nabin4rawrites

[nabin4rawrites]

NEVER NUMBER ONE

[The Invisible]

I guess it is a blessing

To own up little space,

For even when I disappear

My absence is not felt;

I've never owned a character

Solely by just myself,

For I have shared identities

Always with someone else;

I may be a daughter

But I'm not the only one;

I'm not even the most special

Nor am I the favorite one;

I may be a sister

But I'm not the only one;

And whatever I can do

Someone else could do it,

even better than I do;

I may be a friend

But I'm not the only one,

I'm not even the most remembered

See? I don't even get greeting cards;

And let's not even talk about

Being someone's special one,

Because, really,

I don't have anyone;

To anyone,

I am never number one;

To everyone,

I am but a part of one;

In this world

I take only little space,

In someone's life

I share but a tiny spare;

I am an existence

That is never whole,

And even as we speak

I keep getting unfull;

So even when I disappear

I won't be such a loss,

Because even if I will be missed

It won't be very much at all.

[nabin4rawrites]

#opendiary

_ColorlessHeartSequel_

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-10- (final)

I found myself standing by the edge of the sea, where the waves meet the shore and slightly brush underneath my feet. I watched as the water caves in towards me and runs back to the deep of the sea.

Did you know? This is the first time I went back to the beach since you've been gone, Railey. To greet the sea that you loved so much. The same sea that took you away from me.

I watched how the blue of the sea meets the blue of the sky, as if crawling up to be a part of each other, until they become as one.

And I once again remembered the reason why you loved the sea so much. How the waves creep into the shore as if to play tag. How the warmth of the sand embraces my feet with every step. How the sound it makes whisper in the wind like a sad melody. As if it was trying to comfort me.

And I would remember how we used to make sandcastles together. And how I wished they would stay standing until we return the next summer. But sadly, nothing ever did. Because sandcastles can't last forever. That the coming waves from the sea would crash them down. Naturally...

But I still can't help but blame the sea. How could it have taken those sandcastles away from me?

I would wonder as I sit here by the shore. And everywhere I look makes me miss you even more.

So I wrote your name on the sanded beach. But the waves just took your name away with it. The way the sea has taken you away from me way before.

After all these years, I still can't help but blame the sea. How could it have taken you away from me?

That was why it took so long for me to come back here to greet you, Rai. When all I really want to say was that I have missed you every day of my life. Because I know that coming here would feel like our final goodbye.

And you know what, Railey? This really feels like our last goodbye. Because here I am now, sitting by the edge of the sea, holding a kite I have never learned to fly.

But for the first time since you've been gone, Railey, I will try. Because finally, I have accepted the fact that you are no longer by my side. That you can only be like a souvenir in my drawer that I can take out from time to time.

But you will forever be the sandcastle on the beach of my youth. The one that gave me joy building together. But now that I am old, I have no time to build sandcastles anymore.

And as I stood up, I imagined you standing in the middle of the sea. You were smiling like you used to as if to cheer for me. So I smiled back and took all the courage I have, and I held this kite tightly by its string close to my heart. 

I don't know if I will be able to fly it up today. But if I keep trying, I know someday I will. It was what you have taught. You said that the right wind will come. And when it does, I just have to let it go.

To me, you are still this kite, Railey. I don't know when the right wind will come. But if I keep trying, I will be able to let you go.

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-09-

I hear the sound of the rain falling on the roof. The heavy droplets feel as if they were boring holes on it. And that was when I knew that summer is almost over.

Summer, the season you loved so much. The season that was always filled with memories of you. Now that it's almost over, there is a part of me that hates to part with it yet. Because I could feel your presence more strongly with the warmth of the summer sunshine.

But I remember how you used to part with summer with ease. By taking a handful of sand from the beach where you go every summer and putting them inside a glass bottle, keeping them as souvenir.

How I wish I could take a part of you inside a glass bottle to keep as souvenir. So that I could also part with you in this summer, with ease. Because for the first time since you've been gone, Railey, I wanted to swim away from the memories of you. Because all throughout the summer, when all I do is miss you, I realized I have never been okay.

I used to think of you as the blanket that shelters me from the cold. The sunshine that envelops me when I was missing you.

But you are not the summer that gives me warmth. Atleast, not anymore. Because I realized that what I'm doing is not the right way of missing you.

You are the cold from this pouring rain. Your memories enveloped my whole being, trickling unceasingly from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. And all I could do was tremble with every bead that touched my skin. Accepting everything with chattering teeth. Not realizing that the heat I mistook for as warmth was because I was running a fever. When all along, I was very cold inside.

I shouldn't have let your memories pour down on me like rain. Because ever since you've been gone, I began to live inside a cage. A cage made from glass that I didn't want to break, nor did I want to break free from. And while your memories are pouring in, my cage is getting filled. Yet I just let myself be locked in.

I thought that even if I drown, I would be okay. Or maybe I was hoping to drown so I don't even dare escape.

But I am not okay. Because I finally feel the burden of the memories of you.

They smother my heart intensely everytime I'm missing you. They rise up from my chest until I choke, and finally descends as droplets of tears from my eyes. But you are not here to dry them anymore.

And I wonder if they will ever dry again. Because without you, I don't know how they ever will.

And I wonder what you would do if you were here. Will you let me part with you in this summer filled with memories of you? What should I take as souvenir so I don't have to wear your memories like a blanket anymore? Because even when I know I'm not missing you the right way, I still keep on missing you.

And I don't know how to part from missing you, Railey. Because this is the way I miss you. The only way I know how to.

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-08-

It was the first summer rain this year and I couldn't help but miss you.

Do you remember? You used to share your umbrella with me every time it rains. And I would notice your shoulder getting drenched by the rain just to make sure that I stay dry.

Today, I forgot to bring my umbrella again. And I could imagine your annoyed face now that I caught a bit of cold. My nose is running and my throat is itching and my head is a bit light headed.

But I had fun playing with the puddles under the pouring rain. And I realized I have been catching a cold every time it rains. But I have been coping.

All these times since you've been gone, Railey, I learned to do everything on my own. And though I do them while I'm missing you, I realized that I could do them now, even without you.

I now learned to wake up on my own alarm, though there were still days when I seem to be locked inside my dreams from time to time.

I still lose my hair tie every now and then, but I learned to wear my hair in a bun using pencils or clips or anything I find lying around.

Watching movies alone still isn't as fun as watching them with you, but I am doing alright. I would just imagine you with me and everything will be fine.

But I never dared fly a kite anymore since you've been gone. Because without you, I know that I will never be able to. And to be honest, I never really want to try.

And maybe I do these things because I want to make you proud of me. I'd imagine you caressing my hair whenever I do something good and I will be alright.

I have been doing my best to live my life without you, Rai. But sometimes, it didn't feel as if you were gone. Because I wear your memories around me like a blanket all the time.

And maybe it has been so long without you that I think I have learned to do more things than you this time. But I would just imagine learning them with you and everything will be fine. Because to me, you are all around me, Rai.

But as I stare at the ceiling of my room, waiting for this cold to subside, I realized my blanket getting heavy and I am burning up inside. As if it was suffocating me and it's getting hard to breathe.

My head is aching, and my throat feels like its burning. And I realized that my cold is getting worse and that I'm not at all alright.

And today, I knew. That even when I imagine you with me, I'm not going to be fine.

Missing you is like this cold I'm having, like getting drenched in the rain. Though I had fun playing in the puddles under the pouring rain, I knew I would get sick and maybe lie in bed all day. That all the time I'm missing you, I will never be okay.

[nabin4rawrites]

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-07-

I still remember the last time that we met. It was at the park where we used to camp. The park that holds most of my memories of you.

It was the last summer that we shared together. You were holding that big duffel bag behind you, and wearing a huge grin on your face.

Do you remember how much I wanted to come with you that day? If only I didn't have summer classes, I would have really begged you to take me with you. Because my summer would only be complete if I spend it together with you.

And I remember how you said that you would miss me. And how you promised you would be back soon. But that promise... you never kept that promise.

There was a hole in my heart the day you left. I knew that I would miss you but it was more than that. And I bore in my mind your smiling face as you waved goodbye so that I'd have something to remember about you before your return.

So that summer, without you, I did everything that you used to do. That was how much I missed you. I tried to learn the game you used to play on your phone, that even now, I never understood. And I bought lots of gummy bears that you loved so much, which I only kept in my pockets. Or sometimes, I take them out just to stare at them when I couldn't bear the thought of missing you.

And I tried to fly a kite in the park, but I still failed to keep it afloat in the sky like you do. And I watched a film by myself at night, but it was not as fun as when I was watching them with you.

And I realized how much I missed you. That I couldn't do anything without you. That nothing that I do will be as much fun as doing them with you.

And I would feel that scratching feeling in my chest all throughout the time that you were gone. But I never understood what it meant.

I never understood it... until you were gone. For the rest of my life.

And I remembered the day you said goodbye, that I never knew would be forever. And the scratching feeling turned to burning, as if my chest was lit by fire.

That day, why didn't I realize that I love you? Why haven't I been able to tell you how I feel? How did I not have known that it was love? When all the while, my heart had always been filled with butterflies when you're around.

If I had insisted on coming with you, will you not have left me forever? Will it have changed everything? Will you have been here beside me now, giving in to my requests like you used to?

And if I had told you I love you, will you have said you love me, too? Because if there was one thing I regret the most, it was that I learned too late that it was love for me to tell you how I feel. That I never knew how I meant to you back then, and I forever never will.

And all these years, I wonder what could have been. If I have learned sooner the meaning of you in my life.

And all the more I would miss you, because I know what I have missed. The chance to see your expression when I tell you I love you. The chance to know if you also felt the same. The chance to know how it feels to be loved by you. The what ifs that I missed everyday since you've been gone.

People tell me to move on from the memories of you. That no one could save me if I drowned myself from missing you.

But how could I stop missing you, Rai? How could I, when I know how much I've missed?

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-06-

Today, I found myself writing to you again. I would fold them into paper airplanes, wondering how I could send them all to you.

I don't dare to fly them out my window. Because I fear they wouldn't fly high enough to reach you up in the heavens. And I don't want to lose any piece of your memories.

And sometimes, I wish there is a post office in the heavens. Because everytime I miss you, I couldn't help but write to you. I couldn't help but write about you. And I couldn't help but wonder if you have a message for me, too.

I have so many things I wish to tell you, Rai. And I would like it if you could hear about them, too. Because I wish you'd also remember me the way I've been so busy missing you.

So I would write about you, because I don't want to forget the things you used to do. I don't want to forget how you used to call up just to wake me in the morning, because I couldn't wake up on my own alarm. How you would let your shoulder get drenched by the rain just to make sure that I stay dry. How you would purposely lose on rock-paper-scissors to let me choose what film to watch.

And I would write about you because I always want to remember you. To drown in the memories of you.

And I want to remember how you would slightly bend over just to hear me speak a little bit louder. How you would lightly hold my shoulder whenever we cross the street. How you would always give up the window seat when we ride the bus together. How you would always have a hair tie in your pocket just because I lose mine all the time.

And all the more, I would miss you. Because you wouldn't be able to do those things for me anymore. But most of all, because I don't remember myself doing anything for you at all.

The list could go on and on and I would never tire of remembering all the things you used to do. And I would once again be gobbled up by that big warm blanket that was the memories of you.

Only these days, this blanket is becoming so heavy that sometimes it's getting hard to breathe.

How could you have died without letting me give something to you in return?

I wish I could have given you something precious. I wish I have made you smile the way you made my everyday so bright. I wish I have been your solace the way you have always been mine.

And though I haven't given you anything precious, I promise I will remember you. Because this time, it feels as if missing you is the only thing I could do to keep your memories alive.

So I will keep my letters to you, folded neatly in a box. And every time I miss you, I would read them one by one. And I would write about you every time I miss you, because its the only thing I could do. Because to me, they have become a solace that keeps me from forgetting you.

But no matter how many times I fold them into paper airplanes, they could never fly high enough to reach you. And these letters are meaningless if I can't send them all to you.

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-05-

I woke up from a dream about you. About you calling my name. Over and over. As if you were waking me up from a dream.

And I wonder as I wake up if you miss me, too. Just as much as I miss you every time I wake up to a reality without you.

I could still hear your voice even when I open my eyes. And it makes me think if I'm still in a dream. Because I don't want to believe that my reality is a place without you.

So I would blink again and again thinking that the next time I'd open my eyes, I'd realize I've been sleeping all along inside a world that doesn't have you.

And sometimes I'd wonder if you have been calling for me to wake up for so long. Because without you, this reality doesn't feel real at all. That if I pinch myself I would finally wake up and find that you are still alive.

Maybe I would hear your voice calling for me, telling me I'm late for school. Maybe I would see your smiling face waiting for me to go somewhere fun. And maybe I'm still that 18 year-old girl who couldn't wake up on her own alarm.

But no matter how much I pinch myself, I can only feel how much it hurts... How much it hurts... that I would never be able to see you again. That I would never be able to hear your voice again. That I have grown up and grown old. By myself. In a reality without you.

So I would try to go back to sleep, wishing I'd wake up to a dream where you are calling my name. As if you were waking me up from my reality. Because I miss being in a world where I could see you looking at me. Where I could hear you calling for me. Finding you smiling at me. Or just being there with me.

And I hate the way that I miss you. Because missing you is the only thing that reminds me if I'm inside a dream or if I'm in my reality.

If I would have a choice, I'd rather be in a dream that has you in it than in a reality where I could only keep on missing you.

And I hate how morning always comes. Because it means I would have to endure another day of reality without you.

How long can I endure, I do not know. All I know is that I would keep on missing you until I could meet you again in a dream where I could find you. If I'm lucky enough to find you. And though it would never be enough, what else could I do?

Tell me, Railey. What else could I do if I'm not missing you?

[nabin4rawrites]

Adrift The Time Current (Timepiece Volume)

For he doesn't know which way to go This boy who only knows to follow Adrift the time current, he flows With no particular place to go

He lets the wind lead him A good follower, indeed To idle among the silly leaves And play among the broken twigs And he doesn't care if he was spinning For time just keeps on flowing

And he doesn't even have a dream This boy who only knows to heed Adrift the time current, he swims With no particular goal to achieve

He lets the fallen leaf take him A good follower, indeed To float along the current Up to the clouds, he went And he doesn't care if he was falling For time just keeps on flowing

And he doesn't know how to perform This boy who only knows to conform Adrift the time current, he rides With no particular plan to thrive

He lets the stream carry him Like a real follower, it seems To sail along the violent breeze Until his arms gave in... And he realized he was unmoving Yet time just keeps on flowing

And so, in the middle of the time current He found himself isolated This boy who only knows to nod his head Has found no one to follow

And he should have cared when he was spinning Adrift the time current, flowing For the wind that once had led him Has now abandoned him

And he should have cared when he was falling Adrift the time current, swimming For the fallen leaf that used to take him Has now abandoned him

And he should have cared where he was going Adrift the time current, floating For now that he's under the stream suffocating He lost the timing to do anything

But who does this boy have to blame? The wind, the leaf, or the surging stream? Under the time current he dissipates Where everyone has forsaken him

Now this boy doesn't know how to return When paving ways, he didn't learn And under the stream, he plummets still Adrift the time current, he sinks.

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-04-

Habits can be such a scary thing. It's like a promise you couldn't break no matter how much you try. A promise you could never bear to break.

Do you remember when we used to hang out every Friday? Sometimes, we go out together with our friends. Sometimes, it would be just the two of us.

Sometimes, we would go build a tent in the park. We'd set up a laptop to catch up on movies and horror films where someone almost always ended up crying. Or we would just make it a picnic and eat all the junk foods we could buy from the nearest convenience store. We would share stories and dreams and plans for the future. And then we'd make a promise to still meet every Friday in that future.

I liked it best when it was just you and me. Because on those Fridays, I could keep you all to myself. Even when you would just sit there holding your phone, playing a game I could never understand. While I sat quietly as I read a book, or do my homework, or just quietly watch you whenever your expressions change as you play your game. It was such a happy thing to look at you crease your forehead one time and then crack a smile on the other.

Oh, how you make my heart flutter when you would suddenly place your gaze on me. Everytime. And I would shyly look back to what I was reading, wondering if you could hear my heart beating loud. Then you would suddenly laugh as if to make fun of me.

But did you know? I could hear in your laughter a nervousness that was similar to what I was feeling inside my stomach, tickling my insides like crawling bees. Back then, I never knew what it meant.

But I know you were the reason why I look forward to Fridays every week. Because I know it was the only day in the week I was sure I would meet you. Like a habit. Like a promise.

I still look forward to Fridays. Because these days, it became the only day in the week that I could indulge myself to miss you without feeling guilty. Like a habit. Like a promise.

And when Friday comes, I would find myself back at the park where we used to camp. And I would sit there quietly as I read a book, or do my work. Only this time, there was no more you as I watch the place where you used to sit as you stare at your phone playing a game I would never understand.

And sometimes, I would find myself crying from missing you every time that Friday comes. Like a habit. Like a promise.

Missing you is a habit I could never break. A habit I don't want to break. Because if I do, it would feel as if I am breaking a promise with you.

So I would keep looking forward to Fridays every week. Even if I know you would never come to meet me anymore, I promise to miss you on Fridays without reserve, without feeling guilty. 

You wouldn't mind, would you?

[nabin4rawrites]

Clocktower Maze (Timepiece Volume)

Tic-toc goes the clock But the woman just ignores it As she enters the maze of time A clocktower full of surprise Where every door could lead her to Her own small paradise

The day is just beginning With ample time to spare It would be nice to slowly choose Or so, that's what she thought

Tic-toc goes the clock, it was just 3 o'clock The first door, it was filled with gears And springs and coils to tinker Well, everything fascinates her But she still wasn't sure

So the woman hopped about and left With lots of time to spare Who thinks something more beautiful awaits her Or so, that's what she thought

Tic-toc goes the clock, it was now 6 o'clock Another door she opened, and saw some flashing lights A bright room welcomed her Hypnotizing her to stay inside

So the woman lingered inside the room With plenty of time to spare Later, she'd find something better Or so, that's what she thought

Tic-toc goes the clock, it just turned 9 o'clock The next door was a room filled with bees and butterflies But as she danced her way in, she thought It was still hard to choose

So the woman pondered more Thinking she still has time to spare Better choices await her Or so that's what she thought

Tic-toc goes the clock, and half a day has passed She entered another room and saw a verdant flower field Where every flower is in bloom, in time for them to pick But then she found nothing in her name There was nothing for her to reap

And so she left the room in wonder Ignoring the ticking of the clocktower There is still time to spare, she thought Well, that's just what she thought

Tic-toc goes the clock, another quarter's passed Entering a sun-filled room, the heat stinging her skin But there are still more doors to open More choices for her to choose

And so she dragged her feet and left Ignoring the clocktower's warning bells With little time enough to spare Or so, that's what she thought

Tic-toc goes the clock for the last quarter of the day And the next door was in total darkness Night enveloped the room And nothing there awaits her And nothing for her to do

And the woman fin'ly noticed that she had no time to spare She thought choices are endless But that's just what she thought

Tic-toc goes the clock as the midnight strikes And this time she could not ignore The clocktower's alarming sound The woman stood there motionless With not much time to spare As she remembered all the doors she opened All throughout the day

Tic-toc goes the clock as every ticking passed For the woman who entered the maze of time A clocktower full of surprise Who wasted away the time she couldn't spare To find her own small paradise

Tic-toc went the clock, and the woman's time was up Who realized too late that every room Could have been her own small paradise If only she had spared a little time to choose.

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-03-

The seasons have changed again. The temperature rises that I had to keep my windows open to let fresh air in. Last night, the sound of crickets lulled me to sleep. I woke up with a bit of sore throat because I forgot to close the windows. Again.

The rays of the warm sunshine stinging my skin this morning made me realize, summer is really here.

We used to have a fun-filled summer, do you remember? Eating all kinds of ice cream with our friends after playing arcade in the mall. Or just making our very own special halo-halo or fruit shake whenever we visit each other's houses.

Do you remember? When we make plans with our friends to hang out during the summer, but only half of them would come.  We would fly kites, or go to the pool, or go for a hike, or go to the beach... the beach...

You used to love the beach. I remember. Your summer would never be complete without the beach...

But I think I started hating summer. And I started hating the beach. Will you blame me?

Because I would always remember you in it when I know I won't ever see you again.

I would remember you eating your ice cream, or shaving ice for me when we make halo-halo. I would remember your smiling face as you reach for my hand before we reach the mountain top. Your excited face as you screamed at the top of your lungs.

And I would remember when we go to the park to fly kites. About you bragging how you could easily fly it, as if you were born to reach the sky.

And you would run around me excitedly, proudly, because you knew just how frustrated I feel whenever I can't fly mine. But in the end, you'd give in. You would take my kite and give me yours. The string of your kite already flying high up in the sky.

I think I was the happiest watching that kite flying, holding its string in my hands. It would just amaze me how something could fly that high while staying connected to me. But sometimes it also frustrates me, how it leisurely floats up in there not knowing I'm getting exhausted from holding it up. But even if my arms get tired, I couldn't let go.

You are like that kite, Railey. I know that you are already way up there. But this string that connects you to me, no matter how tired this arms may be, I couldn't bear to let it go. How could I bear to let you go?

My summers have been filled with memories of you, that I haven't remembered a summer without you. I blame you, for making my summer dependent on you.

So this summer, how will I spend it without you? Without you this summer, there was nothing to look forward to.

[nabin4rawrites]

Time Chaser (Timepiece Volume)

He always felt he's running late This man who's chasing after time The people's faces flash 'round the corner of his eyes But his gaze were fixed on that running time For he thinks he's always an hour short So he kept rushing about

He sacrificed his time for sleep Just to finish work yet still Time is not enough for him

He wished there is a train to reach it This man who's chasing after time The music lingers on the air around Yet his ears were focused on that ticking time For he thinks he's always a minute short So he kept rushing about

He cared not for his bruising feet To reach the finish line but still Time is not enough for him

He wished that time could grow on trees This man who's chasing after time The mountain breeze brushing his heated face But only feels the sweat trickling down his nape For he thinks he's always a second short So he kept rushing about

He raced into exhaustion 'til His rushing feet gave in With time nearly running out for him

And for the first time since he began the chase He could see time running in its own pace And everything stopped flashing round the corner of his eyes As people rush about like him Running after their own time slipping by Not noticing him standing still

And he found the finish line ahead as he stood still For time is running out for him And he can't remember how he got here With only flashes of memories from the corner of his eyes And he wondered if the race had been worth it When he can't remember anyone spending time with him

And he looked at the path he took as he stood still As time keeps running out for him He became afraid to continue chasing time For he could not see his footsteps from behind As if the time he kept chasing all his life Does not remember him passing by

And he sees his bleeding feet as he stood still With time quickly running out for him And the man wished he just took his time To engrave his footsteps on the road of time For he could feel himself vanishing Where nobody could remember him

And he wished he could buy time online This man who stopped chasing time Who now thinks he's a lifetime short To chase back all the times he lost.

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

This is a story about Ada and her blog posts about the way she misses Railey, the love that she has lost...

-02-

I was at the grocery store today when I saw the gummy bears that you loved so much displayed on a shelf. After seeing them, I couldn't help but think of you.

I never understood what you liked about gummy bears. I never liked them. To me, they're like sweetened rubber. It tires my jaw just chewing them, when eating is supposed to be an enjoyable thing. But you eat them with gusto as if there's no tomorrow. And you never outgrew that even until college. You always had a bag of it inside your bag.

I remember I used to nag you about your teeth rotting because of them. But you never listened to me. I think you're the only person I know who had all kinds of teeth problems but never let go of the cause of those problems.

Do you remember when you had your braces? And your dentist forbade you to eat gummy bears for a while because you ate too much of it one time and your brackets loosened?

You were so upset that I made fun of you for a week. And though I never liked them, I bring gummy bears in my pocket and take them out to eat in front of you just to tease you. And then you would make a face and steal them from my hands.

Did you know? I only pretend to be angry whenever you take them from me. But the truth is, I'm only slyly letting you taste them from time to time. Because I couldn't stand that desperate look in your eyes. Why else would I buy gummy bears that I didn't even like?

I still don't like them even now. But seeing them today in the grocery store made me think about you. I just suddenly found myself adding a bag of it to my cart. When all I can do is stare at them on the table after getting home, remembering the times you get in trouble for chewing them loudly during class. Or just remembering you, always with gummy bears in your pockets, or chewing them in your mouth.

I wonder how you're holding up without them. I bet you're missing eating gummy bears for a long time now. You who couldn't stand not having this rubbery sweets inside your mouth.

Just imagining you desperately asking for one makes my heart ache. But no matter how much I want to give this bag of gummy bears to you even in the sly, it's never going to be possible now.

And all I can do is stare at them all through the night... desperately wishing you'd appear to steal these gummy bears in front of me. I could even buy all the gummy bears I left at the grocery store if you want... If you would only show up...

[nabin4rawrites]

The Way I Miss You

-01-

Do you remember the very first phone call that we had? It was when I transferred school because our home wasn't going well financially. I had to transfer to a public high school near our house.

It was the first time we had to be away from each other for so long after being classmates since first grade. Cell phones weren't popular then so I had to borrow the landline from our relative who owns a store.

It took us almost 3 hours talking on the phone. I asked you about everything I could think of. How you spent your summer. What you ate for lunch. If you had fun playing with your cousins when you spent your vacation in your dad's province.

I kept thinking about things to ask you because I still don't want to hang up the phone. Because your voice in my ear made me feel that you're so near. Because I want to keep hearing you speaking. When all I really want to say was that I missed you so much all through summer break. And that I would miss you more when school starts because we won't be classmates anymore.

You voice sounded so different on the phone it made me laugh. Or maybe that laughter was because of my heart fluttering as I hear your voice so near in my ear, as if you were whispering.

You told me to make many good friends when school starts. I said I was confident in making friends and told you not to be too sad without me. You just laughed it off.

Did you know? I was so nervous going to a strange school without you. Of meeting new friends that don't know you.

But hearing your voice made me feel at ease. You told me that everytime that I will miss you again in the future, I can always call you. You even promised you'll never change that number forever. So I could always reach you anytime. No matter what.

That day, I realized that telephones were invented for this. I believed that telephones were invented for you and me. So that anytime I want to hear your voice, I could reach you. Anytime. All the time that I will miss you.

If not for my cousin interrupting and nagging me about the phone bill, and my mom calling me for dinner, I would never let go of that handle. I would never end that call.

Did you know? I still memorize your house's old number until now. I remember it by heart. I know that the telephone company you used before was already absorbed by a telecommunications giant a long time ago. But today, I tried to call that number again. Because I miss you so much. Because I want to hear your voice again.

And as I dialed that number, my heart was beating so loud. Just like it always have. Everytime. Anticipating. Waiting to hear you say "hello" whenever you answer my call.

"Your number cannot be completed and dialed... please check the number and dial again... "

As expected, my call won't connect. My call won't connect to you... ever again.

[nabin4rawrites]

Sand Of Time (Timepiece Volume)

She woke up inside an hourglass Getting rained on by the sand of time This girl who loves to watch people rush about Being busy with their time flowing Outside her hourglass

But she didn't mind For the sand of time was just by her feet She thought she could escape it And she was getting fascinated watching people rush about Getting busy with their time flowing Outside her hourglass

She loved being an audience And watching people kept her still Until the sand of time has reached her knees She was staying too still watching people rush about All busy with their time flowing Outside her hourglass

She thought she could endure it That she could wiggle her way out of the sand of time Until it reached her hips into her waist She waved her hands to call for help But all the people are still rushing about Too busy with their time flowing Outside her hourglass

And she was trapped in time And she was losing time Until the sand of time has reached her chest Raining steadily on her head She was suffocated by the sand flowing And realized...

She was trapped in time She was losing time She screamed but noone could hear her The people are still rushing about Too busy with their time flowing Outside her hourglass

While she was trapped in time While she was losing time Until the sand of time has reached her neck And she could only watch the people rush about Too busy with their time flowing Outside her hourglass

Where she was trapped in time Where she was losing time And she could smell the sand of time that reached her nose And she got tired of watching people rush about Too busy with their time flowing Beyond her hourglass

She was still trapped in time And she kept losing time The glass above is almost empty As she kept getting buried in the sand of time Inside her hourglass Waiting for someone who would notice The girl buried in the sand of time Trapped inside an hourglass And turn it upside down

Will someone turn it upside down? Please turn it upside down...