mystical-strawberry-sheep

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

{Alrighty, before I get started on replies I wanted to do some real quick writing on here about Aku's orientation since it's pride and all.}

{Trigger warning here since we'll be talking about some NSFW/nsft topics, as well as CGLre and age regression topics, though for Aku it's not gonna go much of anywhere. Just be aware it's being discussed.}

🍓 So Aku is heteroromantic. She can become very attached to her female friends, but romantically speaking she only really feels that way for men. Or has the potential to. She tends to try not to view people that way at all because her sexuality is one that she doesn't consider compatible with anyone in a real relationship, and she has no intention to make concessions or try to change ar all. Instead, she's got an imaginary figure that she's "dating".

🍓 Sexually speaking, Aku is apothisexual, or sex-repulsed asexual, whichever terminology you prefer. She gets physically ill just thinking about the topic of intercourse, and whenever she is forced to talk about it she'll become very uncomfortable. She doesn't like to hear it taking place or see explicit scenes in movies, and she certainly would never participate willingly. She can't even bring herself to kiss someone deeply, as the idea of having her tongue in someone else's mouth or vise versa causes the same kind of repulsion.

🍓 Aku's repulsion stems from a disgust in bodily fluids. Spit, sweat, etc. all make Aku incredibly queasy, even her own. The only bodily fluid she doesn't have this repulsion for is blood, though even that can become unpleasant in excess.

🍓 Aku is an age regressor, and while she doesn't feel safe talking about it to anyone she isn't exceedingly close to, she would want to carry that into her romantic relationship as well. Aku craves having a caregiver to make sure she's taking care of herself because she knows she's pretty bad at it. She constantly forgets to eat or do basic tasks and having a caregiver to make her feel safe and ensure she's doing those tasks would be a dream come true for her. Having that person be her significant other would make things even easier and seems the most natural to her, but she doesn't believe there's anyone out there that would ever be willing to date someone who was both apothisexual and an age regressor, so she will never pursue a relationship.

🍓Despite all that Aku does deeply crave a romantic relationship and is a very physically affectionate person. She loves cuddling and very small, peck-type kisses, especially forehead kisses. Having a romantic connection is probably one of her deepest dreams, and it would drive her crazy if she didn't have her imaginary figure to daydream with. She wants to love so badly, to be loved in return, but she just doesn't think it's possible for anyone like her.

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

There was a pause from the lamb then, her ears flattening against her head as she stared down at the grass under her. Dazed for a moment, lost in some terrible, traumatic memory. The seconds stretched as her brows furrowed, and she had to just fight to control her own emotions. She knew that, sometimes, if she didn't keep up an optimistic presence, it could have a negative effect on her guests, and she didn't want to give Wraith a harder time than he was already having. Even so, she couldn't quite stop the twinkling tear that welled into the corner of her eye, or the mist that seemed to glaze over them as she fought to keep those tears at bay.

"As much as I can help it, there isn't..." she choked out softly, her eyes trained on the grass. "But... I can't always help it. I can't always keep it from happening..."

She had no memory of the things she did to her guests. She only knew what the trigger was, and it was something she had no control over. For whatever reason, her soul could not allow for the existence of guests who meant other guests harm. It wasn't even something that happened very often, since the chances of having both a meadow full of multiple guests and any person who meant true and unfiltered harm to other guests were both very rare occurrences, but it never took away from the fact that she was unable to stop herself from taking action when it did. And the few times that it had were seared into her mind. The aftermath of blood and fear.

Just thinking of it, one of those tears rolled out of the corner of the lamb's eye, cutting a path along the bridge of her nose without her making a sound at all.

Suffering... well, she was right about that. He could only speak for what he knew, but suffering was always a companion in his life. And in the lives of all those he'd ever come across. Desperate, hungry, in pain, terrified that every breath of rancid air could be their last... and sometimes it was hard to tell whether death was a horrible or merciful thing. The lines between violence and mercy blurred so often there.

Wraith slowly blinked and drew his gaze up from the grass, back to her. She was a strange one. Definitely not human, but... that wasn't a worry for him. If her treatment of him so far was any indication, she was far more human than those he'd spent years hunting down, with all their indifferent cruelty. Barricaded in their shining towers, as many resources as they could desire, far above the tragedy and mayhem they'd helped cause. Whatever bizarre traits she possessed, she was better company than them.

' There's no suffering here? '

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

The little smile, and the floundering statement, at once alerted Aku to the very thing that had completely passed her by just moments before. It was finally when he actually attempted to talk in depth that she realized just how nervous he was. Maybe as nervous as she was. And for a moment he was just silent, process this information and trying to come to a decision on what to do next.

Her soft imaginary voice whispered in her mind, 'Well, I suppose you're just going to have to do all of the talking, aren't you? I know you're scared, but doesn't it help to know that he is, too?'

A part of Aku wanted to be a brat at that comment. To stubbornly refuse the voice of her imagination and just dig her heels in. But if she did that, she seriously didn't know what was going to happen here. And she did feel a little safer, realizing that he was in fact just a little scared of her, too. If that was the case, though... Why was he here...?

That was a good place to start, wasn't it?

Aku took a deep breath to steady herself, pressing her hands together to fidget with her fingertips, "Mm... Yeah, I am. But, uh... You obviously aren't, so... Um... Where are you from? What are you doing here? Are you like, on vacation or...?"

Did that sound accusatory...? She tried to keep her tone light, but she wasn't sure if it was working...

Joey would readily admit he wasn't the best on picking up on cues. A lifetime of living in hell meant he hadn't had a lot of chances to learn those very helpful skills... so, he didn't catch onto Aku's discomfort. At least, not that it was caused by him. The little bit he did notice it, he just assumed it was for the same reason he was stressed out... too much noise, too many people, lights too bright. Just a lot of too much.

He retreated quick to the corner and flopped himself into one of the chairs forgotten along the wall. He motioned loosely toward one across from him, inviting her to sit down, too. " See? A lot quieter over here. Ya can actually hear yourself think... nice to be able to hear my own thoughts for the first time in hours. " A grin, however hesitant, flashed over his features, then faltered. He could definitely add small talk to the --- ever growing, he realized --- list of things he needed to work on. " Ya, um... ya from around here? I mean, obviously ya are, right? This is a work party, and that's gotta mean ya work with them... " Damn, he was bad at this.

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

⚅— Update Time! —⚅

Alrighty, guys, so. In the background of me trying to work through my chores and find a good schedule again. I think this whole thing is gonna be a major work in progress. Because! I am trying to really hammer down on my mental health and create a life for myself that is routine, disciplined, and fulfilling! Which means overall I'm going to get a lot less time online, but! It might actually work out being more time by comparison because instead of getting up every two seconds to do something else I'll have like, one single hour in the day (or half hour? I haven't worked it out yet) where I do absolutely nothing else but computer stuff. Which means I won't get as much done as once as I usually do, but I'll at least definitely get something done because I won't sit down, write two words, and then just leave the computer for three consecutive hours afdaeka.

Generally, what I'm trying to do is: 🍓 Start a strict schedule that I follow no matter what 🍓 Include some time for art/creativity away from roleplay 🍓 Include some time to sit on the back porch and talk aloud to myself 🍓 Have at least one hour dedicated to chores 🍓 Have at least a half hour dedicated to journaling/spirituality/introspection 🍓 Start and keep an exercise routine 🍓 Stop social media/screens in general an hour before bed

That's a big ol' checklist and it's going to take a really long time to teach myself how to do all of that in a steady rhythm, but I'm already on my way with it and that's kind of part of where I've been since the last time I said, "I'm coming back this time! Promise!" XD I am coming back. But I don't think I'll ever be as active as I was before. And that's okay. :) I really am working on myself and making a much better life for myself, and I'm really proud of how far I'm coming. I thank everyone for their patience with me thus far and their patience with me going forward. I love writing with you guys and I love being here, and I won't abandon y'all for good, so don't worry. If you're totally cool with me taking 5ever to reply to your stuff, please let me know so I can prioritize folks who might be a little less okay with it, haha. I wanna make sure I can get to those who might get frustrated from the wait. I get it, waiting is hard! We'll get there eventually, y'all. I care deeply for everyone here and I hope you all have the absolute best day that you can!

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

📐+ 5'1" Spirit Aku -> Wraith {from here!}

@mystical-strawberry-sheep

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

"I would love that," Aku replied immediately, the curls of her ponytail bouncing a bit as she perked up. "I was just about to go get lunch anyway so your timing is absolutely impeccable."

Most of Amara's jokes understandably flew right over Aku's head, but she was receptive to the offer being made at least. If she weren't so focused on the more immediate danger right behind her, she might have been more weary of Amara and the... unique energy that she gave off. But at a time like this, her internal instincts were scrambled like radio signals shooting off with nothing to receive them. There was little on her mind at the moment than getting as far away from the person behind them as possible.

And it did seem to work, if there had been any threat at all. The man finally turned off as Aku and Amara started walking together, crossing the street and heading on to a different block. Aku would never know if her belief was correct or not. She would never know if what she thought was happening was happening. But she supposed it didn't really matter as long as she was safe.

She waited for a short while once the figure was gone before releasing a soft sigh of relief and saying up to Amara in a much more subdued voice than before, "Thank you... For helping me..."

The necromancer had existed long enough to understand the dangers this world posed... and had an eye for spotting it all. The skulking of the stranger behind them was not missed. She could feel the eyes on them like a tingle down her spine. After all, she'd been on the other end of this before, the one who was followed through alleys and dim streets. The difference was, she had ways of scaring off such unwanted attention...

And, however much she didn't want to reveal that much to the entire city --- for once, she was trying to keep a lower profile --- she certainly would do what it took, if it came to that.

" I'm so very sorry for that, I've been meaning to stop by, but life has been so wildly busy and unpredictable. I'm so bone tired. You know how my job has been lately... running me right into the ground. ----- Would you like to grab a bite to eat and catch up some more, since we've had the luck of running into each other anyway? " Her voice was a little louder than it needed to be, hoping their unwelcome shadow would catch the hint.

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

— Ganymede, Jericho Brown, in '100 Queer Poems, an anthology' (2022)

[text ID: I mean, don't you want God / To want you? Don't you dream / Of someone with wings taking you / Up?]

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

“She felt dangerously powerful, she loved, she knew love, everything else paled.”

— Anna Delbee

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

The grass was soft. Aku had once heard someone who visited compare it to "shag carpet", and she had gotten a glimpse of what that looked like in her mind. Some sort of covering for those houses they talked about. There was one such house out in her fields somewhere. She'd come across it once, but she hadn't been back to see it in a while. Still, the blades of grass were both think and thin in their own way. Thick in number, and heavy enough to support the body, almost like a bed would, but each blade was thin and soft and velvety, in such a way that it didn't cut or scrape against the skin. It didn't break or crunch or snap. It swayed and bent under the weight of Wraith's body, and it supported him comfortably.

And Aku, eager to keep the company of this person, this living and breathing being, laid down on her stomach in the grass nearby him, choosing not to come closer just to be sure he didn't suddenly feel unsafe. She folded her arms into a soft pillow for herself and pressed her cheek into them, her long and fluffy brown hair cascading around her arms and shoulders like a great curtain. And from the new angle it was possible to see the cropped pink tail resting at the lower end of her back, wagging furiously with the joy of having that company.

"That's hard to say," she responded through a gentle sigh, her two brown eyes closing while the third pink one remained open. "I have met a great many people who have suffered. Suffering seems really common in lots of places. It's sad... I hate seeing how others have to suffer... But then, I am glad I get to, at the same time. It means that being here is extra good for them, that I can provide some comfort... But... I can't say I remember your events from anyone else exactly. Similar ones, yes, but... None exactly the same. So... Perhaps it is that I haven't. I don't really know anything about other worlds other than what my visitors tell me. And I don't know how to call back to them once they're gone, I don't think... Then again, I guess I've also never tried."

If she was playing a part, she was playing it well. Wraith would readily admit that interacting with people was not a skill he boasted... not a lot of chances to do so in the wastelands, where everyone he met was hoping to drop him and take whatever meager resources he'd managed to scrounge. But, he liked to think he knew how to spot a lie. And she seemed genuine. Almost painfully so.

Well, if she was plotting his death, there were worse places to die. His hand reached up to finally tug his mask down... it wasn't needed here, the air wasn't toxic. It was so clean it hurt. Her assurances had him sinking to the ground. Gun set on the grass beside him, and his fingers followed it to trace along blades of grass. It was strange. He'd never felt it before... patches of anything green were few and far between. Everything dead, and brown, and brittle where he'd come from. He'd stay here for a while. But this was going to take some getting used to. A lot of getting used to.

' Have you ever had anyone from my place here before? '

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

Aku smiled brightly. Finally, some forward momentum. This wouldn't be the first time that she had dealt with someone so damaged. And there were so many who distrusted her world so much they just turned tail and ran, never to be seen again. She understood all of it, really. Newness, strangeness, it was scary. It was hard to deal with. Even she was too afraid to step foot outside of her own world, despite how easy it would be to simply walk through one of her own gates. But when she could reach someone like this, she was glad of it, and it brought a lightness within her that she could carry for days on end.

"You can stay as long as you'd like!" she chirped with all the giddiness of a small child. "You can go where you want and do what you like. And I have food and water, if you need sustenance. Um... I've never tried to push my gates to my limit before, but I've never had trouble keeping them open once they are. My energy doesn't seem to drain until after I close them, so... I think you're safe. And even if I start getting tired, I'll have plenty of time to warn you ahead of time so you can get home. So really, don't worry about anything while you're here. Rest as much as you need."

She was trying not to be too pushy, but it was hard to contain her excitement for the company, even if Wraith chose to do nothing and ignore her the entire time. It was a person, a living, breathing entity that wasn't just herself. It was someone. She would have never blamed him if he had simply left her, if he still chose to leave her, but she had been isolated for such a long time and she was almost desperate just to see, hear, feel someone moving around in her space again.

His head jerked back to catch a glimpse of the mentioned gate, to confirm for himself it was still there. Then, to the others scattered around this... deceptively serene place. He'd never seen so much green before. And it felt wrong. So much life teeming, it was overwhelming, a far step from the occasional shrub that managed to scramble it's way from the poisoned dirt that he was used to.

Finally, slowly, his gun was raised up toward the sky, resting it back against his shoulder, his finger shifting away from the trigger. There was no threat here. And that, itself, felt uncomfortable enough to be a danger. He needed something to fight. Needed that rush, the adrenaline... he feared he'd topple without it, now, it'd become such a part of him. Wraith didn't know how to exist with his veins empty of it.

But, there was a strange feeling beneath the discomfort, too. One he'd felt so rarely, it took him a long moment to even put a name to it: relief. A chance to catch his breath, that wasn't tainted by smog, and smoke, and the stench of constant decay.

' How long can I stay? '

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

The answer to that was emphatically no. She did not want to chat ever. With anyone. Least of all with someone that didn't even look like he was from around here. Not in some far off corner of the restaurant where there would be plenty of privacy and room for his stranger to do something she didn't even want to consider for very long. Be it getting handsy or just mugging her. Or both. Her mind was catastrophizing, sketching out the absolute worse case scenarios that she could possibly come up with to determine just how bad of a decision going anywhere, even just across the room, with Joey would be.

But at the same time, she was trapped, wasn't she? Because if she said no to his face like that without even providing a viable excuse, she would be being rude, and she would be looked down upon by literally every person in this restaurant. Everyone at the mixer. Everyone that she worked with every day and who most assuredly would not allow her to live a peaceful life if they watched her make a vulgar display of poor etiquette right here in public.

"If you weigh the options, which is worse?" the voice of her imaginary figure (friend?), to whom she always turned in situations like this, rang out. "At the very least, if he does intend to hurt you, you may at least be able to convince him to do so quickly and get it over with. If you upset the others, you'll have to live with that for forever."

It was a good point, even if she didn't particularly enjoy the idea of being trapped in a small corner with a stranger. She could at least move on with her life (or death) after whatever horrible event happened and probably never see the guy again. But her work was her work, and she couldn't just pick up and move her whole life. She had to do something, and she had to do so with grace.

All of this thinking, and not once did she ever notice how equally uncomfortable as her he was.

She pulled a tight, polite smile and bowed a bit, "Yes, thank you. I appreciate the distraction..."

Aku gave a subtle nod of her head to gesture that he move so she could follow, and behind those wide, doe eyes was the thinly veiled panic.

If he'd had the option, Joey wouldn't have been caught dead --- well, smote --- here, either. But, one of the poor bastards mingling around was next on his list, slated to be hell-dog food as soon as he left the safety of the noise, and bustle, and lights. Joey'd already lost sight of him once the day before. That'd royally pissed off his higher ups, and he was... incentivized to not allow that to happen, again, and he had no intention of letting it. Even if that meant having to slot himself into this way too overstimulating social affair.

At least he didn't seem to be alone in his not wanting to be here. Matched for him with the awkwardness he felt... arms folded, his feet shuffling back and forth in place, and her posture was just as clear. He wasn't here to socialize. But, hey, his target was still in sight. The guy didn't seem keen on leaving anytime soon, so maybe Joey had some time to kill.

" Hey, if ya need to get away from all of this for a second like I do, that corner over there, " his head jerked to motion, " is a lot quieter. Turns out all the chairs, and decorations, and ridiculous houseplants help muffle the noise from that speaker they refuse to turn down. ----- That is if ya... if ya want to chat for a second? "

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

— Rainer Maria Rilke, Were You Not Always Distracted

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

🍓 @rubiesintherough asked: 🍓 🍓 “Sorry for acting so strange and irregular. It will happen again.” ( howl ) 🍓

Text Posts Starters

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Aku pressed her lips together in a tight partial smile so as to avoid beaming at him like an idiot, "Oh, that's alright... Everyone's... Uh, a little weird. In their own way."

She was trying not to talk too much at all, knowing full well that the staff had a schedule here and he really didn't have the time for idle chatter. How she had managed to find any time or even the money to join a book signing was well beyond her at this point. Maybe she would have to cut back on lunch for a few days... But it would be entirely worth it when she had a signed copy of one of Howl's books. She considered herself more of a fan of high fantasy than of historical fiction, but someone had passed one of his books to her one time and she'd been hooked ever since. It wasn't the accuracy of everything that really got her, though. Characterization and the humanizing elements of it all were really what had drug her into this world.

And she knew she had to look strange, standing there in the midst of all of these history buffs and conspiracy fans with her Gatito ita bag packed to the brim with CAT pins and Mr. Mew keychains from Gatto Nero. Wearing street clothes and knowing absolutely nothing about history besides what she was taught in school and the occasional fun fact she found on social media, if it was even true. She had a mild interest in it, but she did feel severely out of place in this setting. Like she didn't belong here...

But that wasn't anything new.

She almost wondered if he'd pointed out his own oddity to help her feel better. She was sure she must have looked as pale as a sheet right now.

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

🍓 @rubiesintherough asked: 🍓 🍓 “You’re not a monster.” ( wraith ) 🍓

Monster Muses Prompts

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Aku smiled softly, her eyes dipping down and turning distant, "Oh, you. You shouldn't say that. I... appreciate that you are no longer... quite so wary of me, but... I am a monster... I have... done so much harm. I can't remember it, but I know it was me... I don't like hurting people. I don't..."

She didn't have any memory of the act, but the aftermath was another story altogether. What would start as a wonderful dream, a beautiful visit, would black out and suddenly become a nightmare. How many times had she woken up to find blood on her hands and just a couple of guests left if any at all? How many times had she found remains in her meadow or in the caverns below? Shrines to her destruction? She couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand even thinking about it. Any of the times she had been torn apart herself had never been enough to make up for opening her eyes to the sight of blood.

"I'm no better than anyone you distrust, but... I don't want to be that way..." she said softly.

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

{It is a tradition that as soon as I get into a new fandom I must create a version of Aku that fits that fandom but.}

{CoD? I don't know man. Aku, in forms of soldiers and warriors like in Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts, she's got some skill. I don't have a problem viewing her as a battler. But sometimes when I look at her in terms of where she stands in a fandom, I can only see her as a civilian. Naruto? She's a kunoichi. Zelda? She's a shopkeeper. She's just a regular girl. And when it comes to really modern settings like CoD, I. Just see a regular girl.}

{Except, for all of it's elaborate setup, Call of Duty doesn't really have space for civilians. They really don't come up all that often, for obvious reasons. It would be really hard to justify making a CoD verse for Aku in which she is just a normal person hanging out in her own city or whatever.}

{When I think about writing Aku for that particular fandom, my mind immediately goes to, "Well, I should probably just use the spirit." But I don't know. This isn't a magical world and just because she can exist in these places doesn't mean they can write with a magical being.}

{Hm. I'll have to sit on this one a while.}

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

Aku physically bobbed down when he chastised her, looking a little like she expected him to hit her. But she rebounded quickly, nodding eagerly to indicate that she understood as soon as he finished. She might have felt like she was being torn apart at the seams inside her mind, but she had long since taught herself that these sorts of things were often not nearly as serious as they felt initially, and she just needed to let those feelings pass by and it would all be okay.

"I understand completely," she affirmed verbally this time. "I really didn't realize I was going that fast, even if I was in a hurry. I'll be sure to slow down from now one. I don't-- uh, I don't wanna hurt anyone. I'm... I'm really sorry."

The last sentence stated with a more muted tone, an apology with as much sincerity as she could muster, lest she seem like she wasn't being genuine about it. She absolutely couldn't leave this spot until she knew the conductor could be assured in her behavior. She was quick to recover from scary situations, but being on someone's bad side was something she absolutely could not let happen.

And then her train left the station.

Her head snapped to the side with wide eyes and a terrified grin as she watched it leave her behind. It wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't already paid for the ticket, but...

"Ah..."

He blinked, the confusion on her face seeming to baffle him in return. A more understanding look reached his eyes as she explained that she was going to be late and he internally battled himself on whether or not he should simply let her be, not wanting to delay her any further. She still shouldn't have been running though, and certainly not this close to the subway platform. Emmet decided to double down, dreading the possibility of coming across as fickle ever so slightly more than the alternative.

"Safety guidelines." He would, at least, do his best to keep his rebuke short and concise. "You shouldn't run this close to the tracks. Much better to be late than to risk an accident." Very serious nodding. "If you are worried about not reaching your destination on time I might be able to offer some assistance." He seemed to switch from serious and reprimanding to warm and cheery within a matter of seconds. "Where are you headed?" He asked, already reaching for an express pass from inside his coat.

[mystical-strawberry-sheep]

🍓 @rubiesintherough asked: 🍓 🍓 "don’t tell him what you want. he’s a liar." ( joey ) 🍓

Elf Prompts

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"Um... I appreciate the warning, but... I. Don't know you, either..."

Honestly, she was terrified of both individuals. One of them was coming on far too strong for her liking and the other just... Felt very wrong. She couldn't explain that one aside from the fact that he made her uncomfortable.

She had known from the very beginning that coming to this mixer was a bad idea. She didn't like anyone. She didn't want to be liked by anyone. Everyone at her workplace was scary and she wanted to be left alone. But no one liked the fact that she was such a recluse, and everyone expected better out of her going forward. So she had gone along just to keep everyone satisfied. And of course there were a lot of people drinking, and of course there were people she didn't know. And of course, of course, there was bound to be someone wander up to her even though she knew for a fact she had looks that could break mirrors and not an ounce of a personality anyone would actually want anything to do with her. So it was quite obvious to her that this stranger was making empty promises. Of course he was. He was really only there for one thing.

And the other stranger, one that kind of looked like a tourist anyway, was probably at least marginally in the same boat. He wasn't here to make friends. Why would he be? Why would he just approach a mixer he wasn't part of to converse with her and warn her that the obvious drunk guy that clearly only wanted one thing was indeed just some drunk guy that was making empty promises? Why do that?

This was the absolute worst case scenario, given her social anxiety.

"I wasn't... I wasn't gonna say anything to him... so..."

How did she follow this up...?