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neverisalongtime-ja-blog · 7 years ago

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(Final) Chapter 46: Never is a long time

I have so many things to say in this last post. First of all I want to thank everyone who read the fic and supported it and also followed Anastasia's Instagram. This experience has allowed me to meet so many amazing people around the world and I'll be forever grateful for your friendship during this time. I hope we can all keep in touch. I'm extra proud of myself for finishing this. To be honest with you, there were times when I thought couldn't do it, sometimes I didn't want to, but now I'm happy I did.

It's been a wild year since I started to write this story and my life did a 180° turn since last January when I wrote those first lines after reading another amazing fanfic (Be My Getaway), at that moment I was so alone in life and so depressed that writing this was a light in my dark day to day.

Thank you again, I never expected all the success, even if nobody read it I'm so happy I did this. Life is better now and it's just starting, and I'll keep writing, and I'll continue writing about Anastasia and I hope we can all gather around that story too.

I wanna give special thanks to Adriana for helping me with my grammar, y'all know English is not my first language, to Eva (my new roommate, who would have thought?) for the support and for being JoshAn's number one fan, and to Mai for the love.

And to you for being here with me till the end.

Thank you again, I love you all.

Back in California, Anastasia didn’t have a lot of time to think about Josh’s last unfortunate behavior. The fact that he let her down so many times now was enough for her to stop caring about it, but she couldn’t and she knew it. Now the fact that she still loved Josh as hard as she loved him a year ago didn’t leave her mind. But work was calling and Dead Curse’s new single was all about him, about Josh. “How appropriate”, she though ironically while she was inside a black van on the way to perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”, a popular talk show on US television.

Jimmy knew Barbara for a long time and, of course, he knew Anastasia as well. After a warm and friendly welcome, An and Mandy did a short interview and then it was time to perform.

“Crossfire” was the name of the song and the rhythm was slow. She never planned to make it a single but the rest of the band was very enthusiastic about it and, as a democracy, they voted it to be the third single from Live Action.

There’s still in the street outside your window

You’re keeping secrets on your pillow

Let me inside, no cause for alarm

I promise tonight not to do no harm

I promise you babe, I won’t be no harm

And we’re caught up in the crossfire

Of heaven and hell

And we’re searching for shelter

Lay your body down

Watching you dress as you turn on the light

I forget all about the storm outside

Dark clouds roll their way over town

Heartache and pain came pouring down like chaos in the rain

They’re heading it out

And we’re caught up in the crossfire

Of heaven and hell

And we’re searching for shelter

Lay your body down

Tell the devil that he can go back from where he came

His fiery arrows drew their beat in vein

And when the hardest part is over we’ll be here

And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears

Lay your body down

Next to mine

Josh’s POV

He was speechless. Josh always had certain envy towards the way Anastasia could put the deepest feelings into such melodic songs and that one, the verses he just heard her sing, were about him. He just knew it. Nobody had to tell him. She loved him and yet he let her down. She even told him she would leave it all for him and positive words couldn’t make their way out of his mouth.

There she was, on that screen, singing about him on national television, wearing a short, loose dark blue dress as the one she wore on their first date in New York, even her lips were red like the. It all brought him back to that night and all the amazing nights that followed. How could he? Josh never watched TV, unless it was sports, but Eric told him that Dead Curse would perform at Jimmy Kimmel and something inside of him pushed him to watch it. He didn’t regret it.

By then Josh was single again. Lauren ended up being tired of him not wanted to do anything “fun” with her, that and maybe the five times he called her “Anastasia” by accident –Two during sex. In the end she left him. He didn’t care about it that much, he just let her go and didn’t even try to reach her out again. It didn’t matter; no other woman mattered at the moment for him but Anastasia. A true treasure he let go, he let her space from his arms too many times. And now it was going to be harder than ever. She was with Richard the last time they were together and she, unexpectedly but magically, told him she would “leave it all” for him. But he shattered any opportunity, choosing fear again. How he loved to hear her say that to him, but enough was enough and he thought this time she wasn’t coming back. Life would go on but without her and it wasn’t going to be even half good.

Josh got up from the sofa and walked to the front door of his house. There he had a small table with some mail he hadn’t checked yet, he went through the envelopes until a very fancy one caught his attention. He opened it to discover the invitation to Mandy’s wedding.

Josh held the card in his hands for minutes and hesitated attending the wedding. On the one hand, Mandy became a great friend and many of his own friends were going to be there, but Anastasia would be an obvious presence and he didn't know if he could face her after what happened at Mark's wedding.

Anastasia’s POV

- I hope you aren't disappointed with your bachelorette party - Anastasia told Mandy while both were flying on a private jet.

- Are you insane? You know how much I wanted to visit Tulum! - Mandy said showing real excitement sitting in front of her blue haired friend.

- Yeah, but it's just us travelling. I thought you wanted a big party with a lot of people.

- An, my wedding will be a big party with a lot of people, this is just what I need right now. It all has been so stressful. I need to relax and you need tranquility too... Have you talked to Richard?

Richard... The topic Anastasia was expecting to surface but didn't want to talk about. Anastasia broke up with Richard a week before. She realized how much she still loved Josh and it wasn't fair for Richard, she was with him but thinking about Josh all the time. Richard was such a great boyfriend, loving and supportive that he didn’t deserve that, what she felt for Richard was more admiration than anything else, it was a platonic love but not a real one. The guy was devastated and Anastasia still felt bad about it.

- He actually thought we would be together forever and I thought so too, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about Josh. I truly love him, Mandy, but he will never be ready - Anastasia said.

- So you’ll just avoid love until Josh is ready? - Mandy asked.

- I'm not avoiding love - Anastasia answered - I'm waiting for it because I know Josh is my true love. - Mandy left her seat to hug Anastasia, sitting on her lap.

- I swear, underneath all that hard shell there is this super romantic, cheesy and ridiculous Anastasia that I love - Mandy said smiling.

- I'm gonna reply to that saying that we need to start with the champagne - Anastasia smiled too while Mandy took her seat again and her blue haired friend went for a bottle of champagne.

Tulum was a beautiful beach location in Mexico. Mandy had wanted to go for the longest time, so Anastasia thought it was the perfect place for a bachelorette party. She didn't have enough time to plan the whole thing ahead so there was just the two of then enjoying a best friend's weekend.

And so they did. They arrived on Saturday morning and had a large breakfast with every fruit they could possibly imagine, then they hit the beach until the afternoon. Tulum was an amazing place to find gorgeous handcraft items and both friends shopped until nighttime.

It was time for dinner. An made reservations in a very exclusive restaurant at the shore, it had a balcony and they could see and hear the waves hitting the sand.

- I don't know if this is my bachelorette party or my honeymoon - Mandy said laughing.

- Maybe this will make you fit more into the bachelorette mood - A waiter approached them with two Margaritas.

- This fits into the Mandy mood - They clinked glasses and cheered but Mandy didn't drink - I can't believe you are actually sending us to Fiji.

- It’s where you wanted to go and I told you I'd take care of the honeymoon.

- Yeah, but you are so good to me!

- Mandy, you are my best friend. You have to deal with me everyday, this is the least I could do for you. I love you. I want you to be happy and this is what best friends do.

- So I have to start planning your honeymoon in Mykonos for when you marry Josh - Anastasia smiled, how well that pink haired girl knew her.

- I'm probably more excited than you about your wedding - Anastasia said changing the subject.

- I'm excited but this is just a step. My relationship with Peyton isn't gonna change because of it.

- Why aren't you drinking your Margarita? - Anastasia asked noticing Mandy hadn't taken a sip of it yet.

- I am - Mandy answered laughing and not touching the glass.

- Of course not, and you didn't drink champagne on the plane either! - Anastasia told her friend with a suspicious look.

- You don't miss a thing, do ya? - Mandy was still laughing.

- Oh my God, Mandy! - Anastasia screamed realizing the whole thing.

- You can't tell anybody. Nobody knows. I'm going to announce it at the wedding. Only Peyton knows about it. - Mandy said with a huge smile on her face.

- You really are pregnant? - Anastasia asked and Mandy just nodded - I'm fainting, for real. I'm gonna be an aunt again! How far along are you?

- Five weeks, kinda - Mandy said - I'm very regular with my periods and I just missed one and I knew it, Peyton went with me to the doctor and the test was positive. He cried, I freaked out.

- I'm freaking out!

- Not even mom knows about it. Neither does Nick. I'm going to announce it at the wedding and it fucking sucks I can't drink on my own wedding - Mandy stopped when she saw tears in Anastasia's face - Are you crying?

- Yes. I love you so much. This is perfect.

Mandy got up from her chair and went to hug her friend.

- This baby is keeping me from drinking but I can still eat so let's eat everything! - Mandy said smiling with Anastasia.

- Isn’t Mexican food too strong for the baby?

- Well, it’ll have to step it up if it wants to come to this world?

- “It”? - Anastasia was laughing.

- We don't know if it's a girl or a boy so we call it "It". It looks like an alien, a penny sized alien. Are you nervous to see Josh at the wedding? - Mandy threw the words without warning.

- Again with the Josh thing? - Anastasia said - I'm always nervous when I’m about to see him. Even after he dumped me after having the best sex of his life. How are you so sure he will be at the wedding?

- Oh, come on! How is he going to miss it?

- Anyway, if he goes I'm sure he is going with Lauren.

- Darling, Lauren is in the past.

- How come?

- Lauren broke up with Josh because he was "too boring" for her.

- God! Poor Josh!

- Nah! Josh was good with it.

- How do you know everything about it?

- Nick likes to gossip - Mandy said with total calm and that made Anastasia burst with laugh - He does! He is the gossipy aunt.

- Shut up! - She was really happy that Josh was single again; it was like a never ending feeling of hope. - I don't know why I'm glad about it.

- Because you want him...

- I can't believe you are pregnant! Cheers to that! - Anastasia said raising her Margarita glass and drinking from it, ignoring the Josh issue and changing the conversation topic.

On Mandy’s wedding day, Anastasia woke up very early at Barbara's place. The first rays of sunlight made their way through the curtains which made her regret drinking so much the night before. It was hard to get out of bed but she did, took a shower, grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a pair of sneakers and went downstairs where Barbara was feeding the twins.

- I just had a dejà-vu - She said looking at her big sister.

- Are you going to the venue? - Barbara asked.

- Yes. I'm pretty sure Mandy didn't sleep at all - the blue haired girl answered.

- I will get ready here, wait for the babysitter Anthony is gonna bring and then I’ll leave for the mansion.

- Okay! - An gave Barbara a kiss on the cheek, and one to each twin - See ya later! I love you! - She said walking out the door.

Mandy was going to get married at Malibu. She and Peyton rented a huge and beautiful mansion overlooking a cliff from where you could see all the seashore. They would have the ceremony there, the place also had access to a private beach.

Anastasia drove there to find a huge amount of people setting everything up and decorating. There was pink and blue flowers everywhere, the colors were because their friendship - Peyton didn't really care about it - and shiny, sparkly things all over the place, crystals, glitter, everything.

She walked upstairs to the main bedroom which was set up with a huge makeup and hair station.

- I'm about to throw up - Mandy was lying in a giant bed.

- Don't be so overdramatic - Anastasia jumped next to her - It should be one of the happiest days of your life, relax!

- No, I actually have morning sickness - Mandy said.

- Oh, fuck!

- Richard sent me a huge, beautiful flower arrangement - Mandy said.

- Really? - Anastasia wasn't expecting that but it showed her how good of a gentleman Richard was.

- And a Congratulations card.

- Now I feel bad - Anastasia said- Richard was so good to me. What if he was the one and I let him slip away?

- No, he wasn't. Your one is gonna be here tonight.

- It’s time to go - Anastasia got up from the bed – Is there any food downstairs? I'm starving.

- You’re kidding, right? There's food like for an army! Let's go!

After eating some delicious buns with cheese and garlic the chef was making, the girls started to get ready. Hannah was the other bridesmaid and Mandy's mom was there too to get her hair and makeup done.

When it was time to see Mandy with her wedding dress, nobody could hold back the tears.

- You don't even know why you’re crying! -Mandy laughed.

- Because you look beautiful! - Mandy's mom said.

- I look beautiful all the time and I have never seen you crying about it! - She was still laughing.

Mandy's pink hair had 50’s vibe waves, and her dress was strapless with handmade embroidered appliqué. Makeup was natural. She looked beautiful. The shoes were blue and you could read “Wifey for life” on the soles. The veil was a showstopper, it had more embroidered ornaments, including two blue birds carrying a ribbon from where you could read “And they lived happily ever after”.

Anastasia, on the other hand, wore a pale pink dress with a deep cleavage and embroidered stars all over, her midnight blue hair was up in a messy bun.

The walk to the aisle was the weirdest thing An ever did. She was accompanied by the best man, Peyton's childhood friend from Colorado. All the eyes were on Mandy when it was her turn to make appear on the set of the ceremony. The last light of the day painted the sky and her pink hair was shining. Anastasia saw Peyton's jaw dropping to the floor.

An also gave a look to the assistants; she saw Chad, Flea and Anthony next to Barbara, Nick - her father, who always saw Mandy as another daughter- Mark and Steph. She also saw Eric, Nick and Jonathan. She saw many of their high school friends, some musician friends and then there he was, sitting on the fifth row, behind Anthony. His hair was straightened and he was wearing a tux in his right size. Next to him was his sister Kelly and some guys from The Getaway tour, they made a lot of friends there. Josh’s eyes were completely on Anastasia, he wasn't hiding it. She smiled and waved, he smiled and waved back. And there she was again, looking at the true love of his life.

The ceremony was longer than expected so when the Minister said the phrase “You may kiss the bride” it was a relief for everyone. It was time to party. Anastasia talked to almost everyone in the party. She danced with Mandy and with Nick, announced a huge surprise for the bride: she managed to get the Backstreet Boys to perform, Mandy's favorite childhood band, and then –as in a wedding full of musicians– some guests grabbed instruments and put together an improvised band, Chad and Mark among the members. Of course, they played every cover people requested.

It was so much fun. Anastasia wasn't avoiding Josh but maybe he was because they didn't cross paths in the entire evening. At one moment Mandy decided to pick up the microphone to say some things.

- Hello everyone! - She was so happy - Y'all know how I don't like to be on a stage - she said sarcastically and everyone laughed - and thank God I have one on my own wedding. I wanna thank everyone for being here and celebrating this obvious step of our relationship after eight years together. I couldn't imagine sharing my life with anybody else and I'm so lucky I found true love so early in life and without the hard work that it implies - She looked at Peyton who was next to her- But we are not only celebrating our wedding today - Anastasia smiled wide and looked at Nick because she wanted to see his face, he was going to be so excited to be an uncle - but also the begging of our family and I want to inform all that if I treated you like trash and screamed you during this weeks is because I have a baby in my belly and you are going to have to deal with that for another eight months.

Nick's jaw fell to the floor and Mandy's mom started to cry. Everyone was so happy for them and ran to hug them and congratulate them. Anastasia saw the perfect opportunity to step out and walked downstairs to the private beach the Mansion had. The moonshine reflected on the water and it made it look like glitter. She started to think about everything that just happened and how unlikely it would be to happen to her. Her heart was Josh's and she couldn't carry a child inside her; she started to cry thinking that something was always going to be missing from her life.

She looked at the shore and cried, like she hadn’t cried in a long time. She looked at the sky and back to the horizon, then she felt a pair of arms around her.

- I'm sorry to be crying at your wedding- she said turning herself thinking it was Mandy but no, it was Josh. She was so shocked the tears stopped running.

- Weddings can get a bit emotional, especially when the bride's pregnant - Josh said hugging her. She felt such relieve with those arms around her that she hugged him too. It was always the same, Josh breaks her heart and then appears giving her love and she forgot about the past.

- Yeah. A thing that will not happen to me - She said.

- Being pregnant at your wedding? - Josh said smiling, Anastasia melted watching him doing that - It can happen if you plan it.

- Being pregnant in general.

- How come? - Josh looked at her without breaking the hug and she remembered that she never told Josh she wasn't fertile, now she had to.

- I never told you this, because I don't really talk about it, but my reproductive system doesn’t work well and I'm not fertile, I can't be a mother - surprisingly for her, Josh hugged her tightly and then carry her to sit in the sand.

- You can be a mother, there's some other ways, adoption or even a surrogate.

- Would you like that the woman you marry can't carry your own child inside of her?

- It’s the 21st century, I can live with that. It will be our child no matter what - Those words went straight into Anastasia's heart.

- You need to stop being so damn perfect - Josh smiled.

- I'm not. You are and yet I'm always letting you go - Anastasia just shrugged - I don't want to give you the same speech I'm always giving you, how many times can I be sorry about my behavior towards you? - Anastasia opened her mouth to speak but Josh shut her up - Let me do the talking this time. When I heard about your break up with Richard I told myself that this was the time, it was it, no more fear, no more delays, I want you and I want you now. I love you, Anastasia, and I was always sure of that and part of not being able to be with you was my fear of losing you. But I lost you so many times I decided I'm not going to be afraid of the future, I just want to enjoy the rest of my days with you next to me. I want to wake up and see you, I want to sleep with you in my arms, I want to be with you and adopt a child together. I'm ready, I'm not afraid anymore.

Anastasia was speechless, what could she possibly say? Her dream was finally coming true and Josh was all there for her, she couldn't believe it.

- I know it’s going to be hard for you to believe I'm not gonna run away again - He continued talking - And I can't ask you to believe me, I'm just going to show you. Let me show you.

An kissed him. She couldn't resist it. As much as her dress let her, she jumped over him and kissed him, long and deep kisses. She felt little smiles in his face between kisses and that made her smile too; both started to laugh and stopped the kissing session to look at each other.

- How did you know I was here? - She asked.

- Before the wedding started I took a walk around, I found this access to the beach and thought it was a great place to escape from people for a moment. I was looking for you at the party and couldn't find you so I just knew you were here - They were so alike.

- I love you, Josh. I never stopped loving you and I never will. You are my other half and even if you run away I know you are going to make your way back to my arms and I'll be here, waiting for you because there's no other man I want by my side - she started to cry and Josh wiped the tears from her cheeks with his long fingers, then hugged her again.

- You know? I keep the book you gave me at Christmas on a shelf in my room and I look at it every night before sleep and every morning when I wake up to make sure I never forget you - Anastasia gave him a short kiss this time.

Both got up and Anastasia tried to clean her dress, it was all covered in sand, Josh helped her as both laughed.

- I know you maybe don't want a big wedding or don't want a wedding at all - He knew her so well - But would you accept being with me the rest of our days on Earth?

- I really thought I would never hear those words from your mouth - She said.

- Well, never is a long time - Anastasia smiled at him for quoting his own songs - but it happens in the end.

- I don't know what's going to happen in a year, five or forty, I'm just sure that I want to see your face, and hug your body and kiss your lips until I die.

Josh kissed her again, a deep kiss, a meaningful one, this wasn't a death kiss, it was a forever kiss.

#Josh Klinghoffer #JoshKlinghoffer #Josh Klinghoffer fanfic #Josh Klinghoffer fanfiction #fanfic #fan fic #fanfiction #fan fiction #Klinghoffer #Red Hote Chili Peppers #redhotchilipeppers #rhcp #JoshAn #never is a long time

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neverisalongtime-ja-blog · 7 years ago

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Chapter 45: I’ll leave it all if you want

Hey everyone! Here is another chapter! Read it and REMEMBER there’s still another chapter to be written and EVERYTHING can change.

Don’t kill me! I hope you like it!

Love you all! ♥

Anastasia was finally getting to enjoy her new house. Living away from everything was kind of hard, but pleasant at the same time. Mandy stayed a couple of days with her friend and brought Hercules with her. Anastasia loved animals but the fact that the little dog was shitting all over the place was getting on her nerves so she was relieved when Mandy left.

Richard also stayed some days with her, and it was a entirely different situation. Both enjoyed the pool, the view, the newly finished studio and the bed, of course.

- Mark’s wedding is in a couple of weeks! Finally! – Anastasia told Richard one morning while making breakfast for both.

- It’s in England, right? – Richard asked looking at his phone.

- Yes! The countryside, it’ll be lovely – Anastasia was pouring juice in two glasses – Steph has such great taste – Richard only looked at her for a second and smiled to turn his head down to his phone again, not saying a word so she had to ask – Are you coming with me? – Richard looked at her again, fast.

- I have a couple of shows in Australia and then we go to Canada so I don’t think my schedule will allow it – He said with a very pitiful face.

Anastasia already knew it, but the fact that he confirmed it made her terribly mad. She understood this type of relationship perfectly and the job both had, but she still wanted him to go to with her. She wanted to brag about their perfect relationship, she wanted to share this important family occasion with him. Lately she barely saw him, if he was traveling she was at home and vice versa.

- Ok – Was all she managed to say, drinking her orange juice in one gulp.

She decided not to talk about it again with Richard and just focus in enjoying the couple of days left together. On Tuesday he left for Australia and she took a flight to London. She always managed to go to England at that time of the year, the last months, the holiday season. It was the end of November and it was already cold, she met Mandy, Peyton and Nick at her little apartment, Eric chose not to go because his mother was visiting him in California and they hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

- Is Richard not coming? – Mandy asked while they were dinning in a nice restaurant in the center of the city.

- No, he has a couple of shows in Australia and Canada – Anastasia answered visually annoyed.

- Wow, you’re mad! – Nick said laughing.

- Like hell – She answered not smiling at all.

Mark and Steph were the less organized couple in the world, they just didn’t like to plan things so they just did what their heart told to do. In this occasion, it was a whole weekend of celebration because of the wedding. The countryside was a couple of hours away from London so they had to take a private bus to get there. The shock came for Anastasia when she hopped on the bus and saw Josh sitting in the front next to Nick. Well, of course Josh was invited, he’d been good friends with Mark but she hadn’t see him in so long.

Josh was wearing a black suit, a little too large for his complexion but usual for his style, and his hair was straightened so well and shiny. He looked at her, smiled, waved and returned to the conversation with Nick. It took her a good 30 seconds to react and continue the walk to her seat.

- Did you see a ghost? – Mandy asked her seating next to Peyton.

- Kind of – Anastasia took seat at Mandy’s left – Josh’s here.

- Why wouldn’t he be? – Mandy laughed – He traveled with us!

- It’s just that I didn’t expect to see him.

- But he is good friends with Mark!

- I know, Mandy, it’s just that… I don’t know! I’m shook – Mandy laughed and hugged her friend.

The weather was on Mark and Steph’s favor and the day was beautiful: blue skies, crisp wind, shining sun… perfection. The place was amazing too, a large land with white tents and purple and pink tulips, literally, everywhere. Anastasia was, of course, the maid of honor, Steph didn’t have a lot of close friends so it was natural for her to ask An to be part of such special moment. Anastasia’s dress was deep purple with her shoulders off and loose, comfortable enough to let her dance the night away. Mark was wearing a beige suit with a white shirt, while Steph’s wedding dress was long, also loose with a killer cleavage. A flower crown rested on her head, and her hair was loose with soft waves at the bottom. She looked beautiful and Mark knew it because Anastasia saw his eyes getting watery.

An was so happy for her brother finally taking this step after all those years of relationship. Mark and Steph were meant for each other and nobody there had any doubts about it. Anastasia felt a pair of eyes on her and when she looked at the audience sitting down she saw Josh looking at her with the dumbest smile on his face, which made her release a quiet giggle.

The ceremony was beyond beautiful. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when they told each other their vows. Barbara was probably the most emotional, and their dad, Nick, was all smiles. Mark’s mother cried a lot also. Anastasia didn’t shed a tear but the joy in her heart was huge.

Craft beer and champagne were the drinks of the evening and the food was a wide selection of pasta and pizza, an informal meal for this informal couple. To top it all a huge ice cream bar was set at a corner.

- Fuck that ice cream bar – Mandy said annoyed eating an ice cream cup on her own.

- Why? – Anastasia asked back.

- I planned an ice cream bar for my wedding! Now I have to cancel it! – Mandy’s wedding was already planned and in a month she was going to walk down the aisle.

- Don’t be silly! – Anastasia was sipping her fifth champagne glass – You can have everything you want – She laughed.

Mark was friends with a bunch of popular DJs and of course they all were there playing music and mixing songs and putting everyone to dance, Anastasia and Mandy included, of course. Richard was in constant touch with her through chat, she sent him a bunch of pictures and he sent her another bunch as well. While she was dancing she saw Josh looking at her again and she decided it was time to talk to him. He was alone at the bar.

- Never gonna get tired of watching you dance – Josh was the first to talk.

- Never gonna get tired of you doing it – An stopped suddenly realizing that wasn’t a good line to say but she was tipsy by then. Josh just laughed – Are you enjoying the celebration?

- It was a beautiful ceremony – Josh said – Those two finally tied the knot.

- I know! – Anastasia didn’t know what else to say.

- Wanna go sit down and talk? – He asked.

- Yes – She said without thinking, about what could they possibly talk about?

An looked at Josh as the alcohol did its effect on her. His small eyes were shining in front of the candles and the improvised lights of the decoration, he didn’t stop laughing the whole time and the conversation was fluid like the old times. She realized, at that moment, that she missed him; that even if she had another boyfriend now, Richard wasn’t Josh and he would never be.

- Do you wanna dance? – An asked without thinking, again.

- Dance? – Josh laughed some more – Are you insane?

- Come on! – She took him by his wrists and pushed him up the chair.

Josh put up some resistance but gave up in the end. One of Mark’s friends was playing 80’s hits while Anastasia started to move her hips inviting Josh to join her. He was stiff, as stiff as he could be, she laughed and pushed him closer trying to teach him some moves, the scene was hilarious and both were laughing hard. People around, including Mark, Steph, Mandy and Nick laughed too.

They danced until their feet hurt and Josh decided it was time for another beer. He walked Anastasia to their table and sat her down to then go and grab his beer and another champagne glass for Anastasia.

- I don’t know if I can drink more – Anastasia said sipping more champagne.

- I miss our wild drinking nights on tour – Josh said and Anastasia stopped to look at him because there was so much meaning in that phrase.

- Do you? – She asked.

- I do – He answered understanding what she meant.

And a special moment started and not just their eyes connected but their minds too. Anastasia smiled nervously confused about the moment. She wasn’t uncomfortable but more pleased and she could tell he was relaxed too. It was like a year ago when there were just the two of them in the world.

They talked some more about any topic one can imaginable, except their respective significant others. An never asked him about Lauren, and Josh didn’t even dare to mention Richard. It wasn’t because they were avoiding it, but because neither of them were thinking about them for a second.

The party ended the following morning. At around 6:00 am everybody left back to London in the same bus that took them to the wedding the day before, only now everybody was too tired to talk.

This time, Josh decided to sit next to Anastasia. She was probably more tired than anybody and, without thinking about it, she let her head rest on Josh’s shoulder and fell asleep for the whole ride. When they were approaching London she woke up kind of ashamed for snoozing over him.

- It’s fine – Josh said smiling.

- Where are you staying? – An asked him.

- At the Ritz – He replied.

- Uh, fancy!

- Are you guys staying at your apartment?

- Yes. I can’t wait to get in my bed and sleep the whole day – She said and both laughed.

The bus stopped and An hugged Josh goodbye. Mandy and Barbara looked at her with evident suspicious eyes and she just laughed on their faces.

An went home, took her dress and makeup off, took a long bath and went to sleep with Josh in her mind. She was in a cloud, because Josh had this power over her to just make her feel good. Despite everything that happened in the past, she just felt good around him.

Her phone beeped and it made her wake up. It wasn’t a surprise when she saw who texted her, Josh.

“Wanna have dinner?” – She read on the screen.

“Yes!” – She typed and sent, not thinking she was about to go out with her troubled ex-boyfriend while having a man of her own back in America.

It was cold outside so An chose warm trousers, a pair of black boots and a leather jacket. She knew that Josh wasn’t taking her to a fancy place; she always loved that about him, that he was so laid back and would rather have a good time at some pub than at an expensive restaurant.

They met at the lobby of the Ritz and then walked to a nearby pub to enjoy a burger and some beer. Josh was being that dude she fell in love with, shy, loose, without issues, kind, caring and lovely.

They talked, ate and drank and by the fourth beer An knew what she wanted to do with him that night. She wasn’t thinking clearly, or maybe she was thinking clearer than ever before. Richard was blocked from her brain and she wanted to be with Josh, it was like if she was drunk of him and she wanted more. Josh realized Anastasia’s attitude and that excited him, he wanted her also.

- I don’t know how to ask this, especially after all we went through – Josh started to talk but Anastasia interrupted him.

- Yes, let’s go to your hotel room – She said not measuring her words.

Those kisses, she longed for them for so long. She missed having him in her arms and she could feel he missed her the same. The way he was holding her, so tight, so respectfully, she loved that about Josh so much. She realized Josh could give her so much more than Richard could. Josh and An got in bed and made love like the old times, wild but full of love; they needed each other. That hotel room at the Ritz was a witness of all the love that they held for such a long time being finally released.

They had sex about four times that night and next morning An woke up with a feeling of peace she didn’t feel in a long time. She got up to have a nice, long bath and when she went back to the bedroom, Josh was already awake and sitting on a big chair in front of a huge window from where you could see a big part of London. Anastasia decided to hop on his lap, none of it felt real for any of them.

- Here we are, looking at a skyline together – An said and Josh smiled putting his arms around her.

- It’s our thing – He said smiling some more.

- I love you, and it’s so fucked up because… – Anastasia stared into Josh eyes while playing with his left ear - …you hurt me so bad – She looked down.

- I know and I will probably say sorry for that until my dying day – He said hugging her tighter.

They stared at the view for a few minutes more without saying a word.

- I don’t want to wake up from this – Josh said. Anastasia looked at him realizing for the first time that weekend how open he was being.

- We don’t have to – An said.

- How come? – He smiled sarcastically.

- I will leave it all for you – Anastasia looked straight to his small eyes – I will leave Richard, I’ll leave everything if you just ask me to.

- I can’t do that – Josh’s answer wasn’t exactly what she was expecting.

- Why? – She got up from his lap.

- You aren’t thinking clearly here! – He shouted - Listen – He went after her – I hurt you so bad, you don’t deserve someone like me – Apparently, the “Josh with issues” came back.

- Don’t say that! – She screamed now – You are enough for me, you are everything I want!

- And because I love you I can’t do that to you. I don’t know if I’m gonna screw it up again and you don’t deserve that.

- So I’ll have to wait? – Anastasia thought it was useless to keep fighting.

- I don’t know – Josh said and Anastasia went back to the bathroom to get dressed and cry. She just cried silently, and when she opened the door he was seating in the bed looking miserably at the floor. She walked towards him to be closer.

- I just want to say that you worth the wait. You are everything to me – An said and Josh looked up at her – Can I give you a kiss?

That kiss felt like a goodbye. That’s how a death kiss should’ve felt.

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