myrellejll

[myrellejll]

Me In The Near Future

 As I getting older, the more I saw, witness, and experience a lot of things in life, the more I become matured when it comes to think on what kind of  life I want in the future, especially when it comes in having my own family. I actually now have fear or scared to enter into a romantic relationship even if I don’t have one since then, because as I saw a lot of people’s relationship that were broken especially in my mother’s side, I had fear to have a romantic relationship and commit in the future. It seems like I don’t have trust to the guys or boys now a days, because even my Tito who’ve been faithful and kind to my Tita before (which we think he will never cheat to my Tita because we saw that he is so kind, silent person, and really loves his family, but those thought of us was all wrong). I also witnessed how broken my friends today because their husbands/boyfriends cheated on them as well. That’s why I don’t know if I would be happy and lucky to enter into a romantic relationship, but if I find a man just like my father (which is very faithful to my mother, family first before anything else, with a stance, have plans for his family and really responsible man), maybe I would be grateful to commit with my future boyfriend in the future.

If I would have an opportunity to meet a man just like my father or like my ideal man, I planned to have my own family and commit with him maybe in the age of 28 to 30, because I would like to build my own career first so that if there’s a problem that would happen in our relationship in the future, at least I already built my own career for myself and for my future kids. However, when it comes in having kids I planned to have 3 to 5 kids, because the more the merrier.

The job that I planned to land in the future, a job that even if I weren’t paid which I would be still willing to do was to become an adviser and motivator to those people who have lost hope of living and surviving in this wicked world. Also, I would be grateful to ride or drive an airplane even if I’m not paid, because traveling the world was one of my biggest dream, and riding or driving an airplane to different destination was actually a big gift, bonus, and satisfaction for me.

When the time comes that I’m going to retire, I think I would be more focused on visiting or managing my own farms or lands during that time, because I planned also that when I have a great source of income in my future professional career I want to spend my money to buy a lot of lands where I could plant a lot of various crops or plants as what my father did today, and so that I have something to inherit to my kids in the future.

“Build your own career for your brighter future! Don’t rely your future to the person who already have a good career”

[myrellejll]

A Letter For My Parents

Dear Mama and Papa,

               First of all, I would like to thank you two for all your sacrifices and hardships for us your children to have a brighter future. To Mama, thank you for enduring the longing you felt there in abroad, I know that it is not easy to work there especially in this trying times, but please take good care of your health because we really missed you. Your children really appreciate your efforts Ma, you are such a good, brave, and strong mother to us. I’m sorry because I’m not be able to contact you always, but always remember Ma, that you always here in my heart and I always love you no matter what. You may not be able to take good care of us these days and even before when you were at abroad, even if you didn’t attend our school meetings and programs before which made me envy to my classmates who had a mother that supported them physically, but Ma, you were forgiven. I never hated you for not being there when I’m down, I never felt any anger and hatred to you for not be able in our side, because I understand, we understand, that what you have doing was just for us to have a good career in the near future.

               To Papa, thank you very much for being a responsible man and a father to us your children. You have no idea how much I admired you Pa. There’s nothing could replace you in my heart. I always asked God to please let me meet a man the same as you are, which is responsible, with a stance, and know how to be a good husband and father. I’m sorry for all my lapses and we’re sorry because you’re not able to by your own wants just for us to have our own needs and likes. I just want you to know that I appreciate your efforts, hardships, and hard works. You are such a hardworking man, because even Sunday you still choose to visit and work at farm. I appreciate, we your children appreciate the support that you were given to us. If there is anything that you lack of or you haven’t provide as a father to us Pa, you will always be forgiven.

               Ma and Pa, I just want you two to know that I’m so proud that you two are my parents. There’s nothing may be perfect in this world, but you two are the most perfect parents I could ever ask. Thank you for everything, just always remember Ma and Pa that I will always love you no matter what.

Your warrior daughter,

Baby Jell

[myrellejll]

Adulthood: Exciting But Not Easy

As I now part of adulthood, it actually excites me more and more. However, since there’s a lot of things that were happened in this wicked world, I felt worried and scared to the things that I might encounter in the future or what might be my life in the future. I am worried in my career, because until now I still don’t know what career that I should take or pursue (like what is the right career that I would love in the future). Being an adult is not easy, because the more I understand things the more I get worried on what really are the right decisions that I should do or make in life. There’s a lot of challenges that I encountered during this adulthood, most especially in deciding things in life. Even though I’m currently studying as a Psychology student, I still don’t know if I pursue this path in the future. After college, I don’t know what might happen to me, but even though I’m doubting right now I still have plans. I will still take the exam for psychometrician and if ever I have given a chance to study in aviation school, I will pursue one of my dream career which is to be a pilot, but if I have no opportunity to study in aviation school, I will take a masters for psychologist or I will proceed a proper medicine for psychiatrist (these are the plans or choices that I might do in the future). However, I may worried and doubting right now, but I know, God has a plan for me and for my future.

“Life is full of worries and fear, but if we put God in the center of life, we will be strong and have courage in facing all the trials and challenges in this wicked world, just always remember how powerful our God is”

[myrellejll]

High School Days: See How Weird, Odd, Unique, and Different I Am

When I was in my high school days, I can say that there’s a lot of various things that made myself weird, odd, unique and different from others.

Things that made me weird, odd, unique and different:

First, I cut my bangs as if I’m an expert and feeling beautiful in having it. But, look how weird my bangs was, it became more frizzy and messy looking. However, after a couple of days, the most weird thing that I have done to my bangs was I shaved it (which is it became bald) , because I don’t like it and after shaving it, there I realized that I just doing a big mistake. I fell like I’m the most idiot person facing in front of the mirror that day, without thinking that instead of shaving my bangs I should have wait until it grow. Now, I still can’t forget how idiot I was back then and even though I don’t like bangs I still cut my bangs now and regret after (funny).

Second, when I commit some mistakes to someone way back in high school and if I saw that their face really affected on what I’ve done or if they get mad at me, it’s actually hard for me to say “sorry”. Like even though I want to, there’s no words that really comes out from my mouth which feels like my tongue was stiffen (and I don’t know why). I just prefer not to talk to them unless they talk to me first (which makes me feel relief). But thankfully, now in my college years I used to say “sorry” every time I commit a mistakes to someone.

Third, in my junior years specifically in my 10th grade, every time I enter our classroom, I didn’t actually talk to my close friends first which made me uncomfortable every time I go to school. Like even though we’re close and had been very comfortable from each other yesterday, I feel like awkward if I talk or notice them first every morning, that’s why they always told me that every morning there’s something wrong with me (maybe I’m just shy or feels awkward on noticing them first).

Forth and last, every time my classmates visits our house, I always locked the door first before they come in, I know that it is a bad attitude towards them but I just prefer lock the door than they can see our house messy. When I was in my junior years, my mother went abroad and I was the one who assigned to take care of our house, my siblings, and some other stuffs, because my father was busy from work while my older twin sisters was studied at the city. I was quite busy back then that’s why every morning I have no time to clean up our house and wash all the dishes before going to school because we are always going late. Therefore, every time I go home for lunch and when my classmates wanted to come with me, I always leave them outside the house and I’ll enter the house first and clean some stuffs and wash all the dishes first before I open the door for them (it’s just like I don’t want them to see that our house is not clean). Even though I don’t like them to visit our house, they still insist or follow me that’s why I can do nothing.

Since I have some unusual actions or personality, I always try my best to explain those actions or personality of mine to the people who can’t understand me or to the people who ask me why I’m acting such things.

[myrellejll]

OCEAN: Back In My Elementary Days

In 1980s there is suggested taxonomy or grouping for personality traits that were developed in psychological trait theory which is the Big Five personality traits or also known as the five-factor model and the OCEAN model. However, the OCEAN is stands for openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.

The OCEAN

Openness- The people who like to learn new things and enjoy new experiences usually score high in openness. People who rate high in openness are inventive and curious. However, people who rate low in openness are consistent and cautious.

Conscientiousness- The people that have a high degree of conscientiousness are reliable and prompt. People who rate high in conscientiousness are efficient and organized. However, people who have low rate in here are more easy-going and careless.

Extraversion- It include being energetic and outgoing. Also, extraverts gets their energy and drive from others, while introverts are self-driven get their drive from within themselves.

Agreeableness- As it perhaps sound, these individuals are warm, friendly, compassionate and cooperative. In contrast, people with lower levels of agreeableness may be more distant.

Neuroticism- Also known as emotional stability which relates to degree of negative emotions. People that score high on neuroticism often experience emotional instability and negative emotions.

As I describe or rate my personality during my elementary years using the OCEAN personality traits I can say that in openness I have a high rate because I love doing something new, I like to explore, invent some stuffs and I’m also curious about the things that surrounds me back then, especially if it is about art. In conscientiousness, I think I have a low rate in it, because I’m easy-going to the people around me and I’m careless to all my stuffs back then. In extraversion, I also have low rate, because I’m not outgoing and I don’t like being the center of the attention of others. Specifically, I’m solitary and reserved. In agreeableness, I think I have a high rate in it, because I like to make people around me feel at ease, I’m not that super friendly but I’m approachable and compassionate. Lastly in neuroticism, I also have a high rate because I easily get stressed , I am sensitive in some things, and I somehow get nervous to the things that makes me feel uncomfortable.

In my elementary years there are a lot of things that were memorable to me, but there’s one memory which is my favorite the most. When I was in my 6th grade, I always passing or jumping in the fence, it’s because I always go to school late. One time when I was passing through the fence, there is a kid (maybe around 8 or 9 years old)which he also wanted to pass or jump in the fence, after I jumped down he follows me, however when he was at the top of the fence he don’t know how to jump down, then he cried. I actually don’t know who that kid was, and I was hesitant to help him because I’m in a hurry and I was scared that I would be caught by our guard or some teachers in the school. But, when I saw his face looking at me while crying, even though he didn’t call me for help, I know that he wanted me to help him. That’s why I helped him to jump down, after that he hugged me and I delivered him to his room. My feelings that time was actually new for me, it feels so good that even I was late it doesn’t matter because I was able to help the kid who needs my help. That’s why these days, I always love helping someone who needs my help because it feel so good and I indeed feel my purpose in this world.

“It is better to help, than to be helped”

[myrellejll]

A Happy Childhood With A Happy Playmates

During my childhood days I can say that I had a good memories and moments with my playmates. My sisters, cousins and my neighbors are actually my childhood playmates back then. There are a lot of memories of us that I treasured the most such as playing them with texts cards, marbles, rubbers, playing under the rain, and more. 

MY PLAYMATES:

My Siblings

These are my sisters and I’m that buxom kid wearing orange shirt. They were my primary playmates which also known as my bestfriends. We actually shared a lot of memorable moments in our childhood days, yet we had a lot of fighting too. My favorite memory with my siblings back then was when my twin older sisters are fighting and I am the referee (I also restrain them sometimes though). However, we were always beaten by our parents together back then , which actually fun to discuss and reminisce these days.

My Cousin

He is Brian, he is one of my closest cousin and  also one of my partner in crime. We had a lot of good memories together, like playing basketball, doing some naughty things, strolling at our grandma’s house, and more. My favorite memory with him is he sold his toy gun to me in just 30php. (it’s actually my first toy gun, but unfortunately my father burned and throw it out because I accidentally hit my sister’s eye).

My Neighbor/Relative

Her name is Joyce, she is our neighbor and one of my father’s relative, she’s also one of my close friend back then. We actually had a lot of good memories together such as playing basketball and billiards, we play some child’s stuffs, we’re bathing at the canal while raining, and more. My favorite memory with her is she always handing me out some food while playing billiards and basketball.

I actually had a lot of playmates back then, but I just name a few because I can’t remember some of them at all. However, even though I can’t remember all the good things that I had before, but still, I know that my childhood playmates was one of the reason why I become the person I am today. They’re one of the amazing people that I could treasure the most and I hope that wherever they were today, they would have still remember all the good moments that we shared in our childhood days.

[myrellejll]

Parenting Styles: What I Am Today is Because of My Authoritative Parents

In the work of the developmental psychologist named Diana Baumrind, the four parenting styles was developed. She noticed that there are different types of behavior in preschoolers, wherein each type of behavior was highly affirmative to a specific style of parenting. However in Baumrind’s theory there is a close relationship between the styles of parenting and in the children’s behavior, yet various parenting style has a great impact to the development of the behavior of children.

Baumrind was initially identifies the three different types of parenting styles based in her observation, analyses, and study such as authoritative parenting, authoritarian parenting, and permissive parenting. However, Maccoby and Martin expanded the parenting styles work of Baumrind through using two-dimensional framework, wherein they expanded the permissive parenting styles into two different types whereas the permissive parenting style was also known as indulgent parenting style and the neglectful parenting style was also known as uninvolved parenting style, that’s why the parenting styles was become four.

The Four Types of Parenting Styles

Authoritative Parenting Style

 (Positive/ assertive control, high warmth, and in adolescence high expectation). The parent was attempt to direct their child to activities but in a rational, they take a different, more moderate approach that emphasizes setting high standards, being nurturing and responsive, and they show some respect for children as independent being. They also encourage their child for being verbal give and take, they give their kids the resources and support that they need to succeed.

 Authoritarian Parenting Style

 (High conflict and cursive, punitive conflict attempts, and low warmth). The parent would demand a sort of blind obedience from their children, they have a very high expectations of their child, yet they provide a very little in the way of feedback and nurturing, and when their child commit some mistake they tend to be punish it harshly.

Permissive/Indulgent Parenting Style

 (High warmth coupled with low control attempts). The parent are reluctant to impose rules and standards, preferring to let their kids regulate themselves, they tend to be very loving, yet provide few guidelines and rules, they don’t expect some mature behavior from their kids, and often seem like a friend than a parental figure.

Neglectful/Uninvolved Parenting Style

(Low warmth and low control). The parent in this style was characterized of lack both demandingness and responsiveness to their child’s needs, they apply a little control, and they are also sensitive to their children’s needs.

My parents was actually my primary caregiver since then, they are actually a good parent for me, because I can see that what I am today is just because of them. They are actually an authoritative parents because even though they were busy they can still manage their time for me, they always support all the good things that I’m doing, they never missed up to give some advices as I sojourn in this world, and they always teach me to treasure all the happy moments that I experienced. I can say that their parenting style was effective, yet I’m lucky enough that they were my parents, they were actually my role model and motivation to strive more in life, and also I can say that they never failed to perform their duties as a parents to me and to my siblings. My parents were actually never punished me harshly when I commit some mistakes, although there are some instances that I got some punishment from them, but it’s just because I go beyond my limits and they just want me to realize that what they’re doing was just for me to learn some lessons from my mistakes. As I grow up together with my siblings, our parents actually didn’t control us tightly especially when making some decisions in life, yet they just guide us all throughout our journey, they never forbid us to enter in some romantic relationship, but they also never stop guiding us to know and realize that having a romantic or serious relationship to someone will never be a joke, hence it’s good to have some relationship after finishing college and after giving some payback for the hardships and sacrifices of them (even though our parents didn’t told us to payback them, we can see that their sacrifices and hardship for us to have a brighter future is enough to give them some reward and payback). Our parents help us to be independent and think wisely in this wicked world and that’s what I wanted to apply in my future kids. 

“The parenting style of my parents was absolutely good for me, because it motivates me to think that it’s okay to be called as “No boyfriend since birth (NBSB)” these days , especially even until graduating in college, because I do believe that the best gift that I can give and offer to my parents aside from diploma is finishing my studies without having a boyfriend all throughout of it, and that thing I think would be great for my parents and they might be proud of me for that in the future"

[myrellejll]

Baby Jell: The Easy Child

When I was a kid my mother told me that I’m not that fussy baby and I’m active in everything what I do. Specifically, I’m an easy child because according to my mother I have a positive mood and I can quickly or easily adopt with a new things and experience. They called me “Baby Jell” because they said that I’m cute, healthy, frisky, and buxom baby back then. I’m actually active in crawling and eating some cement and hallow blocks before which caused me to always get some intestinal worms from my body and our house also has a lot of small hole because I always prick our wall and floor (no wonder, I actually still like the smell of hallow blocks today which actually weird though). I’m not a cry baby as well, I only cry when I get physically hurt and I don’t scared to strangers, which when they entertain me I just show my cute and bubbly face.

It’s actually good to think and reminisce all the memories that I had before, especially on what kind of kid I was back then. I couldn’t imagine myself that I’m a cheerful and bubbly kid before because it’s actually opposite on what kind of self or temperament I had today. Someway, I still thankful that at least I experience a lot of happiness in my life back then, even though I didn’t remember all of those moments, but it’s an over whelming for me to know that I was never been a stress for my parents when I was an infant, yet I become there happy pill when they were stressed from work.

“I wish I could always be a kid with no stress, no worries, and no care in this wicked world”

[myrellejll]

The Strange Situation and Attachment Patterns of Mary Ainsworth

In 1970′s research, the psychologist named Mary Ainsworth devised the “Strange Situation” which is a semi-structured laboratory procedure that allows to identify with no lengthy home observation about the infants who effectively use a primary caregiver as a secure base. The procedure was involve a series of eight episodes which lasting in approximately 3 minutes each, whereas the mother, child and the stranger are introduced, separated and reunited. However, the strange situation designed to observe attachment security in children within the context of caregiver relationships or to tell something about the quality of the relationship they had.

Ainsworth’s Attachment Patterns

“Attachment pattern are ways of thinking and behavioral strategies that children develop in order to feel safe and to maximize their opportunities for receiving care and protection from close adults”

In 1970, upon doing the strange situation procedure, Ainsworth identified the four attachment styles or pattern such as secure attachment, insecure-avoidant attachment, insecure-ambivalent/resistant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

The Four Attachment Patterns

SECURE ATTACHMENT PATTERN

“When a child was in a room, it will explore while its parent is present and when its parent leaves the room, the child will start to show of missing its parent during their separation. Someway, the kids in secure attachment pattern was able to separate from their parents but they would be very upset and when their parents would come back they would be happy. Their preference to the parent over stranger is evident. Yet, they seek comfort from their parents/caregiver.”

INSECURE-AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT PATTERN

“The child here was often fails to cry when it was separated in its parent and they avoid and ignore their parent when reunited (by moving away, leaning out of arms if picked up, and turning away). Children in this attachment pattern will show a no preference between a parent and a complete stranger.”

INSECURE-AMBIVALENT/RESISTANT ATTACHMENT PATTERN

“The child here may be wary or distressed prior to separation of their parents and they will show a little exploration of their environment. In this attachment pattern, children would be suspicious to strangers and they seem preoccupied with the status and location of their parent, and may appear angry or passive.”

DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT PATTERN

“The children of this attachment pattern was most likely develop into psychiatric diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Also, the they would display a disorganized or disoriented behaviors when their parents are present. The children here could described as displaying dazed behavior and sometimes they seems like either confused or apprehensive in the presence of their parents.”

When I was a kid, I can say that I have an insecure-ambivalent attachment towards my parents, because as what my mother told me that I’m a crybaby back then at first but gradually as I getting older I become not scared and not a crybaby anymore even if they aren’t around with me. I become not fussy and used to explore things on my own, because according to my mother she didn’t really have her full attention to me because she has a lot of things to do especially in taking care of my sisters who always getting sick before. My father was also busy to his work. That’s why these days, I’m not like others who can simply say “I love you” in a serious way to my parents or to other people (unless if I say it jokingly) because I’m not used to say it, it’s just like I feel awkward or shy when I say it to someone. I actually have difficulties to express my feelings and share my problems to others especially to my parents, because I'm not used to do it since then, it doesn't mean that I didn't trust them, it just like I prefer to keep all of my problems and have a secret battle in facing them, because I'm afraid to be judged I guess or it just like I used to handle all of my problems without the help of others. I also feels like too worried about what other people think about me, which actually caused me anxiety. Anyway, I just realized that the behavior that we have or the way we act as a human person was also depends on how our parents raised us.