film is white (like to be clear she was annoyed by this) and the google ai was apparently like “everybody in the lord of the rings is not white. gandalf is grey.”

[myelectrictwist]

[myelectrictwist]

Sometimes the injustice of it all overrides my empathy and I feel my heart scream how dare you

You desired my attention but denied my affections

So tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?

[myelectrictwist]

In my Meg Ryan bixie era

It’s giving divorcee whose thriving 💅🏻

[myelectrictwist]

I wish someone understood what I mean when I say I need to be alone. I’m not saying I’m unlovable, I just cannot be in a loving relationship. All the emotional facets of relating feel like sensory overload; like I’m hearing nails on a chalk board. I want to cover my ears and scream. I need it to stop. I want to sit in the dark and be forgotten about until the world feels quiet again. I don’t want to be a person. It’s too much, my brain hates it and no one understands.

[myelectrictwist]

CLAIRE it’s

French

[myelectrictwist]

And just like that, I’m drowning in the past of what my life used to be