naszritesin

[naszritesin]

For a while now, I've known how to make my version of a chainmail flogger - no less the length of my hand and wrist (and I have large pianists hands) but it never occurred to me to do much with these things... until I started getting commissions to make them as earrings.

So, having made a few pairs of these things, I decided to make one, not a pair, but one for myself.

Thing is this is my second try making one for myself that's more function than fashion. The first attempt I did was a bulkier handle chain and falls for a more thuddy... but the earring became too heavy, so my first attempt is now a chainmail flogger Keychain on my purse.

Today is the second attempt... and I'm loving how it turned out.

[naszritesin]

Omg it's been a while!

Well... I started a reiki practice, I started game streaming on twitch, and I'm researching as much as I can, cuz when I am out to play, I'm slowly getting ready to release spicy-er content... im still an absolute noob at this photo shoot thing, so I'm taking it slow, and using the power of google!

Fortunately our host has set it up to where we have an OF, a todo list, and lots of studying up to do.

I may be at work, but I'm ready for anything.

[naszritesin]

So... We're doing it... We've started the ball rolling on practicing Reiki and have served some clients (only reiki, professional reiki practitioner, and within a code of ethics and modest dress) which we feel is amazing in many ways. BUT... We long for more... Much more ❤️‍🔥🪭

Yes! I am called the Horny Teen, and that's not too far from the truth - no... That's exactly the truth. I lust, I hunger... I yearn to be seen as much as I don't have a problem showing a little skin.

I'm told that there is a code of ethics that prohibits being too provocative... And ya know what... That's fair. The idea of reiki is heal - one session at a time. But that does not mean that I cannot pose every now and then...

I may calm down - this giving the other alters grace, space to come out, play, post is very therapeutic... Especially as our host has no intention to integrate any of us.

Let's see what fun is available... When I'm not seeing clients tho.

-Leigh💋

[naszritesin]

It's been an interesting ride this past half year:

I am coming up on 6 months on HRT again after years of being off of it - with a caveat; for the first time I started taking progesterone as well and I'm already a month into the new routine.

And I cannot deny these results... 👀❤️‍🔥

The only thing I want to argue is that I'm finally feeling confident, grounded, and in my own skin enough that I intuitively feel that I am ready to pick up what the soul has been yearning for since I was a teen - to start a reiki practice. We were originally attuned as a teenager; went through level 1 a second time a decade later, and finished off training in 2017.

But there's a hitch that I've long suspected, and either felt too bashful to discuss openly, or the environment too hostile to try and open up.

I have DID, multiple personalities.

This is where it gets interesting, as the reiki master in our system of personalities is one of the alters - and she's a horny teen. She's got the energy and the lust to do it, but she's also an exposed nerve -a ball or raw and exposed primal energy that's untempered and feral.

So: Working out the ethics, logistics of being an energy healer while tempering strong primal feminine sexual healer desires at the same time... Not easy.

And fyi - squirrel, who needs kids when I already have a teen, and she's a powerhouse.

[naszritesin]

#journalentry

The aim is happiness - no less.

I'm ngl there are times I see myself as undeserving - because of my mind, because of my body. A hobby of mine is study of psychology and therapy, just like my aim is work for my happiness in life - so yea... As a bbw who does exercise aside from doing some mini shoots like above, happiness is always the goal.

And anything that comes at the cost of my happiness is too high a price to pay.

As a woman who was robbed of a childhood where I can explore my femininity, I'm enjoying that there is now the space to not just explore: but also turn my rolls and chub into a strength that reinforces that feeling of satisfaction, joy, happiness in how I view myself. And I love that in a way that makes my heart leap in ways that take back to the childhood I wanted.

I am content and happy in the moment. From showing a tease of some skin to the exercises, to the sitting with myself and this jumbled mess of a mind of mine that I'm slowly figuring out.

As for the size of the body... It's a journey. But happiness is the aim: no less than that will do. I'm getting comfortable as a larger woman, I love doing these shoots, but there are three factors in weightloss that need to be accounted for. We all know of the dieting and exercising part; the third factor is the mind, happiness, & being content in the present.

I am happy.

[naszritesin]

I am officially entering month 3 of being on HRT. In a lot of ways, the euphoria and the moments of "feeling myself" are just like what I felt when I started my transition journey back in 2011.

Yea.. I'm A LOT bigger today than I was back then; but what I have now that I didn't back then is being far more comfortable in my skin. Yea... It's taking a little bit to fully feel it - that's where taking flattering selfies come in as a way to boost my self esteem and slowly become comfortable in this body I inhabit.

Did I ever see myself doing these kinds of shoots? Well... Yes... But I never thought I'd have the confidence to do it as a larger gal though. Much has changed... And I'm all for it.

[naszritesin]

I just finished a new chainmail choker.

[naszritesin]

Its been over a month since I got back on HRT...

[naszritesin]

A week ago I quit smoking (vaping) and I realized real fast how much I have been masking with it. In order to cope with the anxiety of it - I'm taking it out in Dead By Daylight

[naszritesin]

Its an interesting feeling being slow to trust, slower to come out of my shell, and afraid of what I used to enjoy in my childhood.

And that's affection.

PTSD sucks. I may not have been in the armed services but I have been sexually exploited, abused, manipulated simply because I was seen as an "exotic toy." Played with until the excitement of being with a trans woman runs out - then either throw it away with the trash, give it away, or eliminate.

The interesting thing is that I was raised to be loving, trusting... A hugger.

I'm none of what I was raised to be anymore. On the one hand I miss the person I used to be. On the other hand I can no longer see my life as anything other than survival.

Which is interesting because after experiencing a renaissance in my own body, I want all the things that I used to be... But the trauma that's accumulated over the past decade needs to be faced first.

[naszritesin]

Progress of my latest art project

[naszritesin]

From the last photoshoot...