nectias

[nectias]

The choir of life

I swear every day simply friends like a challenge to get through. Finding your new normal is impossibly hard. When my ex wife told me she wanted a divorce I wanted nothing more than to just leave. To be anywhere but there. But now that it is gone I miss it so much. I'm starting to forget how she looked at me, how she smelled. The little things I always took for granted. I don't know where to go from here.

[nectias]

Defining Moments

It's strange how we all go through life, never giving pause to the individual moments that make us who we are. It is truly amazing how just a single moment has the power to tear you apart, or to bring about so much happiness. Yet we don't so to consider them very often. I think it is amazing and terrifying how just one moment changes everything. For myself my divorce was one of those defining moment. One minute I knew everything I was going to do and how I was going to do it. I knew who I was going to grow old with. I was looking forward to seeing my kids grow up and become adults. But one moment robbed me all of this. One small defining moment.

[nectias]

Robin Williams

So Robin Williams dies today, I mean wow I just did not expect that. It's really sad how someone can be going through so much without anyone taking notice. People treat emotions like they do matter, well they really do. Anyway rest in peace!

[nectias]

Always more questions

So I guess people do really like to surprise you. The people that I thought would care if I left just really don't seem to, but the people that I thought would not really care do much more. In fact the guy that I thought was my best friend is expecting me to pay him nearly $7000 to move out. Totally sounds like a friend to me. Cause he totally paid for everything of mind he ever broke... Oh wait he never did.

[nectias]

Decisions

How do you know when someone no longer fits your life? How do you know when a friend has become an acquaintance? I really have no idea... It's so much easier the other way, it happens without you even knowing. Sigh I really do wish there were simple answers to some questions. My move out of state comes closer with each passing day and I still don't know where I sit with everyone. My sister has yet to reach out and see me before I leave. I guess that was a lost cause anyway, and now I don't know where I sit with some of my friends right before I move. It breaks my heart to know which people I might lose in all of this. Either way though the world will keep on turning and I think I will be in a better place for it all.

[nectias]

Realization

So today is the day that I really realized that I am moving away. My family and I are heading to a new life in a new state. Going from VA to LA, and well I have no idea how I feel about it all. I’m leaving behind everyone I have ever know. After so many years of fighting ever leaving my hometown. It really does break my heart to leave the handful of friends that i have made here. I am so scared that I am going to lose them all.