neurodivergentdog

[neurodivergentdog]

still fat but seeing slight differences ...

[neurodivergentdog]

just so yall know , an infant babys caloric needs are anywhere from 750 - 1000 so please think about that when youre depriving your body of the nutrients it needs to maintain healthy organ function ( brain included ! not eating exacerbates mental health symptoms as well as making one generally irritable , forgetful , and overall unable to focus )

if youre going to be doing anything upright or physical , PLEASE eat something , even just a small snack . your body needs food to take you where you need to go ! your body is only still moving because it thinks youre taking it to food and eventually its going to give out in some manner that you'll never think could happen to you because youre not sick enough ... please eat something while you still can 😔

[neurodivergentdog]

might just be late but i havent had my period since january ... wonder if im finally so sick my body cant take it lol 👏

[neurodivergentdog]

“frugal” eating recipes be like

oh its SO EASY, just buy this fifty dollar item for forty-nine dollars off with a coupon that you can’t find and don’t have time to cut out at a store that doesn’t have outlets in rural areas and then you can fill in the rest with odds and ends that are SURELY already taking up space in your kitchen that you totally somehow forgot about! [photo of a table full of perfectly arranged meats and fresh vegetables] this little family secret is SO easy and delicious just looking at it will make you gain ten pounds ;) so make sure pace yourself! this right here should be enough to stock your fridge for the next ten months at LEAST so you don’t have to worry about the hassle of mealtime again for awhile!

[neurodivergentdog]

[neurodivergentdog]

[neurodivergentdog]

Me

[neurodivergentdog]

Do you think this is a pretty sight? This is the reality of having anorexia for 12+ years. The reality of what eating disorders can do to your body.

When I was in high school and then in college getting my bachelors degree, I spent more time in hospitals and treatment centers than I did out of them.

And then I found out

My organs failed. Permanently.

Last year, I needed major surgery that took about 4 HOURS, and after that I was admitted to the hospital for a week on heavy pain medications, being wheeled around because I couldn’t walk.

I had tubes everywhere.

I had to medically withdraw from graduate school because I had to spend that time in doctors offices, infusion centers for IVs, in the ER, or admitted into the hospital.

Now I have a 6 inch scar across my abdomen and will be on medications for the rest of my life to help my heart and stomach function enough to keep me alive.

I’ve nearly died multiple times from the ED, but I had never believed that my organs could shut down and leave me to deal with that reality for the rest of my life.

That is not a way anyone should have to live life.

This is what an eating disorder looks like. Not the “thinspo” everyone sees on the Internet. This is what you don’t see behind those pictures and it’s not pretty.

[neurodivergentdog]

some unexpectedly difficult ed moments

food stops being food and starts being “points,” calories, numbers. your friend is craving pancakes at 8 pm and she just eats it and you politely decline because you’ve reached your balance for the day.

you’re studying, and the kid next to you pulls out a sandwich and the smell is all you can think about, even after he finishes.

it’s impossible to get through a whole day without falling asleep.

you waste a lot of money. a lot. the $70 jeans you bought at the beginning of fall are too big around the butt and thighs but still cling to your waist fat and it feels like a big failure either way.

falling asleep with an empty stomach is hard. falling asleep with a full stomach is also hard. stay up until 3 am, on the verge of tears. at least you might wake up skinnier.

when you walk to class, or the store, or home, each step feels like more calories burned. it’s -10 degrees fahrenheit outside, but you skip the bus. burn more.

your friend begs you to eat until you cry, and even though he apologizes for threatening to stop spending time with you, you spend any moment after thinking about whether he was serious.

when was the last time you pooped?

finally ate something. relief. it didn’t even taste good though, so you wasted your calories you stupid, stupid cow stupid stupid STUPID

your babyface will never go away, even if you make it to 60 lbs. your ribs will pull at your skin and your legs will threaten to give out when you stand, but those round cheeks are there to stay.

the thermostat is at 74. if you turn it up anymore your roommates might notice, so you pile on the blankets, and wake up in a pool of sweat the next morning.

despite everything, you have never felt uglier and more repulsive.

[neurodivergentdog]

Some people have never eaten less than 1000 calories a day and it shows.

[neurodivergentdog]

so i have been doing this lil exercise right here called the starfish crunch and oh my god it’s been making a noticeable difference so quickly bc it works ur entire abdominal area. i’ve been having trouble w my lower stomach but this has been tightening EVERYTHING

[neurodivergentdog]

im .. at my lowest weight even tho ive been eating ??? its almost as if .. eating in a caloric deficit will make u lose no matter what instead of just starving like a dumbass and blindly bingeing in a few days cause yr body just goes Primal Instinct Need Food

[neurodivergentdog]

[neurodivergentdog]

This is what they say

“It’s like folding doll clothes”— my mom while helping me fold my clothes

“And you can eat a piece of broccoli or whatever”— my brother at a restaurant

“You’re so lucky you’re tiny! All the best vintage clothes are size s and xs”— the lady at the vintage store

“Honesty (my name) you are so cute and petite”— my best friend’s mom

“You just keep getting more gorgeous”— my great uncle seeing me for the first time in eight months

“These are too small, do you want them?”— my aunt trying to give me size six pants

“Those are sixes they won’t fit her. They’ll be way too big”— my mom in response to my aunt

And it’s sick but I love this feeling of emptiness

[neurodivergentdog]

far from thin , but at least im not as huge as i used to be lol

[neurodivergentdog]

[neurodivergentdog]

Pros of being an anorexic adult:

-you save money on food

Cons of being an anorexic adult:

-literally everything else