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Waterfall on a dark day

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Eremurus - white foxgloves

The White Garden, Sissinghurst, Kent, England

via national trust

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moth

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Can I be completely honest, for once. Logging back on here, seeing the adverts, the spam, it actually shatters my brittle shell. I remember being on tumblr, finding community, support; it was such a hard time back then, but my little joy of life I found was on the internet through things like tumblr and YouTube. It’s now so over saturated, monitored and full of corporate companies advertising their shit phone games. I came back on trying to find you and that weird time of my life which was difficult but also filled with so much janky happiness. The odd humour, questionable memes, movie quotes, game art and hipster girls in Alaskan landscapes. It’s not here though, you’re not here. This is where I first found you, however you’re really gone now. Do you log in? Do you check in on me? Funny, because you didn’t back then yet you still linger..I’ve been feeling really rough, I don’t know who I am. I’ve really lost touch of the old me, because it was never me. Before my very very first partner when I was 12, before depression hit me, I was me. But then I fought so hard to not be someone he would like. I wanted to repel him so I became who I am today… but it’s not me. I feel lost, I always struggle, I have no help from no one. This version of me, covered in tattoos, piercings was a way to repel. The obnoxious personality and jokes, a way to mask.I’m fucking miserable, I want to find myself again. I want me back but I’ve forgotten.

If there is a new friend out there, if someone feels like they can offer me some form of friendship, hmu.

Tumblr, help me.

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10/15/2023

steller's jay

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Blue

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"The Forest"

An illustration I painted and turned into an animated gif. This was very tedious but I like how it turned out.

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Lil bonnets

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Bald eagle in the fog

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Misty mountains 49/? - Adlerweg, Tirol, Austria, October 2022

photo by: nature-hiking