myfuturejournal-blog

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Sometimes I Think...

Will I be remembered? Years later after I am gone. After the people around me now are gone. Isnt that the point of life? Not just changing the world only for it to crumble again, but being remembered for what you tried to do. Maybe to change others, who will eventually be gone or forget you. Sometimes I don’t know how I feel but sometimes I think…

I should really stop that.

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Update 2/17/17

Sorry I haven't posted recently a lot or a decent amount of things have been going on lol but I finally got my profile picture and banner up which are pretty decent... I wanted to post themed photos and I might still do that but probably not for all of my posts if I do because I just, convenience you know? So I wanted to follow some other journal/diary pages but apparently nobody does that on this site? I have to admit I don't know a ton about this site but I'm learning xD I will start posting daily entries again I just really want everything sorted out. I am determined to get everything sorted and ready tonight.

[myfuturejournal-blog]

New Theme?

I really want to do what I am doing right now with the journal entries, but I also want to fit everything I want to post here. I want to post my normal journal entries and add pictures. I had the idea of making a new page for pictures and everything but I want to make this page my main page. I’m gonna be working on a profile picture and header and I am going to try and make themed pictures whether that is a picture of something I do that day or something else. I just want to improve this blog. I haven't used tags because I kind of write this for me like a normal diary/journal thing but I want others to read my entries because it might help someone? Unlikely but I hope it does lol. I am going to upload an entry every afternoon with a picture or pictures. I love taking pictures and themes and being organized so I will be working on this a lot and I will still post tonight when I can, this is really cluttered like most of my posts oops but I think that is all xD

I also haven't reblogged anything and I want to start to just I don't want it to mess with what I have going right now tbh

I thought I posted this before my last post

READ LAST POST AFTER THIS

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Theme Info, Sleep, & A Fitbit 2/13/17

Okay so I was debating putting up an entry at all because I’ve waited so long and I don't even have a picture or anything worth posting lmao but like I basically slept all morning and I still feel kind of like crap but getting better I think? Besides the rash crap, that's getting worse... I am going to try and make my theme tonight, take pictures and get ready for tomorrow. I have been using my moms old Fitbit like I said in an earlier post so I’ve been trying to exercise even if my dad is gone, like walking around the house and jogging in place xD I want to make a good routine, still working on that. But I have a good idea of it like. Wake up, stretch, eat breakfast, do live classes (if I have any), take shower, brush teeth & wash face, finish my school work, exercise for 30 mins or more, eat lunch (by then it should be around lunch, and improvise or add stuff lol I probably wont be able to stick to this but I want to try... Anyways I think that is it... my brothers home so I am gonna watch some tv with him and maybe talk him into playing minecraft w me lmao

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Guilt, Coffee, and Sickness 12/12/17

I always seem to post late, 1am right now and I feel terrible so let me fill in the blanks until now...

So today started okay despite last night and very early this morning. My “sister” JL kept saying I can’t come get my headphones unless I go with them on this trip that she never told us about, she does this every time. She doesn't let us know about things until we ask a question that forces her to come out and tell the truth. Anyways we went to her house and got my headphones and it went fine. I said I’d like to talk to her as adults one morning or afternoon, she kept trying to get me to come with her. Because she feels guilty that I called her out. Anyways it is my brothers birthday and at about 2am we picked him up from his job because he had to close up and around about 3am we played Minecraft on the Xbox until about 5am. I tried to go to sleep but couldn't so I waited until 7am for my dad to wake up and take me to my “sister” J’s house to get my headphones. He woke up pretty nice and we went about a half an hour later for J’s. We sat in her driveway for a bit and I called her twice with no answer and texted her with no answer. We finally go up to the door and rang the doorbell three times in total for a span of maybe 10 minutes? I am not sure. You know what happened after that. So we got some doughnuts on the way home and I got a mocha coffee so that cheered me up because that’s my favorite coffee drink, plus me and my dad talked in the car. Recently I have felt bad, if that makes sense, since my dream or nightmare really. Maybe I am a bad person for being bi or believing I am bi? I don't know anymore. Anyways we swung through this church because we are looking at churches and the church is tied in with a school so he was saying maybe if I like the church and I can make friends I could transfer to this Christian school. On one hand I love the idea, but what if it’s like WBC or something like that? What if people find out I am bi, or that I think I’m bi and I get bullied or.. it all just stresses me out. So we drove home and my dad went back out for a few hours to get stuff to cook and got home to cook my brother’s birthday dinner. By now its 2:30 when dinner is kind of done but not really, he has to go back to work at 3pm so we had to give him a pre-plate with the stuff that was cooked and he can eat his bday dinner at 9pm when he got home. Fast forward to 9pm, we eat dinner and watch a really good movie Hacksaw Ridge and I can’t lie, I hate crying in front of people about a movie but I did feel like I wanted to cry. Oh and to backtrack, we went to the gym at 7:30pm and left about 8 or 8:30pm but I got a mile done and programmed my moms old FitBit to my phone since she doesn’t use it and said I could. I talked to my sister C and she is gonna be moving back in the next 1-3 months and should know more Monday, I am so happy I could cry but not literally, I rarely cry over joy. I cried when C texted us and called us for the first time and right before we Skyped. But I can’t remember another time I’ve cried out of joy... sounds depressing but it’s not lol. Anyways, last thing, I have been feeling sick since about 12:30am and I can’t explain the feeling. My mom has been helping and I hope to get my dad to take me to the doctor or I can feel better before he leaves tomorrow for the next week because we don't have a car... financial stuff. I need to be tested for this thing Grave’s Disease because all 3 of my siblings have it and we learned this when I started talking to C. Well I am sure it will all work out. I think that is everything i believe and I will update tomorrow morning or afternoon! And if anything major happens I will definitely post asap!

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Update... 12am

I just got into an argument with my “sister” J. I am done with her I just want to forget about her but I can’t because she is a “part of my life” that I just want to cut off like split ends... a lot happened and she has done so much it seems like too much for one post to explain everything she has done. I just wish I lived near my real sister C instead of J. It is my brothers birthday so I’m happy about that on the up side. I have to go to my “sister” J’s house in the morning to get my headphones and I am going to try and talk to her then. I really pray this day gets better, I hope for anyone reading this you are having a good day or night wherever you are <3 I am going to post this afternoon or later tonight (Sunday 2/12/17) about everything. I am just going to go to bed now :)

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Forgetfulness 2/10/17 & 2/11/17

Yes, I forgot to post yesterday.. well I didn't forget. I thought about it but got sidetracked... smh xD

2/10/17

Yesterday was pretty nice, I woke up and went to my live class and even though I went to bed around 9pm like my goal I was still tired and dozing off during class so my dad had to keep coming in my room and waking me up. I have this weird thing where when I go to sleep hearing someone talk, my mind incorporates them talking into my dream and I even get this thing where I need to do something like sign off of class or go get breakfast and my mind will trick me into thinking I have done it because I have the most vivid dreams of doing that exact thing! My mind is a weird thing... anyways. I took a 2 and 1/2 hour nap after class and woke up still tired but I didn't want to not be able to sleep that night so I got up and started doing some stuff to wake up. I realized I left my headphones at my sister J’s, which a lot happened with her. She lied to me about going to the gym on Saturday (Today now) and in the worst way possible. She is going to this giant basically garage sale that we have been asking what date it was for a year and she always told us “I don't know” and that is the least worst thing she has done to us, she doesn't act like my sister she just acts like I am a not even her sister I am just a 3 year old who doesn't understand words and this is all for another post on another day... on a happy note though, my dad finally took me to our gym so I got to try out all of the machines. I first got on the treadmill for .30, I traded into the elliptical for .20, went back to another treadmill for .30, and finished off with a mile on the stationary bike :) I feel really good about it and I hope we can go again in the morning! My dad and I watched this show The Carbonaro Effect for a good hour or two. I talked to my mom around 12am-1am and got a bath because I was itchy from this rash I’ve had we think I am having an allergic reaction to something which is really odd because I’m not allergic to much. Anyways I got out around 4am and went to bed around 4:30am. My parents were having an argument yesterday also so they didn't talk much yesterday or today...

2/11/17

I woke up from the most vivid, real feeling dream, I dreamt I “came out the closet” I guess to my dad but as gay? But I’m bi... anyways... I don't remember a ton of it since I didn't write it down when I woke up but my dad isn't really pro-gay/lgbt+ at all so I haven't talked to him about it or whatever but I don't feel the need to. Anyways he kept telling me it was wrong and stuff and even called me “Becca” instead of my real name so I decided to be petty and say “Okay bye Phil” since that isn't his name. There was a few things he said that stuck out to me but I don't want to go over the full dream now... I woke up pretty late at about 1pm and not much other has happened, I painted my nails and toenails and I have an ostomy bag so stuff happened with that early this morning, long long long story... Anyways... I have decided to start a routine if that makes sense? I want to post it next. Routines haven't worked out for me in the past but I am determined to make it work! This blog-ish journal-ish thing really motivates me and I’m happy I’m sticking to it :) Tonight my plans are just studying anatomy and physiology and creating my documents or at least starting on them. I will be updating tomorrow though!

I probably forgot something but I want to do better tomorrow and I might post a few things tonight from earlier posts and if I don't I should tomorrow morning or afternoon! I think that’s all xD

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Not As Planned 2/9/17

Well my day didn't go as planned but that's usually how it goes when I set a daily goal for myself... I’m gonna work on that xD

I was woken up by my dad picking me up from my sister J’s and I was kind of grumpy (Well... really grumpy) because 1. My sister told me she would wake me up at 7am and 2. She told me she could help me with braids. I’m over it now but that was a pretty bad start to the day.

I am going to go over and spend the night at my sister’s house and come back home Saturday.

I tried a few braids today and the only one, which I'm still working on the technique, the only one that came out correctly or sort of correctly was the Rope Braid. I want to ask my sister to help me with the hair style I wanted to do before tomorrow. Wish me luck!

I still have to do that science experiment so I’m just going to do it when I’m over at my sister’s house since I need her and her husband for it. Her husband... R lets say... is left handed and he is the only left handed person I know so I hope this goes well and I can find some more left-handers.

I talked to my sister C today, we haven't talked in two days so I’m glad we got to text. She will be finding out soon, well I didn't ask this time so I’ll have to ask tomorrow but she should find out if she can come soon.

I want to be more organized and healthy, I’ve asked a ton for my dad and I to go to the gym that is apart of our apartment place thingy. He said we can go tomorrow morning and I can go to my sister’s gym with Saturday since she can bring a guest. They work out every other day and just run. I love their gym I just want to work out with my dad because I feel more comfortable if that makes sense.

I am going to try and get on a better sleeping schedule and a better schedule in general. Usually something happens that messes up my sleep or something. I want to start eating healthy like with fruit, I've been looking at DIY food ideas for the past hour and I feel really good about this.

There is a bit more that happened, mostly just mini rants and planning for tomorrow since there is a Baseball game tomorrow. This was really crammed and meh I want to start posting photos and quotes, thinking of making a separate page for that. Like with my account now just a new page on my profile. I want to start doing a lot of things lol I might make a post on that xD

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Death, Migraines, and Doctors 2/8/17

So where do I start... a lot but not a lot happened today...

My Aunt, I’ll call her B passed away, I have this weird thing where when I hear bad news it’s like my brain can’t comprehend it and I just start smiling and laughing and I can't cry so I end up seeming like a psychopath who cares nothing about loved ones. My sister, lets call her J, has the same thing. It doesn’t hit her right away and it doesn't feel real so she looks emotionless about it. We are all really close with my Aunt B and Uncle J, we recently got the news that Uncle J has Stage Four Cancer. They don't know where it started but it’s in his lungs right now.

Our family tree sounds really complicated so I will explain that in a new post.

Anyways I slept a lot today and napped during class (I’m homeschooled, this will probably explain a lot in the future). I woke up at 5PM. I’ve been really tired recently and that is probably because I go to bed at like 2AM. I am working on that though.

My mom went to the doctor today which is good because she has needed to go to a doctor for like a year, she has bronchitis but that's just what my parents told my sister and they usually lie about how my mom is to her because she wont let mom see her daughter, Jo, as it is and her being sick would just make it harder for mom to see her. I should mention my sister is 27 and I’m adopted so I’m talking about my adoptive sister. I also have an adoptive brother who I’ll mention as BL. My other sisters who weren't adopted with me but I’ve gotten in contact with the oldest recently is 20, I’ll just call her C. My other sister is 17, I’ll call her K. Just call me Kat. And my brother is 15, ill call him CH. I’ve only been in contact with C but I want to start talking to K one day. C might be coming to visit soon, maybe even move but we aren't sure about it yet, I hope she does though. She is pretty far away I won’t say the state just that it starts with A. And we live hours away in G. Anyways back to my mom, I will make a post about my family tree and updates on me and my sisters and brother etc. My dad should tell me how my mom is when he picks me up since I’m staying with my adoptive sister who lives near me, JL.

I went with my sister to her gym and walked a mile but got the worst migraine after and had to lay down at the house after taking some medicine. I want to go with her Saturday because they run every other day and she said it’s fine if I want to come because she can take a guest for free so I’m excited and hope I can go! We have a gym in our building but haven't used it. Though we did move a few months ago. We have talked about going and getting into a routine, I’m not really active because I don't go to a ton of places so I want to start going to a gym whether that's with my sister or with my dad.

That's about it other than I ate a little bit and took a shower. I don't think I ate well today because I slept a lot and skipped breakfast so I am going to try and eat something filling in the morning. My plans tomorrow are pretty simple. I want to do Double Dutch braids into Space Buns in the morning. I asked my sister if she will help. I also have a science project/experiment thing I want to do and is due by February 23rd. I’ll update on everything in the morning and maybe in the afternoon too. I have no live classes tomorrow so I should have a pretty easy day :)

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Intro 2/7/17

I just wrote an entire paragraph and it got erased...

Okay I suck at intros but I’m trying here! Usually my “intros” end up sounding like a dating profile. But, again, I’m trying so... I want this to be like my journal, I would have went with diary but it sounds a little too “feminine” I guess for me, nothing wrong with being feminine but just not me, you know? My goal is to post at least once a day on here, I will write my feelings, my dreams (Literally and figuratively), my day, my rants, basically a bunch of random stuff on this page because I’m too lazy to write in a real journal and way too afraid people will find it and read it all, sounds funny since I’m writing this on a website where anyone who wanted to could read everything I post. BUT nobody I know personally has or wants tumblr or knows what it is... at least not that I know of. And even if they do they wouldn't know it is me. I wont be using my real name so :)

Just call me K or Ladybug or anything really...

I am 13 and a Christian and I’m Bisexual dating a girl as of now... complicated. I love reading if it’s a book I’m interested in, I usually don't end up liking super hyped books, at least the ones that have been hyped up to me. I love almost any type of music but mostly Melanie Martinez and Pop music... though I do like some country! I love science, specifically Anatomy & Physiology of the human body. I ABSOULUTELY POSITIVELY LOVE NETFLIX. Because how could you possibly not? I like TV in general, mostly dramas and comedies though! I am obsessed with dreams and zodiac signs and all that spiritual junk I guess lol

[myfuturejournal-blog]

Dear Future

Dear future me,

I am starting this journal because I feel if I don't I will have wasted time, my memory isn't the best and I want to remember things from my past 50 years later or however long I live. I’ve thought of writing a journal but never been too good at writing stuff down, never known what to write or why. I just know I want to remember who I was and I want to know I am still me years later. Since “Future Me” will be reading this, I have a few questions:

Do I ever marry? If so who? What do I love about them? I wonder if I’m reading this with him or her, if so... how do you put up with me? :P

Do I have children? If so how many? Do I adopt as I have always wanted to, or maybe things happened and I decide to have children, if so why? What are they like? What names have I picked? I’ve always been fond of the name Leenah since I tried to write that book kind of thing xD

Where do I live? Did I ever live out the dream of me traveling the world taking pictures and writing about it? Maybe I have done it on this very website! Who did I travel with, if I did? Even if not the whole world, have I traveled anywhere?

Did I ever succeed in Lucid Dreaming? Maybe Astral Projecting? Even if I’m kind of scared of it since I read spirits can get into your body if you Astral Project O.O

Have I ever written a book? I always want to and I have ideas, or you’re reading this now so I guess had lol. Do I still have ideas and if so will I ever succeed with those?

What is my career? I want to be a pediatrician or regular surgeon or pediatric surgeon, studying anatomy. How did those flash cards work out? :P

I might have more questions but I can’t think of those right now... oops. I want you to know about me, I know my memory isn’t that good so I wonder if I will remember any of these things or if I’ve worked on that and I remember all of it. I am starting this journal for that very reason. I have too much to talk about for just one entry or just one post etc. So I will continue this on and on... at least until I forget about it or give up on it, though I hope I don’t, I have a lot of things I don’t want to forget :)