narcissism-awareness - Tumblr blog

[narcissism-awareness]

Do you have any advice on how an egotypical person could help a friend or partner with NPD who is going through a narc crash?

This is the type of comfort I'd like to receive during a narc crash, but everyone might be a little different. If other pwNPD want to add on that's welcomed!

Remind them how much you value them. During narc crashes we can't see the value in ourselves, so it might help to hear it coming from someone else.

Express your appreciation of them. This can be through compliments, gifts, or whatever else you prefer. This helps further remind them that they have value and that they are cared about.

Be open to talk or vent to. This one depends on your own mental state because not everyone can handle being vented at, but if you're in a good place mentally let them know that they can talk to you.

[narcissism-awareness]

Hello, I wanted to send you a genuine thank you. My abusive mother was diagnosed with NPD but she rejected the diagnosis and ive always been rather resentful of her because I knew at that point it wasnt the mental illness it was 100% her deciding to not help herself or heal from the traumas she also went threw. For years after I still had internalized ableism, still calling her a narcissist and justifying it like so many do. I hated her and I hated "seeing parts of her in me" but now I see that I think I also have covert NPD because of the neglect and abuse from my mom. I internalized a lot of resentments and anger and even when I tried to blame her and not the mental illness I still did out of fear of seeing myself in it. Ive been going back and forth for almost 2 years now on if I really am as empathetic or caring as people think I am. I feel like its all an act ive been putting on and really im just a bad person because I have selfish feelings desires and wants, sometimes seeing myself better then people around me. I would become disgusted with myself. But seeing your appreciation posts and talking about humanizing symptoms that others see as selfish or unempathetic or ugly has honestly been really making me kinda not hate that part of myself that ive been bullying and pushing down for years for fear of being a "bad person" or "becoming an abuser just like my mom". Showing me that just because we might have the same mental illness dosnt mean ill choose to abuse people like she did. Thank you so much, hope you have a lovely day.

Thanks for sharing this story

I know a lot of us who were abuse survivors tend to fall into that way of thinking, whether or not your abuser(s) were diagnosed with NPD. It sucks that so many abuse recovery circles are so anti-NPD, especially when a lot of pwNPD are abuse survivors.

This is what this blog is for, breaking the stigmas and making a safe space for pwNPD and people who are questioning if they have NPD.

[narcissism-awareness]

I have browsed ur blog and unfortunately seeing the shit you've had to tolerate. I am sending you virtual hugs. 🫂🫂🫂 I know I'm a stranger but hopefully it'll mean something to ya.

I'm gonna bite anyone who invalidates your disability. I only share low empathy with you guys (I'm an egotypical autistic) and that alone makes navigating society so difficult. How all of your symptoms could be dismissed is so!!! Infuriating!!!

The world must feel lonely too often, being so unfairly stigmatized, but you'll have this egotypical's support until the end of time :)

I really appreciate the kind words <3

It's rare but always nice to see support from egotypicals. Us neurodivergent folk gotta stick together.

[narcissism-awareness]

hey! A couple of questions :

how did you work out you have NPD?

is it possible to ‘heal’ from NPD? I apologise if that sounds terribly ableist or anything, if it does lmk, i want to learn. i ask since I think I miiight have it and I don’t want too, and also because im pretty sure atleast 2 of my family members do. (generational trauma yaaaay /sarc)

im really worried im hurting people a lot lately and I don’t want too. i do think I am very important. but I also think others are too, and I don’t want to hurt them.

thank you!!! /gen

How do you work out you have NPD? It's ideal to talk to a mental health professional, but I know that isn't available for everyone and it can be hard to find one that isn't ableist against NPD.

If you can't talk to a professional it's best to talk to pwNPD about your symptoms and see if what you experience is similar to NPD.

Is it possible to "heal" from NPD? This question has caused some heated debates in the past. I do think the assumption that you can heal NPD often stems from a place of ableism, but the question isn't ableist itself.

I think it's possible to get to a point where your symptoms may be very mild and you can live a "normal" life, but you'd still have NPD. But there isn't a lot of research into this and I'm not a professional so please don't take my word as gospel.

As for being worried about hurting others, try to be aware of how you treat others and if you see a problem in your behavior, change it.

It's definitely stigma that pwNPD will always be abusive or hurt others. We can be apathetic towards others, but abuse is a choice. Don't be overly anxious just because you might have a stigmatized disorder.

[narcissism-awareness]

Your face is ableist, you disgusting, cunt-face swine

I have learned not to care about anon hate, but for a lot of others it can seriously harm them. Especially mentally ill people who have a disorder that causes unstable self esteem and depression.

If you don't like me, block me! If you want to stay ignorant about NPD that's on you, but it's your choice. You can just block me. You don't need to insult me while hiding behind anon.

I could be a 13 year old kid who hasn't learned to cope with online hate yet. I could be suicidal and this could set me off the deep end. The point is you never know because I'm just some rando online.

You don't know my situation. But you do know I'm mentally ill. I've said before that I'm an abuse survivor and that I have trauma.

Sending anon hate could cause someone to kill themselves. Think about that before you tell a stranger they're "disgusting, cunt-face swine."

If you're seriously ok with being the cause of a stranger killing themself, that is not ok. You shouldn't be online.

[narcissism-awareness]

Hey, do you know good books about NPD? I want to inform myself more about it, but I don't want to buy books who are like people with NPD are "demons" (if you know what I mean).

I hope you have a great day and sorry if I bothered you.

(Sorry for late response I've been inactive for months)

There isn't any I've seen. All books about NPD I've seen are about how terrible and abusive we are and how to avoid us, not actual information on the disorder.

Very few people actually know enough about the disorder to write an informative book and the informative books on NPD that do exist don't get popular enough for us to find them unfortunately.

If you want to be informed on NPD honestly the best way is to talk to people with the disorder. Nobody knows more about our experiences than us. Many people (including myself) are open to answering any questions about the disorder you may have!

[narcissism-awareness]

Hey! I wanted to ask. A lot of pwNPD say they struggle with toxic shame but I (suspected NPD, runs in family, etc) don’t suffer with toxic shame. What exactly is toxic shame?

I have a hard time with emotions and usually my emotions are really numbed down

You got me there because I haven't heard the term before until I read this ask lmao

I'm handing this one off to y'all what is toxic shame? It might be something I already know about just under a new term but I can't find anything about it.

[narcissism-awareness]

i feel like you're kinda downplaying the possibility of pwNPD being abusive. your blog has a "oh it NEVER happens" vibe. im not officially diagnosed, but my psych test did end up showing symptoms of it. however, i do have bipolar, and the reality is that i have hurt people and that my mental illness *was* a factor in it. it didnt exist in a vacuum. especially when i wasnt medicated.

like i dont blame people who see me having BP and wanting to move away and call them ableist for that. my mental illness will forever be a factor in the way i experience world - and im not saying OH I WAS AN AWFUL PERSON TO THESE PEOPLE, but i mean it in a way "my cycles of mania and depression have hurt people dear to me, even though i wasnt directly hurtful to them". they couldnt cope with it or my needs and thats okay.

i feel like youre being rly dismissive of people who were abused by people with personality disorders. i was abused by someone w BPD and their mental illness *was* a factor in it. the same way my BP/OCD/BM/ADHD affected others. its dishonest to pretend NPD exists in a vacuum.

I never claimed that it never happens, just in most cases of people calling abuse "narcissistic abuse," their abuser was actually self centered or egotistical and not diagnosed with NPD. (most cases, not all)

It is not ableist to call out abusers who have NPD, what's ableist is to call an entire mental disorder abusive. Or to blame abuse on a mental disorder.

While sometimes we may unintentionally hurt others due to our symptoms, abuse is a choice. People choose to manipulate, use, degrade, and gaslight others. That's not something that happens as a symptom of a mental disorder.

It is true NPD can make us to have little regard for other people and their emotions, which can cause some unhealthy and unstable relationships. But it does not cause us to systematically abuse others?? Thinking that is ableism.

However I acknowledge how you said my blog can feel dismissive of abuse victims. Obviously, in any scenario abuse is not ok. Victims should be able to get resources to escape and recover from abuse. But ableism is not excusable just because your abuser(s) had a mental disorder.

The goal of this blog is to call out ableism and spread awareness about NPD. My posts are usually very matter-of-fact because of this, which may make me sound dismissive to abuse victims. (Keep in mind I am autistic and narcissistic so it's hard for me to judge how others will receive my tone)

I apologize for this and will try to be more welcoming to abuse victims when I can, but the main goal is still informing people about NPD and debunking ableist stereotypes.

[narcissism-awareness]

To all the people who sent me asks while I was inactive I will get to them eventually I swear! I ignore hate if you have no actual argument but I will get to the people who sent good faith asks

[narcissism-awareness]

The majority of a society cannot be narcissistic because it is a rare mental disorder caused by an unhealthy upbringing.

Specific conditions have to be met for someone to develop NPD and the person's unique brain chemistry plays a major factor.

It's like claiming everyone in a society could develop DID, which isn't possible when everyone's brains respond to trauma and unhealthy situations differently.

Even if somehow every person in a society went through trauma that could potentially cause NPD, it's statistically impossible for the majority of people in a society to develop one personality disorder. Instead you'd see a plethora of different trauma disorders and PDs popping up everywhere.

What's more likely is people in power feeling like they can get away with treating others as below them and the society letting them.

Being egotistical and self centered is not the same as being narcissistic. Grandiosity is not the only symptom of NPD. It comes with a bunch of other symptoms that make life miserable for pwNPD.

We talk about neurotype, and mental health, through the language of typicality. "Neurotypicals" are the privileged, "default" neurotype. So if a neurotype describes the grand majority of people in your society, categorically, they cannot be neurodivergent. If you don't think the majority of a society can be narcissistic, you also cannot believe in the concept of "neurotypicals" either.

[narcissism-awareness]

Seems like you're misunderstanding what narcissism is.

Narcissism, as it refers to NPD, is different from manipulative and abusive behaviors. What you're referring to is a type of emotional abuse.

NPD is a mental disorder and a disability. It causes people with the disorder to have an unstable sense of self, a lack of trust in others, depression/self hatred, and many other symptoms. It often stems from abuse and trauma, too.

Narcissism is a disability because it impairs the lives and happiness of people with the disorder. People with NPD have a harder time maintaining relationships, regulating emotions, and other daily activities. Which makes it a disability.

In the event a narcissist is abusive I agree that they should be held accountable for that. But just existing as a person with NPD does not make you abusive.

The problem with the term narcissistic abuse is that it implies being a narcissist makes you abusive. It contributes to the stigma around a real mental disorder that affects real disabled people's lives. It makes it harder for narcissists to get the help they need because of the assumption that NPD makes them "evil."

All we ask is that you use a different term to describe the type of abuse, such as emotional abuse or gaslighting. Nobody's trying to get abuse victims to stop speaking out, that's the last thing I'd want as an abuse survivor myself.

Please, speak out against abusers. But call them abusers or manipulators (or pigs, assholes, whatever insult you prefer), not narcissists.

I think everyone who calls the term "narcissistic abuse" ableist should be forced to explain how the hell narcissism disables a person, and what disability even means. This is the vector through which we should interrogate these people and their beliefs. In what world is someone disabled for how they abuse a human being? How does being evil make someone disabled, especially when this word describes the most successful and powerful people in our society? We need to challenge the idea that these people belong to a protected class, it is the fundamental building block of their abuse apologia. Narcissists are not materially disadvantaged, nor are they socially disadvantaged. Narcissists' ability to charm other people through manipulation is a notable aspect of the abuse.

It is also worth saying that you could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that these people are neurologically different from other people and it wouldn't actually mean anything, unless it could be proven that real, actual discrimination against narcissists exists in society.

[narcissism-awareness]

A guide to NPD for anyone who doesn't understand it!

What is NPD?

NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder, is a mental illness in the cluster B personality disorder category.

NPD usually stems from childhood abuse or other unhealthy childhood situations. In my case, abuse.

What are the symptoms?

Symptoms of NPD include an unstable sense of self, prioritizing yourself, having unstable relationships, having low/no empathy, and depression/self hatred.

These can be improved upon, but disordered thoughts will likely remain for most.

Can pwNPD have healthy relationships?

Yes, with effort and work. Plenty can have healthy and successful relationships. (like me, for example, in a loving relationship with my boyfriend)

We have a to be a bit more aware of how we treat others, but it helps when both the person with NPD and the partner set boundaries with each other. With communication, we can be great partners.

And yes, we can feel love and care about our partner(s). Empathy ≠ love. Empathy ≠ compassion.

Why does the term "Narcissistic abuse" harm pwNPD?

Because of the name, anything said about "narcissists" is also associated with us, even if you weren't talking about NPD. If you were, that's just blatant ableism.

Many of also call ourselves narcissists either just as a descriptor or to reclaim it.

Other terms like emotional abuse, gaslighting, and plenty others describe the same thing without ableist roots. Please, speak out about your abuse, but avoid using ableist terms.

But my therapist/psychiatrist uses the term "narcissistic abuse," how can it be ableist?

Sadly, ableism isn't that uncommon from medical professionals. Plenty use terms like "narcissistic abuse" and other ableist terms.

Why not just advocate to change the name of NPD?

Even if the name changed, it would still be ableist. We have another cluster B disorder that got a name change that we can look to for example of what happens.

You used to be able to be clinically diagnosed as a "psychopath," which has since been changed to ASPD. However, people still use the terms "psychopath" and "sociopath" to refer to ASPD. All the stigma around those words still applies to them.

I imagine similar would happen if we changed the name of NPD. It wouldn't matter, we'd still be called narcissists. And the term would still be ableist because it would still hurt us.

[narcissism-awareness]

This person ranted a lot more in tags, but I'm not going to show it all. Not because I didn't read it but because long story short they're just claiming all people with NPD are rich CEOs that everyone kisses the ass of.

First of all, I love when people claim I don't know what oppression/ableism is or that I'm not disabled. I'm autistic and have multiple physical disabilities. I know what it is like.

Also the assumption that I'm some lonely rich CEO who gets no bitches? I'm a poor bitch with a boyfriend. I hate on those CEOs with y'all.

Yeah sure, having a mental illness that makes me break down crying if I make a mistake or don't know something and occasionally makes me become suicidal helps me so much in the work field!

(not everyone's NPD presents this way, that's just how some of my symptoms present)

"you get respected." No I really don't lmao. I can't remember the last time someone outside my found family acknowledged me as a person.

You're assuming people get what they want by just being demanding or arrogant or "confident" enough. No, people get the raise and the promotion and the respect by being white abled cishet men.

I'm a disabled queer trans man. I don't get shit for that. I'll never be a CEO and I have no desire to be.

A guide to NPD for anyone who doesn't understand it!

What is NPD?

NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder, is a mental illness in the cluster B personality disorder category.

NPD usually stems from childhood abuse or other unhealthy childhood situations. In my case, abuse.

What are the symptoms?

Symptoms of NPD include an unstable sense of self, prioritizing yourself, having unstable relationships, having low/no empathy, and depression/self hatred.

These can be improved upon, but disordered thoughts will likely remain for most.

Can pwNPD have healthy relationships?

Yes, with effort and work. Plenty can have healthy and successful relationships. (like me, for example, in a loving relationship with my boyfriend)

We have a to be a bit more aware of how we treat others, but it helps when both the person with NPD and the partner set boundaries with each other. With communication, we can be great partners.

And yes, we can feel love and care about our partner(s). Empathy ≠ love. Empathy ≠ compassion.

Why does the term "Narcissistic abuse" harm pwNPD?

Because of the name, anything said about "narcissists" is also associated with us, even if you weren't talking about NPD. If you were, that's just blatant ableism.

Many of also call ourselves narcissists either just as a descriptor or to reclaim it.

Other terms like emotional abuse, gaslighting, and plenty others describe the same thing without ableist roots. Please, speak out about your abuse, but avoid using ableist terms.

But my therapist/psychiatrist uses the term "narcissistic abuse," how can it be ableist?

Sadly, ableism isn't that uncommon from medical professionals. Plenty use terms like "narcissistic abuse" and other ableist terms.

Why not just advocate to change the name of NPD?

Even if the name changed, it would still be ableist. We have another cluster B disorder that got a name change that we can look to for example of what happens.

You used to be able to be clinically diagnosed as a "psychopath," which has since been changed to ASPD. However, people still use the terms "psychopath" and "sociopath" to refer to ASPD. All the stigma around those words still applies to them.

I imagine similar would happen if we changed the name of NPD. It wouldn't matter, we'd still be called narcissists. And the term would still be ableist because it would still hurt us.

[narcissism-awareness]

Very confused about the term "NPD survivor"

Like you do realize that pwNPD are the ones who have to "survive" it 24/7?? Who deal with not only being mentally ill and traumatized but being heavily stigmatized for no reason?

Abuse survivors, what you went through is tough, I know firsthand. But you don't know what it's like to survive NPD.

[narcissism-awareness]

Hello! While looking at your guide to NPD, the symptoms really felt like things I struggle with a lot, but when I searched around online for more info elsewhere, everything focuses heavily on symptoms of “believes theyre better than everybody else” and “inflated sense of self-importance”, instead of what you listed in that post. Is that what you meant by “prioritizing self”? /gen

Kind of! With NPD, how you view yourself is quite complicated.

We may believe we're better than others or hold ourselves to higher standards, but since that isn't based on anything substantial we also often struggle with depression and narc crashes

(if you don't know what a narc crash is, there's some informational posts you can find in the narc crash tag about them)

The reason why I said "prioritizing self" is because of the way NPD in developed, it's often a coping mechanism for abusive/neglectful parents.

Because we never got support and love from others, we build ourselves up and seek compliments and affection.

Of course, that isn't the only way NPD is developed, but it's the most common one I've seen in NPD communities.

Another reason why I didn't focus on those symptoms is most people already know about them and I wanted to highlight the other things NPD can cause, show how it isn't just Egotistical Disorder ya know?

If you relate to a lot of those symptoms, but not the inflated sense of self importance, you may have a different Cluster B PD or another trauma disorder.

[narcissism-awareness]

“Because of the name, anything said about "narcissists" is also associated with us, even if you weren't talking about NPD. If you were, that's just blatant ableism”

I mean, no? I use NA to discribe a specific pattern of behavior from a parent with NPD where his NPD directly impacted how he treated me, using me as a prop to help his narcissism so…. It was narcissistic abuse. I think the fact that this community is trying to minimize the harm done by some pwNPD and blaming us for the ableism and saying that NPD can’t ever be the cause for abuse, i think is bad. Hell I use the term “Child of Alcoholic Adult” to categorize some of my trauma; because the alcoholism was a heavily involved with my trauma, is that demonizing alcoholics?

I can kinda get where you're coming from, but that doesn't change how harmful the term is.

NPD is already a heavily stigmatized mental disorder, and the number of times I've been harassed or accused of abusing my boyfriend by people who don't even know me is too many. People assume that anyone with NPD will be abusive because of the term. You can't claim the term isn't stigmatizing.

NPD isn't the cause of abuse. Sure, some of the symptoms can contribute to abuse, but that's because some people choose to make their own issues the problem of others.

My parents were mentally ill as well, and they dumped that on their kids. It isn't the fact that they were mentally ill that made them abusive, it's that they dealt with it by hurting others instead of getting help. It wasn't "mentally ill abuse," it was just emotional abuse.

[narcissism-awareness]

(Image description: A tumblr reply from @lowpolycas reading "What does "pwNPD" mean?" End ID)

It means "people with NPD" and the abbreviation "pw" is also often used for other personality disorders and other mental illness.

As for person first vs identity first language, most of us don't care much. I use narcissistic person or narcissist for myself, but I understand not everyone with NPD is cool with those terms.

A guide to NPD for anyone who doesn't understand it!

What is NPD?

NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder, is a mental illness in the cluster B personality disorder category.

NPD usually stems from childhood abuse or other unhealthy childhood situations. In my case, abuse.

What are the symptoms?

Symptoms of NPD include an unstable sense of self, prioritizing yourself, having unstable relationships, having low/no empathy, and depression/self hatred.

These can be improved upon, but disordered thoughts will likely remain for most.

Can pwNPD have healthy relationships?

Yes, with effort and work. Plenty can have healthy and successful relationships. (like me, for example, in a loving relationship with my boyfriend)

We have a to be a bit more aware of how we treat others, but it helps when both the person with NPD and the partner set boundaries with each other. With communication, we can be great partners.

And yes, we can feel love and care about our partner(s). Empathy ≠ love. Empathy ≠ compassion.

Why does the term "Narcissistic abuse" harm pwNPD?

Because of the name, anything said about "narcissists" is also associated with us, even if you weren't talking about NPD. If you were, that's just blatant ableism.

Many of also call ourselves narcissists either just as a descriptor or to reclaim it.

Other terms like emotional abuse, gaslighting, and plenty others describe the same thing without ableist roots. Please, speak out about your abuse, but avoid using ableist terms.

But my therapist/psychiatrist uses the term "narcissistic abuse," how can it be ableist?

Sadly, ableism isn't that uncommon from medical professionals. Plenty use terms like "narcissistic abuse" and other ableist terms.

Why not just advocate to change the name of NPD?

Even if the name changed, it would still be ableist. We have another cluster B disorder that got a name change that we can look to for example of what happens.

You used to be able to be clinically diagnosed as a "psychopath," which has since been changed to ASPD. However, people still use the terms "psychopath" and "sociopath" to refer to ASPD. All the stigma around those words still applies to them.

I imagine similar would happen if we changed the name of NPD. It wouldn't matter, we'd still be called narcissists. And the term would still be ableist because it would still hurt us.