nickjunesource

[nickjunesource]

passages from “The Handmaid’s Tale” that make me wonder why they thought incorporating a love triangle made sense

when she goes to the sitting room to steal something to feel a sense of control.. little does she know..

I don't answer. He too is illegal, here, with me, he can't give me away. Nor I him; for the moment we're mirrors. He puts his hand on my arm, pulls me against him, his mouth on mine, what else comes from such denial? Without a word. Both of us shaking, how I'd like to. In Serena's parlor, with the dried flowers, on the Chinese carpet, his thin body. A man entirely unknown. It would be like shouting, it would be like shooting someone. My hand goes down, how about that, I could unbutton, and then. But it's too dangerous, he knows it, we push each other away, not far. Too much trust, too much risk, too much already.

"I was coming to find you," he says, breathes, almost into my ear. I want to reach up, taste his skin, he makes me hungry. His fingers move, feeling my arm under the nightgown sleeve, as if his hand won't listen to reason, It's so good, to be touched by some-one, to be felt so greedily, to feel so greedy. Luke, you'd know, you'd understand. It's you here, in another body. Bullshit.

she knows neither can replace the other, they’re their own person, who are not the same.

What the Commander said is true. One and one and one and one doesn't equal four. Each one remains unique, there is no way of joining them together. They cannot be exchanged, one for the other. They cannot replace each other. Nick for Luke or Luke for Nick. Should does not apply.

she admits she wants to stay with Nick, she admits she came back to life with him, she ADMITS she’s never felt that way before with a man

Telling this, I'm ashamed of myself. But there's more to it than that. Even now, I can recognize this admission as a kind of boasting.There's pride in it, because it demonstrates how extreme and therefore justified it was, for me. How well worth it. It's like stories of illness and near-death, from which you have recovered; like stories of war. They demonstrate seriousness. Such seriousness, about a man, then, had not seemed possible to me before.

i could add more. and even when she’s talking about Luke, there is love there, but not like this. when she talks about wanting to memorize Nick, that she should’ve done that with Luke, that last passage i posted supports the theory, the feelings are deeper in a way.

[nickjunesource]

We're now into the least favourite episode polls for the first season, Osblaines! Come and vote to have your say.

Note: This poll is specifically for the show OVERALL. We'll be having polls for Nick and Osblaine as well.

[nickjunesource]

Choose: Chapter One || The Handmaid's Tale || Nick Blaine/June Osborne

My attempt at an alternate version of 6x06, when Nick takes June to his house in New Bethlehem to spend the night, but Wharton has actually left for D.C.

I was originally going to post this as a oneshot, but then I polled Tumblr and realized other people feel the way I do about long fics - when it's hard to read the full story in one sitting, you put it off and forget to come back to it. So even though this all takes place in one night and without "scene breaks," I'm splitting it into 3 (maybe 4) parts. Most of it is already written, so it won't take me long to finish posting it. I'll be adding a chapter at least once a week, maybe faster.

The title came up because I was working on a video where June's "choose" line in the woods with Fred (the whistle or the gun) kicks it off, and then it's a series of clips comparing Nick and Luke's behavior throughout the series. I need to return to that someday. But I decided to name this fic the same thing as a reference that only I would really care about lol.

A note about 6x06 - tbh, I loved so much of this episode, and I have referenced ideas and some direct lines in this fic. But Wharton has well & truly fucked off, so you won't be seeing him here. This is just emotional smut & fluff. xx

[nickjunesource]

Fixed It - Alternative Handmaid's Tale Ending - Part 5

Nick spotted her before she saw him. Her hair was purple this time, shaved on one side. She smiled when she saw him, first walking quickly and then running. “Daddy!” she said, as she threw her arms around him. “My beautiful girl,” he said kissing the top of her head. Tears filled his eyes. He cried a little easier these days. It felt weirdly good. She stepped back and looked him over. “You’re too thin.” “I’ve been waiting for these muffins you promised me.” “They are terrible,” she said holding out a brown bag with butter stains on it. “I’m sure they aren’t. But just in case, I brought sandwiches.” She took his hand and led him to the picnic spot she’d picked out. They both sat down on the blanket. “You’re out of uniform,” she said. “Things are getting less formal.” “Blue looks good on you.” She had never really seen him in anything other than black. She took a bite of sandwich. “No Joshua?” “It’s his weekend with his mom.” She nodded. “Separation. New clothes. What next? You’re not going to start doing improv or something are you?” “Never,” he said with a mock serious look.

Rose and Nick had tried for more than a decade to make things work. When they first moved out west, both thought that perhaps they might succeed. They never did get pregnant again. When Joshua turned five, Nick managed to get a dispensation to have him home schooled instead of sent to a typical boarding school for Commanders’ sons. This meant he also got an exception for Rose to teach him – giving her access to books and computers. It also meant that Joshua was raised away from the misogynistic indoctrination that most boys were subjected to. As a result, he was a sweet boy whose biggest hero was his big sister.

Last year, Rose had started volunteering at the local farmer’s market, at a honey stand. A farmer named Samuel kept the bees. Week after week they chatted for hours while selling the honey. After a while they started to extend their chats over coffee. Finally, Rose confessed to Nick that she was in love with someone else. Nothing had happened – Rose would never commit adultery. But she wanted something more than just co-parenting. In the West, things were less formal. Nick moved out of the house and into an apartment. Ironically, it was about the same size as his old apartment above the Waterford garage. Joshua alternated weeks between his parents’ homes. Nick was working back channels for a formal divorce. If he admitted to adultery, he would get a slap on the wrist and Rose would be free. He felt strongly that she deserved as much happiness as she could get after years of enduring his moping. Nichole and Nick ate for a bit in comfortable silence. He couldn’t stop smiling at her. How had she turned into a teenager? She had just been a little 4-year-old picking dandelions for him under her grandmother’s watchful and disapproving gaze. “What did you bring us?” she said finally. “Sandwiches aren’t enough?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Fine. I have the locations where they are building the new silos. Fifty missiles each. They had to commandeer the land from a few ranchers I’ve gotten to know.” He took some papers from his pocket and handed them to her. She put them in the bag she had brought. “Who knew the Farm Commander had such connections?” He pushed her on the shoulder. “Hey, being High Commander for Agriculture has its perks. Including the roast beef you are eating.” She chewed and swallowed before looking up at him. “Is this putting you in danger? You can stop you know. I don’t love you because you give me intel. I love you because you’re my dad.” “I know that, Nolly.” She smiled. He was the only one who called her that - saying she had switched her name between Nichole and Holly so many times he couldn’t remember what to call her. “Do you ever think about just staying on this side of the border?” He looked sad. “I think about it all the time.” He pulled a blade of grass from the ground and then tossed it. “But then there is Josh, and the people who work for me. I know I’m just a cog, but I hope I am making things better, just a little bit.” “I miss you.” “I miss you every minute, sweetheart. Someday, this is going to end, and we won’t have to have lunch in No Mans’s Land. I’ll be able to walk you down the aisle…” “Dad, you know I’m…” “I thought gay marriage was legal in Canada?” She blushed. “You’d still walk me down the aisle?” “I might live in Gilead, but I’m your dad. I’d do anything for you.” Nichole reached over to hug him. She really did miss him. The time was never enough. Nick looked at his watch. “Shouldn’t Holly be coming to scoop you up by now?” “Grandma didn’t bring me this time.” She gave him a look. “Then who…” “I wanted it to be a surprise. She’s waiting down by the river.” Nick felt his heart thump. He stood up quickly then paused. “You look great,” his daughter said. “Go on. I’ll just wait here.” Nick walked through the woods, willing himself to slow down, don’t rush. He passed through a clump of trees and then he saw her. Her hair had silver streaks running through it. Her back was to him. But he would have know her anywhere. “June.” At the bottom of the hill, June closed her eyes. She felt her whole body relax, and she took in a deep breath of the fresh forest air. Despite promising to give them privacy, Nichole couldn’t help but follow her dad to get a glimpse of their reunion. She grinned widely as she saw her parents approach each other, and then wrap their arms around each other. Their hug went on long enough that it just became them holding each other. She saw her mom bury her face in her father’s neck. “I fixed it,” she whispered. Then she slipped away into the woods and left them to each other.

[nickjunesource]

Fixed It - Handmaid's Tale Alternative Finale - Part 4

When Nick walked into the hospital room, Rose thought she had imagined him. She had heard of such things - more vision than ghost. But he was too red-eyed and disheveled to be a vision. He stumbled a little walking towards the hospital bed. “Rose,” he said. Then he sank down until his forehead rested on the side of the bed. “Nick?” She put her hand on his head. She never thought she would feel him again. A nurse had told her the news about the plane explosion, much to the unhappiness of the doctor who thought it might hurt the baby. She had been praying for his soul, and the soul of her father, and for the fate of her son, feverishly for an hour - repeating the same words and phrases over and over. She had never thought to pray that it not be true. “Nick - my father?” He shook his head, still not looking up. “He was on the plane?” “He’s gone. I’m sorry, Rose.” “How are you—?” “I never got on,” he looked at her. “I know I let you down…” “Nick Blaine, don’t ever apologize for not getting on that plane. I thought God was punishing me for my wrath and my vengeance. I hardened my heart, and I thought it cost me everything. God is surely a loving God, to give me a second chance.” She pulled at him until he was half standing, half leaning on the bed. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I berated you. I’m sorry I pushed you there.” “Rose,” he said, not looking at her, “I need to get out of here…”

She looked around. “The hospital?” “No. New Bethlehem. Boston. I’m one of the only commanders left here. They are going to want me to lead the fight.” “You have so much experience from Chicago. They would be stupid not to give you the authority.” “I don’t want it!” It came out louder than he meant it to. He saw her look anxiously at the door, where a doctor or nurse might be eavesdropping. “I’m so tired of all the death. I’m so tired of trying to be a good man in this place. Everything gets dirty here.” She nodded although it was more to show she was listening than that she agreed. But her husband had just come back from the dead. She would be having a baby any time - two miracles. Maybe God was trying to push them to make a change. “Where would we go?” she asked softly. “Out west somewhere. No one asks for those posts - if I volunteer, they can’t say no. I’ll say it’s to get the baby to the country. Have him grow up in wide open spaces.” “We will be starting totally over.” “And without your father’s protection. I know that is a scary thing for you.” He looked at the cane next to the bed. “But if you do this for me, I will protect you, and our son, for the rest of my life. No more distractions.” She met his gaze. There was a resolve there that felt new. How quickly she had gone from despair to hope. “Let’s go west,” she said. “As soon as we have this baby.” Nick nodded, looking away from her for just a minute, like he was watching something disappear. Then he looked back at her and smiled. He sat on the edge of the bed and put his hand on the bump of her belly.  He closed his eyes. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go,” he said. “Joshua 1:19,” Rose said approvingly. She put her hand on top of his.

[nickjunesource]

Fixed It - Alternative Handmaid's Tale Finale - Part 3

Nick, I’ve written this fucking letter like 50 times and have to keep tearing it up. I’m so angry. You know how angry I am all the time. And the world is a mess. It never stops. And I’m also shit at communicating. Remember when we could just look across the kitchen table at the Waterfords’ and you’d know exactly what I was thinking? I never thought I’d think those were the easy times. But I need to put this down so you know -  you are not a monster. Or at least, you are less of a monster than me, or Lawrence, or Serena. Ever since we met, I’ve put you on this pedestal - like you had to be perfect. I expected you to rescue me and everyone else at a moment’s notice, and without anyone innocent getting hurt. I asked you to do the impossible, and the thing is that somehow for years you did it. You got Nichole out, you almost got me out - twice. You saved Luke and Moira. And you have been the only one getting me information on Hannah. But you must have felt like if you ever said no to me, I’d stop loving you. That is pretty hellish. So you said yes, you always said yes  - and I didn’t see how it was breaking you until you came back from Jezebel’s. The look on your face - I never saw you when you were a kid, but I imagine it’s the same look you had after your dad would hit you. Like, how could someone who says they love you, treat you like you don’t matter.

When we got to your house and saw Wharton there, I should have said, “Drive away. Come with me. Be with Nichole.” But I didn’t. I needed you in Gilead. I needed my life with you here and my life with Luke over there. So, I let you go in - to another person who treated you like garbage.  And after what happened you were so afraid to tell me the truth. What does that say, when I’m supposed to be the person you can tell anything? But you knew how I’d react - how I did react. Because how dare you not be perfect? How dare you be human? You know I was talking about me, right? I am violent, and dishonest. I am selfish. I am a monster. And you always loved me anyway. You helped me feel like a human during the worst times of my life. But I couldn’t be there for you during your worst time. Even though I am the one who put you in that position in the first place. I walked away like you were nothing. You are not nothing. You are not perfect, but you have been brave, and you have been good, and you have been kind. You are better than the mistake you made. I want you to see Nichole again. Many times. And each time, I want you to look in her eyes and see how proud she is of her daddy. She is amazing, and the world is better because we made her. I will always love you for that. Go in grace. June From her hiding place in the hanger, June had watched as Nick went up the airplane steps. She felt like a hole had been punched straight through her chest. She wanted to scream, but she wouldn’t let herself. So, when he stepped back out again with Lawrence, she let go of a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, and she started to cry. She covered her mouth with her hand to muffle the sobs. She watched him walk down the stairs, and read the letter she’d written him. They had always been so in tune. Fighting, fucking, comforting each other - they always mirrored each other. So it made sense to her when he started to cry too, great wracking sobs. She realized that despite everything they had been through, together and separately, she had never seen Nick cry. Not any of the times when she was leaving him, possibly forever. Not when Nichole was born and he couldn’t hold her. Not even when Eden died, and he was so full of guilt and shame. Her first reaction was to want to run to him. To hold him and cry together, until they began kissing, and all that would happen from there. But she meant what was in that letter. What had been a lifeline once was toxic now. They were hurting each other. They would end up hating each other. Above their heads the plane exploded. She saw the bright light of the fireball reflected on his face. Hellish reds and oranges. She had let him get in that plane. But for Lawrence, he would be gone. God, she was the worst. “Everyone who helps me does end up on the Wall,” she thought. “I’m going to get him killed.” She couldn’t go to him. So she prayed. It was the most sincere prayer she had said since she prayed at the memorial of the people killed at the Globe: “Dear Heavenly Father, please help Nick find his way. Let him learn to see his worth, and help him to make choices that are worthy of him. Please take the women who died by our actions into your arms, and help us both to heal. Remind him of the love of his daughter, so that he has someone to love and to be loved by. In your name I pray. Amen.”

When her prayer ended, she opened her eyes to see Nick wiping his face. He crumpled the letter up as if to toss it away. But he paused and flattened it again, folding it carefully and putting it in his pocket. Then he walked into the shadows, and out of her view.

[nickjunesource]

Fixed It - Alternative Handmaid's Tale Finale, Part 2

Lawrence stood up the minute Nick stepped on the plane. “Hey, buddy. What are you doing here?” He crossed to the plane door in a few quick steps, glancing at Wharton as he went past. Nick stepped forward as if to push past, but Lawrence grabbed his arm. “Let’s have a quick chat out here.” Nick started to protest, but the look on Lawrence’s face was one he had never seen before - dead serious. He stepped back out to the top of the airplane stairs. “You need to get off this fucking plane.” Nick just shook his head. “I promised Rose.” “Believe me, Rose is going to be super happy that you are not on this plane.” Lawrence looked him in the eye meaningfully. “Lots of people are going to be glad you got off this plane. Not least of all me.” Nick looked over Lawrence’s shoulder at Wharton, who seemed oblivious to the tense conversation happening just a few feet away. “He’s going to get suspicious again.” “I will tell him that we talked, and you decided to be with Rose and the baby. You’re a dutiful husband.” “He’s still going to think…” “In about 20 minutes, Wharton is going to stop thinking. Forever. You don’t need to worry about him.” Nick looked sharply at Lawrence, then at Wharton again. If Rose ever found out that Nick could have saved her dad and didn’t… “Rose will never know,” Lawrence said as if reading his mind. “You got here too late. The plane took off.” Nick nodded, his sad nod, jaw clenched. He gripped Lawrence on his upper arm hard. The closest the two men would ever get to hugging. Nick nodded again and looked away. “You know my family wasn’t the best…” Nick said. “My mom took off. My dad hit me and my brother like it was his hobby…” Lawrence held up his hand. “And I’m the dad you wish you had, I get it, I get it…” “No. More like the weird uncle.” Both men chuckled, ruefully. “Well, as your weird uncle, Commander Blaine, I’m telling you to get out of here. Have an amazing life. Maybe check on Angela for me?” Nick nodded. “Absolutely.” “And take this.” Lawrence shoved a small envelope into Nick’s hand. “Read it. And then throw it away. It’s time to get rid of some things that aren’t serving you any more.” Nick smiled with one corner of his mouth. “You know, that’s what Wharton told me after I got out of jail for hitting you. ‘Time to let go of childish things.’” “Even a sociopath can be right once in a while.” Lawrence held his hand out and Nick shook it. “Thank you,” Nick said. “I’m just full of good deeds today,” Lawrence said. “Maybe I can be canonized someday.” Nick raised his eyebrows. “Under his eye, Commander Lawrence.” “Whatever, Nick.” Nick nodded one more time, then pivoted to walk down the stairs. At the bottom he turned to look back, but Lawrence was gone. Nick walked towards the hanger, and found a crate about 20 meters away. He sat and read the letter Lawrence had passed to him:

[nickjunesource]

Fixed It - Alternate Handmaid's Season 6 ending Part 1

“Sir, there is a Commander Waterford here to see you?”

Nick looked up from the bourbon he had been nursing to see Julia, the new housekeeper he and Rose hired when he moved to New Bethlehem.  Rose still hadn’t returned from DC.  Wharton was out doing whatever evil he did all day. He didn’t have to wear his usual mask. He could get drunk and be angry. And sad. He didn’t want to see anyone.

“Waterford?” he said.

She nodded, but looked unsure. “I think he said Waterford…?”

Nick saw a pair of hands rest on the woman’s shoulders, and then firmly move her to one side.

“Hello, friend,” Lawrence said, stepping into the room. He waved goodbye to the Martha, and closed the door.

“I suppose I should be glad you didn’t say Putnam?” Nick said, unamused.

Lawrence rubbed his hands together. “Whose ghost do you think would be most annoying? Both were smug and oily. But Putnam always did that thing where he would smack his lips together…”

“What do you need?” Nick asked before taking a sip from his glass.

“Who says I need anything?” Lawrence spun in a slow circle until he spied the open bottle on a side table. He pointed at it and then at himself with a tilted head. Nick shrugged.

“People only come see me when they need something these days. You, Rita, Serena, …”

Lawrence filled his cup. “…June, your lovely dad-in-law…” he said.

Nick swallowed what was left in his cup and raised it toward Lawrence for a refill.

“Aren’t you usually more of an iced tea kind of guy?” Lawrence asked, giving Nick a generous pour.

“I’ve decided to embrace my darkest impulses. I’m a monster, didn’t you know?”

Lawrence sank down in the chair opposite Nick. Both paused to take a sip of their bourbon.

“I’m guessing this is June talking, since she’s the only person you listen to?” Lawrence said, looking down into his cup.

“I mean, she’s not wrong. I fucked up. I…” Nick opened his mouth, but he couldn’t say the words, even to Lawrence.

“You went to Jezebel’s to get the Mayday plans, but you were spotted.”

“Yes. And when I got home, Wharton was here. He threatened to put me on the wall.”

“A lot of that going around these days.” Lawrence leaned back.

“I was sure he knew everything. He knew I was at Jezebel’s, so why wouldn’t he know the rest? I told him I was there investigating a plot. He kept demanding details. But then when I told him – I thought I was just confirming what he knew. But he picked up the phone and he ordered all of the women to be killed – all of them. I never thought…” Nick took a deep breath.  “I killed them all, and she’ll never forgive me.”

Lawrence nodded. “I know. I saw her this morning.” He set his glass down on Nick’s desk. “Look, I shouldn’t even be here. Bell and the rest are going to string me up the first chance they get. But there are a few people in Gilead that I actually like – well, maybe just two. And you are one of them. So, I’m here to tell you, go to the wedding. Be normal. But leave before the cake is served. Come back here, bolt the doors, have a gun ready.”

“You can’t tell me more than that?”

Lawrence gave him a look. “Not with Daddy Wharton lurking around. Just say Rose is exhausted, and you need to get her home.”

Nick nodded and swirled the liquid in his glass. “So, you think it’s true – she’ll never think I’m anything but a monster?”

Lawrence sighed. “Did I ever tell you about the time June Osbourne let my wife die?” Nick knit his eyebrows. “Look, June is the only person who gets to decide that it is ok to be selfish. She is always justified, and the rest of us are villains. I thought you were the exception, but apparently not.” Lawrence stood up. “Don’t let her tell you who you are. You are one of the better men in this shitty place. The only one I’ve been able to stand anyway.”

Lawrence paused at the door. “She uses people up and she leaves them in her wake. Walk away. And get some better bourbon. I’m too old for cheap booze.”

Nick leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. Who would he be if he walked away from June? He half-suspected he would just cease to exist. He thought about the Guardian he had killed. He thought about the women gunned down at Jezebel’s. Then he thought about Rita. He picked up the phone and dialed the number of internal immigration. He could fix one thing anyway.

Lawrence came back to the Mayday safe house with additional details about the Waterford/Wharton wedding. June was waiting anxiously by the door. 

“Where were you?” she asked. “We needed you here.”

“Sorry, warden, I went into town to pick up some things. You’re welcome.” He handed her a schedule of events that he had picked up from Rita.

June looked at him closely. Then she sniffed. “You’re drunk.”

“I had one drink.”

“We are planning the biggest mission Mayday ever ran, and you had to sneak away to get a drink?”

Lawrence sighed. “I know I told you not to trust Nick…”

June’s face hardened. “Yes, you agreed with me – telling Nick about Jezebel’s was a bad idea. I know. Everyone keeps saying I’m in love with a Nazi. I don’t need to hear it from you too.”

“I just told Nick about the wedding plot.” He ducked his head and looked up at her.

“Are you fucking kidding me…” She turned away in exasperation.

“He doesn’t know the how or the why. He just knows to go home early and be on guard.”

June screamed in frustration and walked away from Lawrence.

“Unless you want him to end up dead?” He raised his eyebrows.

“This mission can’t get fucked like the last one. How do you know he isn’t running to Wharton right now?”

Lawrence raised his hands in the air. “I don’t know. But I suspect what he needed was for someone to tell him he wasn’t fucking useless, and that his being alive mattered. And you weren’t going to do it.”

“Of course I’m not going to do it. He sacrificed those women.” She pointed at the ground as if the bodies were there, fresh at her feet.

“Just like Mayday was going to sacrifice them?”

She shook her head vehemently. “It’s not the same.”

“If he was on the wall right now, you would think he made the right choice?”

“Yes.” She wouldn’t meet his eye.

“The father of your daughter. The man who risked everything for you time and again?”

“Yes.” She turned her face away.

“God, you are cold.” He walked over to the window and looked out. “I told him he’s better off without you. Years of keeping him on the leash, just in case you ever needed him. That’s not love, that’s control.”

“What do you know about love?” June asked bitterly.

“Plenty. Mostly about how to screw everything up and break someone’s heart. But you could teach even me a thing or two about that.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be like them. He was supposed to be better than them.” Lawrence looked over to see tears leaking out of June’s eyes. She was looking at the ceiling and swaying.

“And by them, you mean me. And you. And Moira. And Emily? ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.’” He approached her.  “That’s in the Bible you know – not just on TV shows like the West Wing.”

“He could have told me himself. I had to overhear it from Wharton, and Nick just stood there and defended himself.” She wiped her nose with her hand.

“Shall we draw some kind of bar graph of the bodies we are all responsible for? Then maybe we can form a support group where we all chat very openly about our selfish, evil deeds.” Lawrence scoffed. “He didn’t tell you because he was afraid you’d stop loving him. And then when you found out – guess what – you stopped loving him.”

“I wish. I wish I stopped loving him.” She stalked over to Lawrence and pushed him, hard. He took a step back, and she pushed him again. “What am I supposed to do? Luke, my mom, they all think I’m some sort of brainwashed victim. I defended him and then he made me look like exactly what they thought I was.”

“So this is because you’re what – embarrassed?”

“Ashamed. I’ve been so angry at Luke for not being Nick. But I thought I hid it enough. Luke knew all along. He always knew, and he threw it in my face.” June rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.

“Good. Now you can both stop pretending that you’re going to be a happy family again. Anyway, didn’t you tell me once that he fell in love with you while married to someone else. I mean if it’s good for the gander…”

June screamed again in frustration.

“Why do you care? Why does this even matter to you?”

“Because, I kind of started to like the guy. He saved my life once or twice. And I know what it’s like to have to wear the Gilead mask all the time. It will kill you. Slowly and from the inside. All I had was the hope that Eleanor would forgive me someday. And now that day will never come. Which is a pretty hellish kind of place to be in.”

“You’re telling me I should forgive Nick?”

“I’m telling you that you should at least consider the possibility that you might forgive him someday. Because one day, you actually might – and it might be too late. He could get killed in a bombing, or end up on the wall, or get stabbed in this wild Handmaid’s wedding raid.  And believe me, apologizing to a gravestone doesn’t provide the same catharsis.”

June sighed heavily. “I can’t see him. I would lose my shit again.”

Lawrence pulled a folded-up piece of paper and a pen from his inside jacket pocket. “There is this wonderful means of communication that people used to use all the time…”

He offered it to her, and with a look of deep annoyance, she took it.

[nickjunesource]

It's poll time! 🎯

Taking the entire show into account — including season 6 — do you think June ever truly and sincerely loved Nick? Or do you feel like she simply used him and his feelings for her to survive all those years? (I've seen this come up quite a few times online, so let's vote!)

Let the debate begin, Osblaine fans! 🩶

[nickjunesource]

━┅━┅━┅━┅━┅━┅━┅━┅━┅━

𝓝𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓮 & 𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓛𝓪𝔀𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮

[nickjunesource]

The Dangerous Myth of Redemption: June’s Forgiveness of Serena

In The Handmaid’s Tale, one of the most troubling narrative choices of the final seasons is the framing of June’s apparent forgiveness of Serena Joy. Serena, June’s abuser and rapist, a central architect of Gilead’s terror, receives not accountability but empathy — an empathy the show encourages viewers to share. This choice does not merely distort character arcs; it sends a dangerous message about abuse, complicity, and the nature of forgiveness in the face of oppression.

Serena is not just another woman surviving within a patriarchal regime. She is one of Gilead’s foundational architects — a woman who advocated for the removal of women’s rights in a book entitled A Woman’s Place, while never living by the doctrine she helped create. She was not a passive wife but an active political operative: writing policy, speaking publicly, and even participating in the planning of violent attacks that led to Gilead’s formation — including assaults on the Capitol, the White House, and the Supreme Court. She is portrayed as believing wholeheartedly in Gilead’s ideology, continuing to support it well into later seasons. In every instance where she could have escaped or defected, she instead chose to stay — or, when temporarily exiled, to return.

The fact that she is ultimately trapped within the world she built should not compel viewer sympathy. Her rare and self-serving attempts to change aspects of the regime are always motivated by personal stakes — not empathy or principle. Even after Noah is born, she shows no interest in full-time motherhood, entrusting his care to Marthas while seeking status and influence. Her arc is not one of awakening, but of strategic adaptation. The show’s portrayal of her as a tragic mother or fallen believer whitewashes the very system she created — and the cost of that narrative leniency is paid by characters like June.

A Mother First, a Monster Second: Serena’s Self-Justification

Since Season 1, Serena has been portrayed as both victim and perpetrator, but crucially, she remains ideologically aligned with Gilead’s core principles. Though she occasionally expresses personal regret about how she treated June — moments that the show highlights as supposed growth — Serena never truly repents for building the regime or enabling its horrors. Her emotional center remains tied to her own desires: power, recognition, and above all, motherhood. Even Yvonne Strahovski, who portrays Serena, has expressed skepticism about her character’s redemptive potential, stating in an interview: “I mean, it would take a lot to make her redeemable ... maybe she should become a nun or something. … It’s all for her own sake.” She elaborates further, acknowledging that while Serena may be aware of her wrongdoings, “she justifies them constantly because of her own personal circumstances… It’s a selfish survival mode, it’s not for the greater good of others.” (AwardsRadar, 2021). This actor’s insight aligns with the show’s textual portrayal: Serena’s choices are never truly altruistic, only strategic, and motivated by self-interest

Serena’s justification for Gilead’s terror crystallizes in her belief that “maybe it was all worth it.” This chilling admission reveals that, for Serena, the suffering of others — including June — was a price she was willing to pay to achieve her goal. Gilead, in her eyes, made her a mother, and that personal fulfillment absolves the system’s crimes.

She may have deeply wanted to become a mother, but she never showed any desire to be a full-time caregiver; her priority was always power and influence. Serena only pursued surrogacy via Handmaids after "window shopping" for kidnapped children — a chilling flashback in Season 5 shows her and Naomi evaluating children as if they were accessories. When her first Handmaid dies by suicide, Serena doesn’t mourn her — she’s angry that her reproductive plans have been disrupted. And even after Noah’s birth, Serena hands off most caregiving duties to household staff, contradicting her supposed maternal ideal.

As feminist theorists like bell hooks have noted, the tendency to excuse women’s complicity in patriarchal systems by framing them as victims of their own circumstances is deeply problematic. It shifts the lens from responsibility to sympathy, allowing women like Serena — women with power and agency — to hide behind sentimentality and strategic tears.

When Forgiveness Becomes Betrayal: June’s Survivor Story Undermined

June is often portrayed as a deeply Christian and forgiving woman — a trait the show emphasizes throughout the series. And yet, this identity is at odds with some of her most reckless decisions, many of which have led to unnecessary deaths in the name of her personal mission. That contradiction becomes especially glaring in her selective forgiveness. She extends empathy and grace to Serena, her abuser and rapist, but withholds it from Nick — the father of her child, the love of her life, and the man who risked his life repeatedly to help and protect her.

Nick’s so-called betrayal, which June condemns without hesitation, involved him revealing vague information about the Mayday plan under extreme duress. He never exposed names or concrete details. In fact, according to Max Minghella’s interview and the subtext of the scene, Nick assumed Wharton already knew about the plan and was merely testing him. It wasn’t betrayal — it was survival. Had Nick refused to speak, he likely would have ended up on the Wall. The choice was no choice at all. And yet, June’s response is not understanding, but condemnation.

This double standard reaches its peak when June lets Nick board a plane she knows has been planted with explosives — an attack orchestrated via Lawrence. Meanwhile, she embraces Joseph Lawrence, who refused to help her find Hannah, stood by as commanders plotted to kill her, and was complicit in shooting down the planes that were meant to raid Hannah’s school and rescue the children. She also grows closer to Aunt Lydia, who tortured her and her friends, mutilated Janine, and remained loyal to Gilead’s ideology for years.

This selective moral logic undermines June’s arc. It asks the audience to accept a distorted sense of justice where charismatic abusers are forgiven, while allies who falter under impossible conditions are discarded. It’s not only unrealistic — it’s narratively irresponsible.

When evaluating Serena’s role in June’s brutal rape, carried out at nine months pregnant, the show’s creators themselves emphasize that there is no ambiguity in Serena’s culpability. In an interview, writer Yahlin Chang makes clear that Serena actively “helped Fred rape June to make the baby come faster,” saying the brutality reflects Gilead’s normalization of assault:

“They don’t see any problem with that… I wanted to get it to the truth of sexual assault.” (The Washington Post, 2018)

This branding of the act as political realism underscores Serena’s moral agency: she does not hesitate to weaponize June’s body to satisfy her own longing for a child — even as June nears full term. That level of direct orchestration leaves no room for the sentimental forgiveness the narrative later grants her.

Serena’s cruelty is not limited to a single episode. She has a long record of physical, psychological, and sexual abuse toward June. After suspecting that June was pregnant — and then discovering she wasn’t — Serena punished her by confining her to her room for two weeks. She slapped, pushed, and physically assaulted her repeatedly — once smashing her head into a doorframe. She drove her fingernails into June’s hands during the Ceremony. She arranged Nick’s forced marriage to Eden and showed excitement at a wedding where visibly underage girls — no older than 13 or 14 — were married off. She paraded Hannah in front of June like a hostage and repeatedly used the child as a threat. Her cruelty was not incidental or coerced; it was sustained, intentional, and fueled by possessiveness and rage.

Despite Serena’s unrepentant stance, the show increasingly positions June as a figure of compassion toward her. The narrative aesthetic — soft music, tender close-ups, Serena’s tears — encourages viewers to see Serena primarily through the lens of her maternal suffering rather than her role as an oppressor. June’s gestures of empathy, from aiding Serena in childbirth to comforting her in moments of vulnerability, are framed as signs of June’s strength and healing. But this depiction misrepresents the realities of trauma and recovery.

As trauma theorists have argued, genuine healing does not depend on — and is often undermined by — offering forgiveness to an unrepentant abuser. On the contrary, forgiveness that is premature or demanded by social or narrative pressures can retraumatize the survivor, deepening the harm. The Handmaid’s Tale, however, seems to valorize June’s capacity to empathize with Serena as though it is a necessary step toward her own liberation — sidelining the need for justice and accountability.

The Perils of Sympathizing with the Oppressor

By romanticizing June’s forgiveness of Serena, The Handmaid’s Tale undermines its own feminist foundation. The series was initially celebrated for exposing patriarchal violence with stark clarity, offering little comfort to those complicit in oppression. Yet in its later seasons, that clarity erodes. The moral weight of the story shifts from the survivors of Gilead’s cruelty to the emotional struggles of its enforcers.

Elisabeth Moss herself describes the June-Serena dynamic in strikingly intimate terms, calling it “the centerpiece of the show. It is the love story of the show. They’re the heroes and the villains of the show, and they often trade places in those roles.”  (Vanity Fair, 2025) This framing lays bare the series’ approach: Serena and June are positioned as moral equals whose bond transcends their history of violence and abuse.

But this interpretation is deeply troubling. By romanticizing a relationship born of exploitation and cruelty, the show risks blurring essential moral lines. What began as a tale of survival and resistance against oppression transforms into a narrative where the abuser and the victim are cast as co-protagonists in a mutual drama — their power dynamics softened, their crimes reframed as mere chapters in a complicated love story. In doing so, the series undermines its own critique of patriarchy, offering redemption where none was earned and asking viewers to invest in an emotional arc that obscures the need for accountability.

Serena’s redemption arc is not earned through transformation or accountability, but through the emotional labor of her victim — a dynamic that feminist philosophers like Kate Manne have identified as central to the maintenance of misogynistic systems. The cultural narrative that emerges suggests that women’s participation in oppressive regimes is forgivable, even understandable, so long as they conform to familiar roles of suffering or maternal devotion. This is a dangerous message, as it not only distorts the ethics of the story’s world but also risks normalizing similar patterns in the real world, where abusers are often shielded by sentimentality and the myth of personal redemption without accountability.

In the end, June’s forgiveness of Serena is framed as a triumph of compassion over hatred, but in truth, it represents a failure to honor the survivor’s story. It offers a fantasy of absolution for the unrepentant — a dangerous myth that serves neither justice nor healing.

The implication is chilling: redemption is not about moral reckoning or change, but about who the narrative chooses to protect. Charisma, motherhood, and suffering become shields for cruelty — even as quiet, loyal resistance, like Nick’s, is punished or forgotten.

Beauty, Youth, and Sympathy: How the Show Shapes Our View of Serena

Another subtle yet significant way The Handmaid’s Tale distorts the moral clarity of Serena’s character lies in its casting and characterization choices. In Margaret Atwood’s original novel, Serena is an older woman, her power diminished not only by Gilead’s patriarchal structures but also by the way those structures devalue women past their reproductive prime. The novel’s Serena embodies the consequences of a system that punishes all women, even those who helped build it — a bitter, discarded architect of her own cage.

The show, however, deliberately alters this dynamic. By casting a younger, strikingly beautiful actress as Serena — and by crafting the character to be closer in age and life stage to June — the series invites a different kind of viewer response. The age gap that symbolized Serena’s loss of status in the book is erased; instead, Serena becomes a figure of misplaced potential, a woman viewers are encouraged to see as still vibrant, desirable, and emotionally complex. This is compounded by the charisma and vulnerability that Yvonne Strahovski brings to the role — traits that, while a testament to the actress’s skill, contribute to the moral confusion surrounding Serena’s actions.

This choice taps into a well-documented cultural bias: audiences are more inclined to empathize with attractive characters, particularly when their suffering is framed in familiar, humanizing ways. As feminist thinkers such as Naomi Wolf have argued, beauty functions as a kind of currency within patriarchy — one that can grant power, obscure culpability, and manipulate perception. In The Beauty Myth, Wolf describes how cultural narratives often conflate a woman’s value with her appearance, conditioning audiences to see beauty as a proxy for virtue or worth. Similarly, Laura Mulvey’s critique of visual culture notes how cinema trains viewers to find pleasure — and thus sympathy — in looking at beautiful women, even when their actions warrant moral scrutiny.

By making Serena younger, more beautiful, and emotionally layered through casting and scripting choices, the series not only departs from Atwood’s sharp commentary on the cost of complicity but also reinforces antifeminist tropes. It suggests, however unintentionally, that oppressive women are more forgivable — or at least more worthy of our sympathy — if they are attractive and charismatic. As Susan Bordo has pointed out, this dynamic reflects a deeper cultural logic that binds women’s moral and social value to their bodies, inviting audiences to forgive or excuse when those bodies conform to certain ideals.

The result is a narrative that prioritizes Serena’s humanity over the dehumanization she inflicted on others — and ultimately, over the humanity of those who were never granted the same narrative grace. This is especially striking when contrasted with the show’s treatment of Nick — a character who, despite his emotional restraint and consistent moral compass, is given significantly less screen time and far fewer opportunities for emotional framing. His sacrifice is quiet, his pain internal, and his love expressed in subtle, selfless gestures. His stoicism may be misread by some as detachment, but to viewers with literary, psychological, or visual literacy — or simply higher emotional intelligence — it’s clear that Nick is one of the most tender, brave, and quietly heroic characters in the series. Serena, on the other hand, remains emotionally volatile and fundamentally self-serving. Apart from Fred — already dead by the final season — she is perhaps the coldest main character, yet her beauty and vulnerability ensure that she is constantly rehumanized by the narrative. In the end, the show teaches us that redemption is not earned — it is framed.

Rather than exposing how systems like Gilead exploit and discard women, The Handmaid’s Tale risks reinforcing the very ideologies it set out to critique: that a woman’s worth, even as a villain, remains tied to her appearance and ability to evoke desire or pity.

Conclusion: The Price of Selective Forgiveness

The Handmaid’s Tale has always been a story about moral ambiguity — about the impossible choices people make to survive within a system designed to strip them of power, agency, and integrity. Its early power came from its unflinching portrayal of these complexities: how even small acts of defiance carried enormous risk, and how survival often required compromises that blurred the line between victim and collaborator.

Yet in its later seasons, the show loses sight of that moral subtlety, offering a fractured vision of justice that undermines the complexity it once honored. June’s journey — once defined by the brutal reality of navigating power under tyranny — becomes clouded by selective forgiveness that follows no ethical logic, only narrative convenience and emotional manipulation.

Elisabeth Moss framed June’s forgiveness not as something she offers to Serena, but as something she does “for Noah“.

„June knows that Serena does need that forgiveness, and June is big enough to give it. She’s a pretty great person.”  (Vanity Fair, 2025) This framing highlights the show’s attempt to portray June’s forgiveness as noble — but it sidesteps the question of whether such forgiveness is just. The moral weight shifts from Serena’s accountability to June’s capacity for empathy, erasing the need for genuine atonement.

We see June extend compassion and even trust to characters whose hands are stained with the very crimes she fought to survive. Commander Lawrence, the architect of Gilead and the inventor of the Colonies, orchestrated the bombing that killed innocents in Chicago, ordered planes to be shot down as they attempted to raid Hannah’s school, and stood by silently as Gilead’s leadership plotted June’s death. Aunt Lydia oversaw torture, mutilation, and humiliation of handmaids for years, burning hands, gouging out eyes, and enforcing the regime’s ideology with zeal. Serena subjected June to relentless cruelty: physical violence, orchestrated rape, psychological torment, and the exploitation of June’s own daughter as a weapon. And yet, June forgives them. She comforts Serena, allies herself with Lawrence, and accepts Lydia’s supposed change of heart — without any of these figures ever fully reckoning with their actions.

By contrast, Nick — who repeatedly risked his life to protect June and Nicole, who worked quietly against Gilead, who fathered June’s child without ever asserting ownership or control — is cast out. His loyalty is questioned, his presence is rejected, and no forgiveness is offered. The show frames him as somehow tainted — not by his actions, but simply by the uniform he wears, or the role he plays within Gilead’s ranks, despite his resistance from within.

Bruce Miller acknowledges this tension, admitting, “Serena’s done unforgivable things. I don’t think there’s any forgiving her as a human being. But can June forgive her? Redemption just doesn’t seem like something that exists in the world. It’s a nice idea in a fictional story, but if our story is going to help the audience navigate the world, it can’t be that picture.”  (Vulture, 2025) Yet, despite this, the narrative does seem to present a picture of redemption — or at least of softened judgment — for Serena, using motherhood and vulnerability as shields. This contradiction mirrors the show’s broader inconsistency: it claims to eschew simplistic redemption arcs, yet writes them into its fabric through emotional manipulation.

This inconsistency reflects, and reinforces, a dangerous cultural message. As feminist thinkers such as Kate Manne, Naomi Wolf, and Susan Bordo have shown, societies are conditioned to excuse harm when it comes wrapped in beauty, maternal longing, or charm. The Handmaid’s Tale — perhaps unwittingly — participates in this dynamic. The beauty, charisma, or proximity to parenthood of Serena, Lydia, and Lawrence becomes a shield that softens our view of their crimes. Serena’s biological motherhood, Lydia’s self-fashioned maternal role toward Janine, and Lawrence’s growing bond with Charlotte each provide a veneer of humanity that the show uses to invite sympathy — even in the absence of true atonement. Meanwhile, Nick — who longs to be present for his daughter but is denied that opportunity — is left without such narrative protection, his loyalty overlooked and his isolation reinforced.

What’s most troubling is not that June’s feelings are complicated — true complexity would enrich the narrative. It is that the show offers no coherent moral framework for forgiveness or condemnation. It invites us to sympathize with unrepentant abusers, while isolating those who resisted. In doing so, The Handmaid’s Tale ceases to critique the dynamics of power; instead, it becomes complicit in the very patterns of selective empathy it once sought to expose. A show that began as a searing portrait of resistance ends by asking its heroine — and its audience — to do the emotional labor of forgiving the unforgivable. That is not catharsis. That is capitulation.

[nickjunesource]

As promised, here's another poll friends!

Note: This poll is for Osblaine specifically. We've previously done polls on this topic for the show overall and Nick.

[nickjunesource]

The Dreamer: Chapter 33: The Liberator: Part II

Breaking news and breaking up.

[nickjunesource]

Osblaine S2x01

[nickjunesource]

Favorite osblaine moment

[nickjunesource]

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about Nick — especially about his deep sense of unworthiness. It’s a recurring theme in the show: he’s always felt like he wasn’t worthy of love. And the truth is, everyone he’s ever loved has ended up leaving him. He’s spent his life in quiet loneliness, overlooked, forgotten. And yet… he’s one of the characters who knows how to love the most deeply. Throughout his relationship with June, he never imposed anything on her. He always respected her choices — even when he disagreed. He never tried to control her. He gave her space, gave her freedom. He never used what he did for her — the ways he helped, the times he saved her — as leverage or guilt. That’s the kind of love he offers: selfless, pure, honest. And it’s that same love that ultimately destroyed him.

You can see it all throughout the show — the low self-esteem, the way he doesn’t believe he deserves to be happy.

I wish we had learned more about his past. His backstory. The details that shaped him. But I still wanted to make a little video to capture this recurring feeling of loneliness — of being unworthy of happiness. (Promise the next one will be a little more cheerful 😅)

[nickjunesource]

Fanfics that "fixes" the lame ending of THT

A Turn of Events by newfan96

I Tell, Therefore You Are by BlazePanda

It's new and I really liked them :) Not completed yet, let's support it.

A Turn of Events by newfan96 Summary: Nick Blaine is due for his luck to change. The TV series messed everything up for him. Altering the last 10 minutes of Episode 9, we pick up there to see if Nick could ever have good luck on his side.

I Tell, Therefore You Are by BlazePanda Summary: June stopped Nick from walking on to the plane, but they are both still broken and hoping for another chance. These four chapters serve as a prologue to a series in which both June and Nick embark on their own journeys of healing and redemption. Part 1 will follow June as she witnesses the revolution, helps rebuild New Boston, and manages the guilt of her past actions. (side characters will also be given more attention.) Part 2 will follow Nick as he settles into a new assignment, learns to work with a team, and believes in his own redemption. (more original characters will be involved.) Canon divergence from 6x09 but connects to, and sets up, The Testaments.