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nicollechoo0321 · 4 years

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Week 7 (16/03/21)

Task : Story writing Book Title : Covid 101 : Funny Edition

BEGINNING

Hello, Lengzai’s and Lenglui’s. Welcome. My name is Kepoh. The story that I’m going to tell you will forever remain in the history books and it will be passed down to your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren. So prepare your cheap popcorn……………and enjoy.

PART 1 : CORONAVIRUS

Once upon a time, not long ago, inside a wet market far…..far away, a virus baby was born, and that baby’s name is called Coronavirus………….or Covid-19? ………….whatever you like to call it. Wah I tell you ah, this Corona is a troublesome little virus. Just like it’s ancestors, very naughty, yet evil. I think ah this Corona is the Thanos of all viruses, just a snap of the finger and almost half of the earth’s population go bye-bye. Now let me tell you a little bit about Corona. Corona likes to do parkour. Why? Because it likes to jump here jump there to each persons body. Once you and the person who kena the virus touchy—touchy, you will also kena the virus, after you will start to experience the following symptoms………… Fever, coughing, tiredness, aches and pains, sore throat, diarrhea, conjunctivitis (whatever that is), headache, loss of taste and smell, difficult breathing, and many more.

PART 2 : HOW IT ALL HAPPENED

Now that you know how stupid dangerous the Corona is, now I will show you the saddest part of the story, where it has changed the world and our lives. So again…….sit back, prepare your nuts, and enjoy. It all started from the sprawling capital of Central China’s Hubei province, Wuhan, China. In December, it has expanded to touch all corners of the globe. Upon millions of people around the world have been infected and hundreds of thousands of others have died due to the Corona. Haiyaa……..sad ah. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!!! Because of the outbreak, people have no choice but to stay at home. Some even lost their jobs! And you know, if the person lost their job there will be no income, if there’s no income, that means no money, if no money means no food, if no food means starvation, if there’s starvation that means DEATH! Scary ah. Anyways, the virus is dangerous, and we must be very careful. But not to worry, Kepoh will tell you how to prevent the virus from happening. You all might be curious “Eh! Kepoh the virus so deadly can prevent one meh?” OF COURSE CAN LAH! Just like when you bad at math, can improve meh? ----------- OF COURSE CAN MAH! *#@!!**[cursing]

PART 3 : PROTECTION 101

I’m sorry………. excuse me for my bad temper. (pg 31) Anyways, like I said, there is a way to prevent, and that is……………… (pg 32) SOP (pg 33)

NO 1! WEAR A MASK! Wearing a mask is a must especially when you are outside. Masks can help protect us from the virus. Ever since the outbreak of the virus started in Malaysia, many people fight to buy masks. And some selfish people decided to stock up those masks, which leave some poor and vulnerable citizens nothing to protect themselves…….I mean………HELLOOOOOOO!!!!! YOU THINK YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN MALAYSIA AH!? WE NEED PROTECTION TOO YA KNOW. AT LEAST BUY 2 BOXES FIRST LAH, NOT ENOUGH THEN BUY AGAIN MAH!!!........MA HAII……… And also……Some idiots decided to use this opportunity to scam people. Haiyaa……shortage in masks……kena scam some more. What can get more worse than this….. IN FACT! THERE IS! Since masks have became the most needed product in the market now, many markets, pharmacies, retail shops have started to raise the prices …..SAD AH…… But of course there are some IDIOTS who don’t want to wear masks, because they don’t want to hide their ugly…I mean beautiful face. Moving on……

NO 2! SANITIZE YOUR HANDS! (pg 41) Yes……sanitizing hands can help kill the virus. The virus mostly appear on the surface of objects, so whatever the hell you touch, no matter if it’s your BF, GF, mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, aunty, uncle, best friend, your lousy neighbor, your ex, your parcel, the table, the floor, there is a 70% chance you will have the virus on your beautiful hands. So also remember…………SANITIZE YOUR HANDS (and also the things you touch). Next……

NO 3! SOCIAL DISTANCING! Ah………you all might be asking “Har, Kepoh. That means I cannot go yumcha with my friends loh, I cannot go clubbing loh, I cannot holiday loh”. Let me ask you this, do you want to live or you want to die with your friends. You choose. Don’t say Kepoh did not warn you. Anyway, social distancing is very important, you have to make sure to stay 1 meter away from each person, because you never know whether he/she will have the Corona. Of course there are good and bad things about this. The good is you can protect yourself and you can get away from that one person you hate dearly. (Ha ha ha ha).The bad is you die.

Last, but not least……..

NO 4! STAY AT HOME! This method is even more effective than the rest ah I tell you. Stay at home if you can, don’t go cuti-cuti Malaysia. Talking about this topic ah, Kepoh’s volcano is about to explode ah. Some people never listen one! Sooooo selfish! Like to ke sana ke sini! Not responsible! Think they are immune to the virus! Some even say “Oh, I won’t kena one lah”, “Aiya I’m not scared lah”. Erm……………you’re not scared, I’m scared mah. Walao #@!*!!^%*[cursing]

PART 4 : THE LOCKDOWN

Sorry………..got too carried away. Now here comes the serious part of the pandemic.

THE LOCKDOWN In march 2020, the “Movement Control Order”(MCO) was announced. Every corner of Malaysia is under full lockdown. Wah I tell you, once the government announced the MCO ah, all hell broke loose. Many people charge to the supermarket and flip the heck out of it, stock this and stock that, wah…………its like World War III ah. Which means schools have stopped (yay~~~), some move on with online classes (haiya~~~), offices closed, some work from home, businesses are forced to shut down (sad ah~~~), cannot cuti-cuti Malaysia (even sad ah~~~). During this period of time, Malaysian’s have come up with things to do like, stacking toilet paper, clean the house until niama cannot recognize, coming up with weird food combinations, like milo + Maggie and etc. A lot has happened throughout this period, but the one thing until this day Kepoh still find hilarious and probably the most stupid yet embarrassing thing that has happened in the history of this country is this:

[visual of the news article (self illustrated)]

How in the world did she come up with this. If Kepoh’s wife ang~ang~ang~ in front of me wearing makeup, I’d immediately divorce her, no more wife. Some people have mixed reactions with this MCO, Kepoh broke it down to 2 types: THE INTROVERTS & THE EXTROVERTS. The introverts leh, don’t give a damn about this MCO. In fact, to them its like winning a lottery, happy as hell. The extroverts leh, its like prison to them. All they can do is party by themselves. (Aiya, Kepoh feel sad for them.) Slowly, the number of cases started to drop. And the government announced CMCO. You all must be so confuse now “Eh, Kepoh, this CMCO got any different meh? Just a C in front there”. Relax, let Kepoh explain to you. CMCO means “Conditional Movement Control Order”, easier to say its less strict than MCO. Many businesses can start to operate, you can dine-in, you can go outside have a little exercise. BUT. Still cannot cut your hair, ke sana ke sini, interstate travel, etc. Even though we’re given little freedom, but that doesn’t mean we can do as we please, it is still a must to follow SOPs. KALAU TAK ADA HAL, JANGAN KELUAR. After all the CMCO, the number of cases started to drop even more. Hence, the government announced RMCO. I know you all will ask again “Eh, Kepoh, now what is this RMCO ah?”. RMCO means “Recovery Movement Control Order”. In short, we are nearly going back to our normal lives. Every business, schools and offices were reopened, interstate travel is allowed, but most importantly, we can finally cut our hair! Now this is the most frustrating part. We were thiisssssss close to finally be Covid-free. BUT THEN!

KABOOM!!!

Second wave of the pandemic strikes us like an atomic bomb. But the story is too long to explain, to make things short, I will show you a drawing of what happened.

[Illustration]

That’s not all. The third wave came. So fast like how your money disappear from your bank account. Kepoh don’t want to explain anymore, just refer to the drawing. Kepoh need some rest.

[Illustration]

PART 5 : THE CURE

Kepoh thought, “Is this the end? When will all of this be over? Can this Corona be stopped? Are we able to see the blue skies again?” When all hope was lost, suddenly, a shiny form of liquid dropped from the sky. BEHOLD! THE VACCINE! Is this it? Is this the cure we’ve all been waiting for? Yes, you are correct. We can finally say bye-bye to Corona. After all the hardship we’ve been through, we finally can stop breathing our own stinky breathe. We can finally sneeze and cough however, whenever, wherever we want (please don’t do that lah) without other people assuming we have the virus………. YOU THINK ITS SO EASY AH! IN YOUR DREAMS! When the vaccine arrived in Malaysia, the people think “Oh, its not safe one lah”, “Oh, its poisonous one, very dangerous”, “Oh, not effective one lah”, this and that. WALAO EH! First you complain when will the vaccine come, now the vaccine came, and then you complain not safe! Kepoh really cannot tahan these people ah. Kepoh think they scared to take the vaccine, such pussy cats. Its like they rather die by the virus than by a tiny bottle of liquid. Haiyaaa, such failure.

ENDING

WOW! What a rollercoaster ride! Congrats on reading everything until the end. Kepoh don’t know how you did it, but you have earned my respect. SALUTE! SALUTE! SALUTE! But Kepoh must conclude one thing: No matter whatever MCO or SOP, the most important thing is self-discipline and responsibility. If you very LC, confirm you kena the virus one. But if you are responsible, follow all the SOPs, even a grenade could not kill you. I know…. I know, you all might diss me “Kepoh, you sure? You’re being exaggerating, how can discipline and responsibility save ourselves from the virus.” Shut up lah. You dare diss me again I tell you I will hunt you down. Enough talking, its time to say goodbye. The moment you close this book, you will not see me anymore. Kepoh will not miss you…… I mean will miss you dearly. (Haiyaa, now I’m going to be collecting dust on the shelves now).

BYE~~~

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