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rambling #1

I'm going to use my Tumblr to transcribe my diary as I have been meaning to. These are my thoughts and emotions: from my brain and shaking hand, to paper, to the dying internet platform. Enjoy.

The first entry is about turning 25.

"How to describe 25? I'm not the aptest person to say why 25 is this or that but I can tell you that I love it. While I'm still lost in life and know absolutely nothing about where I'm going and how I'll get there. I feel a bit more secure in what I'm doing with myself. I'm not that scared anymore (still a little bit scared but not like before). I don't know exactly who I am but I've discovered who I am not so I guess that is one step ahead.

I will say that writing has helped me a lot. I am able to completely let everything out even if nothing makes sense. As long as I put out the emotion I am feeling and write about it, I'll be fine. I want to write more and even maybe write a novel? Would I be able to pull it off? I want to be delusional enough to think that whatever I do is great but I second guess myself so much I'll probably write something and leave it to grow cobwebs and mold."

In this entry, I talk about feeling great about turning 25, which I'm not going to disagree with. I also talk about not feeling as scared. I was in a good place when writing this but right now my head is clouded and a bit unsettled. I guess I could say I am not scared just confused as to where to start with the rest of my life.

I will say my self-esteem improved as I am posting a writing entry and not being scared of what will happen. Hopefully, this won't grow cobwebs.

On an unrelated note, I will be uploading my reviews on different books I am reading. Thanks if you read it.

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i can’t believe the satanic panic is actually back, how funny

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"La Arcada Homage"

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just woke up from a dream where i was suckin a dick i did not need 2 be suckin, lord have mercy

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Sally Rooney, Beautiful World, Where Are You

[Text ID: When I try to picture for myself what a happy life might look like, the picture hasn’t changed very much since I was a child—a house with flowers and trees around it, and a river nearby, and a room full of books, and someone there to love me, that’s all. Just to make a home there, and to care for my parents when they grow older. Never to move, never to board a plane again, just to live quietly and then be buried in the earth. What else is life for?]

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Sally Rooney, Beautiful World, Where Are You

[Text ID: To think of childhood gave her a funny queasy feeling, because it had been real life once and now it was something else.]

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Master of Frankfurt | Saint Barbara (detail) | c. 1510-1520

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Ancient Greek gold ring with a depiction of a bee, dated to the mid 5th century BCE. Found in the J. Paul Getty Museum.

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i shouldnt have to deal with things <3,,,,

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Remember, you can disappear into the woods whenever you want. You’re an adult.

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by Jelle van Leest

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Victorian snake earrings, 9 ct gold with ruby eyes. 1880s.

I am viscerally angry that these aren’t mine.

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Pfunds Molkerei, Dresden

This lovely place was used as one of the film locations for 'Grand Budapest Hotel' (2014) as the Mendl's bakery. This unique dairy store was established in 1880 and kept its original interior with hand painted decorative tiles.

Analog photographs by me, IX 2022

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chloë sevigny for es magazine shot by petra collins

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Usseglio, Italy by ::ErWin

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Herbert James Draper - Go Lovely Rose! Tell her that Wastes her Time and Mine