natashacmmwansa

[natashacmmwansa]

What if I became authentic Showing up as me every single day. What if? #selflove #love #authentic #gallerydiary #black #blogger #ambassador #smile #artofinstagram #amazing #beautiful #cute #fashion #goodvibes #instagood (at Москва • Moscow) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cabl98sobt0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[natashacmmwansa]

Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. Habakkuk 2:2‭-‬3 NIV https://bible.com/bible/111/hab.2.2-3.NIV (at Moscow) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZUt69gom1D/?utm_medium=tumblr

[natashacmmwansa]

Last year taught me about branding. This year we speak as though it already is. #photography #leadership #selflove #selfawareness (at Moscow) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZUp03uIxVQ/?utm_medium=tumblr

[natashacmmwansa]

I believe in fairy tales. An imaginary world only I could see. I believe that if it's painted in my mind then it ought to be true, it ought to be real. But how come they say it's nothing but fantasy, that I dream too big and climb to high if I continue I will fall and bleed. I'm scared to fall! They don't know, I have bled before but these paintings only I could see keep me dreaming big and climbing high. They won't let me be! #poetry #photography #model #storytelling #romts #reachingoutformorethanthestars @the_brandz_media_ (at РУДН Российский университет дружбы народов) https://www.instagram.com/p/CZHcpEFo1RT/?utm_medium=tumblr

[natashacmmwansa]

EYES WIDE OPEN|CHAPTER THREE OF WOMAN EVOVLE BY SARAH ROBERTS| FIND READ...

[natashacmmwansa]

We are still on the book 'Woman evolve by Sarah Roberts under the Find Read Tell Program... I hope you come on board and get to know what I learnt and discovered about myself

[natashacmmwansa]

A familiar face with an unfamiliar mind

It's funny how we play the blame game

Leaving your child with a complete stranger

Or a familiar face with an unfamiliar mind

Possessed and run by carnal motives.

Children threatened into silence

Sentenced to death if they ever broke the silence.

Well my case was different.

Let's talk about manipulation...

She didn't approach me with force

Neither did she intimidate me

She was actually very kind

She spoke to me with what I considered love... These were her words;

"I love you... And today you are my best friend and do you know what best friends do?"

I nodded my head with uncertainty

"So we're going to play a game and this game will be just between the two of us, promise"

She drew her hand next to mine with her pinkie raised so we could make a promise a child wouldn't break.

To cut the story short...

She touched me and I enjoyed it and she made me touch her and she enjoyed it

And our late night game went on for months

But it had to come to an end eventually,

She got fade up with me and it ceased

But the damage was done

I became addicted to the sensation

Having no words for what I felt

And no words for what she did to me

I struggled with my body

My feelings

And with my emotions

I couldn't control myself so I found other alternatives

Years later truth slapped me in the face

And made me realize that this familiar face

with an unfamiliar mind molested me

I felt used and disgusted

Now...

It wasn't the promise that kept me silent

But the fear of being misunderstood,

Judged and made fun of

My behaviour worsened

I felt I didn't belong

I had no relationship with my parents

Worst still, I was the only child

Usually locked up in my room

And not standing the site of me

I couldn't trust anyone anymore

Not even myself

I felt I didn't belong...

Instead of setting me free

This truth become a burden

A burden that sucked the life out of me

I was damage

Not only physically but emotionally too

I was wounded

My soul yearned and groaned

I questioned God

I questioned my identity

I questioned my being

And I questioned my existence

But God always has a way out, doesn't he?

Natasha CM Mwansa

Reaching out for more than the stars

#romts

[natashacmmwansa]

Sleep is my only escape

Succeeding in one area of my life and

ultimately failing in another is painful

What it does is make me doubt the part of my life winning

So I subotage my own success because

I feel guilty for winning and that shouldn't be the case.

I scream inside for no one to listen

Sleeping is my only escape

The pressure of life overwhelming

Anxiety cripples me

I can't go on like this

I can't move

I can't breathe

Sleep is my only escape

Because of this...

I am far behind in what I shouldn't

And the thought of how much I need to catch up on drains me

I know my escape plan

But scared to execute it

Because my dark and evil me won't let me

Am scared I will be pulled back to my old ways

So I would rather stay

But am dead and now rotting

I can't recognise myself

Paralysed

I feel I can't shout to even save myself

Am bound and need saving

I need saving.

But they won't understand

And the one who will am scared to go to

So in a silent voice hoping you will listen and come speedily I say 'help'

Drowning in sin

It's turned into a habit

I try to break free

But it's grip on me tightened

I hate that I enjoy it

Tears fall from my eyes as I write this

Knowing pretty well they won't move you.

I want to call you but am scared to mock you

I know deep down that once am washed clean I'll get dirty in an instant

So I do it on my own

My way

Knowing quite well I'll fail

But am tired

Am wasted

I feel used and ashamed to stand in your presence

I am numbed

knowing what to do but can't

And if you don't rise from your thrown

I'll continue rotting

I know am not in line with your will

But please make things right

I hope you can hear me

[natashacmmwansa]

Youth!!! Set the bar high!!!

Before today my reasons for wanting to set the bar high were based on a past, on revenge and mostly to prove my worth to someone who wouldn't see it...

Before today my drive was built on bitterness and insecurities. But that's a tale for another day.

Fast forward to today what drives me now is different. It's based on a revolution and dynamic. Evolving to this realisation as an individual was difficult but I finally did... that my past pains and wild mistakes were not worth my while but only a drop of fuel to ignite a passion... I had a choice and I think I chose to focus on what was right, with the help of people who spoke into my life without even knowing it. They grabbed me out of a dark hole and today I can safely say am getting to whole.

I set the bar high and want to continue to do so because I don't want to be someone else's excuse for not developing into greatness. I do so to be an example... To be a light.

Creating my own path to lead and guide the generation coming after me, building the bridges for all to cross. Remember it's all about the revolution and dynamic.

The pain, struggles and tests... The lows, the valleys and worries... I know will be there to strengthen my character, my being and add to my wisdom so that when am called to speak to a nation I deliver words of power and empowerment.

There are people watching my every step and there are people following my every move so even if I fall and fail a hundred times I get back up with double the strength to either try again or try something else. Am doing this for me, a vision,a people and a nation, building the foundation.

As I listened to Queen B as she spoke I promised myself never to feel entitled to win but to keep working hard and understand lossing can be the best motivator to get me even greater wins, that my vulnerability can motivate me to surrender myself each and every day to begin a work in progress by letting go and allowing life to show me my next move. Understanding that I am enough and equipped with everything I need to accomplish the vision that keeps flashing in my mind. Standing firm on the promises that He whispers to my ear and reminded of as I read and given life.

Today I reminded myself as a youth... I am strong. I am loved. I am capable. I am forgiven. I am beautiful. I am valuable. I am supernatural. I have been called by name and whatever has been given to me is mine and all I have to do is raise up each day to get it one step at a time.

I will create my own stage and people will listen. I will create my own world and it will be acknowledged.

And when the time comes for me to shine no one's going to stop me because that time has been ordained but for now stay alert and watch the signs...

"Setting an example is not the main means of influencing people it's the only means"

~ Einstein ~

HAPPY YOUTH DAY

WRITTEN BY NATASHA CM MWANSA

#REACHING OUT FOR MORE THAN THE STARS

#ROMTS

[natashacmmwansa]

Wo-man

Wo-man

When you transition and the only thing left is eternity, what will you leave behind as proof of your existence?

Wo-man

What will people remember you for? What souls would you have touched? What kind of impact would you have left? Will your foot steps lead to greatness? Will your words still speak even beyond your grave? Will they cause healing and provide strength and encouragement? Or will your words tear down and mock the life you once lived?

Wo-man

What kind of legacy are you going to leave behind? Will it be branded with wisdom? How are you preserving your dignity and integrity when the lights go off and no one's looking?

The sun always has a way of revealing the truth in it's radiance and no matter how long it takes... The truth always shines as a light to be seen.

Wo-man

I want you to be as wise as a serpent but as humble as a dove. In your humility guard your strength, do your best to be the best, no one's looking for average. Develop you for you, your assignment, purpose and destiny. I promise you it won't be easy but it will be worth it. Protect your dreams, no one will understand them better than you. Be your own saviour, your life is yours, live it. You are enough just as you are and always remember that the mirror lies sometimes. Be a source of light and inspiration, stand for what you believe in and deny everything that goes against your peace, even if it means missing an opportunity.

Wo-man

Don't let your failures define you but let them mould you into greatness. May you be identified by your burning spirit, change the norm and set the basis, create the balance.

Wo-man

I beg of you. Don't beat yourself up. Enjoy the journey.Don't give up too soon but don't hold on to what doesn't deserve you.

Wo-man

You were born a fighter, fight all obstacles and die accomplished.

Die knowing that you did your best

Die knowing that you gave your all

Die proud of the work you did and the assignment you completed

Die knowing that the world got to see a refined version of you and experienced you in your glory.

All in all... Be an example and not a warning...

Natasha CM Mwansa

#N-Nation

#Reaching Out For More Than The Stars

#ROMTS

[natashacmmwansa]

Dear me...

Don't beat yourself up, I know you're not were you want to be right now and all your plans don't seem to go as planned and worry seems to take a hold of you, fear creeps up on you and the voices of failure invade your mind and peace seems to disappear.

In a year's time you will be a year older, you have set goals to be achieved in this time frame but time is passing by so fast with little being done.

The people you look up to, role models like Amanda Gorman who got her break at the age of twenty two, Elsa Majimbo at nineteen not forgetting The Chinyanta. To you it seems like they have achieved significantly within a time frame you think you have to follow. I want you to always remember that you have your own timeline, your own lane and your own race... Competing with no one else but yourself. What you have to achieve, what you have to give and take... The souls you have to touch are all your territory engraved in the stars with your name on it.

Not everyone knows or notices but sometimes you fall short of your confidence and pride and the people you seek help from don't understand ... and believe me they won't... Because it's you... not them, they don't see what you see, they don't feel what you feel, they don't burn with the passion for what you believe in.

I know there are moments when you wrestle with yourself. You feel limited. Free but yet bound in your own mind, rooted are the traits but it doesn't have to be like this... You can end this! Master the art of self motivation and the rest is easy. Take it easy and focus on you and find yourself because if you lose yourself now, a nation loses and you lose him.

Don't give up!! People are looking up to you, inspired by what you do, and even if you don't think they notice they are rooting for you in silence. Proud of the future that awaits you, you're living your purpose. Love the fact that you're reaching out to so many lives but not reaching the mark yet. It's all in the journey.

Stay true to yourself, stay true to your vision, your voice, your goals and even if they go hey way they are going his way, thoughts and ways higher than your own.

It's all under control.

Natasha CM Mwansa

Reaching out for more than the stars

#ROMTS

[natashacmmwansa]

Restored

You found yourself but in return lost a part of you and instead of feeling whole you feel empty. You did the very thing you promised yourself you wouldn't.

Put your act together, get your head in the game, shift your focus... You lost it! Your life is not your own. Pick yourself up... Do what is right even though it may seem as though you failed and fail a million times.

I need you to be restored, you buried yourself in shame and pity and the grave isolated and dark. But they ain't no grave gone hold you down.

I need you to rise!!

Incase you've forgotten, am here to remind you;

Creation waits in eager expectation for you to be revealed. You have been liberated from bondage to freedom, working for your good you have been called to a purpose.

Foreknow, predestined and conformed, so you see you shall do greater. Justified and glorified... The world hasn't seen nothing yet.

The head star and bridge of not only a family but a generation. Nothing can stand against you for the one who is for you is greater, graciously giving you all things.

You are chosen nothing shall separate you from love... It's time to boss up, get your glow back... You have so much, it's not over. You got this!!

Get your honour back!!

Natasha CM Mwansa

[natashacmmwansa]

MURDER TO SELF MURDER 🥀🥀⚰️⚰️

So...I heard a couple of stories...

Stories so real... they actually happened.

About a couple... young, vibrant and full of potential.

From the very day they took their last breath, there was no more hope 💀.All their dreams and plans will forever be just that.

I understand... He was broken 💔when he heard her say " it's over"... The worst thing happened, she fell in love with someone else. He didn't see this coming😖. He planned his future with her in it and on every vision board was her name...

On the tablets of his heart was her face and no one else. He made his blue prints and mastered his plan... He stood by it and if he wasn't going to do it, death was what he solely promised for himself and her.

She fell in love with someone else and "do" was no longer an option. On that day their bond grew stronger, as they lay and became one. A bond that was to be broken a few hours later.

From a place of pain and obsession, he murdered her to self murder. What bothered me about this story so real was the way he spoke... With no regrets nor shame but a sense of pride.

Pardon me if am wrong.

Is this love?

I don't know what books you're reading or what movies you're watching. But from the book given to me as a manual, it shows me a different picture of LOVE.

" Love is patient, kind, doesn't envy, doesn't boast, it's not proud nor rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with truth"

Love is when you stop loving him the way you used to and neglect him to be with your own enemy... He still waits for you to run back into his arms.

Love is him patiently waiting for you to finally say yes to him no matter how long you take.

Love has nothing to do with murder to self murder.

Who will you look up to?

NATASHA CM MWANSA.

REACHING OUT FOR MORE THAN THE STARS

#ROMTS

[natashacmmwansa]

To the past,

P.O Box2020.

5 January 2021.

Dear twenty twenty😷😁

I heard you left, it should be of no surprise to you on how I got to know you left... Well... Midnight come running to clock and told him what happened... we both know clock can't keep a secret, he struck and made a noise...now the whole world knows. I would be lying if I said their wasn't a huge celebration but there was.

With you come pain and opportunities... To some you were the best thing that ever happened to them... to others 😅... They really wanted you out of their lives... For good.

I know you will never have an opportunity to come back and I'll never have an opportunity to talk to you face to face ever again...you blocked my contacts and all I have are memories and scars you left behind.

You lightened then darkened our lives in a blink of an eye. Don't get me wrong, this ain't a compliant letter...or is it?👀 You were a test and I hope I learnt every lesson you tried to teach me.

More than 1.81 million people died in your rule... I survived and am certain it wasn't my ability but a power greater than my own.

I still have to leave my mark!!

Disappointments, happiness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, frustration.....

Starting with the killings that shock this nation, innocent blood was shed... strange things happened and families lost.

Embarrassing moments come... Men fell from glory to shame, exposing themselves to a nation and more, a virus was created and a pandemic come flooding in... Our freedom of movement compromised and you become greater in that season.

Because of more Melanin in our skin our kind was killed but forever's legacy still reigns even though the king of wakanda took his last breath. From the murder to self murder and the murder of two... We still seek answers.

And still in your reign... I survived. Others become multi millionaires and billionaires they saw opportunities that others were blinded to. Majimbo rose to the occasion and Forbes is her thone. Ooooh what a year!!... Thank you...

Yours sincerely Natasha CM Mwansa

Reaching out for more than the stars

#ROMTS

[natashacmmwansa]

DISTORTED🥀

Your Glow vanished...

Your smile diminished and eyes blemished...

What gave you joy then...

now brings you pain.

His presence unbearable... actions that wounded you...

You bleed and even though it's unendurable you endure, not for you but for them.

But I see and understand those scars...

You're haunted by memories that can never be erased...glued to the back of your head like a permanent tinted tint tattoo and no matter how much you try it won't wane...

Weighed by thoughts that give you sleepless nights...yes... you're only trying to get by.

Frustrated, tired and full of regret... your mind wonders from present to past and every now and then your vision distorted... and you feel you deserve less than what was intended for you.

But I understand why...

Instead of lifting you up, an opportunity is never ignored to shan you to dust... Making you feel like you're nothing more than rust.

Your value has been misplaced, not just by him but by you too...

Yes... He made you forget, by feeding your mind with lies...lies that you thought to be true...you couldn't read in between the lines.

Reaching out for dymond he neglected his diamond 💎 and instead of being your lapidary he chose to be a keeper of dairy.

Just maybe...if he knew how to take care of you, he would realise that he had to be your light to make you sparkle and shine..... and that the reason he can't show you off now is because the only thing he provides is darkness....

Graced with everything you need my dear...

Reflection, refraction and dispersion...

If only you knew.

WRITTEN BY: NATASHA CM MWANSA

REACHING OUT FOR MORE THAN THE STARS

#ROMTS

[natashacmmwansa]

WHEN YOU'RE HURTING 😥😪

It bothers me when you pretend to be okay.

I ask you to tell me what's bothering you and pour out your heart but you say you can't.

I get that you don't trust me yet....or do you?

Emotions, pain and worry. You keep this in and don't want anyone else to share your pain and worry.

But I know what the problem is...mama told you not to cry...she tought you to suck up all your pain, she said you were a "man" and " men" don't cry. Society is to blame as well, she wired this into your brain 🧠.

But I want to be the woman you can trust... have some faith with the trust we are trying so hard to build.

The woman who boosts you up in moments you think you can't go on. The woman you can rely on.

So don't think I will go on as usual when I notice you're not doing fine.

#AbleChunguMusuka #Mwamunasamalila

https://youtu.be/NFheVrlI_sU

~ NATASHA CM MWANSA ~

REACHING OUT FOR MORE THAN THE STARS

#ROMTS

[natashacmmwansa]

UNKNOWN 😶😑🙄😤😩

Did you get?

Is it necessary that you got it?🤔

People be talking about how they have no idea, no criteria of who, how and what the future looks like.

They complain when their opinions and plans are shut up, shut out and mashed.

Only seen as fragments of dust to ash. Soon to be blown away by a mighty wind 🌬️ of what he set as true.

Should we consider it true when told he is terrible at giving details? Or does he do it on purpose?

So we walk through this life with no idea but entail, it's a mystery.

A mystery we have to explore and experience with the help of HIM❤️, down through history. But let's not get stuck in history lest we want to live every present day in misery...

~ NATASHA CM MWANSA ~

REACHING OUT FOR MORE THAN THE STARS

#ROMTS