myfeministhoughts

[myfeministhoughts]

Why Do I Always Need To Feel ‘perfect’ ?

When we are born , both women and men are being told of what they ‘need’ to be in order to be perfect. For women these rules are to be skinny , pretty , funny , happy ,and smart but not smarter than men. For men these rules are to be hot , funny , smart , manly , strong , and to not show any emotion at all. Women and men are being held to these standards made by the most imperfect people to show that we need to make people feel bad about themselves in order to be happy.

These ideas of perfection start at a young age , for me, it was age 8 I was barley entering 4th grade - at this young age people were telling me that I was  ‘too fat’ or ‘had ugly teeth’. I was bullied every single day since the fourth grade, it got so bad that at the age of 11 I was being told to kill myself because ‘nobody would miss me’ . Later on that year I could no longer handle it - they had already degraded me so badly that i couldn’t STAND to see myself in the mirror , I started to believe every single thing that these kids said and I was so unhappy with myself that I truly did want to die. I went to therapy a couple of times and not once did I tell them how I truly felt , I was scared , sure they could make the kids stop in front of authority but what kept them from bullying me later on or even on social media. In the end I did what I needed to do , I stood up for myself and it might have ended in a few punches but I showed this bully that I was in fact better than them because I didn’t need to make others feel bad to be accepted and loved.