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nickihstn-blog-blog · 7 years ago

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Like I Loved You Version 2 6/7/18

Like I Loved You: Third Person POV “Seems Like, You’ve Got It All Figured Out. You’re Alright With The Way This Is Going Down.” The room is deathly quiet. Tensions between the two were mounting with each passing breath. His hands constantly roaming through his tousled hair. While she stood at the other end of the room, her hands balled into fists at her sides. Neither one knew which step to take forever, but also didn’t want to take several steps back. Both have unshed tears and frustration in their eyes. Finally, she throws her phone onto the bed between them. A picture of a woman with short red hair, glasses and chubby cheeks still plastered onto the front of it. “So are we going to address the elephant in the room?” She says, steel like edge to her voice. She looks at him from across the room. His face never changes, just a brief glance to the picture on her phone. She takes one last lingering look at the man before her. Man may have been the wrong word for the way he was acting. But a man none the less is what he was supposed to be. She starts to tear up again as she looks at him. At the shoulder length honey blonde hair that she used to run her hands through. The dimples in his smile that made her knees weak. Looking into his hazel eyes now, she notices the love isn’t there. Not like how it used to be. This man in front of her, she doesn’t know him at all. “What elephant in the room?” He asked stupidly. Without warning and faster than he had ever seen a woman travel, she flew across the room, grabbed her phone, and then stood in front of him just inches from his face. For a brief moment he just looked at her. Taking in the fire burning in her eyes. Staring in wonder at the love still there underneath it all. “This! This woman who you’ve let come between us! This bitch of a woman who you told me to apologize too! Which by the way, I shouldn’t have had too. I was only defending my relationship because I assumed she was some psycho. I have instincts you idiot! You honestly thought I couldn’t tell you were being distant? You honestly thought I wouldn’t notice that another woman was trying to move in on you? Little did I know that she had already fallen into your bed at that point. How could you do that, how could you tell me that you loved me, tell me that you missed me, with another woman lying in your bed? Tell me! Cause honestly I don’t understand how someone could do that without feeling remorseful!!” She yelled forcefully. Her hands balled into fist on his chest while tears poured from her eyes. Her heart crumbling inside her chest as she spoke. By The Way You’re Talking You Would Think You Never Had Any Real Feelings For Me They both just stood there for a second. She was sobbing uncontrollably in his arms while he just held her there. He knew that it wasn’t time to say anything yet. Knew that they were just barely scratching the surface of the pain HE had caused her. So he just held her close to him. Hoping that she’d still feel the love in his embrace. A couple of minutes passed before she backed away from him. The tracks of her tears still evident on her cheeks. Reaching up, she wipes her eyes and pulls her hair back and away from her face. Now it’s his turn to stand in awe of this woman. The times he’d push that dark chocolate hair out of her beautiful mix of honey brown and emerald colored eyes. The times when he would stop by her place of business and see how her face would light up when he walked in. How just the mere presence of her could melt away all of his stress and anxiety. A single tear falls from his eyes as he realizes just how much he’s hurt this woman. And yet she still stood here, trying to understand him. Trying to show him that she still loved him. In that moment, he realized one painful truth, he doesn’t deserve her. And If You Think I Can Look Across The Bar And See You In Someone Else’s Arms And I Need You The minutes passed in painful silence. She half expected him to get defensive. Half expected him to say something to discourage what she had just thrown in his face. Anything other than this kind of dead air. After a couple more seconds, she held up her hands in defeat. “Do you know what the hardest part is? What hurts the most about all of this? It isn’t that you slept with her. It isn’t that you guys went out on a date and saw a movie. You could’ve even brought her home to meet mom and it would all be ok with me, if you had just done one simple thing. If you had just told me about it all. Instead you lied. Made me believe that we were alright. That we were still together instead of the opposite. Now whenever I close my eyes I see you and her in bed. Or you and her in the back of the shop. I see you telling her that you love her. I see you taking her to ihop and running your hands through her hair. Everything that you used to do with me, I now see you doing with her. And it hurts. You didn’t just physically cheat on me, you emotionally cheated too. Least that’s what I see. Correct me if I’m wrong. Tell me otherwise. I mean, honestly Nick, how would you feel if that was me? How would you feel if I was telling you I loved you but was also sleeping with another guy? What if I had someone else’s hands where yours have been? How would it make you feel?” She asked as she stared at him. She only hoped his answer would mirror how she currently felt. That he’d tell her the very thought makes his skin crawl. That just picturing it makes his stomach turn. That it makes his heart plummet to the pit of his chest. Knocks the very wind out of him. All of which she can’t stop from happening to her right now. Just looking at him is driving her crazy because it’s all she can see. It’s like this other woman is standing in the room with them smirking at her as her hands travel up and down his body. Roughly, she shakes her head to clear the sudden image away before it gets worse. Replacing it with one of them in bed last night. Anything to get the taste of her spit outta her mouth. Oh Who Do You Think You Are Trying To Tell Me That We Could Still Be Friends “I’m not sure what you want me to say.” He mumbled defeated, his hands hanging loosely at his sides. All of their time together was still playing in his head. This other girl was the last thing on his mind. All he could see in this moment was the gorgeous woman in front of him. Even now, she was trying her hardest to keep it together for him. She always had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Always had ten foot walls up for everyone but him. He finally knew what it felt like to be everyone else. “Tell me that she means nothing. Tell me that she’s out of your life. Tell me how you feel about me. Tell me that the past two years weren’t a fucking lie! Because as of right now, I can’t believe a word that you have said to me.” She said evenly. He shivers from the artic tone in her voice and tries to take a step towards her. Only to be rewarded with her taking two steps back. “Don’t touch me right now. Don’t try and sweet talk me, just answer me.” She says putting both of her hands up as if to defend herself. He sighs and throws his hands out to the sides, frustration from his own actions leaking through. “She means nothing to me! She’s out of my life! I wouldn’t even bring her home to meet my mother dammit! It was one time! One moment of weakness that I regretted! I love you more than I love her!” He paused after that, realizing the word that just slipped out of his mouth. He glances at her and notices a flash of hurt on her face before she covered it back up with a cold mask. “You love her.” She states. He starts to walk towards her again but she holds up her hand. Her other hand quickly unlocking her phone. Jabbing a few of the keys before placing it in her palm again. He can’t see what she did, can’t see who she called, until a familiar voice fills the room. “Hello?” A chipper female voice asks. “Hi, is this Tia?” She stares at him blankly as she’s talking to the other woman. The ice in her stare is enough to freeze him to his spot. His heart is hammering inside his chest as he imagines what she is going to say next. “Yes this is her?” The voice asks cautiously. She smirks as she stares at him. Her arm now crossed in front of her chest. Unknown to him, to keep the last remaining bits of her heart together. “Hi Tia, this is Nicholas’s EX girlfriend, calling to let you know that you can have him. I just hope you’re happy with my sloppy seconds. And know that you’re getting a man who will tell you he loves you while fucking other women behind your back. So be prepared to have a lot of empty nights full of disappointment.” She hangs up after that, letting everything sink in. She could’ve said more. Could’ve told this woman how she had gotten him to call out her name last night. How he must’ve really cared about a one night stand if he wasn’t willing to bring her home. Or how she must’ve been so important to him since none of his friends knew about her. She could’ve said all of that, but sloppy seconds is exactly what this woman was getting. She was inheriting nights of lying in bed wondering how he felt about her. Days spent not receiving a word from him while she would send text after text. Or maybe this one would be different. Maybe because this other woman needed saving and she didn’t, maybe that was the reason he wanted her. She shook her head as she threw her phone again. This time hitting the wall, cracking her screen. “Why did you call her?” He asked, still rooted to his spot from across the room. She laughed evilly and then turned towards the door. Each passing second spent wondering if she should just throw her cards on the table or move on. They were both young. They both had time to find someone else. He obviously had, so what was keeping her here. She knew if she turned to face him that she’d melt into his arms. That she would let him take her on the bed and just forget about their problems until morning came. “Because you have feelings for her. Call it love, like, lust, whatever you want to call it. You still have feelings for her. And as much as I love you. As much as I want a future with you. I won’t be second in your heart. Which you’ve already proven to me these past couple of weeks. Just tell me something, if you hadn’t of been caught. If I hadn’t of found a text of her telling you that she loved you, would you have even told me what was going on? Or would I just have continued to be your side chick, none the wiser. “ She asks, turning around one last time to look at him. He sees it then. Sees every ounce of hurt he has caused. Sees every piece of her shattered heart resting on his bedroom floor. And in that moment he wants to take it all back. He wants to tell Tia to fuck off. Tell his dick to calm the fuck down. Reserve every bit of damage he has done just to see her smile again. “I was going to tell you. I’m telling you now, I don’t want her. I only see you, I only want you. You’ve given me all of you. And I know I haven’t returned the favor lately. I know I’ve let you down. But please, Nikki, let me make this right. I know you don’t trust a word I say, but let me show you how much I love you. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. Please…don’t leave me.” His voice breaks at the end as his own tears start to fall. He reaches out towards her, carefully stepping forward. At first, she’s hesitant. She doesn’t want to be hurt by this man again. But as she looks at the love of her life, she breaks down. She runs into his arms and holds him tight. They hold each other for an hour, just sobbing together in each other’s arms. He kisses the top of her head every once in a while. Pouring all of his love onto her. While she stays guarded. She loves him, but only time will tell if he’s worth it. Or if she should’ve followed her first instinct and walked out that door after hitting ‘End’ You Always Told Me You’d Never Leave Me You Said I Was Your One And Only So What Makes You Think I Wanna Hear You Say That We Can Still Be Friends Hanging On The Weekends Youre Gonna Be Okay If I Start Seeing Somebody New You Hope That I Do If You Really Believe That’s The Truth You Never Loved Me Like I Loved You.

Alternate Ending They freeze in the center of the room, locked in a tight embrace. And then the scene starts to play in reverse. They back away from each other. The tears that have been shed retreat back up their cheeks. The words that have been said revert back to unspoken thoughts. Lovers standing together now stand several feet apart. She has just clicked end on her phone. “Why did you call her?” He asked stupidly. She rewards him with a hard stare and then shakes her head. Nothing she says or does is going to get through to him. She takes one last lingering look at the man standing before her. The same man who ignored his friends for ten months. The same man who ignored her on a regular basis. A man who actively chose another woman over her. She couldn’t take it anymore. “Because she deserves to know what she’s getting herself into. She deserves to know what kind of man you are. I told you the next woman would have to go through me. You deserve each other. Go, save your damsel in distress. Go be the hero. I’m done being second. I’m done with whatever this is. Go be with her since you love her so much.” She starts to walk out the door when he grabs her hand and pulls her back to him. “I’m sorry, truly I am. I don’t want her. I’ve already texted her and told her we were over. That what we had was a mistake. Please Nikki, don’t walk out that door. I need you in my life. I need you more than you realize baby, please…” He starts sobbing towards the end. Her heart starts to break at the sight. But her face stays cool and collected. She pulls her hand from his wrist and shakes her head. “If you truly loved me, if you honestly wanted to be with me, this wouldn’t have happened. You would’ve come out to see me instead of me doing all of the work. You wouldn’t have slept with her at your grandparent’s house. You wouldn’t have been able to find perfection in her at all if you honestly, truly loved me Nicholas. And as much as I love you. As much as doing this is going to break my heart. I have to let you go. I have to save what little dignity I have left.” With that being said, she places a soft kiss on his lips. Savoring the way it makes her feel before turning towards the door again and walking out of his life for good. We Can Still Be Friends No I Don’t Wanna Be Friends So Stop Telling Me Stop Telling Me That Youre Gonna Be Okay If I Start Seeing Somebody New You Hope That I Do It Won’t Be Long Til I Forget To Call Every Time That I’m Drinking And You Ain’t The Love Song I Can’t Keep From Singing I Gotta Be Honest If You Really Believe That’s The Truth You Never Loved Me Like I Loved You

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 7 years ago

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Like I Loved You 6/5/18

Like I Loved You: Third Person POV “Seems Like, You’ve Got It All Figured Out. You’re Alright With The Way This Is Going Down.” The room is deathly quiet. Tensions between the two were mounting with each passing breath. His hands constantly roaming through his tousled hair. While she stood at the other end of the room, her hands balled into fists at her sides. Neither one knew which step to take forever, but also didn’t want to take several steps back. Both have unshed tears and frustration in their eyes. Finally, she throws her phone onto the bed between them. A picture of a woman with short red hair, glasses and chubby cheeks still plastered onto the front of it. “So are we going to address the elephant in the room?” She says, steel like edge to her voice. She looks at him from across the room. His face never changes, just a brief glance to the picture on her phone. She takes one last lingering look at the man before her. Man may have been the wrong word for the way he was acting. But a man none the less is what he was supposed to be. She starts to tear up again as she looks at him. At the shoulder length honey blonde hair that she used to run her hands through. The dimples in his smile that made her knees weak. Looking into his hazel eyes now, she notices the love isn’t there. Not like how it used to be. This man in front of her, she doesn’t know him at all. “What elephant in the room?” He asked stupidly. Without warning and faster than he had ever seen a woman travel, she flew across the room, grabbed her phone, and then stood in front of him just inches from his face. For a brief moment he just looked at her. Taking in the fire burning in her eyes. Staring in wonder at the love still there underneath it all. “This! This woman who you’ve let come between us! This bitch of a woman who you told me to apologize too! Which by the way, I shouldn’t have had too. I was only defending my relationship because I assumed she was some psycho. I have instincts you idiot! You honestly thought I couldn’t tell you were being distant? You honestly thought I wouldn’t notice that another woman was trying to move in on you? Little did I know that she had already fallen into your bed at that point. How could you do that, how could you tell me that you loved me, tell me that you missed me, with another woman lying in your bed? Tell me! Cause honestly I don’t understand how someone could do that without feeling remorseful!!” She yelled forcefully. Her hands balled into fist on his chest while tears poured from her eyes. Her heart crumbling inside her chest as she spoke. By The Way You’re Talking You Would Think You Never Had Any Real Feelings For Me They both just stood there for a second. She was sobbing uncontrollably in his arms while he just held her there. He knew that it wasn’t time to say anything yet. Knew that they were just barely scratching the surface of the pain HE had caused her. So he just held her close to him. Hoping that she’d still feel the love in his embrace. A couple of minutes passed before she backed away from him. The tracks of her tears still evident on her cheeks. Reaching up, she wipes her eyes and pulls her hair back and away from her face. Now it’s his turn to stand in awe of this woman. The times he’d push that dark chocolate hair out of her beautiful mix of honey brown and emerald colored eyes. The times when he would stop by her place of business and see how her face would light up when he walked in. How just the mere presence of her could melt away all of his stress and anxiety. A single tear falls from his eyes as he realizes just how much he’s hurt this woman. And yet she still stood here, trying to understand him. Trying to show him that she still loved him. In that moment, he realized one painful truth, he doesn’t deserve her. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.” He mumbled defeated, his hands hanging loosely at his sides. All of their time together was still playing in his head. This other girl was the last thing on his mind. All he could see in this moment was the gorgeous woman in front of him. Even now, she was trying her hardest to keep it together for him. She always had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Always had ten foot walls up for everyone but him. He finally knew what it felt like to be everyone else. “Tell me that she means nothing. Tell me that she’s out of your life. Tell me how you feel about me. Tell me that the past two years weren’t a fucking lie! Because as of right now, I can’t believe a word that you have said to me.” She said evenly. He shivers from the artic tone in her voice and tries to take a step towards her. Only to be rewarded with her taking two steps back. “Don’t touch me right now. Don’t try and sweet talk me, just answer me.” She says putting both of her hands up as if to defend herself. He sighs and throws his hands out to the sides, frustration from his own actions leaking through. “She means nothing to me! She’s out of my life! I wouldn’t even bring her home to meet my mother dammit! It was one time! One moment of weakness that I regretted! I love you more than I love her!” He paused after that, realizing the word that just slipped out of his mouth. He glances at her and notices a flash of hurt on her face before she covered it back up with a cold mask. “You love her.” She states. He starts to walk towards her again but she holds up her hand. Her other hand quickly unlocking her phone. Jabbing a few of the keys before placing it in her palm again. He can’t see what she did, can’t see who she called, until a familiar voice fills the room. “Hello?” A chipper female voice asks. “Hi, is this Tia?” She stares at him blankly as she’s talking to the other woman. The ice in her stare is enough to freeze him to his spot. His heart is hammering inside his chest as he imagines what she is going to say next. “Yes this is her?” The voice asks cautiously. She smirks as she stares at him. Her arm now crossed in front of her chest. Unknown to him, to keep the last remaining bits of her heart together. “Hi Tia, this is Nicholas’s EX girlfriend, calling to let you know that you can have him. I just hope you’re happy with my sloppy seconds. And know that you’re getting a man who will tell you he loves you while fucking other women behind your back. So be prepared to have a lot of empty nights full of disappointment.” She hangs up after that, letting everything sink in. She could’ve said more. Could’ve told this woman how she had gotten him to call out her name last night. How he must’ve really cared about a one night stand if he wasn’t willing to bring her home. Or how she must’ve been so important to him since none of his friends knew about her. She could’ve said all of that, but sloppy seconds is exactly what this woman was getting. She was inheriting nights of lying in bed wondering how he felt about her. Days spent not receiving a word from him while she would send text after text. Or maybe this one would be different. Maybe because this other woman needed saving and she didn’t, maybe that was the reason he wanted her. She shook her head as she threw her phone again. This time hitting the wall, cracking her screen. “Why did you call her?” He asked, still rooted to his spot from across the room. She laughed evilly and then turned towards the door. Each passing second spent wondering if she should just throw her cards on the table or move on. They were both young. They both had time to find someone else. He obviously had, so what was keeping her here. She knew if she turned to face him that she’d melt into his arms. That she would let him take her on the bed and just forget about their problems until morning came. “Because you have feelings for her. Call it love, like, lust, whatever you want to call it. You still have feelings for her. And as much as I love you. As much as I want a future with you. I won’t be second in your heart. Which you’ve already proven to me these past couple of weeks. Just tell me something, if you hadn’t of been caught. If I hadn’t of found a text of her telling you that she loved you, would you have even told me what was going on? Or would I just have continued to be your side chick, none the wiser. “ She asks, turning around one last time to look at him. He sees it then. Sees every ounce of hurt he has caused. Sees every piece of her shattered heart resting on his bedroom floor. And in that moment he wants to take it all back. He wants to tell Tia to fuck off. Tell his dick to calm the fuck down. Reserve every bit of damage he has done just to see her smile again. “I was going to tell you. I’m telling you now, I don’t want her. I only see you, I only want you. You’ve given me all of you. And I know I haven’t returned the favor lately. I know I’ve let you down. But please, Nikki, let me make this right. I know you don’t trust a word I say, but let me show you how much I love you. Let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. Please…don’t leave me.” His voice breaks at the end as his own tears start to fall. He reaches out towards her, carefully stepping forward. At first, she’s hesitant. She doesn’t want to be hurt by this man again. But as she looks at the love of her life, she breaks down. She runs into his arms and holds him tight. They hold each other for an hour, just sobbing together in each other’s arms. He kisses the top of her head every once in a while. Pouring all of his love onto her. While she stays guarded. She loves him, but only time will tell if he’s worth it. Or if she should’ve followed her first instinct and walked out that door after hitting ‘End’ You Always Told Me You’d Never Leave Me You Said I Was Your One And Only So What Makes You Think I Wanna Hear You Say That We Can Still Be Friends Hanging On The Weekends Youre Gonna Be Okay If I Start Seeing Somebody New You Hope That I Do If You Really Believe That’s The Truth You Never Loved Me Like I Loved You.

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 7 years ago

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Glitter In The Air 05/30/18

Glitter In The Air: Third Person POV “Have You Ever Fed A Lover With Just Your Hands. Close Your Eyes And Trusted, Just Trusted. Have You Ever Thrown A Fist Full Of Glitter In The Air.” Soft voices echo through the dark chamber she calls her bedroom. Her TV being the only source of light as the early hours of the morning passed by. She pushes her newly crimson colored hair behind her ear and sighs as her mind races. Each thought just a reflection of her inner fears. A voice that she’s tried to quiet all her life that just seems to be getting louder day by day. She tries to be strong for others. Tries not to show the everyday wear and tear of fighting these inner battles. But she can feel that her days are numbered. That eventually, this same voice will grow so loud that she can’t hear the others. She shakes her head and numbly steps out of her bed, turning just slightly. So she can face the mirror on her wall. A simple piece, but that’s how she was, simple. The cool reflective surface was surrounded by dark onyx colored vines. She smirks as she stares into it. “Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all.” She whispered softly, her hand reaching up to touch her reflection. As soon as her fingertips make contact with the cold glass however, the image starts to ripple. Almost as if she had touched one of Alice’s looking glasses instead. Her once, normal, reflection is now a darker, more sinister looking version of herself. Inside the looking glass, her hair is now a more vibrant shade of red. While her skin lost all of its liveliness and was replaced with a pale grey color. It was her eyes that frightened her the most though. The eyes which most, including herself, considered to be the windows to ones very soul. This creature had eyes a twisted looking lime green color. Almost as if she had the gods paint her eyes using the flames from Loki himself. It was a color she had grown up associating evil, mischief, and mayhem with, the smirk on her reflection’s face just continued to put her on edge. For a brief moment, she considered she was dreaming. But when she closed her eyes and reopened them, the devil woman was still there. Still smirking at her from behind the looking glass. “You asked the mirror to tell you who the fairest was, and I’m telling you right now…it isn’t you. You’re nothing but a weak and pathetic little human being. Who whines when they don’t get enough attention. Who cries at every little thing. Who puts everyone else’s happiness before your own. You give everyone else power over you, including me. And yet you have the nerve to stand here and ask who the fairest of them all is. You make me sick.” The creature smiles as two lengthy and curved horns appear out of the top of her head. While navy blue flames encased her dark form. Her mechanical laughter fills the room as she sits back down onto her bed, with sobs threatening to break through the surface.

Have You Ever Hated Yourself For Staring At The Phone, Your Whole Life Waiting On The Ring To Prove You’re Not Alone.

She grabs fists full of her hair, shaking it violently as she tries to block out the voice. Meanwhile her looking glass counterpart laughs on. The mirror itself seamlessly stretches to the floor, allowing the creature to step forward. Navy blue flames go from encasing her, to dancing around her horns. Illuminating her in a soft blue glow. With a snap of the creature’s fingers, the dark vines surround her. Elegantly draping around the more intimate parts of the creatures body. She shakes her head as the demon’s hand reaches out and grabs her chin. Forcing her to look back into the terrible green chasms she had for eyes. The creature smiles at her again. Her pearly white fangs sending shivers down her spine.

“See, I show you the truth. And instead of accepting it and moving on, you’re sitting here crying. This is exactly what I said. When are you going to grow a back bone. You’re so nice all the time, don’t you think it would be better if you let me out to play. Wouldn’t it be more fun to be wicked for just a day.”

The creature’s claws were starting to pinch under her chin. Drawing a drop of blood, coloring the rest of her nails. She shakes her head free for a moment and pushes her back towards the wall. A small spark being lit inside her.

“No! That’s where you are wrong. That’s the path that leads to being you and I don’t want to be you. Yes, I’m too nice sometimes. Yes, I see the good in everyone, including the people that hurt me. Yes, I’ll give someone chance after chance after chance. But I also love with all of my being. I will be the best you ever had. If I’m with you, then I’m one hundred percent with you. I don’t see anyone else. I only have eyes for you. I don’t ask for much. I really don’t. This ‘attention’ you say I crave is just the normal amount that you give anyone. Ten seconds, that’s all it takes to let someone know you’re thinking of them. And that’s all I ask. You, you’re just every fear I’ve ever had speaking out. Every person that’s told me they’d stay and haven’t. Every late night just lying in the dark wondering when it all was going to end. You are the one who is nothing. Whose existence doesn’t matter, not me. I’m better than that. I know what I bring to the table. You’re the reason I doubt it somedays. You’re the reason I question things. Your annoying voice just squeaking in my ear all the time. You aren’t going to be able to do that anymore. I’m done with you. I’m done giving you power over me.”

She says as she shoves the creature back into the hellhole looking glass from once it came. Her fist coming with contact with the mirror as she shoved her. Shattering it into a million pieces. And as she shakes her hand free of some glass, she breathes a sigh of relief. As if a small weigh has been lifted off of her shoulders. She reaches over to the table and grabs her phone. A number she knows by heart leaving her fingers as she taps on the screen.

“Babe, it’s me. I just wanted to call and say I’m sorry. I’m sorry my anxiety is so bad sometimes. That I get into my own head and make things worse. I’m trying to fix it, some days are just harder than most. Especially when it seems like you’ll talk to others before me. And by that I don’t mean you need to talk to me all the time. But when I call, I wish you’d pick up the phone. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. How much that helps sometimes. I also wanted to thank you. Thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for being there for me through all of this. I know it’s difficult. I know that I can be difficult. But I love you so much for standing by me. I love you, so much. Being with you is like a breath of fresh air. I’ve found my missing puzzle piece. And I hope you feel the same way too. Again, I love you with my entire heart babe, good night.”

With that she presses the phone against her chest. Her heart still hammering in her chest. But with a smile on her face. She felt so much better after facing her demons. After pouring her heart out. Her one hope now was that she wouldn’t get burned. That this time she gave her heart to the right person.

There You Are, Sitting In The Garden, Clutching My Coffee Calling Me Sugar. You Called Me Sugar. Have You Ever Wished For An Endless Night. Lasso’s The Moon And Stars And Pulled That Rope Tight. Have You Ever Held Your Breath And Asked Yourself Will It Ever Get Better Than Tonight.

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 7 years ago

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First Burn 5/23/18

First Burn: Third Person POV

“I Saved Every Letter You Wrote Me. From The Moment I Saw You I Knew You Were Mine. You Said You Were Mine. I Thought You Were Mine.” She stares at the clock, her eyes unwilling to move from it. The tightness in her chest slowly increases as each agonizingly slow second passes. Knowing that a release won’t happen until his eyes open. A simple response to quiet all the demons in her mind. Something to silence all of the doubts running through her mind. She shakes her head and slowly runs her hands through her hair. Tears left unshed finally start to fall as she considers the worst. Meanwhile the angel and devil on her shoulders continue to whisper into her ear. On her left is the demon and its form isn’t a cartoon version with a little pitchfork. No, it’s just a dark grey version of herself with red eyes and a wicked smile. Cracking its knuckles as it leans into her ear. “It’s just as you feared my dear. He told you he couldn’t do long distance. Not once, but twice. Now look, he’s found another you. He’s found someone who can love him better than you can. Who can warm his bed after those long nights at the shop. Who doesn’t have just words of love but a warm embrace to go with them. She is everything you wish you could be. She’s better than you. The love of your life, your match in every way you thought possible, he’s moved on. You are nothing more than an ex to him now. Your existence no longer matters to him. Go ahead and crash your car, see if he’ll care. I bet he won’t.” The demon whispers with a gleam in her eye. She shakes her head as a river of tears continues to fall. In one swift movement she grabs fists full of her hair as sobs overtake her. So afraid that she is correct. That once again she’s given her heart to someone only to have it smashed in return. She tries so hard to ignore the voice. To not give the demon or her competitor the satisfaction. But as the tension in her chest ceases to ease. As the seconds continue to pass by so agonizingly slow. She’s left wondering if the little demon is right. If she truly should stand aside and let them be. Time continued to pass. Even when she thought it was impossible. Even as she thought all was lost. “Don’t, I’m Not Naïve. I Have Seen Women Around You. Don’t Think I Don’t See How They Fall For Your Charms, All Your Charms.” Her phone lights up, giving her a small glimmer of hope. Swiftly she reaches for it but her frown deepens within seconds. Instead of the reassurance she seeks, it’s more from her ‘twin’. No words of encouragement. No reassurances of her backing away. Just more doubt from a vague response. She throws her phone across her room. Sobbing as it lands on the screen, erasing the light and cascading her in darkness. Making it that much easier for her little demon to spread her lies. She looks to her right, hoping for some relief in the form of her angel. Smiling slightly when she sees a smaller version of her love standing there. The same gleam in his hazel eyes as he stares at her. She stares in awe at seeing him there. The same look of love and adoration. The same dimples in his smile that light up her world. While the real thing would be ten times better. In her time of need, this smaller version worked just as well. “Babe, look at me. Look at the video of you surprising me at the airport. Look at the smile on my face or how tightly my arms are wrapped around you. Don’t doubt the love you see there. Don’t let this insignificant person come between the love that we share. You’ve given me all of you. I’ve given you all of me. I’ve let you see parts of my life that no one else has. I’ve taken a chance on you just like you have on me. I love you Nikki. Don’t let her come between us. Believe me when I tell you there is no one else. Believe me when I tell you that I don’t want anyone else. That I want you and only you baby. You’re my nerd, my supergirl, my Disney princess. I love you.” His form disappears with the sunrise. And with the rise of the sun comes her reassurance. It wasn’t as her competitor made it seem. But at the same time, she felt a difference in their interactions. Still this small bit of doubt lingers. Something she knows won’t get better all at once. It’s only going to get better with time and trust. Two things that she has issues with. Two things that still prove to be the banes of her existence. She looks to other for guidance. Looks to him for assurance. But as the days drag on, the chasm between them grows. She’s not stupid, she can feel a difference. He says they are fine, says he’ll call, but doesn’t. Plane ticket in hand, she awaits the days where she can address him in person. Hoping that she can make it until then. And if she can’t, she prays that she’ll be able to pull herself together enough to show him what he’s lost. “Don’t, Take Another Step In My Direction. I Can’t Be Trusted Around You. Don’t, Think You Can Talk Your Way Into My Arms, Into My Arms. I’m Burning The Letters You Wrote Me. You Can Stand Over There If You Want. I Don’t Know Who You Are, I Have So Much To Learn. I’m Rereading Your Letters And Watching Them Burn.”

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 8 years ago

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1-800-273-8255 Logic 11/23/17

Author’s Note: Don’t read if you’re triggered by suicide. Thanks.

1-800-273-8255 Logic Third Person POV:

The rain starts to pour as two people enter their homes. One is smiling while carrying a bag containing their future inside. The other is pacing back and forth, wondering when the letter will be opened. The seconds tick by as his feet drag across the floor. His palms dripping with sweat as he considers what he’s about to do. He ignores his camera and equipment for work and passes by photographs of them without a second glance. Because he knows if he does, he’ll stop. Defeated he collapses onto his bed with his arm draped across his eyes. One last time he weighs the pros and cons. He starts with the pros. The over whelming feeling of unworthiness would disappear. He’d be with his best friend again and family that he missed. He’d be a guardian angel to the one person he was leaving behind. Finally, all of his inner demons would cease and desist their attack on his heart. He’d be free of their dark clutches for the first time in 25 years. A small smile graced his lips at that thought. The cons suddenly weren’t as important anymore. He only had one thought on his mind, being free. With a sudden burst of energy he jumped out of bed and walked into the bathroom. His feet went numb slightly as they came in contact with the coolness of the tile floors, but he didn’t notice. Confident hands opened his medicine cabinet. A row of bottles suddenly stared back at him. Each quietly taunting him, almost as if they had voices of their own. He grabs the first two that he sees. One is a simple bottle of sleeping pills. The other is leftover narcotics from a previous ER visit. He doesn’t remember the milligrams’ exactly. Due to his father’s past with pills he never wanted to touch the stuff. But right now, when all he wants is to sleep pain free, this seems perfect. He grabs a couple beers from the kitchen before heading back to the bedroom. Still not sparing a glance at the pictures of him and his girl on the walls. Once he’s back in the sanctuary of his room. He pops open one beer and downs two pills from each bottle. His feet slowly carried him over to his stereo, that one song just begging to be played. Something he had heard on the radio weeks ago and the minute the lyrics touched his soul, he knew. With a flick of his wrist, soft beats start to echo throughout his dark room. The rain outside completing the mood. “I’ve been on the low I been taking my time. I feel like I’m outta my mind. It feel like my life aint mine. Who can relate?” He smiles again at the lyrics. Small sparks of his soul come alive as he pops two more pills from each bottle into his mouth. The voices that were once roaring inside of him are starting to dim. Slowly he sits back against his headrest. Ice cold wood does absolutely nothing to dull the flames within his skin. He closes his eyes as he tries to absorb all of the lyrics once more. “All this other shit I’m talkin’ ‘bout they think they know it. I’ve been praying for somebody to save me no one’s heroic. And my life don’t even matter I know it I know it. I know I’m hurting deep down but can’t show it.” One beer and half of both pill bottles are gone when he decides to slide down his bed. His body getting heavier as the medicine takes effect. A slight panic suddenly races through his mind as he realizes that help won’t come. His love probably won’t find the letter he left in time to save him. His body tries to fight the medicine while his mind has accepted what is about to happen. With what little bit of energy he has left, he puts three of each pill into his mouth. Drowning them with his second beer, he closes his eyes for the last time. His final thoughts are of her, and of everything they could’ve done together. The bottles fall onto the floor as his pale hand dangles off the side of the bed. Neighbors don’t suspect a thing as they go to bed that night. His song slowly lulling them to sleep as the lyrics scream out what he couldn’t. “I never had a place to call my own. I never had a home, ain’t nobody callin my phone. Where you been? Where you at? What’s on your mind? They say every life precious but nobody care about mine.” Meanwhile, she’s making her bed with a smile on her face. She spent the night making his favorite desert to celebrate their future. None the wiser to the pain she was about to endure. She walks into her bathroom with her robe wrapped securely around her. Hiding the surprise she planned on telling him tomorrow. Before she steps into her shower, she notices an envelope taped to the door of her medicine cabinet. She recognizes his handwriting and starts to get butterflies, thinking he left her a love letter. She grabs it and carefully opens it. Inside are three pieces of paper and a pouch. She opens the first piece of paper and smiles. It’s a black and white picture of their first kiss. When he had taken her to her favorite movie and then asked if she could be his muse. She thought it was cute, given his talent and passion for photography. As soon as the word yes had left her lips, his mouth was on hers, followed by a flash that blinded her eyes. Which of course they laughed about afterwards before walking back to the car hand in hand. She shook her head after reminiscing and opened the next page. It was a letter like she thought, just not with the ending she expected. “My Sweet Babygirl First let me tell you how much I love you. How I’ve loved you with all of my heart since the day that we met. How I loved watching your eyes sparkled when you were excited about something. Or when I let you have too much sugar. It was so cute to watch you get all hyper, made it extremely hard not to give you sugary things. From the moment you shook my hand and I felt that electric spark, I knew. You were the one meant for me. And I made a vow while we were watching that movie that I’d marry you someday. I completely meant to keep that vow. “She stopped their for a moment. Her breath getting caught in her throat as she read the word meant over and over again. A sudden feeling of dread filled her heart. Silently she prayed this wasn’t what she thought it was and kept reading. “I was planning on taking you to New York. You always said you wanted to go there. And the thought of taking your picture and capturing every sparkle in those gorgeous eyes makes me want to take you now. But I know by the time you’re reading this…it won’t be possible. “She stops there again and grabs her phone. Tapping just one button, she rings the number she knew by heart. Only to be disappointed when his voicemail picks up. She hangs up and tries again as she continue reading. Tears of dread cascading down her face. “I’m sorry my darling girl. I have failed you. I told you once that I couldn’t live without you and I meant that. If you were to perish Elena, my love, I know I wouldn’t be able to go on. But you, my brave girl, you can. You are the light of my life. My reason for being and I know without a doubt that if you were to come bursting through my door right now, my plan wouldn’t work. But like I said, I have failed you. I tried to fight my demons. I tried to push back this feeling of unworthiness and self-loathing. I’ve tried so hard to be happy. I have every reason to be I mean, I have you. I have my dream job. But for some reason that isn’t enough. And I’m just sorry that I couldn’t be more than what I am. I’m sorry for being so weak. Know that by the time you read this, I’ll be looking down on you from those pearly gates or from the fiery deaths of hell. Wherever the lord decides to send a sinner like myself. Know that I will always love you and I want you to find someone who will love you as fiercely as I once did. Know that when the time is right we’ll meet again. When you’re old and grey, I’ll be right by your bedside as you take your last. Know that you were a part of my thoughts as I take mine. And know that you have a small piece of me with you, I knew all along. Don’t even think that you or our child is to blame. This is all my doing. Please take care of each other. I love you Elena, Love Your Babe.” She drops that second page the minute the last words leave her lips. Grabbing her keys, she dashes out of her apartment heading straight for his. She calls for help along the way, one hand on the wheel while the other rest on her stomach. The feeling of dread and unrest never go away. When she finally reaches his complex, parking comes easily for once. Silently she sobs and laughs as she remembers when he complained about her driving. Saying that it took her forever and a day to park when all he had to do was two little turns. Racing to the elevator, she jams her hand onto the button. Counting each second in her head and tapping her foot impatiently. Wondering for a brief moment when the police were going to show up and why they weren’t already called. The air is deathly still outside of his apartment. She can tell right away that something isn’t right. For one thing, his door is unlocked. This is something he wouldn’t have done unless he wanted her to come find him. He always chastised her for not locking the door when she was the last to enter a room, the second was the music, this was the song she told him not to play knowing that it would trigger him. She had stood by him through his depression, knew exactly what set him off and how to avoid it. If it could be, she knew herself that somethings just couldn’t be avoided or over looked. She throws open the door and runs towards the music. But as she enters the room, the very site of him brings her to her knees. Sobs wreck through her body as she looks around at the empty alcohol and pill bottles. What he thought was just two beers turned into what look liked eight or ten. And the two bottles of pills were actually five. Barely anything was left in any of them. Her hands numbly dial nine one one again as the tears continue to fall. Her body reacts as if on autopilot while her mind is still processing the scene before her. She screams at the dispatcher while her hands start compressions on his chest. She was uncomfortable with how cold his body was. And how pools of blood had settled in different sections. After fifteen minutes, the paramedics showed up and took over. She stood by with her cold hand against her chest. Her own heart racing while she prayed for a miracle. But subconsciously she knew, this was goodbye. Not even ten minutes later she heard them call time of death and she just fell. Her body and mind no longer able to keep up. The last thing she heard that night were the lyrics she never bothered to listen to before. “Pain don’t hurt the same I know. The lane I travel feels alone. But I’m moving til my legs give out. And I see my tears melt in the snow. But I don’t wanna cry, I don’t wanna cry anymore. I wanna feel alive. I don’t even wanna die anymore. Oh I don’t wanna.”

The end

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 8 years ago

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Clarity And Lies 6/29/17

Clarity and Lies:

Third Person POV:

The tension in the air was thick as the couple sat there in silence. Neither one willing to budge on the issue at hand. Twin pairs of hazel eyes just continued to stare off into the darkness. He moved his honey blonde hair out of his face and sighed. They had been discussing the issue for the past hour. But he still had no idea how to solve it. Was he supposed to go along with her decision or beg her to stay? Did it make him a terrible person if he asked her too? Did it make him selfish, wanting her with him 24/7? He wasn’t sure. He had opened and shut his mouth a few times in the past couple of minutes. But try as he may, nothing came out.

She was in the same boat. Dark chocolate brown hair acted as a curtain between them. Hiding the tears that streamed down her pale cheeks. She had to bite her lip to keep from audio able sobbing. Her small arms encased her frame. Keeping what was left of her heart in place. How could she leave him? How could she follow her dreams when one of them was right here with him? Could she convince him to leave everything behind and join her? After what felt like hours, she turned to face him. The soft hum of the radio giving her the courage she needed to say what needs to be said.

“I love you.” She whispered knowing they were close enough that he could still hear her. It was a slightly low blow. Using how they both felt. But it still needed to be said, because she did love him. She hoped that the words floating around in the background influenced him too.

“If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy? If our love’s insanity why are you my clarity.” An angelic voice hums before moving on to the next verse.

As the words sunk in, his heart constricted inside his chest. Part of him was angry that she would use this against him now. Of all the times she could’ve said it. Or even should’ve said it. She chose now, right in the middle of their argument, to say that she loved him. Like he didn’t already know how she felt. Or how he felt about her. He slowly turned to face her and placed his hand on top of hers.

“I love you too. That’s why this hurts me too. That’s why I want to be selfish and tell you to stay. To beg you if I have too. But it’s also because I love you that I can’t do that to you. So as much as it kills me. You’ve pretty much decided our fate for us...” His voice rose a little towards the end. His frustration rising as he realized he was going to lose her. And as his frustration rose, so did he. His feet digging into the carpet as he paced. Meanwhile, her tears were in full view as she pushed her hair out of her face. She stood up and clenched her fists as she watched him pace.

“I haven’t decided anything. You could ask me to stay…” She said softly. Knowing that if he did ask her, she’d stay. She could still follow her dreams. But what she couldn’t live with was losing him. He growled out of frustration and stopped for a moment. Angry hazel eyes looked into broken ones. His resolve slowly melted away. Quickly he walked over to her and held her to his chest as she sobbed. Tears of his were held back as he ran his hands up and down her back.

The angelic voice changed as the tempo quickened, as the song changed. “Got a look in your eye, looks a lot like goodbye. Hold onto your secrets tonight. I don’t want to know I’m ok with the silence. It’s truth that I don’t want to hear. You’re hiding regret in your smile. There’s a storm in your eyes I’ve seen coming for a while. Hang onto the past tense tonight. Don’t say a word I’m ok with the quiet. The truth is gonna change everything.”

He had already made his decision as he held her. Knowing he was making the right choice for her. Even if she didn’t see it yet, he knew she would in time. It was times like this, in these quiet moments when he felt everything disappear. All that remained was him and the love he felt for this woman.

“You know I can’t ask you to do that. Just like you know I can’t follow you. But this also isn’t goodbye. This is until I see you again. Because I will see you again. Come hell or high water.” He said as he gently took her face into his hands. Brushing her hair out of her face, he first places a tender kiss on her forehead. Then he gazed into her eyes before softly kissing her lips. Pouring every ounce of love and every fiber of his being into that one kiss. A kiss to transcend throughout time. As the kiss transformed into more, the song in the background spoke the truth their hearts needed to hear.

“So lie to me and tell me that it’s gonna be alright. So lie to me and tell me that we’ll make it through the night. I don’t mind if you wait before you tear me apart. Look me in the eye and lie, lie, lie. Oh I know that there is no turning back. If we put too much lying on this we’ll see through all the cracks. Let’s stay in the dark one more night.”

#right in the feels #clarity #david cook

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 10 years ago

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Better Than Drugs 12-10-15

Better Than Drugs: Third Person POV She sits in her bed night after night doing the same thing. She cries out for the one she loves. The one she does everything for. The man who makes or breaks her. For it is he who holds everything she values. It is he who holds the very pieces of her soul in his hands. Others tell her to move on. That she deserves better. She is worth so much more. But like a drug addict, she remains. In the night she waits, and waits. For him to acknowledge her presence. To bring a warmth that she only achieves from him. He is the only thing that can numb the ache inside her chest. She loves her drug. Despite everything that has conspired between them. Despite every future obstacle, she will always be there. And that is the one thing that scares her more than the high. It is the fear that she is nothing without him. That her affections will never be noticed. The fear that once her supply runs out, will she be the same. It is with these thoughts in mind, that she lulls herself to sleep to every night. These very thoughts that just make her crave him more and more. “You’re Better Than Drugs, Your Love Is Like Wine. Feel You Coming On So Fast, Feel You Coming To Get Me High.”

#skillet #betterthandrugs #one sided love

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 10 years ago

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Where Are You Now: 08-27-15

Where Are You Now: Third Person POV: The inside of Jonathon’s apartment was anything but what it was supposed to be. There were several holes in his four white walls. Dirty bong water stained his midnight blue bed sheets, while the device itself was shattered across the floor. And in an exiled corner of the room, a dark figure stood. Watching as a pile of pictures slowly burned into nothing. His body language displayed nothing but anger. With a photo in one hand, and a lighter in the other, Jonathon was set to destroy the last piece of evidence. But as his sea green eyes looked upon a window to the past. One could see the love and adoration he still held for the woman within it. Colette, his onyx haired, brown eyed beauty, stared back at him with a graceful smile draped upon her lips. And it was at that moment he realized he couldn’t set it alight. He sighed as he placed the photo on his sink counter and exchanged it with his pipe. If there was one thing Jonathon could count on, it was his pipe. With a flick of his wrist, the bush at the tip was lit. Inhale, exhale, repeat. This was his mantra for the next few minutes as his body and mind slowly descended into nothingness. All of his pent up emotions were quickly forgotten when suddenly, a new figure entered the room. She was grey from head to toe and looked exactly like his Colette. Which only made Jonathon’s heart clench and his eyes glaze over. There were three things he knew with absolute certainty. The first thing was, this was obviously a trick his mind was playing on himself. The second thing was a reminder that the real Colette had moved away years ago and now wanted nothing to do with him. And the final thing was, he still loved her. No matter how hard he tried not too, deep down, he knew he always would. The smoke version of Colette crossed her arms against her chest and glared at him. “Do you think hitting that many bowls in one day is a good idea Jon?” She sneered at him. Jonathon rubbed his eyes with one hand and clutched his heart with the other. As much as he wanted her here with him, he knew this wasn’t real. And if he gave into the illusion. Jon knew it wasn’t going to end well. His non response only angered the grey figure even more. She growled quietly and stalked towards him. Her feet slipped right through the shattered pieces of glass on the floor. Another sign that all of this wasn’t real. However, Jon’s mind was too far gone to care. She snatched the pipe from his hand and threw it onto the floor. Ember specks started to light his floor on fire. Acting quickly, Jon jumped down from his bed and stomped on what was left of the bush. “ You’ve already broken my heart, now you’re messing with my painkiller. The only thing that’s keeping me sane at this point. What do you want Cole? Have you come here to smash what’s left of me?” Jonathon yelled while he cleaned up after himself. The ash black stain that now resided in the middle of his carpet was just another reminder of his darkened soul. His illusion just sighed at him as grey eyes continued to glare a hole into his carpet. Watching as he scooped up what was left of his weed, stuffing it back into his pipe. “Do you really think weed is the answer to your problems Jonathon?” She asked him. Her eyes softening just a bit before hardening once more. Jonathon stood up and glared right back at her. “What else is there to do when your whole world came crashing down all at once? I told you more than once that if you ever had an issue with me, to talk it out WITH me! You did the exact opposite, you ran to any other male that would give you attention. God forbid you’d decide to give your actual boyfriend the time of day. I asked you for a real, committed relationship. You’ve given me the exact opposite. Thank you though for curing my ridiculous obsession with love. And to answer your question, yes the weed is the answer to everything right now. It’s the one thing I have to look forward to every morning and every night. The one thing that helps me sleep so I’m not up all night thinking about how I’ve somehow managed to ruin yet another relationship. Even though this wasn’t my fault, it’s all yours. You’re the one who gave up on us, not me. You’re the one who lied to my face, not me. You’re the one who proved that the only person I can trust, is me. This pipe takes away every ounce of physical and emotional pain that’s been harboring deep within myself. So once again, this was all your fault. Now leave me alone.” Jon shouted as he punched the air where she used to stand. As the smoke disappeared and his vision cleared. Jonathon looked around and realized he was alone once more. All by himself again to recollect his thoughts. Where was she when they weren’t talking? In the arms of another man. Where was she when he was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to? Locking lips and exchanging spit with another man. Where was she when he needed her most? Thousands of miles away. He snarled as he packed another bowl. He didn’t need her, he didn’t need anyone. As long as he had his weed then he would be fine. Jon didn’t mind the solitude, in fact he had gotten used to it. “You know, thoughts like that are just gonna end up with me barging through your door..” A soft voice stated. Once again Jonathon found himself staring at a grey clouded figure. Only this time instead of Colette judging him, it was his Katherine. Her appearance was completely different from the last time Jonathon had seen her. Her hair had gotten longer, whole her skin had hollowed out. Jonathon rubbed his eyes and when he opened them again, she stood even closer. He was beginning to wonder if she was real or just another illusion. His thoughts were answered when a pale hand reached out and grabbed his pipe from him. Katherine’s ghost put it up to her lips and lit up while Jon just sat there staring. There was no possible way she was in his room right now. Just like Colette, Katherine had also moved away. For reasons he just couldn’t understand, the women in his life had left him. He watched as she inhaled slowly, taking a deep hit, she exhaled up into his ceiling. Her eyes lingering on one spot before she turned to face him. “To answer your unfinished thought, no, I’m not really here. You’re just a lot higher than you thought you were. I mean come on Johnny, you’re seeing both your ex-girlfriends. That can’t be a good sign.” She said as she shook her head. Her own glass mask settled upon her face. Jonathon just continued to stare at the only other woman he had dared to give himself too. His what if, his other chance. The one person he could be himself around and not have to worry about holding anything back. “Alright, I’ll bite, why are you here Kat?” He asked. Katherine threw her head back as she laughed. Clouded auburn hair fell in waves as her arms gingerly crossed her chest. And as grey hazel eyes met his, a small smile graced her lips. “Because you dumbass, number one you’re extremely high and these illusions of your ex’s are keeping the loneliness at bay. Let’s face it, you’re used to being alone but you don’t like to be alone all the fucking time. No one does. Number two you’re specifically seeing Cole and myself because you want closure from her and comfort from me. Time to face the reality though, you’re not going to get either one because this is all in your head. And number three, I’m your best friend. Of course I’m gonna be here when everything falls apart. That’s what friends are for…” She stated the last part softly. As if she didn’t want to admit it herself. It was in that moment that he took a long, hard look at the figure before him. Three metal rings still hung around her neck, but her eyes. Her eyes are what told the story for him. In that moment he could see that she was as broken as he was. Jonathon sighed as he took another hit from his pipe. As the smoke settled in his chest, he thought about everything he had said to her. He had told her that if they got back together. It would more than likely be it for them. The odds of them ending things again were nearly impossible. But he just wanted one more chase. One more impossible chance. One more day with someone else. What was so wrong with going after one more ‘what if?’ Jonathon opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. It wasn’t over. Part of him was tired of putting himself out there. Part of him was completely ready to give in and settle down. And then there was that small part of him that still wanted his chance. It was a ridiculous thought. One that would surely end the same way. But it didn’t stop him from secretly wanting it still. He turned to face her again. A look of hurt and betrayal buried deep in his eyes. “Why do you stick around? That’s something that I’ve never been able to understand. Why don’t you just leave? Do you like being hurt or something?” Jonathon asked. The image he conjured up of Katherine sighed and brushed a piece of hair behind her ears. Biting her lip as she looked anywhere but him. “Do you know why I keep comparing you to my favorite character?” She asked him softly. Worrying that her voice would betray her somehow. Jonathon smirked. “You mean the show that you told me you’d never watch but I showed you, now it’s all you ever talk about?” Katherine blushed at his comment but shook her head. “Doesn’t matter how I got into it. Do you understand why I compare the two of you? Can you see it yourself? You’ve got eyes that have seen too much like Nine. A heart full of regrets and quite a temper like Ten. A childish, playful, slightly romantic side like Eleven. And finally a ‘Don’t touch me’ attitude like Twelve. I’m sure if I watched the classic who’s I’d see you in those versions of the doctor too. I could stop watching it right now, and turn it back on in ten years, I’d still see you. Because unlike the other girls, I try to pay as much attention to you as possible. Sure there are a ton of chapters I still have yet to cover in the book of Jonathon. But I haven’t left you emotionally. It seems to be the other way around. You see, when I tell you I’m going to marry The Doctor, I mean it sincerely. Because it’s either going to be you or someone like you. Except that person will actually love me and want to be with me. Not someone who’s still chasing ‘what if’s’ and clinging to weed. Don’t need anyone as long as you have your pipe right?” She spat at him as she stood up. Her arms across her chest with her back to him so he couldn’t see her tears. “The reason you conjured me up is because you wanted someone to talk to. Someone who’d seriously talk to you and chill out. But I’m here to give you a huge wake up call. I used to believe that Colette would come back to you. But I don’t think so anymore. She’s bouncing around more than a soccer ball. So that idea of yours isn’t going to happen. Meanwhile your “back-up plan” is slowly fading away. Yeah I’ll always love you. I’ve loved you too hard and too long not too. But I’m also tired of being second. I’m tired of asking how you feel about me. Actions speak louder than words. And the fact that you and I haven’t spoken in months, should be proof enough for me. So basically what I’m trying to tell you is hurry up and choose. Either give up your weed and wait for that small chance of Cole coming back. Or pick up the phone and tell me what’s up. Because the longer you put off choosing between us, the worst your outcome will be.” And with that, she vanished. Leaving him broken and alone once more. After she disappeared. Jonathon thoroughly rubbed his eyes and checked every single room in his apartment before concluding that everything that just happened was in fact, weed induced. With all of that in mind, he quickly put down his pipe and grabbed his phone. He dialed a number he knew by heart, and waited for her voice to come through the other end. “Hello?” She asked. His smiled slightly. “Hey, it’s me. Do you have time to talk?” Now I’m All Alone And My Joys Turned To Moping Tell Me Where Are You Now That I Need You Couldn’t Find You Anywhere When You Broke Down I Didn’t Leave You I Was By Your Side So Where Are You Now That I Need You?

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Unkiss Me 9-01-14

She stares down at the blank piece of paper and sighs as her creative juices continuously evade her. It was times like these where she hated what others called her 'gift'. She hated when she is sparked with an idea only to have it slip through her fingers moments afterward. This block was the reason her writings were posted months in-between, instead of weekly like they used to be. Her mind willingly wondered down this alternative path. One full of dark and depressing thoughts instead of the bright ideas she held. She knew why it had chosen to wonder. The object of her affections was constantly at the front of it all. There was no escaping the grasp of a certain pair of sea green eyes. No returning from the abyss that was his scent. She was stuck inside a maze of memories and feelings that never seemed to end or begin. Constantly chasing the idea of a man that her heart still clung too. But as the days dragged on, and her legs grew weary, she was beginning to wonder if he still existed. If he didn't she gasped at how she'd be able to let go of the fantasy she had been chasing. How could she let go of someone she had been hopelessly in love with. The clues to the answer were hidden in the past tense she used when describing him. Slowly over the time she had spent laying besides him at night, her feelings for him grew and disappeared at the same time. Because deep down a part of her knew it was a one sided love. One that only she felt and was never truly returned. Her pen finally graces the smooth satin like paper as words start to form. "Dear Jonathon, After four years of knowing you, two years of being in love with you, and five months of living with you, I thought I finally knew you. I thought I could read you the way you do me. But I'm beginning to see how foolish I had been. Not only was I the only one who was open about my feelings, but I was also the only one who showed them. Slowly I had turned myself into the obsessive naive little fool I used to make fun of. A fool that I had sworn never to be again. But my problem was I couldn't leave you. I found it almost physically impossible. After keeping my promise to you, how could I leave? The answer should be obvious, I didn't. But I've reached my limit. I can't make you love me, and it's become clear that you aren't in love with me anymore. I don't think you have been for awhile, just like you haven't figured out what you want. From life or who you love. And I can't stand by on the sidelines anymore. I can't stand the images that come to mind whenever I see her name on your phone. I can't stand feeling your skin against mine and realizing that I just gave myself to someone but received nothing in return except for guilt and shame. I feel like the only thing I have left to do is leave you again. Only this time, if I do their won't be a way for me to return. It's time." She drops the pen as tears fall from her eyes. Every word lifted this weight from her shoulders. And yet they also dragged her beneath the sea of darkness at her feet. What she wrote was true. It's time to finish what should've been done a long time ago.

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Chains 08-22-14

Chains: Third Person POV Birds chirped in the background as Elena stirred from her slumber. The normally white walls of her bedroom were basking in the silken glow of the sunrise. Slowly she starts to raise from her bed when she feels a pair of warm arms tighten around her waist. She gasps and looks down at the sleeping form besides her and is surprised to see Damon still laying there. Last night's events start to play in her head, causing her cheeks to turn a bright scarlet. In the end, she had got what she wanted. He had chosen her and spent the night with her. But now that morning had come, Elena wondered if last night was going to be enough to change her mind. Could she give herself to Damon again and play this deadly game. As she let her mind ponder this, her bedroom door slowly creaked opened. She looked up and was met with Nik's upset gaze. His mouth slightly agape as he took in the sight before him. There lay the woman he loved, naked, next to the man he couldn't stand. Niklaus had finally had enough, it was time to give them both a piece of his mind. " Are you fucking kidding me Elena!" He shouted as he stepped further into her room. His fists flying up into the air out of anger. Elena was so shocked by her friend's outburst that she couldn't respond. For the four years that she had known him, he had always been the quiet one. The one to follow her lead whenever they were working on a project for work or whenever they were going out. Nik was never the kind to just explode like this. She was about to comment on his behavior when he decided to continue. " Are you really stupid enough to let this prick back into your life? Was it really that easy for you. Just a simple 'I love you Elena' and your putty in his hands? Just four little words was all it took for him to bed you again? If that's the case then I love you Elena! There I said the magic words, is it my turn?" Nik asked as he walked towards the end of her bed. Elena scooted further back into her bed as she shook her head. " I asked him to stay Nik and he did..." She said softly thinking that if Niklaus knew it was her choice then he'd back off. However she was severely mistaken. " You asked him to stay? Do you think I like hearing that. So once again my point is proven, it took four words for him to win you over and bed you again Elena. When are you going to open your eyes and see this man is bad for you! When are you going to see that he isn't going to change. He got what he wanted. He wants to have Bonnie and have you silently waiting in the corner for him. You don't need something like that. You need someone who loves you and only you. Who wants to devote their lives to JUST you!" Nik yelled as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn't believe that she couldn't see his feelings for her. She was consumed entirely by her feelings for Damon. So much so that the fact that he just admitted he loved her was over looked. Niklaus had to accept the fact that he would never win her heart, it was always going to be Damon's. " Fine Elena, I give up." Nik said as he started to walk out her door. " Nik wait!" She shouted, she grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around herself as she jumped out of her bed and grabbed his hand. " Don't leave me, please. I've had so many people leave me now that I couldn't bear it if you did too." Elena said silently, the sobs starting to build up in her chest. Nik took her hand in his and turned to face her. He loved everything about this woman. Nik loved her personality, her looks, her smarts. She was his Damon, he'd do anything for her, including what he was about to do. Gently he took her face in his hands and captured her lips with his. His only regret, was the circumstances that caused this to take place. Elena stood there momentarily shocked. She wasn't sure whether she should kiss him back or just wait for him to finish. She wasn't entirely sure where she stood with her feelings. Finally after a few seconds of her non-response, Nik pulled away and wiped the lone tear that had fallen. " I will say this one time, and one time only. I love you Elena, and I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you. Over the past four years you've become more than just my best friend, Your also the girl I See spending the rest of my life with. I want to be the one you hold at night, the one who will protect you from the evils in this world. The shoulder you chose to cry on when you've had a bad day at work. I want to be the one you give your heart and soul too. But now that I look into your eyes...I know that isn't possible. You deserve so much better than what you're settling for. And if you ever do decide that you want better, feel free to give me a call. But I won't stick around and watch as the woman I love destroys herself. I don't have the strength to do what you did for him..." Niklaus said as he turned and walked out her bedroom door. His heart and soul firmly placed in her hands. Where he was pretty sure they'd stay till the ends of time. Meanwhile Elena turned to face Damon after all of that commotion, he had woken up. His ice blue eyes met her as they both silently wondered what to do next... With Her Wine Stained Lips, Yeah She's Nothing But Trouble. Cold To The Touch But She's As Warm As A Devil. I Gave All My Heart But She Won't Heal My Soul. She Tasted A Break But I Can't Get More. You Got Me In Chains For Your Love, But I Wouldn't Change This Love. Tryna Break The Chains But The Chains Only Break Me

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Stay With Me 08-10-14

Stay With Me: Third Person POV They stood there, just silently sizing up the other one. He was contemplating what to say, while she was fighting back tears. Ones her heart desperately wanted and needed her to shed. Standing just outside the bedroom door waiting for the two lovers were a set of complete strangers. Both were there as moral support for the former lovers standing just behind the set of doors. The male had short dark brown hair with clouded grey eyes to match. While the female was the complete opposite. She had fiery auburn colored hair with bright lime green eyes that complemented her olive skin tone. " How long do you think it's going to take Nik?" She asked the man. Nik turned and looked her right in the eye before shrugging his shoulders. His muscles perplexing through his thin shirt. "I'm not entirely sure Bonnie. Damon and Elena both have some issues to work out. And knowing how stubborn they both are. We could be standing here for quite awhile..." He mumbled. Bonnie sighed as she played with a stray curl that had fallen in front of her face. " I don't understand why they don't just admit that they still love each other." She sneered. Nik turned and glared at her for a second before his calm mask returned. " Them loving each other isn't the problem. Their relationship, it's complicated. It's messy, it's a really bad thing. Fire and gasoline are more compatible than those two!" He shouted, throwing his fists into the air as he said it. Niklaus turned his storm grey eyes on Damon's current girlfriend and growled under his breath. " Getting back together would be the worst thing they could do. Because doing that would just cause them both more pain. He isn't going to change. He's always going to have a thing for you and that's not what Elena needs right now. She needs support and stability. Not a boy who can't decide who he truly wants to be with. She loves him. She always will, she told me so. But she's also tired of this game..." Nik mumbled. Through countless nights he had sat by her bedside as she cried out for her former lover. He had done his best to comfort her, to try and make her see that she could, and would move on. She was just barely at that stage when Damon had shown up on her doorstep this morning. His onyx hair was soaking wet as ice blue eyes looked into hazel ones, pleading for forgiveness. That event is what lead to this impromptu meeting. Nik just wanted to throw the dog out the minute he saw him. But Elena practically begged him not to, just so she could hear what Damon had to say. He could see the hold Damon still had over her. Nik knew she'd do anything for him. Damon could ask her to jump off a cliff and she would if he gave her a valid reason. He didn't approve at all, but instead of giving his friend even more heart ache, he just went along with her choice. As the minutes of silence continued to pass though, he started to regret his decision. Meanwhile inside of her bedroom, Damon and Elena continued to stare at each other. Neither one knowing what exactly to say next. Several times now they had each opened their mouths to say something, just to shut them again. His ice blue eyes just continued to dig a hole into her floor. As her broken hazel eyes drank him in. Elena hadn't seen Damon in person for almost a year. He had been with Bonnie last she checked and things were going well. So this sudden appearance at her house had her a bit confused. The looming question hung in the air. She couldn't help but wonder why he was here. Why now of all times. She had just gotten the closure she needed from Stefan, had a pretty decent friendship with Nik that she hoped would turn into more. Why was he just now showing up in her life again. The thought made her angry. She didn't think he had the right to show up like this, not anymore. Elena crossed her arms and sighed as her gazed turned to her bed. " What are you doing here Damon?" She asked quietly. Her velvety voice fell upon deaf ears as Damon continued to stare at the floor. He couldn't figure out what to say. Should he tell her that she's been the only one on his mind the past couple of days. Even during intimate moments with Bonnie, she's all he can see when he closes his eyes. Even kissing her soft pink lips didn't leave the trail of delicate fire that Elena's had. Whenever he lays on the side of his bed that she used to sleep on, her scent swallows him whole. " I want you back Elena." He stated boldly. That statement bright a light to his eyes, making them glow with every word that he spoke. Elena stood there in shock. Her mind couldn't comprehended why he decided to show up and say this now. After a year and a half of both of them being apart. Why did he have to show up now? " Why are you doing this..." She whispered softly, letting her dark chocolate brown hair fall into her face. Damon took a few cautious steps forward before gently brushing the loose hair from her face. Creasing her cheeks softly, he smiles as he looked down upon her. " Why not? Why do I need a reason Elena, I just want you back." He said. Elena shook her head and stepped away from him. The glare she now held upon her face was now directed right at him instead of the bed like it had been. " Are you bored? Did you grow tired of Bonnie already, done playing with your 'little red bird' as you've taken to calling her. I'm not going to do this anymore Damon. You can't run back and forth between the two of us. It's either me or her, but this...this game...it has to end." Elena turned to face her open bedroom window as she let her words sink in. The cool night air gently brushed her skin as she thought about what she just said. In truth, part of her wanted Damon back. He would always hold a special place in her heart. He would always be the one she thinks of when something is wrong. No one could deny that they were close, even now. But once you've bonded with someone like that, when you've given them pieces of your heart and soul. No one really tells you how to un-bond with them. There wasn't a return policy with feelings. She couldn't just take them back to the manufacture and demand that they be reset. Life just didn't work that way. She sighed as she really thought about the reason she wasn't jumping back into his arms right this moment. She was sick and tired of this game that he continuously played. Tired of feeling like she was always the one put on the side. She had done that for him. For a year and a half she had allowed herself to be placed on the shelf while he ran off with someone else. It was mentally draining, to see someone you loved be with someone else. Yet at the same time you were with them more than the person they claimed to be with. It nearly drove her insane. Damon stood there quietly for a few moments. The truth of her words hitting him like a ton of bricks. He knew how hard it was on her. He'd have to be an idiot not to see that. But he just couldn't bring himself to choose between the two of them. It was almost like choosing between two halves of himself. Nearly impossible some would say. He sighed as he slowly walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Closing his eyes as he breathes in her perfume. On her it just smelt so enticing. It was a perfect blend of mandarin, neroli flower, and peony. It was like taking in a breath of fresh air. Something that he missed smelling on his sheets at night. This was just another example of how the two women he loved were so different. On the one hand, he had his Bonnie. Now she had this unique scent. One that he could never copy in a million years. She smelled like a mix of crisp melon, freesia, and Camilla. Breathing that in left him feeling like he was laying in the middle of a vibrant meadow. She also brought out his random, fun loving side. He had to be careful with some things, but for the most part he could end up doing whatever he wanted and she'd be ok with it. Bonnie was shy, quiet, and glowed with innocence. Or at least she did. During these past few months he had noticed that she started to change. And he wasn't sure if he was the one who inspired it or if he even liked it. Damon wanted her to go back inside her shell a little, and Bonnie refused. It was one of the few things they had been fighting about. He couldn't accept the person she had become. Just like she couldn't do the same for him. They both had these ideas of how the other 'should' be and neither one was matching up with reality. When he was with Elena though, he was a completely different person. He felt like he could truly be himself around her, she was just another one of the guys except with feminine parts attached. Damon could be a complete ass, or show her something utterly disgusting and she wouldn't flinch. She'd laugh along with him instead of turning her nose up at him. He could talk to her and have actual conversations with her about emotions or problems in their relationship without her running with her tail between her legs. Elena was the beckon of confidence, happiness, and she had a sense of home. He felt like he belonged right there next to her. He felt that with Bonnie as well, but only slightly. They just stood there locked in each other's embrace for what felt like hours. Neither one wanted to speak, they both just reviled in the emotions and memories that came from touching one another. Surprisingly enough, they both had the same thought on their mind, which was the last time they made love. It was on a night just like this when the moon was full and the winds were cool enough to make their combined bodies shiver. Each kiss led to another filled with even more passion than the last. There was a sense of everlasting love with each gentle crease of their bare skin. They couldn't seem to get close enough and yet at the same time they were also so close that you would think they were one person instead of two. To make that night even more surreal, they ended it by falling asleep in each other's arms, without a care in the world. Elena shook her head of all those dangerous memories and turned to face him. As she did though, she realized exactly how close they were. His arms were still placed around her waist, his eyes closed with a look of nostalgia on his soft features. Her teeth graze her bottom lip as she places her hands on his chiseled chest. Damon smirked as he slowly opened his eyes again. The haze of desire didn't go unnoticed by Elena. And as if they both read each other's minds, they started to lean in towards each other. When their lips finally touched, a slow dance began. The feelings they had buried for each other slowly ignited, fueling their kiss even more. It started out soft and slow, like they were on their first date all over again. And as the passion grew, so did their hunger. Her hands found their way through his hair, desperately trying to pull him even closer to her. While his cherished her body, memorizing every curve. After a few minutes of them battling for dominance with their tongues, they both broke away gasping for air. Elena could see the love he held for her in his eyes. But she knew that wasn't enough. She knew that eventually he'd go back to Bonnie once more. She didn't want to play into his game anymore. But at the same time, there was one thing she wanted. And hopefully this time, he'd give it to her, one last time. Elena looked up into his eyes and smiled softly, grabbing both sides of his face she softly kisses him again. Then she pulled away and took his hand in hers. " I don't care what you do in the morning. I don't care if you can't choose between me or her. But I would like to ask you for one thing...give me one more night. Stay with me, choose me for now, and then tomorrow we can deal with what comes. But darling, stay with me tonight...please." She asked, tears silently sliding down her cheeks. The fear of rejection was slowly creeping in on her as he took a few minutes to respond. Thinking he was going to say no, she dropped her hands and started to walk towards her bedroom door. If Damon was going to reject her again then she needed Niklaus. But right as she was half way to her door, Damon grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. She starts to protest but as she does he kisses her again. With the same passion and hunger they had shared earlier. " Yes. Of course I'll stay tonight my love..." He whispered softly. Then he lifted her up into his arms and carried her over to the bed. That is where they spent the rest of the evening, making love even sweeter than they ever had before. And when everything was said and done, they fell asleep in each other's arms once more. Not worrying about what tomorrow might bring them.... These Nights Never Seem To Go To Plan. I Don't Want You To Leave Will You Hold My Hand. Oh Won't You Stay With Me, Cause You're All I Need. This Aint Love It's Clear To See But Darlin Stay With Me. Why Am I So Emotional. No It's Not A Good Look Gain Some Self Control. And Deep Down I Know This Never Works. But You Can Lay With Me So It Doesn't Hurt. Oh Won't You Stay With Me, Cause You're All I Need. This Aint Love Its Clear To See. But Darlin Stay With Me.

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 11 years ago

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Without You 04-23-14

Without You: Third Person POV Once again, Damon found himself standing before the giant glass mirror in his bedroom. The soft melody of his radio playing in the background, constantly shifting the mood of the room. His face completely blank as he stares back at his reflection. For a brief moment, Damon was afraid his reflection would morph, like it had done before. The longer he stared, the worst his thoughts became. He thought the monster he kept buried inside of him would jump out at any moment. Tearing him limb from limb as the girl he loved watched. The man she used to know, transforming into something else. Sweat dripped down from his brow as the darkness around him started to consume every part of his body. He closes his eyes as he start's to go numb. His humanity barely hanging by a thread. Only one person could shine some light down into this abyss, and she was gone. Damon was losing hope. He thought he didn't deserve to be saved. After all, monsters like him thrived inside the darkness. They craved the tingling numbness that spread from their fingertips. Their throats burned with delight at the thought of finally being released from their cages. Just as all hope seemed lost, he heard an angel's voice pierce through the dark. " Come on Damon, this isn't you." She called out to him. Slowly Damon open his ice blue eyes. Once he open them however, he was shocked at what he saw. Not only did he see Elena and Katherine standing upon either side of him. But his reflection had changed once more. Elena stood next to the monster. The left side of his body was pale white again. The left side of his mouth curved up with a devilish smirk, displaying his fangs quite nicely. His eye is what shocked him the most. Ice blue was no longer staring back at him, it had been replaced with onyx black. Dark veins that hungered for fresh blood lay underneath it. Damon couldn't recognize himself. Katherine stood beside his human half, looking just as smug as he remembered. Elena's soft cream colored hand reached out and lightly traced the veins under his eye. The monster in him frowned when no sign of terror could be found in her eyes. She looked at him with nothing but love and adoration. " There's good inside of you Damon, this isn't you. I know it isn't." She whispered lovingly. A small gleam of light shown through the black as he started to accept what she had said. But just as quickly as it came, it went. Katherine smiled as she turned his head to face her. " Shall I remind you Damon, of how you were so afraid to ruin your precious angel. That you pushed her away." She snapped her fingers and when Damon turned to look back at the mirror, he could see himself and Elena standing in his living room. A bright fire blazed behind them, which was the only source of light in the room. "So why are you still here? I'm bad Elena, I'm bad for you. So why wouldn't you have run away from me as far as humanly possible?" Damon asked, his voice rising slightly with each word. Elena took a step towards him and placed his hand in hers. " Because I love you Damon, because I chose you and I stand by my choice." She stated. Damon's blue eyes hardened as she said that. He kept his face blank as he took his hand out of her and took a step back. " Well now I'm choosing. And I am choosing to let you go." He said. Elena started to protest but Damon held his hand up and started again. " I am choosing not to think about how you must feel every time some ghost from my past comes into our lives. I'm choosing to relieve you from having to defend me for every awful thing I've ever done." " Stop acting like I'm perfect Damon, I've done terrible things too! Do you think I'm going to stand here and judge you after I find out that you've been tortured for five years!" She shouted back at him. " Stop defending me!" They both stood there silent for a few minutes. Damon ran his hands through his torsouled black hair and sighed before turning to face Elena again. " I won't change who I am, I can't. But I refuse to change you." He walked out of the living room and into his bedroom. Shutting and locking the door before a single tear slid down his cheek. Damon could hear the sound of his heart breaking as soon as the front door slammed shut moments later. He fell to his knees in defeat as soon as the memory was done. Katherine was right, after all she knew the monster inside of him the best. This woman had ruined him. He loved her with all of his being. And how did she repay him? By teaching him how to kill. By awakening the monster inside of him. This fallen angel had taught him that the only person he could count on was himself. That everyone else would betray him and leave him, just like she had. Every bad thing he had ever done, he traced back to her. Not even accepting the possibility that deep down it was his own doing. A tall dark and handsome man stood beside her. His deep voice echoing as he laughed at Damon. " She's right you know mate, or should I replay what I told you when you thought we were 'even'" Enzo, Damon's best friend stated as a new memory played inside the mirror. Enzo and Damon were sitting in Damon's driveway. The tension between the two could be cut with a knife. Damon had just told Enzo about how he had kissed Isobel, Enzo's girlfriend the other day. He confessed that he had feelings for her before Enzo went out with her but had never pursued them. Enzo had her first and he respected that. The kiss was an accident in Damon's mind. But in Enzo's it was the worst kind of betrayal. " Even if I forgave you Damon, would that make you any less of a horrible person? You are the most important person in my life and you've ruined me. And that's just who you are. It's who you'll always be, a monster." With that Enzo stood up and walked away. Leaving Damon feeling helpless and alone. A few tears fell from his eyes as Damon could feel the monster winning. Everything Enzo and Katherine had said was true. He had been the one to do those terrible things. He had embraced the monster inside and tasted innocent blood. There was no puppeteer pulling any strings behind his back. No hangman's noose hung above his head, forcing him to fall so it could collapse around his neck. He had to accept it, he was just a monster who ruined everything he touched. Who hurts and betrays everyone he loved. He could feel the monster inside of him winning again. It's cold breath freezing his warm heart. Ice cold fingertips trailed up and down his spine as a new figure took everyone's place inside the mirror. An ominous laugh cut through the air, the same ice cold fingers forcefully grabbed Damon's chin. Making him stand up to face who was inside the mirror. Damon trembled in fear as he looked into the face of his inner self. This vampire was unlike any other. His hair was darker than night itself. It was wild and unruly, which was caused by the howls of its victims. Dark blue veins stood out against his pale skin. The blue color came from every single corpse the vampire had left behind. All of this couldn't compare to his horrendous smile. A smile that brought women to their knees. His pearl white fangs showed brilliantly and if one were to look closer. You could see the venomous saliva drip from his teeth. Smell the scent of blood and sweat that lingered behind after every kill. No shred of humanity could be found in this person, just darkness. " Are you ready to turn that pesky humanity switch off yet Damon. Or do you still need more convincing? Come on. You know I can take care of your pain. I can end your suffering by ending her life. I warned you. I tried to tell you that this wasn't over. That you couldn't keep her. I hate to say I told you so to myself, but I did tell you..." He whispered. Damon just stood there staring into the vampire's dark eyes. He was close to losing it all, he could feel himself slipping. The small thread of humanity left was attached to her memory. But even that was pointless now. He closed his eyes as another memory started to play in the mirror. It was of the day he begged her to take him back...and she had refused. A somber atmosphere covered the air as Damon sat upon a park bench with his head in his hands. It was a late February evening, the left over winter chill still layered deep within each windy gust. He had asked Elena to meet him at this specific park located downtown for two reasons. One reason was because this particular park held good and bad memories for each of them. The second and most important reason was because he wanted her back. They had spent months apart and he was finally coming to his senses. He just hoped he wasn't too late. His dark figure sat there, the nerves settling in. What if she didn't take him back. What if he had used up all of his chances. His body shook violently as he wondered if it wasn't enough. A few minutes passed before another shadow graced his own. Damon looked up and was met with the hurt, broken hazel eyes of Elena. A small smile touched his lips as he looked her over. It had been over a year since he last saw her. Comparing the depressed, shattered image of her then, to this woman standing in front of him. She looked fantastic, but she always would in his eyes. Elena stood in front of him with her arms crossed against her chest. " Well I'm here, what did you need Damon." Elena asked. The tone of her voice alone made him flinch. He knew her well enough that he knew she'd come. She still cared for him and he told her it was urgent. So despite all of his nerves, he knew she'd show. But even he could tell that she still harbored some animosity after all of this time. " I wanted you to hear me out. Give me five minutes of your time. Please Elena." His heart beat rapidly inside his chest as he asked this. The tension between the two not helping matters. His offer to her hung in the air for several minutes before a defeated sigh swayed between them. " Five minutes Damon. That's it." She stated. He smiled and took her hand in his. Damon took a second to admire her face. To admire the woman she was. He looked at the natural creases in her face. The dimples he knew would show themselves if she smiled. Knew that when she was pissed off, a small crease would show up in the middle of her forehead. This beautiful woman, who he had let down time and time again.A gorgeous woman like her shouldn't even give him the time of day, and yet once again, here she stood. This was it, he could feel it in deep in his bones. If he didn't win her back now, he'd lose her forever. " You know how badly I screwed up. I wussed out Elena, I bailed because I was convinced I'd ruin you. I thought Bonnie would be able to handle being with me. Would be able to accept the person I am now, but she can't. Elena I.." " That isn't what this is about Damon. Get to the point." She stated her arms crossing against her chest. Damon sighed and ran his hands through his hair. His heart started pounding a mile a minute, racing almost as fast as his thoughts were. " I know, I know just hear me out. You are literally the best person I've ever known. And for me to think that I could change you gives me way to much credit, and you not nearly enough. You are the best influence on me. I need you. You are the good and I need a little bit of good in my life. Because without it, there is an awful lot of darkness..." Trailing off at the end, he looks into her eyes and frowns as tears start to form. Damon tries to pull her close but Elena shrugs him off and turns her back to him. " That's a lot of pressure Damon." Her mind started racing. Could she do this again, travel down a road that only lead to agony and frustration? Damon could sense her hesitation and took this moment to speak his mind once more. " I know Elena but..." She turned to face him. Her eyes in hard slits as she put one finger up to her lips. She knew she had to stop him before this went any further. " No, it's my turn now Damon. So shut up and listen. I love that I make you a better person. And I love that I make you happy. But I don't want to be the only thing you live for. I don't want to worry about what's going to happen the next time we get into an argument or break up again. I don't want to have to worry about who you'll decide to take it out on..." Damon sighed and threw his hands up into the air, frustration evident in his body language. " How the hell did this sudden become about everyone else? This is about you and I, Elena. Not you, me, and the rest of the freakin world!" He shouted angrily. " It's not about everyone else Damon, it's about you! It's about you. It's about the person that I can't change. And the person you really are. That person was right to let me go. I'm sorry Damon, but it's over. We're over." They both stood there in complete silence for several minutes. The air was thickly coated in deeply rooted agony and heartache. Each person consumed with their own demons eating away at them. Elena had silent tears streaming down her face. Her mind kept telling her she did the right thing. But her heart screamed at her for breaking him in two. Finally after a few minutes she turned and ran away. Damon couldn't believe what just happened. He just stood there as his own feelings came crashing down on him like a ton of bricks. He was hurt, angry, just completely destroyed. The annoying thing still beating in his chest stopped for a brief moment. And in that moment, Damon truly felt lifeless. A minute had passed before his heart started beating again. He cursed under his breath. His hands roughly traveled through his hair as he sighed angrily. This was why he hated putting himself out there. Why he despised every aspect of giving someone complete control over his heart. This situation, this thing that just happened between the two of them. It was the exact reason why loving her was so damn hard. He opened his eyes and screamed as he threw his full glass of bourbon at the wall. With a heart full of rage and disappointment, Damon spent the rest of that evening destroying every piece of evidence that they had ever existed, every piece of love he held for her he destroyed. Slowly, Damon could feel the monster inside of him winning. He could feel what was left of his humanity pushing through mounds of anguish. He didn't want to fight it anymore. He didn't want to try and live above with all of the other normal human beings. With all of these creatures of light. He finally agreed with the monster, he belonged in the dark. But he had a few scores to set before he could give everything up. He dragged his feet from one side of his barren room to the other. His fingers tremble with anticipation as he dials a familiar number. After several rings, he finally got her voicemail. " Katherine...I need to see you. It's important. We need to talk." He said as he hung up. Half the bottle of bourbon later, his doorbell finally rang. Standing there in all of her glory was the first woman to ever gain his heart and then break it, Katherine Pierce. " Hello Katherine..." He stepped to the side, allowing her entrance into his sanctuary. Katherine walked in with this anxious look on her face. " What is it you wanted to talk about Damon?" She boldly asks. Her's and Damon's relationship was always rocky. Neither one of them liked revisiting it. Or sharing any kind of information on it. They were together for a year and a half before she left him. Katherine chewed on her bottom lip as Damon walked towards her. His hard ice blue eyes stared into her honey brown colored ones. His lips curved downwards into a sad looking frown. " I want to know why you did it." He said softly. Katherine just continued to stare at him. Her mind silently going over every conversation they had ever had. Every tiny action she had ever possibly done to this man. After all of that, she was still coming up short. " I don't know what you're talking about Damon..." She turned around and started to walk away. But Damon was quicker, he grabbed her arm and forced her back around. " Don't try and play stupid with me Katherine. You know what you did." He stated angrily. The former feelings of rage and frustration that he always used to feel whenever he let himself think about her were coming back. Katherine glared at him and removed his hand from her arm. She then took his glass from him and drank the rest of its contents before looking him dead in the eyes. " I still don't know what you're talking about Damon. Seriously I've gone over our entire relationship in my head, and I'm still drawing blanks. You're going to have to spell it out for me. Give me some kind of hint otherwise you are just wasting my time." Damon growled at her and pinched the bridge of his nose. " Think back to when you ended it Katherine. Then you'll remember exactly what you did and why I'm asking." This time it was Katherine's turn to growl. She threw her hands up in the air and sighed. " You're bringing up ancient history Damon! You do realize that we haven't been together for years right!? This is stupid and moronic I'm leaving." Damon ran to the door and shocked the hell out of her when he kicked the handle off of it. " What the hell!" She shouted. He just continued to glare at her. His arms crossed against his muscular chest. " I want answers Katherine. I want to know why you made me believe that you loved me. Why you strung me along for an entire year. Do you understand what kind of issues that started? Can you even comprehend what kind of state I'm in now because of you! This person you see standing before you, you created him, this is all your fault and I want to know why damn it!" He shouted in her face. A few silent tears fell from his eyes which caused her demeanor to soften. But as quickly as that happened, she hardened back up. " Alright, I remember why now. And you know what Damon, I'm sorry. You blame me for who you are and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my actions turned you into this monster. I'm sorry that you didn't get to die at that school as a lonely forgotten nobody. Damon I'm sorry that I gave your life purpose, passion, desire, and drive. I'm sorry that you are who you are. But remember one thing, I'm the one who taught you to love. Back then I thought I could turn you into something more. It was all a game to me and I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry for where it has gotten you. You're focusing on all of the bad things you've done or caused for your relationships. If you'd look at the good that you do, you'd be happier...." Her voice turned into a soft mumble as Damon thought about what she had said. He watched her walk out the door with a small smile on his face. Damon knew deep down that she was right. Slowly his fingers changed. The dark claws that extended from his hands retracted. And his skin changed from a pale white back to their normal tan. Slowly but surely, the monster inside was dying. The sinister vampire growled and grabbed Damon's face, forcing him to turn and face him. "Don't listen to her Damon. She isn't right, no matter what you do. You will always be a monster." He growled at him He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair once more. The conflict he held inside of him still raging on. Part of him believed the monster inside. He would always have a dark side, Damon knew there was no escaping it. He would always be at odds with this beast. Damon clinched his fists in despair as he faced the cold hard truth. He couldn't change who he was, but he could change who he would and could become. Several hours later, Damon found himself outside Elena's front door. His fist lingered up above, ready to knock, but something held him back. Since that incident in the park, they had barely seen each other. Of course they had the same friends, so they knew what the other was up too. And at social gatherings they would see each other, acknowledge the other's presence. But that was as far as their contact went. Now here he stood, outside her door in the rain, with half a mind to ask her to take him back AGAIN. Damon's heart screamed at him to go for it. To take a leap of faith and get her back. But his mind said otherwise. It reminded him of his several attempts beforehand and of how they all ended. It was trying to prevent him from suffering any more rejection. He shook his head and knocked forcefully. His heart finally winning the battle. A handful of agonizing minutes later, the door slowly opened. His mouth hit the floor as he stared at the woman standing before him. She was dressed in a tank top that clung to her natural curves. With a dark pair of jeans that complimented her skin tone. When her eyes finally met his, Damon saw something that wasn't there before, hope. " Hi..." She whispered as she held herself up against the door. Damon closed his mouth but continued to just stand still. Just the sight of her left him speechless. They both stood there awkwardly as she waited to hear what he had to say. " Hi Elena...can I come in?" Damon finally asked after he collected himself. Elena smiled softly and nodded, unknowingly to him, she had her own reasons for inviting him in. " Sure, come on in Damon." She stepped to the side and opened the door further, allowing him inside her home. As they walked through her entryway, Damon noticed that she had several new pictures up. Some of her with a man he had never seen before. It had him wondering what she had been up to since they last spoke. They stopped in her living room. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that nothing had changed in there. " How can I help you Damon?" Elena asked curiously. Her short reddish brown hair falling in her face as she looked at him. Damon sat next to her and stared at his joined hands for a second before turning his head and looking into the hazel eyes that he loved still. " You can help bring me back to reality." He said softly. She looked at him, confusion written all over her face. She wasn't sure how she could help him achieve this goal. " What are you talking about Damon?" She asked. He took her hands in his and looked straight into her eyes. Nothing but love and devotion was present inside them. There wasn't any hate or anguish. No hint of sadness or hostility, just pure love. " Elena, I've been living in a fantasy. I've been trying to convince myself that I can be with anyone else and have it all. That I can have a perfect relationship with someone that isn't you. Like Bonnie for example. We almost got married, planned on having kids, moved in together. But it wasn't real. It was all a fantasy. That's probably why she went to Matt and left. But that's beside the point. I want you back Elena." He said firmly, his voice didn't crack with all of the bottle emotions that he held for her. Elena shook her head and stared at him as if he had gone mad. " Damon, yes we're real. But we're also messy and complicated. And really bad for each other, did you forget that part?" Damon's heart lurched in his chest at her words. As true as they were, his heart could already tell where this was going. " No Elena I haven't forgotten. But maybe that's what we need. We're both single, why not give it another shot. One last try, and if it doesn't work then I'll leave you alone for good." He stated. Elena took a moment to carefully analyze his face. She tried to see if there was any trace of denial laying hidden somewhere behind his handsome features. But she couldn't find any. Finally she stands up and walks over to her television, grabs the small velvet box that lay on top of it before making her way back to the couch. Slowly she passes it over to Damon, her face blank as she watches him open it. " I'm not single anymore Damon. You're too late. I told you back in February when we met at the park that we were over. And I meant it. I'm getting married Damon, He just asked me today and I said yes..." Her voice trailed off after that sentence, she noticed Damon was no longer paying attention. He just continued to stare at the diamond ring in his hand. How could he have let this happen. How could he have let both of the women in his life slip right through his fingers. He knew he had lost Elena awhile ago, but part of him always hoped that if something happened between him and Bonnie that she would still be there. That he could have someone to turn to and comfort him in the end. And now he had to face the fact that he had no one. His ears started ringing as his body slowly went numb. He knew that Elena was still trying to talk to him but he didn't care anymore. In his eyes she was already gone. " Listen Damon, I still need you in my life. I just need you as my--" " As your friend right? Well I can't do that." Damon said, stopping her mid sentence and standing up. This was his last attempt and now that he knew she felt differently, there was nothing here for him anymore. " Damon!" She called after him, chasing him down her entryway and stopping him right before he walked out her front door. " No, I'm serious Elena. I can't see you anymore. I don't want to talk to you, I don't wanna hear your voice, I don't wanna look at you, and I sure as hell don't want to be your friend. It's too damn hard." Damon said as he tried to open her door, moving her short body out of the way. " If that's what you want Damon..." She mumbled, her eyes glued to the floor as she felt a familiar kind of heartache seep into her chest. Damon nodded and kept his back to her. " Yeah, that is what I want Elena. I can't be in love with you and be your friend. The pain that it causes is unbearable." And with that Damon walked to his car and drove away. Gladly cutting the last thread of humanity he had. The vampire inside of him grinned devilishly as it started feasting upon his human emotions. All of the love, pain, suffering, and commitment he felt for the girl were eaten away. Never to be seen or felt for him again. For the rest of his days Damon would only seek comfort from darkness. Swallow Me Under And Pull Me Apart I Understand There's Nothing Left. Pain So Familiar And Close To The Heart. No More, No Less, I Won't Forget. Come Back Down Save Yourself. I Can't Find My Way To You. And I Can't Bear To Face The Truth. Say Something New I Have Nothing Left. I Can't Face The Dark WIthout You. There's Nothing Left To Lose. The Fight Never Ends. I Can't Face The Dark Without you.

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 12 years ago

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Waiting For Superman 11-06-13

Waiting For Superman Third Person POV: She stood next to the fire escape, the cold November air nipping at her skin. The clatter and commotion of the city below her long forgotten. She had come to this rooftop looking for answers. Her beliefs lead her here, thinking that there would be some kind of relief for her. Some kind of divine answer to her problems. Dirty blonde hair flies into her face with the wind. Dried up tears stain her cheeks. Caroline was left with one of two options, now all she had to do was hope that Tyler went along willingly. She's Talking To Angels, Counting The Stars, Making A Wish On A Passing Car Time seemed to pass by with some difficulty for her. She paced back and forth in her living room. With her thoughts mirroring her movements inside her mind. "What if he didn't get them, or decided not to come. He's got that damn baby mama chi--" Her rambling got cut off with the sound of her front door being slammed. Furious footsteps could be heard from down the hall until finally there he stood in front of her. His dark chocolate colored hair was spiked and pointed in every direction imaginable. She thought it matched the crazy look in his hazel eyes. Caroline had never seen Tyler this angry. But she could imagine why, and she'd be right. He took three steps towards her and held up a pair of thick manila envelopes. The annoyed and outraged look never leaving his face. " What exactly is this Care..." He asked through gritted teeth. Tyler loved Caroline, this they both knew. But lately he had desired a sense of comfort from another source. The pair had only been married for two years. High school sweethearts that followed through with it, despite warning from both sides. They were young, naive, and in love. This scene proved they didn't know any better. " What does it look like Tyler..." She said with a slight arrogance lacing her voice. Caroline would do absolutely anything for this man. She loved him to the ends of the earth and back. If someone came up to her and asked how she felt about him. If she could possibly describe it. She wouldn't be able to come close. How do you explain that without this person you'd cease to be. How can you express that you're no longer just one being. When they hurt, you feel it. Can you explain the pain and the sorrow you feel in the pit of your stomach when you think about seeing them with someone else. But in the same breath know it would make them happy and know that it's the right thing to do. To this day she couldn't find the answer. Caroline felt a single tear slip down her cheek once more as she kept a blank expression on her face. " It looks like one is divorce papers and the other I have no clue. But that's not what's gotten under my skin. After two years of marriage, why are you doing this now Caroline. I thought you, we were happy..." He trailed off at that point. His own lie felt like acid leaving his lips. Tyler knew Caroline wasn't happy. Every night when he came home from seeing Hayley, he could see the tears on her pillow. He knew that she knew, but still he couldn't stop. He loved both of these amazing women. One he felt safe and comfortable with. But lately he also felt like they hadn't been connecting, their interest lacked, and communication between the two suffered deeply. While with the other he felt free, he could do as he pleased, be who he was and enjoy himself. He didn't have to hold back or hide behind a shell. Caroline's aqua blue eyes glared at her supposed husband and crossed her arms across her chest. Her heart while already broken in two seemed to be falling apart at the seams that had held it together for these past few months. Tonight she would free herself from the pain. One way or another. She's Dancing With Strangers, She's Falling Apart For several minutes, all she did was stand there and glare at her husband. Seething at the idea that he could lie to her face the way he just had. He didn't even know what happy was anymore, least not with her. " How can you stand there and lie to me Tyler. Unless you really are that stupid. If you even think that coming home to a wife whoses cried herself to sleep night after night over you. Or one you barely speak to is happiness. Then I'd like to know what a disagreement looks like." She spat at him. She had known about Hayley for a year now and hadn't spoken up about the issue. Caroline hadn't forced him to make a choice cause she knew he couldn't. She knew this man too well. She had hoped that they could work through it. That she could stretch her limits even more than they were at this moment. But something in her finally snapped last night. When she was up on that roof, gazing at all of the lights in the sky. Caroline had finally decided enough was enough. Either he was going to be with her, or he was going to let her go once and for all. He wouldn't be allowed to turn back this time. An agonized look filled Tyler's eyes and heart. He hated himself for putting her through this, for being unable to make a choice and stick to it. For causing the pain he saw in her eyes. Honestly thought he couldn't see a silver lining. Either he left Caroline and was happy to an extent but miserable at the same time because he knew that he had lost her. Or he left Hayley who had gotten so close to him in such a short amount of time. Yeah that would make Caroline happy, but again he'd be left suffering. Having to return to hiding how he felt or pushing things to the side and watching them not get dealt with when need be. " What do you want me to say Caroline. What can I possibly do to prove to you that I love you. That you are the one I married not her. You are the one I want, not her. You are--" She held up her hand which stopped him. And the look she gave him told Tyler everything he needed to know. She was past proof. She didn't want or need it, she just wanted him to let go. " First things first, stop telling me half of the truth. I know you better than that. I know that you love both of us. That you want both of us. I'm pretty sure if you could you'd marry both of us. But because I was first you settled for me and continuously have this affair with her. I'm not asking for proof that you love me or want to be with me. I want a choice. You go from wanting me to wanting her so fast that I don't know which way is up or down. If you're refusing to make one because you're afraid I'll walk out of your life than don't be. Part of my agreement in both sets of papers is that I stick around. So if that's what's holding you back, you can knock it off. And just to make things clear, one envelope has divorce papers, the other has annulment papers. So you can think of this as one of two things. Either A: We end this fantastic, amazing, and wonderful two years of marriage for good. You go with her and move on with your life and I do whatever I feel like doing. Or B: You sign the annulment papers and this will all be like it never happened. It'll be as if you and I had never met, never dated, and never ever gotten married. They come with conditions on both sides though." Caroline turns her back to him for a few moment s to collect herself. The sorrow she felt freefalling from her eyes in the form of tears. She didn't want to let go of him. She wanted to live out the rest of her life with him. To make him the happiest man on earth and her the happiest woman. But that just didn't seem like a possibility anymore. At least not for her. Waiting For Superman To Pick Her Up In His Arms When Caroline turned back to face him she was surprised to see this distraught look on his face. As if what she had just told him crushed what was left of his beating heart. She imagined that they both held the same look in their eyes. She just couldn't tell anymore. " What are these conditions then my love..." Tyler asked, using a name he had called her all the time to try and get some kind of emotion out of her. He could see it in her eyes, but knew that she was trying to keep herself together just like he was. He could see that she was broken enough already, whatever glue she had used to keep herself together was slowly failing. He wanted her to fall apart in front of him. Wanted her to let it all out so he could rush forward and comfort her. He wanted to show her that she still meant the world to him. She was right earlier, He was terrified of making a choice between the two. Tyler shook his head and looked down at the floor as he thought about this. He knew that if he left Caroline he wouldn't be able to get her back. That she'd move on and find someone else. And even though the thought of causing her this kind of agony drove him crazy. Just the thought of seeing another man hold her, crease her skin, or kiss her beautiful lips drove him insane. Almost the same thing went for Hayley, however with her he could see her with another person and it would irritate him. But that would be all. It wasn't like it was with Caroline. But he could tell from the look in her eyes that she was done trying. That this was her last straw. To try and ease the pain he had caused her this past year, Tyler was determined to make it his mission to do what it took to make sure that after this she was happy. Caroline sighed and made sure to keep her mask in place. Even as her emotions clawed at her chest begging to be poured out to the man she loved. She held them all back. " I'm giving you two weeks Tyler. Two weeks to make a choice between the two of us. If you choose me, we'll move on none the wiser. We can go back to being happy together and pretend this past year didn't happen. But if you choose Her, then that's it for us. I'll mail both of these back to you and you will be required to sign one of them. Doesn't matter which one, just know that one will be signed and mailed back to me. Once that happens, I am asking for a forty-eight hour grieving period. During that time you are not allowed to contact me at all. No text messages, no phone calls, no driving by my place to try and see me, no FacePlace messages. Absolutely nothing. Once the forty-eight hours is up, you can send one text that I will be required to answer once I receive it. From there on out we are just friends. We can talk but you won't be living here anymore. We will probably hang out, but it won't be as much. Any message you send to me stating that you regret your choice and want me back will be ignored. There will not be another chance for us." She stated. Caroline felt like she had just enacted an open business transaction. None of this was how she pictured her marriage. She never thought it would end either, but that's how things were looking. A feeling of rage built up in Tyler's chest again. He was floored with these ridiculous conditions. How could she expect him to make a choice in that amount of time. None of this guaranteed either that she wouldn't just disappear from his life. " How can you do this to me Care! How can you not only expect me to make a choice but to believe that you won't leave me once I make one! To me this all sounds like either I be with you and stop loving her to make you happy or I choose her and lose you all together. How can you prove to me that you won't disappear from my life once a choice is made?" He asked. Slowly as he said each word, he had made his way across the living room floor. Tyler now stood face to face with the woman he saw as his forever love. " If I'm the one you want and choose, then you won't need any proof Tyler. I've stuck by you even after I found out about all of this shit. I've never left you when I could've. If anything I should be the one asking you these questions. I'm the one who has the right to be angry here, not you." She said her gaze drifting to his lips for a brief moment before trailing back up to his eyes. Minutes passed by before either of them said a word again. The silence and intensity that filled the room was defining. Neither one wanted to back down. But both knew eventually someone had too. And that person just so happened to be Tyler. Swiftly he pressed his lips to hers, grasping her neck softly and pulling her closer. Trying to put every ounce of love he held for her in that one moment. To his shock, she was kissing him back with just as much passion. Just as spontaneously as the kiss started however, it ended. Tyler walked towards the door, two tears sliding down his cheeks for the decision he now had to make. He stopped himself in the entryway to the living room and turned around. " Two weeks?" He asked. At this point Caroline couldn't speak anymore so she just nodded her head. He knew she needed to be alone for the night. So he sighed and continued to stare at her. " Ok...I love you Caroline..." He said sadly. The walls she kept around her emotions broke at those four simple words. Caroline collapsed right there in the center of the living room. Tremendous sobs rocked her body as the tears fell. The sight broke him. He rushed to her and held her in his arms as she cried into his chest. The pair stayed in that position for hours. Neither one saying a word just crying together. Enjoying the comfort of the others embrace. An hour later though he helped her stand and looked her in the eyes once more. " Two weeks....and Tyler. I love you too." She kissed his cheek after that then walked into her bedroom and shut the door. Two weeks had come and gone. When the time finally came for him to make a choice, he couldn't make one. His heart still hadn't decided who he wanted more. So Caroline stayed to her word. She mailed both envelopes to him with a note attached. " The forty-eight hours will start when I get one of these on my doorstep signed. You couldn't make a decision. So I've made one for you. I hope you can find happiness." It stated. He laid in bed and was inconsolable that night. He knew he had just lost an incredible woman. Now he had to deal with the choice he had made. She's Waiting For Superman

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 12 years ago

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Love Is Blindness-Katherine Vitale 8-31-13

Love Is Blindness-Katherine Vitale

Third Person POV: The bar standing right before her was like a flame. Something so warm and inviting, yet at the same time she knew it was dangerous and came with diasterious results. She knew she wasn’t the only one who had come to escape reality. There were several here who had come looking for an escape in the form of this captivating liquid. They didn’t come for the bar keeps advice, nor did they come in search of pleasurable company. No, the wicked and weak came here to escape the loss of loved ones. To repair what was left of their broken hearts. Or to finally gain the courage they needed to complete an insanely impossible task. Whatever the reasons, the alcohol always welcomed them. Now Katherine wasn’t necessarily weak, or wicked to some. She seemed like a completely innocent and lovely person. But no one was there to watch her face the demons that haunted her at night. No one watched as the blade came in contact with her skin. Or helped when her lungs would scream out for it. No, they all just ignored the pleas and continued on with their lives. So sooner rather than later, She discovered it was easier to keep it all in. To only show emotion when it was deemed necessary. Anyone who dared to glance upon her could see the difference. Through the years she had changed, her heart had hardened and the walls she built around it nearly tripled in size. Making it almost impossible for her to let anyone in. Least not close enough to cause anymore damage. Her look had taken a complete one eighty. Her hair for starters, which used to be a beautiful dark chocolate brown. Was now a deep burgundy. Her skin used to glisten with the sun’s kisses, now it was as if all of the color had been sucked out of her. And last but not least, her eyes. The eyes that used to capture and allure men right to her. Eyes so kind and loving that anyone, whether they be wicked or nice, couldn’t help but bend to her will. Eyes as bright and green as the Irish hill sides. They were now masked by devilish contacts. Her colors varied depending upon her mood. If she was angry, her eyes bore the color of blood. And if she was sad, they were as blue and clear as the polar ice caps. Needless to say, the list of changes could go on forever. But those were the most important. The ones everyone just seemed to ignore the most. Maybe it was because changes like that were made every day so it was nothing new. Or maybe it really was as she feared, that no one really gave a damn about her. No one cared enough about her to notice a damn thing. Gracefully she walks forward, each step aching like the blood behind a bruise. Her body couldn’t handle much more of the abuse it was dealt. Subconiously Katherine knew she should listen. She knew she should turn around right now and leave. But her cold heart won. She took a seat and sighed as she pulled a small package out of her pocket. Smoking had become her other stress reliever. The smell of nicotine relaxed her and as her lungs filled with the beloved poison, the rest of her worries seemed to disappear. This place was like a chimney almost, wherever she turned was a new puff of smoke. But she didn’t mind, if anything it helped mask all of her pain. Helped her escape the reality of yet another heart ache. Another failed relationship for her to add to her on-going list. Katherine smirked as she laughed quietly to herself. She could write a one hundred page novel with how many mistakes, failed relationships, and recent one night stands she had had. First was Lucas. Now this boy, this child. Was nothing more than that, a child. He was her first love. The one she first experienced kissing under the stars. The first to lead her down the path of inappropriate actions. Her first of many, including her first heart break. He was the first, and quite possibly the last to fully receive her heart and affection. But that all changed when she caught him kissing another. Her heart broke in two that day, and it took several years to even remotely put it back together before the next one came along. Second was Victor, now Katherine thought by this time she was just a tad bit older and wiser. She didn’t bring him home to meet her family. She didn’t introduce him to her best friends. No, this one she kept completely in the dark until she was ready to bring it forward. But that didn’t stop this boy from taking advantage of her. From starting her path towards the depressive darkness. She shivered as she remembered being forced against the wall. Her constant protest obviously heard and ignored. The tears that pooled in her eyes as she told her story. And the stares she received from his friends after she had come back from revealing the truth about his character. Her once blissful dreams were plagued with nightmares after that. And her heart which she tried to take good care of, was shattered once again. Suddenly, before her mind could go even further down memory lane, the bartender stood in front of her. A gentle smile was placed upon his face as he looked at her. ” What will it be tonight sweetheart, Jack or Morgan.” He asked. Katherine chuckled quietly and shook her head at Sam before replying rather sarcastically. ” I think tonight is the night I live dangerously. I’m in the mood for a threesome, if you know what I mean.” She paused for a brief moment and winked at him. The bar keep, Sam, laughed right with her and brought a row of shot glasses out from under the counter. Then he reached behind him and grabbed three different bottles. ” Alright miss Katherine, here’s Jim, Jack, and Morgan. Let me know if you need anything else. And I do mean anything sweetie.” He winked at the end and giggled. Katherine just shook her head. ” Through some Karina in there too then Sam, unless you’re too busy for your favorite customer.” Her fingers at that point where trailing up and down his forearm slowly, almost as if she was tracing every single shape on his sleeve. Her and Sam went way back. She had met him in college and helped him open this bar. It’s part of the reason she chose this one to come to each night. Plus it just happened to be right down the street from her house. So she never had to worry about calling a cab or bus fare. Sam shook his bald head at his friend before pulling the Smirnoff from behind him and placed it right besides the other three bottles. ” Alright, three guys and one chick, have fun tonight Katherine.” Sam said as he walked over towards the next person. The sound of the caps unscrewing themselves and popping off of the bottles was like music to her ears. Katherine made sure to take her time with each one. Ensuring that she gave all of her guests the proper attention they deserved. Her hand wraps around Jim’s neck first, pulling him in close. The coolness from the glass felt fantastic against her over heated skin. Her eyes close in anticipation for a brief moment. Just like a lover’s would when they’re about to make love for the first time. Slowly she pours the luscious liquid from his mouth. The first glass filled to the brim with his delicious butterscotch colored toxin. Swiftly she downs at least half of him before she places both the bottle and his short glass counterpart down. Least for the time being. Her hands reach out and grab Morgan next. At this stage, her buzz has already settled in. Her mind getting hazier and hazier by the second. ” Aw Morgan, you didn’t think I forgot about you. My sweet amber. Now you must tell me, why is the rum always gone…” She mumbles as she pours the amber colored juice into the next glass. Katherine pauses for a moment and lifts the glass up into the light. Completely mesmerized by how the light captures the reddish and orangish tints inside her shot. Her pause was brief, merely five seconds before she poured the candy like substance down her throat. Once again she repeats her previous cycle. Downs at least half of him before she cast both of them aside. The redness from the alcohol she just drank creeps itself into the corners of her eyes. As if the substance is trying to consume her from the inside out. She glances at the other patrons sitting beside her and smiles. This place was home to her, and these people were her family. She didn’t take the time to learn their names. Nor did she bother listening to their sob stories. She just knew whenever she was here, that she was home. Jack becomes her next victim. She laughs a little as she shakes her head at the bottle. Treating it like she had the others, like he was a living person. ” Now you’re the one who just can’t decide who he wants to look like. Aren’t ya Jack. At first you thought it would be cool to copy your buddy Jim over there. Wanted a color almost as rich as honey. Then you took a look at Morgan, and how he makes all of the ladies weak in the knees. And thought huh, I should be like that guy. Throw some red and orange into my honey mix. In the end though you end up with this seducing rustic amber color. And a fiery burn to match.” Katherine softly smiles as she repeats her cycle once again. The initial burn she feels at first slowly numbs itself into sweet nothingness. Once she pushes the bottle towards the other two, she breaks into hysterics. At this point, Katherine like many others here at the bar, was at her most vulnerable. She places her head in her hands and shakes with silent sobs. ” Now why are you crying honey…” A familiar voice whispers to her. Suddenly she looks up, and standing behind the counter are the five men she ever cared about or loved. Lucas was the one who spoke, his hand reaches up to push his glasses back into place. His hair still the mop of curly dirty blonde she remembered. Next to him stood Victor, in all of his Hispanic glory. He stood taller than the rest. His arms crossed against his chest. Her eyes moved down the line. Lingering for a bit on Jonathon. His blue green eyes as captivating as they’ve always been. The same devilish smirk still plastered upon his face. Matthew was next. She couldn’t help but slightly glare at this one, for besides Jonathon, he had hurt her the worst. Making it almost impossible for her to recover. His hazel eyes almost matched her own. His hands were in his pockets but even in the dim light, she could still see how his shirt wrapped around his muscles. Last but not least, her gaze shifted to Jay. His jet black hair was hidden by his hat. Eyes almost the exact same shade as her gazed back at her with an amused glint inside them. His muscles still made her body shiver and long for those arms to be around her. Each and every one of them brought a different stab of pain to her chest. Her defenses that were slowly coming down because of the alcohol in her system, now were completely destroyed. Katherine shook her head and pointed a finger at Lucas before grabbing Karina. ” You have no room to talk young man. You left me for my best friend. So much for all of that talk about marrying me someday. and loving me. Ha!” She exclaimed as she tossed back another shot. Her gaze moves onto the next man and as it does, a ferocious growl surges from her mouth. ” Victor, you and all of your Mexican glory. When a woman says no, that means no damn it. It doesn’t mean force her into something than deny the whole thing! So much for love.” Katherine took another shot, slamming the glass onto the counter. With enough force that it almost shattered. Once confronted, her first two victims vanished, almost as if they hadn’t been there in the first place. Her cheeks are bright red as she stops at Jon. His eyes capturing her and holding so much depth that she almost forgot what she wanted to say. ” Jon….I loved you. I loved you so damn much it hurt. I was divested the night we ended things. Divested again when I chose someone over you and I shouldn’t have. But to have you do it back to me….on valentine’s day….now that’s just cruel and unusual punishment Jonathon.” She pauses once again. Her throat choked up with the tears she had never shed over this man. To numb the oncoming pain she felt, Katherine poured herself a shot from each of the four bottles. Then she downed them all before continuing with her onslaught. ” I guess it’s just karma coming back to bite me in the ass for hurting you. It’s something I’ll regret for the rest of my life. Because like I said, I loved you with all of my heart. I thought we were happy. I thought maybe you were the one. But I was a fool. A beautiful naive little fool.” She whispered the last part as a tear fell from her eyes. Unlike the others however, Jonathon didn’t disappear. The other’s Katherine could let go of no problem. But this man, she just couldn’t, until now. ” I don’t want to feel like this again because of you. Let me go Jon. I’m not needed. I’m not needed…” She took another swig from one of the bottles and then moved onto the next person. Now at first, she was so numb from confessing her feelings to Jonathon, that she didn’t realize Matthew now stood in front of her. Her eyes hardened into a dark emerald green almost. Her teeth were bared and her fists were clenched. ” You are a terrible person. I put up with more shit from you for over a year! And how do you repay me? By promising and planning a ton of things out with me. Saying you wanted to start a life with me and then you just snatched it all and took it away! That, that Matthew is something not easily forgiven or forgotten. Something that isn’t easily fixed. And now here you are standing in front of me asking me to not only forgive you, but to go back? To what! To someone who claims to love me so much. Who was so close to marrying me. Who let me go. Just so we can walk down the same road as before. Have you even thought about what you are asking. I can’t trust you!” She throws her shot into his face and violently sobs for several minutes before glancing up at him again. ” All I’ve heard from you is a bunch of words that mean nothing to me unless you prove them. And even then, there is a chance I won’t take you back. But I’m sure if you were in my position, you’d be doing the same thing. Just put yourself in my shoes Matthew. Think about wanting to marry someone, wanting to spend the rest of your life with them. Willing enough to up root your life for them. You have it all set out almost and you can’t believe it. Then suddenly it all vanishes. At first, you’re divested. You don’t talk to anyone the night it happens. All you do is cry. Then it takes a good couple of months before you’re able to pick yourself up again. You start focusing on work, school, your body because you don’t believe your good enough for anyone. You meet someone new who treats you like a queen at first. Who’s awoken feelings inside you that haven’t been felt in what feels like forever. So you give it a chance, since the other is completely forgotten. You never thought you’d hear from them again. And then suddenly BOOM! She comes back into your life, at first begging for you back and apologizing. And then says she could settle with being your friend but it would be hard. You try being so damn torn that you can’t think straight. You know you aren’t in love with this person anymore. sure you loved them at a point, but in order to let someone go, you have to let the feelings die. Sure you care about that person, wouldn’t want anything to happen to them. But do you think you’d be willing enough to let that person in to hurt you again?” Matthew doesn’t say anything, he just shakes his head before disappearing from her life once again. Katherine lets out a fake laugh and pours herself another drink. ” That’s what I thought…” She mumbles. Finally after what seems like hours, she finally glances at Jay. She grabs his hat and places it on top of her head, strategically placing it so that the bill covered her eyes. ” You’re the newest, but I care about you. Would hate to see anything happen to you. But sometimes I didn’t think you felt the same about me. We went from talking all the time to not talking at all. Seeing each other all the time to only seeing each other once or twice a week. I don’t like being used. It’s happen one too many times, I told you this. If you don’t want me anymore, just say it Jay. I’m not one for games.” During her speech, he had lighten up a cigarette. Katherine took the fag from his mouth and brought it to hers. Pulling a slow, deep drag from it and letting the sweet nectar sit in her lungs before blowing it into his face. He then vanished along with the smoke. Leaving Katherine all alone again, all alone with her depressing thoughts. She couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t take the pain anymore. Couldn’t take being torn in several different directions. She just wanted it all to end. By the end of the night, she had single handedly finished all four of her victims. Sam had come over to check on her several times, but each time she just kept sending him away. He wouldn’t give her anymore to drink, he cared about his dear friend too much. Slowly, each patron left until it was just the two of them at the bar. The sun made its appearance through the windows, letting them both know morning had come. ” Katherine, sweetheart it’s time for you to go home. Here let me walk you.” Sam offered. He jumped over the bar and tried to shake her awake but got no response. He tried for several minutes before he finally took her hand and gasped. ” Oh my god…” He whispered, reaching over the bar he grabs his phone from under the counter and calls the police. ” 9-1-1, what’s your emergency?” The operator asks. Sam just stood there for a few minutes, his mouth continuously opening and closing. ” Hello, 9-1-1 emergency is anyone there?” The operator asked again. Something snapped as Sam cried into the phone. ” Yes, I need an ambulance to 1234 Elm Street, a bar called Sam’s Place. Someone is….dead…” The word felt foreign on his lips. He couldn’t believe she had died. right here inside his bar, with him watching. When she had started yelling all of that nonsense, he thought it was just the booze talking. He never realized that would be the last thing he’d ever hear from her again. The police and medics came as quickly as they could. When they did, the paramedics confirmed what Sam had already figured. She had died sometime last night, most likely because of alcohol poisoning. The cops took Sam’s statement down and told him he wouldn’t be charged with anything. That this would most likely be put down as a suicide. He just shook his head and sent them away, needing some time to himself. That night, Katherine got what closure she needed from the men in her life. She left them with a piece of her mind and was in the presence of ‘family’. She had a peaceful looking smile upon her face. In her end, Katherine had come to accept one fateful fact, Love Is Blindness. And those who seek it are naive little fools

” Love Is Blindness, I’m So Sick Of It, I Don’t Wanna See. Why Don’t You Just Take The Night And Wrap It All Around Me Now. Oh My Love, Blindness. Oh I’m Too Numb To Feel… Blow Out The Candle. Blindness.”

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 12 years ago

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Inception 2.0 04-24-13

Inception 2.0: Third Person POV She stands in the kitchen, her dark brown hair curled and hung neatly below her waist. Her hands make quick work of the dishes in the sink before her. She looks up and out her window to find her children playing together on the swing set. A gentle smile lights up her face from the sight before her. But suddenly she pauses, dropping the plate she held in her hands. She didn’t have any children, nor a house of her own. So how did she wind up here? Time appears to slow down as she turns towards the clock on the wall. She realizes then that the children she saw playing outside weren’t her own, they looked nothing like her. She tries to collect her thoughts so she could remember their faces. But her mind comes up blank. Her heart starts to race as she panics, this wasn’t real. Her ‘husband’ chose that moment to walk through the kitchen. A giantic smile upon his lips. HE walks right past her into the back yard, scooping up the children into his arms. Tears wield in her eyes as she looks upon the scene, wishing more than anything that it was real. Hoping they’d glance back at her with the same love and devotion in their eyes that she held for them. Swiftly her feet carry her into the living room; she lies upon the couch and closes her eyes. “It’s just a dream…it’s just a dream…wake up…wake up…” She mumbles. Taking slow, deep breaths she calms her heart rate enough that soon, she joins the oblivion. Hoping to cross over to the other side where her true reality was. The scene changes, she is no longer in a house. But standing on a cliff overseeing the sea. She looks all around, trying to find any reason to doubt that if what she sees before her is actually there or not. Her gaze lands upon the same man she saw in her dream, once again accompanied by two children. This time the children seem to be a bit older. She tries to get a closer look at the trio, hoping to get a glimpse of their faces once more. For it seems her mind just can’t place who they are exactly. “I wouldn’t do that if I was you…” The voice says. She turns towards the intruder and gasp. Standing before her was an exact carbon copy of herself. But without any imperfections at all. All of the flaws she saw in herself, they didn’t appear to show on this person. She continues to stare as the person chuckles. “Who are you?” She asks, curious as to if she is truly losing her mind. Her perfect twin smiles and gazes down at the man and children. “Why don’t you see? I’m you, the version you wish you could be. Perfect beyond compare, no insecurities, no doubts or scars. No imperfections what so ever. I’m perfectly me.” The twin says. “So I’m still dreaming then…this isn’t real.” She whispers, finding it weird to have a conversation with herself. Her twin laughs and nods. “Yes, this is a dream like the last one you saw. The first level is full of your hopes for the future. What you would like to have. The second, which is what you see before you. Is not only what you wish you could have, but also a version of yourself that you wish one day you will be. Perfect beyond compare, with no doubts that your husband will ever leave you.” Her twin replies. She ponders what was said for a moment. Still trying to get a glimpse of their faces. If this was all a dream and what she hoped would happen. Shouldn’t she be able to see the face of the man she loved and the children she hoped to have? Her twin laughed at her actions and pushed her away from the edge of the cliff. If you truly want to see them, you’ll have to go deeper within yourself. Dream within a dream.” Twin says with a smirk. She closes her eyes and nods; she’d do anything just to see if what she thought she hoped for matched up with what kept appearing in her dreams. Once again the scene changes, for the last time. The beach she was once gazing down upon has turned into a magnificent white church. She is surrounded by people she knows and some that she doesn’t. Small grains of rice flying around her in the air, all in slow motion almost. Sure signs that someone here had gotten married. She gazes around trying to find herself and the man she thought she’d marry. But as she finally makes her way through the crowd. Tears start to fall because of the scene in front of her. Before her not only stands the man she loves, but besides him is not a version of herself like she thought. Next to him stands her best friend. Small sleek glasses show the gleam of happiness in her brown eyes. Her soft jet black hair that s normally down and straight, was curled and shorter than she had last seen it. But what absolutely killed her, was the look of love and adoration in his eyes. A gaze she wished was directed at her. A dark chuckle makes her turn around to find yet another version of herself standing before her. “Who are you?” She asks again, just wanting the nightmare to be over with. The dark figure laughs as a sadistic smiles graces its lips. Eyes the color of emerald green stare her down as the figure walks towards her. It wasn’t like the one before. This version of herself was full of nothing but imperfections. There were scars covering every inch of her body. Of course you could only see the ones on her face and hands clearly, all of the others were covered by the black wardrobe she chose to dress herself in. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m you, the dark, imperfection, envious, sadistic version. The side of you that you are so terrified of anyone else seeing. The one that’s kept locked away in the deepest part of your subconscious. And what you see before you, it’s what you fear is going to happen. This of course is the hardest thing for you to face. It’s why the children you saw didn’t look like you. You’re afraid he is going to wind up with her, and have the family that you crave.” The dark one says. The children she saw earlier suddenly appear at the sides of their parents. She can clearly see the resemblance now. The girl that stood next to her father had his eyes and smile, but her mother’s soft features and hair. While her brother was the exact opposite, he had his father’s structure with the combination of his mother’s eyes, nose, and smile. This family before her was what she saw in his future, and like the dark one said, it was what she feared the most. She’d lose him forever then. The moment her friend gave into him, she knew she’d lose him for good and that’s what scared her. She didn’t want to say goodbye. The tears fell freely from her eyes as she turns her back to the happy couple. This dream was suddenly turning into a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from. The dark one appears next to her and wraps her arms around her shoulders. Smiling as it whispers into her ear. “I told you, you wouldn’t like what you saw. It’s going to happen. You know it is. Just accept it and come over to the dark side.” The dark one whispers. She shot up out of bed after that. Her breath coming out in pants as she looks around her room. She closes her eyes tightly and pinches herself to make sure it’s real this time. She didn’t want to find herself inside another dream. When nothing happens she opens her eyes and sighs. This time she was awake, but both dreams still hung in her thoughts. The first one she wanted to happen. She wanted a husband to come home from work and kiss her. To be there for her when she was having a bad day and to comfort her. To play with their children while she took care of dinner. She wanted a lasting committed relationship for once. The second dream, she was not only afraid it wouldn’t happen. But that it would lead to the third. She couldn’t shake the thought of those two from her head. No matter how hard she tried. The tears fell from her eyes as she looked at the empty space next to her. She wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep now. She was too afraid of what her own subconscious would come up with. For the rest of the night she laid awake, wondering if he ever had dreams of them together like that, or if it was always her. So Just Give It One More Try To A Lullaby And Turn This Up On The Radio. If You Can Hear Me Now I’m Reaching Out To Let You Know That You’re Not Alone And If You Can’t Tell I’m Scared As Hell Cause I Can’t Get You On The Telephone So Just Close Your Eyes Oh Honey Here Comes A Lullaby Your Very Own Lullaby <3

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nickihstn-blog-blog · 12 years ago

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Mirrors Part Two Revised: 04-13-13

Mirrors Part Two Revised: Third Person POV: Damon stood in front of the looking glass, staring and analyzing the image before him. This scarred and battered figure standing here was nothing more but a reincarnation of his former self. His infamous blue green eyes swiftly moved up and down the embodiment. Studying every asset and feature, before reaching his conclusion. For the past few months, his entire body seemed undead and abandoned of all emotion. His hair lost the sheen it once held. His eyes, the same eyes that could bring anyone in, had lost all of their might. There was no light inside of them anymore. In fact, there hasn’t been any sign or trace of light within him since he had lost Bonnie this last time. The scars which marked most of his body were invisible to the public eye. But here, in front of this mirror, Damon felt as if they were as bright as a neon sign. They screamed out numerous things; dangerous and unstable, guarded and unpredictable, broken and alone. All of these statements he considered cold hard facts, things he knew would never change. But hope arose, in the form of his beloved, Bonnie. She was the one responsible for bringing him back to life. She was everything to him, something that would never change. I Don’t Wanna Lose You Now, I’m Lookin Right At The Other Half Of Me He smiled, a true honest to god smile, as memories and conversations between the two flooded his thoughts. IF it wasn’t for her, he’d probably still be self destructing silently in the dark. His body shivered as he thought about the dark place he was in before she came along. The cold and endless abyss he’d sunk himself into. No lights were ever found there, nor was there any trace of happiness or feeling. In that abyss he was simply numb to the world. He did not allow himself to feel. He did not allow himself to trust. He didn’t allow himself any sort of human comfort at all. All he had was the comfort of everlasting darkness and misery. The two constants that seemed to travel hand in hand with each other throughout his stay. No matter which corner he tried to turn, one or the other blocked his path. He looks up into the face of his reflection. Watching as it changes shape before him, suddenly his figure darkens. Red eyes the color of blood replaces his own. The smile that just sat upon his lips is replaced by a devilish smirk. His reflection now stands before him completely drenched in darkness. From his hair to his clothes. Nothing but black could be seen on this new figure. The figure continues to smirk at him as it shakes its head. “Hello Damon…” It whispers. A seductive edge laced its voice. As if it was trying to nudge him over to the dark side. The figure licks its lips and shifts its weight, like a hunter stalking its prey. Damon shook his head, running his hands through his curly raven colored locks. He tries to convince himself that it isn’t real, just his mind playing tricks on him. There wasn’t a shadowed version of himself standing in the mirror. The figure laughs at Damon’s discomfort and shakes one finger in front of his face. “I’m going to take you back Damon. You can’t keep her. You’ll mess up again down the road, she’ll get fed up and leave you. Just like Elena has. Then you’ll be alone….then you’ll be mine again…” The figure stated rather harshly. He couldn’t deny that he felt that way deep down. Any normal human would right? They’d be afraid that something they’d done could push away the one thing they care about most. He’d lose her again somehow; Damon just desperately hoped he could prove himself wrong… The Vacancy That Sat In My Heart Is A Space That Now You Hold The figure smiles in triumph at Damon’s pain and suffering. Nothing could stop the darkness from claiming Damon once again, not even his precious little redbird. He was too far gone. Suddenly, just as all hope seems lost, Elena appears beside him. Her hair matches his, the luster and shine from it has vanished. Her eyes no longer held any light, and her smile was gone. She takes his hand in hers and gently creases his cheek. “You know you don’t belong here anymore. It’s why you’re fighting it so hard. Go back to the light Damon, don’t give in. There is still hope…” She whispers. He looks at her in shock before she takes his shaky form into her arms. He holds her there for several minutes. Besides Bonnie, she was the only other person he cared about. And he still loved her, just not enough to satisfy her. The lovers let go after a few moments. The figure still standing before them inside the mirror. It scowls at them as the light returns to his eyes. Hisses as Bonnie takes Elena’s place. “This isn’t over…” It mumbles before vanishing. Damon’s reflection finally returns to its natural state. Show Me How To Fight For Now And I’ll Tell You Baby It Was Easy Bonnie’s small form vanishes soon as well, leaving him standing alone once more. And as he looked into his own eyes once again, Damon realized not much has changed. He was still somewhat lifeless and unsure of himself. Still silently self destructing hoping the one he loves never catches on. Hoping that she’ll save him from himself. One thing however remained certain and clear. If he did lose Bonnie again, there would be no going back for him. He’d embrace the darkness willingly then. He’d let the cold and bitter waves of sorrow drag him down into the abyss once more. For without his other half, he’s nothing more than an empty shell of what he used to be. Damon smiles softly as he walks away from the mirror and into the bed he shared with her. The almost run in with darkness completely forgotten. He wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close. He felt safer and more secure with himself whenever she was in his arms. After breathing in her scent, he closes his eyes and drifts off into a dreamless slumber. His heart more content now than it’s ever been. Comin Back Here To You Once I Figured It Out You Were Right Here All Along

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