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There's also the part where they just straight up uninvited Eliyahu.

Other notes of insanity from the "JVP Haggadah":

Adonai elohenu melekh ha-olam is translated differently literally every time it appears. First it's "spirit of freedom" then it becomes "the source" and "the eternal determiner of the universe" and "the one who sustains all life". Y'all. It's the same phrase in every blessing. Jews would know this. Pick one translation and stick with it!

Wine is typically a symbol of joy in the Seder-- it's often a joy for our liberation from Egypt. However, I've also seen it represented as joy despite the hardships and captivity many of us still face. JVP does away with all of that and dedicates each glass of wine to a different theme: Education, solidarity, boycotting Israel, and community. Wine is a symbol of joy in Judaism because drinking four glasses of Maneshewitz in a night gets you drunk. The symbolism is inherent to the wine itself. I don't see how getting shitfaced helps you boycott Israel.

Yachatz is fully gutted. The Hagaddah is supposed to detail how and why you break the matzah-- you can't just break it! There's symbolism and meaning to breaking specific pieces and creating an Afikomen. JVP says fuck an Afikomen, everybody just breaks a cracker and thinks about systematic oppression. They try to (incorrectly) address the Afikomen issue later, but it's nonsensical at that point because we never made one to begin with.

There is no Maggid. There's a section called Maggid, which includes a single verse from what I'm almost certain is the Christian Old Testament, not the Torah. There's no story. It literally just goes Bible Verse > Shitting on Israel > Four Questions > Plagues. They literally took out the longest and most important part of the Seder. I'm not shocked that they couldn't figure out a way to make the story of Exodus seem anti-Zionist, but still...

There's no Chad Gadya. Instead, you're supposed to go around the table, wish each other good night, and ask what they learned. This might actually be an interesting way to further involve attendees in the Seder if there were... you know... a Maggid. There's nothing to take away from this because there's zero substance. The story wasn't told. It's just there to force attendees to verbally shit on Israel before they're allowed to leave.

I'm sure there are other major issues with it; feel free to add them if you find any. I'm just personally still too baffled by the stupidity of it all to go through it a second time.

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I absolutely love how whenever my university's Chabad plays "It's Geshmak To Be A Yid" eeeveryone starts singing and dancing.

I don't sing or dance but if that songs comes on? You bet I'll be singing and dancing with everyone else.

say what you will about chabad but getting a bunch of jewish children to scream-sing "i'm a jew and i'm proud and i'll sing it out loud cause forever that's what i'll be" is top-tier actually and no one is doing it like them

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To the girl who stands with "Freedom Fighters"

On Friday, pro-Hamas groups on my campus started an encampment. I, along with a few Chabad peers, decided to stick around to keep an eye on things and be aware of the situation.

In that time, a non-Muslim, non-Arab, non-Palestinian girl approached us, and in the conversation when Hamas were brought up, she said she "stands with freedom fighters".

So this is to the girl who stared me right in the face and said she stands with "freedom fighters".

"Freedom fighters" don't cut off a woman's breast and toss it around like a plaything. "Freedom fighters" don't steal babies from their homes and keep them in dark tunnels for months on end. "Freedom fighters" don't take women hostage to hold them at gunpoint and command them to perform sexual acts. "Freedom fighters" don't gang rape civilians attending a music festival for peace, recording the whole thing with pride. "Freedom fighters" don't parade the naked bodies of their victims along the streets and pass out candy in celebration.

Maybe for you, girl who stands with "freedom fighters", this war is just some fandom to follow. You bought your cheap keffiyeh on Amazon and decided you're a revolutionary. Decided to set up camp illegally on campus and deemed yourself a rebel.

But did you stare at your screen in shock as your heart and hope and trust shattered into twelve hundred bloody pieces, trampled in the dirt? Did you frantically text friends to make sure they were home and safe and alive? Did your hands shake as you realized what was being done to your brothers and sisters?

Did you ever stare at a "missing" poster and miss people you've never met, because they're family all the same? Did you stare at graffiti scratched on a baby's face on the walls of your school's Chabad and realize that this is how little your lives and theirs mean to your peers?

Have you ever read the news and seen a Jewish brother murdered in your home city? Felt your heart drop to see another brother dead, so far from the war and yet somehow never far enough?

No, you haven't. Because you think you're such a rebellious revolutionary, standing in front of me in your keffiyeh, supporting your "freedom fighters".

Because you never had to hear your mother say she used to live on one of the kibbutzim that were attacked and realized that this could have been your future.

Because you have never had to look in the eyes of someone who has lost friends and family to your "freedom fighters" and struggled to find what to say to offer even a shred of comfort.

To you, this war is a trend. A fandom. A quirky little phase.

To so many others, it's a fucking nightmare come to life.

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Zionism, belief in Jewish self determination in, and connection to, Israel, is a CENTRAL part of Judaism.

You can't hate Judaism without hating Jews.

Nearly all of our holidays and practices have a connection to Israel. You cannot deny and try to delegitimize Zionism without doing the same to Judaism.

You CANNOT be antizionist and not be antisemitic.

why antizionism is antisemitism

there are many reasons for this, but first, let's define zionism:

whether or not you agree with statistics, they have shown 90%+ of jews, especially in america, support zionism as a movement and by extension, the existence of the state of israel.

israel is essential to jewish religion and practice. we even pray facing jerusalem. zion is a mountain in israel and a term used for both israel itself and our beloved jerusalem. it is so important, it's mentioned 152 times in our holy texts.

another important thing to understand about zionism is that it was made by jews for jews. it is a JEWISH MOVEMENT. a jewish landback movement. it was not created for the sake of non jews. it was created after forced diaspora, after oppression everywhere in the world. after centuries of diasporic jews longing to return.

would you tell any other group what their movements mean? no? would you step into any other minority group's spaces? isn't that what leftists call COOPTING?

in addition, jews have been called zionists for decades, if not centuries, because ZION is a term for our homeland. so YES, "it "zionists" means jews.

now, what does antizionism seek to do? since it's the opposite of zionism?

1. it seeks to delegitimize jewish indigeneity while supporting occupation and colonization. yes, the arabs in the region are occupiers and colonizers. ramallah was named by crusaders. this also supports christian european occupation and colonization of the area. supporting palestine is supporting the british as well as other oppressors.

2. it seeks to tell jews that unlike any other group in the world, we do not have the right to agency and self determination.

3. it seeks to tell jews that unlike any other indigenous people removed from their land, we do not have the right to return. even if we have had a continuous presence.

4. it seeks to tell us our history and religious connections, the archaeological record, the millenia's worth of proof of jews being indigenous to the land of israel, is false. that the history our oppressors came up with is true. that our holy sites are not ours.

5. it seeks to silence jews. it seeks to silence all talks of our oppression, of our history. it refuses to grant jews free speech, to allow us freedom and justice. to allow us reparations for 3,000 years of oppression and genocide. it refuses us the right to decolonization.

another thing to really focus on with antizionism is that such a movement does not exist targeted at any other country or people, just jews and israel. any other movement that would seek to delegitimize any other group would instantly be labeled as fascist, bigoted, and ignorant.

why doesn't the world do the same with antizionism? there's an easy answer no antizionist will admit: it makes it easy for people to be antisemitic and loud again, because they have the excuse of denial and gaslighting.

(and before you blame jews for our own oppression: this is your problem, not ours. racism is never the fault of its victims.)

do you have issues with the state of kurdistan? with liberia? i hear no calls for their destruction. probably because they're not the only jewish state in the world. i certainly hear you calling for a palestinian ethnostate.

so in conclusion:

antizionism is not progressive. it is re-packaged antisemitism that denies jews the basic rights "progressives" fight for for every single other minority group.

antizionism is not decolonization. zionism is.

denying jews the basic rights you would grant to anyone else and treating jews differently, placing more expectations on them than you would anyone else, is pure antisemitism. it is racism.

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She went to the Nova Festival with a friend to promote her clothing line, she was very talented and loved the world of fashion. Her children were waiting for her at home, this is Romi's story. At 8 o'clock in the morning she uploaded a story documenting the missiles and she fled the scene saying: "It's so scary, there are shots being fired everywhere here" and since then contact with her has been lost. At one point, the friend she was with sent a message to a mutual friend who was looking for them and wrote: "I'm alive, Romi was shot and left bleeding in the field". They ran towards the forest and hid behind bushes, around them they heard conversations in Arabic and increased gunfire. A terrorist who discovered Romi shot her and she was heard moaning in pain, 4 days later her body was found. It is said that she fulfilled herself and lived exactly as she wanted, most of all she loved being a mother and gave everything to her children. Her little son still sends her messages on WhatsApp and her picture hangs above his bed. This is her last photo in Nova, her braids and earring were found where she was brutally murdered. This is the story of Romi, with the big smile and joy of life that never returned. Romi of the light, her soul is in heaven.

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YOUR JEWISH FRIENDS HEAR YOUR SILENCE

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You know how I know that the anti-Israel hate is deeply rooted in antisemitism, and not just "social justice" or whatever people are calling it right now?

Let me tell you a common situation I encounter:

So, being a college student away from home, I don't have a car here. This means that if I ever need to go anywhere, I need to get an Uber or Lyft or something along those lines.

I always tuck in my Bring Them Home tag, magen david, turn my "am Yisrael chai" pin to the inside of my clothes, etc. I hate doing it, but I have heard of violently antisemitic drivers, and I'd rather not risk it, considering I'm alone in the car with them.

Every time, I call my mom. It makes me safer to have someone on call. And every time, she makes the same two recommendations.

The first is to put in an address of a neighboring house for pickup, because the house I live in has my landlord's car out front, and his car has stickers in Hebrew on it.

The second is, if asked where I'm from, to say Russia. I don't get asked where I'm "really from" unless I'm with my parents usually (they both have strong accents). But it's a warning my mom repeats every time anyway. The choice of Russia isn't random, I was raised fluent and can back up the claim if need be with random knowledge. But I have never been to Russia, except for the airport once to catch a connecting flight to Israel. I was, however, born in Israel, and I've been there multiple times (unfortunately not since 2014 though). So to say I'm from Russia is a lie, and to say I'm from Israel is the truth.

Both are countries at war. Russia, unlike Israel, actually started the war. Unlike Israel, Russia actually does have a history of colonialism, genocide, imperialism, and worse.

So why is it safer for me to lie about being from an aggressor country than to tell the truth about being from a country caught in a war it didn't want?

Antisemitism. Anti-Russian hate crimes globally didn't spike, Russian women haven't been raped as "justice" for Ukraine. Russian businesses weren't commonly vandalized simply for being from Russia. Meanwhile, all of these things were done to Jews as a result of a war Israel did not start.

If this global response to the war wasn't antisemitism it would be equally safe or unsafe for me to give either answer.

But in reality, it's safer for me to lie about being from Russia than to tell the truth about being from Israel.

That's how I know it's antisemitism.

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It was one giant frog but then the Egyptians hit the frog and it became many little frog

🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸

IT WAS ONE GIANT FROG

🐸

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“Antizionist Passover” literally the Haggadah calls you a wicked child if you distance yourself from our people’s struggle for statehood in the Levant. The singular and explicit point of the Maggid is to put yourself in the shoes of our ancestors, yearning to live free by our own laws in our own nation. Some of you need to renew your PJ Library subscriptions and go back over the essentials

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no honey you can't support Hamas and be a fundamentally good person that just doesn't add up

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Alright Jumblr, what silly shenanigans went on at your seder(s) this year?

It was my first seder with my university's Chabad and the Rabbi and the assistant rabbi(?) (idk if he's actually a rabbi yet but he basically does rabbi stuff when Rabbi isn't around idk) dressed up as Moshe and Pharaoh and their kids were dressed as frogs and the assistant Rabbi's daughters basically got to beat him up while he was dressed as Pharaoh.

Good times, very entertaining.

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My mom has been fooled by the non-Kosher for pesach matzah 😞

(I, however, have not!)

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Sources:

My bad, I put the wrong link on the previous post I think, I'm sorry

Actual link

There is never, NEVER, any justification for this. The fact that people outside of our community will mostly ignore this, deny this, or justify it, is awful.

When do we get to stop begging to be seen as human?

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FJSJFJAJFJAHFOSJHDJAJDHAHDJAJDHA

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My bad, I put the wrong link on the previous post I think, I'm sorry

Actual link

There is never, NEVER, any justification for this. The fact that people outside of our community will mostly ignore this, deny this, or justify it, is awful.

When do we get to stop begging to be seen as human?

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Hey there Jumblr, I've got a question for you again.

What do you do to make your matzah taste good? Like I know the classic matzah pizza, matzah brie, matzah bourekas, etc, but I need some quick and easy ideas.

So far I've just made a sandwich with some eggplant pepper spread and feta but I can't be eating this all week! I need ideas!!

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looks familiar huh?