neveralarch
neveralarch
Well... How Did I Get Here?
941 posts
This person claims to contain multitudes. 32. They/them pronouns, thanks!
Last active 60 minutes ago
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
neveralarch · 3 days ago
Text
hmm let me think of a super normal, heterosexual thing to comment on this youtube compilation video of hockey players apologizing after accidentally injuring another player
Tumblr media
nailed it
72K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 7 days ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Rival Challenge Bonus Prompt, "Laughter"!
I wanted not only Laughter from Kakashi, but also you the audience at home!
It's a bit rushed from having to run escape rooms and working at the same time, but I had a mission damn it.
90 notes · View notes
neveralarch · 8 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
I might be the villain in somebody else’s story [but that’s fine].
TGCFxMDZS :: Ghost Calamity Jin Guangyao
Gilded Jackal Smiling Softly
On Twitter here.
858 notes · View notes
neveralarch · 8 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
533 notes · View notes
neveralarch · 9 days ago
Text
Tumblr media
Vindication!!! Truly kakashi would be GONE
romance story you think is going to be a slow burn except character A suggests fake dating For Reasons and character B immediately responds, delighted, "holy shit you're in love with me" and then the actual relationship plot is A desperately trying to deny this because they have not been allowed their requisite several months to ease into the idea romance is on the cards here for real while B is like. yes i know you have issues, you're very repressed, im tragically into this, but sweetheart. darling. we could be kissing right now.
A keeps trying to bolt from the mortifying ordeal of being known and B keeps yelling no take backsies
3K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 10 days ago
Text
romance story you think is going to be a slow burn except character A suggests fake dating For Reasons and character B immediately responds, delighted, "holy shit you're in love with me" and then the actual relationship plot is A desperately trying to deny this because they have not been allowed their requisite several months to ease into the idea romance is on the cards here for real while B is like. yes i know you have issues, you're very repressed, im tragically into this, but sweetheart. darling. we could be kissing right now.
A keeps trying to bolt from the mortifying ordeal of being known and B keeps yelling no take backsies
3K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 14 days ago
Text
https://archiveofourown.org/works/66992527
Y'ALL THIS IS THE COOLEST FANFIC I'VE EVER SEEN.
It is a complete narrative about SecUnits on a Planetary Survey trying to communicate and keep their clients safe while dealing with the restrictions of their govmod.
IT IS ALSO A FULLY INTERACTIVE GAME OF MINESWEEPER.
The story is told BY PLAYING MINESWEEPER.
This fic is criminally underrated go look at it!!!
9K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 14 days ago
Text
"they just toss on the ol' carabineer keychain and they're like, 'see ya at the parade'" is sending me
2K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 23 days ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
konoha diversity win: these elite shinobi share a twin-sized bed and live with eight dogs
3K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 24 days ago
Text
jerking off to a particularly good block of clay thinking about all the things it could become
11K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 28 days ago
Text
when u unholster the gas pump and expose its insert and u push it into ur cars hole and feel the hose stiffen with liquid and u hold down on the trigger watching your cars tank fill all the way up until its close to its breaking point and only then do u let the pump slide out and its still dripping and u plug ur car up to make sure nothing leaks out and u dont even clean the pump as u hang it back up for the next car to enjoy
22K notes · View notes
neveralarch · 1 month ago
Text
If you liked my recent fic where my hockey OC has a lot of inadvisable sex until his dick disappears have i got great news for you! there is more.
1 note · View note
neveralarch · 1 month ago
Text
DENIAL IS A RIVER- Fujiko Remix
I just finished a gig so that means it is time for the fandom brainworms run free, so behold my fujiko amv
111 notes · View notes
neveralarch · 1 month ago
Text
Pining days piece from the late anbu days
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Kks: [gasp]......... [I actually fell /asleep/ asleep] Already done with the morning circuit? Gai: Duh, it's 10am
Tumblr media
Welcome back, rival. Kks: Yo..... Here. Gai: For me? Kks: I saw it at a stand and thought of you... I didn't wake you did I? Gai: Nah, once i know it was you, I fell back asleep instantly. Trying to get a jump on challenging me? Kks: No. sicko
Tumblr media
Gai: Ah, I did almost step on your head when I got up to pee. Kks: [chuckle] YEOW! Gai: Your feet look nasty. You should soak in my tub at least. I have a few errands today. However, I can't leave my eternal rival in this state! Help yourself to any med supplies while I'm out! There's a meal for you as well. Take it easy, ok? I'll return soon!
Tumblr media
Kks: If I'm not shitting my brains out all day. Gai: THEN DON'T EAT IT! LIKE I CARE! See you
Tumblr media
Kks: Thanks, Gai
Tumblr media
Gai: REST!
Tumblr media
Kks: He's busy. I should go soon... Genma: Oi, go see gai if you can. Shocker, he misses you. Gai: hmm! He did stay. Out cold.
Tumblr media
Gai: AAA!! Kks: I thought you were always on guard?? Gai: You are the WORST GUEST [both laughing]
751 notes · View notes
neveralarch · 1 month ago
Text
This is now complete at 20k! Except. I've still been writing more things that happen to Trey. So there's also a series on ao3 you can follow if you'd like to see more over the next few weeks.
A couple weeks ago I got hit by a wild porn concept involving a magic sex ritual initiation for hockey players. And I wrote 15k of it in 5 days. So, you know. This is happening to us all now. Check the tags and notes for content warnings!
Rookie of the Year Chapter 1 of 3 Original work Rating: adult Characters: first pick NHL rookie/his entire team, background rookie/his college girlfriend Wordcount: 5,500ish this chapter
"It's an orgy," said Lindsey, on the phone.
"It's not an orgy," said Trey, frustrated. "It's team bonding. The vets welcoming the rookies to the team. It's this big honor."
"A big honor that you had to get an STI test for," said Lindsey, flatly.
"There's not gonna be any girls there," said Trey, soothingly. "It's just the team. It's really secret, actually, I'm not supposed to be telling you about it at all. You just go to the party, you get welcomed in, and then, uh, that's it. That's mostly it."
Lindsey didn't say anything. Trey had to pull his phone away for a second to make sure she hadn't hung up.
"I think," he said, when the silence had stretched on to the point of misery. "I mean, I don't know, but I think there's some magic involved. Like, there's rumors."
"Rumors," said Lindsey.
Trey hesitated, but he'd been the one to call. He'd opened this can of worms, and now he was gonna lie in it. "Guys' dicks get shorter."
8 notes · View notes
neveralarch · 1 month ago
Text
A couple weeks ago I got hit by a wild porn concept involving a magic sex ritual initiation for hockey players. And I wrote 15k of it in 5 days. So, you know. This is happening to us all now. Check the tags and notes for content warnings!
Rookie of the Year Chapter 1 of 3 Original work Rating: adult Characters: first pick NHL rookie/his entire team, background rookie/his college girlfriend Wordcount: 5,500ish this chapter
"It's an orgy," said Lindsey, on the phone.
"It's not an orgy," said Trey, frustrated. "It's team bonding. The vets welcoming the rookies to the team. It's this big honor."
"A big honor that you had to get an STI test for," said Lindsey, flatly.
"There's not gonna be any girls there," said Trey, soothingly. "It's just the team. It's really secret, actually, I'm not supposed to be telling you about it at all. You just go to the party, you get welcomed in, and then, uh, that's it. That's mostly it."
Lindsey didn't say anything. Trey had to pull his phone away for a second to make sure she hadn't hung up.
"I think," he said, when the silence had stretched on to the point of misery. "I mean, I don't know, but I think there's some magic involved. Like, there's rumors."
"Rumors," said Lindsey.
Trey hesitated, but he'd been the one to call. He'd opened this can of worms, and now he was gonna lie in it. "Guys' dicks get shorter."
8 notes · View notes
neveralarch · 2 months ago
Text
things they should teach baseball players as soon as they go pro:
how to manage your money so you aren't broke at 40
sometimes your soulmate is a man
19K notes · View notes