nightingalesails

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From Avra Helvaçi to Sober in Sapphire Bay, greetings!

Okay, you’ve got a couple options.

#1: Fake your death and run away so you never have to deal with them or their spooky presents ever again.

#2: Big fake smile and say, “Wow yay this is great, thaaaaanks.” Remember this slight against you for all time. Perhaps they gave you the wine on purpose to visit torments and horrors upon you. You can feel really sorry for yourself if this is the case, and that is always a valuable emotional resource to access.

#3: Decide to become a Person Who Likes Wine. Perhaps you can like it for some new and exciting reason that no one has ever thought of before. For example, can the bottle be used for sexy purposes? Is wine a good fertilizer for plants? I don’t know anything about plants, but the point is that surely there are things you can do with wine besides drink it.

#4: Keep it as a bribe or a gift that you can pass on to someone else, such as if you find yourself being blackmailed or bullied in a way that isn’t sexy and exciting, or if you need to kiss someone’s ass, or if you need to seduce someone by plying them with interesting gifts. Gifts are a great way of seducing people. If you give people presents, then they feel guilty when they want to throw you overboard! Guilt is a great deterrent for many things

#5: Burst into tears at the person who gave you the gift. Be a truly pathetic sight. Abandon all personal dignity. Throw yourself upon their mercy. Remember: Some have asked whether it is better to be loved or feared, but I have always said neither, it is better to be pitied. People expect less of you that way, and then you have time for yourself! :D

Kissies, Avra

PS. I drew a Heralds card for you and got The Broken Quill reversed? Which is like “do good communication, say what you mean, be clear in your dealings”.... Idk, man, I would not recommend that, on account of it sounds scary and hard.

*** Fan of my books? Have a burning question & you've always wanted to ask a fictional character for advice? Send them over with the "Dear Blorbo" Advice Column submission form! :) All questions welcome.

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Avra, so tired he is almost catatonic, basically asleep with his eyes open, sitting in the corner of Teveri's cabin

Comes to with Teveri's hand slipping into his hair, lips pressing to his saying, between kisses, "What the fuck? You were so quiet and still for hours, since when are you that good?"

And he even manages not to garble more than a little into Tev's mouth as he accepts his latest unexpected windfall and their tongue slipping past his lips

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Avra, who seems to have an extreme oral fixation, getting some kind of rock candy on a stick or lollipop type sweet from a vendor and eating it on the deck, not even doing it lewdly on purpose (at least at first) and the crew are split between outright horny, disgusted horny, disgusted, and just wishing he would stop being so distracting since they're trying to run a pirate ship here...

Using his tongue to roll the sweet in his mouth, holding it to run his tongue around and along it, mostly for the texture... Sucking on it so hard he makes a little groan after pulling it from his lips with a pop.

Even once the sugary part is done, he's licking his lips, his fingers, maybe still sucking on and playing with the stick until he can tie it into a knot with his tongue.

At some point someone's going to have to cave and drag him away to give him something marginally less distracting or at least more focused to do with his mouth...

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finally, someone for tumblr

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Contains spoilers

Still can't believe Julian looked at Avra who has spent a considerable amount of time accusing him of various crimes and trying to get him thrown off The Running Sun and still was like

yeah

this one's worth having a crush on

As normal and well adjusted as Julian comes off (especially in comparison to others) like. He is absolutely right that he feels kinship with the rest of the outcasts/weirdos/criminals

He has benthic zone levels of freak running through him

Like I feel like he and Laios from Dungeon Meshi would get along and vibe with each other

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From the Sea Serpents to Flossing For the Fourth Time Today, greetin—RGAGHRAGH.

RGHAHRHG GRARGH RARGH RARRR RRWAAAR RAGHRGH [CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP] ROAAAAAAAAAAR RHARRRGHHH RARGH RWARRRR [CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP]

[eerie silence]

***

(Are you a fan of my books? Do you have a burning question and you’ve always wanted to ask a fictional character for advice? Send in your question via the “Dear Blorbo” Advice Column submission form! :) All questions welcome.)

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Avra, being asked to climb something for practical reasons: This is too haaaard... I am but a frail, sexy wretch... I need Upsies Avra, seeing some high place from which to cause Mischief: able to ascend vertically with the sudden alacrity (if not grace) of a mountain goat

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Julian in his post-book renewed slut era absolutely wrecking Teveri with his experience and skill and enthusiasm and openness to doing just about anything

Mostly they've been used to the awkward fumblings with Avra so Julian is a whole order above and they don't know how to cope

The first morning after, they're basically catatonic because What the Fuck?? Sex is allowed to be that good?

Embarrassed and on edge (hah) from how many times he made them cum and they kind of resent him for it because How Dare He?

But also they want it again, even if their body is still not quite on board and still recovering

Sometimes they have to distract Julian with Avra instead just because they know he's going to scoop out every shred of sense in their skull and they have a ship to run and important things to do

(Not that their ploys always work, Avra and Julian unfortunately make a better force together working against Tev and that absolutely should be illegal and not allowed)

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Teveri's idea/fantasy of a relaxing night in

Sitting at their desk, idly sorting through a pile of miscellaneously cut gems and gold from a variety of currencies, an extremely fine bottle of alcohol nearby

Avra, bound and gagged, acting as a well-behaved foot stool

Julian periodically arriving shirtless, in Avra's terrible little short trousers, carrying expensive and beautiful furnishings into their quarters, pausing to offer them some extremely intelligent insights when they choose to engage, making sure to stand at an angle/pose perfect for them to appreciate how pretty he is

The Araşti royal family/government collapsing in the distance

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From Avra Helvaçi to Sick of Singing Covers, greetings! I have said it before and I will say it again! Is it better to be loved or feared? NEITHER, it is better to be pitied! Because then everyone underestimates you and it’s much easier to impress them! All things are within your grasp if you sacrifice every ounce of personal dignity. In your case, I would recommend spilling a drink on your crotch so it looks like you wet yourself, or possibly smearing mustard all over your face, or tripping over your own feet right as you get on stage. This way, their expectations for you will be lowered to the ground, and even a half-assed job will seem like a triumphant, miraculous comeback from a plucky underdog. You will seem so brave and cool and approachable if you do this. They will applaud wildly. They will think about kissing you in the moonlight, maybe. The other great thing I have discovered is that most people are too polite to boo. Like, you have to be REALLY REALLY bad to get vegetables thrown at you, or for the bouncer to come and escort you outside. You can get away with being so, so, so mediocre as long as you keep track of how much savings you’ve got in the People Have To Put Up With Me credit union. You can go out there and be truly mediocre and *they just have to let you do that* – isn’t that amazing? I think it’s amazing. They’re basically trapped in here with you until you let them go or the bouncer drags you off stage. It’s a hostage situation. So they should be scared of you, really, when you think about it. Break a leg! Love and kissies, Avra ~~~ (Are you a fan of my books? Do you have a burning question and you've always wanted to ask a fictional character for advice? Send in your question via the "Dear Blorbo" Advice Column submission form! :) All questions welcome.)

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*for our purposes, a youtube account only counts if you’ve used it to post videos.

reblog for reach/bigger sample size!!

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what you need to know about avra helvaçi is that he is the kind of guy who will call himself a poor little meow meow. but equally importantly, he's not wrong.

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I feel like Avra could do something egregious that lead to ruining something Markefa was cooking for the crew and she would put him in time out, and while he would loudly complain/whine/screech/make attempts to adhere only to the strict terms of the punishment, he would sit in his designated corner until released

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Julian figuring out how to make Avra produce very specific Reeees at different pitches over time by touching/biting/licking/slapping/squeezing various areas of Avra's body

Him, Teveri, and Avra in Teveri's quarters one night, and Julian asking if he can play some music for Teveri's enjoyment, and of course they (intrigued, only a little suspicious) agree

Avra is too quickly distracted by Julian peeling him out of his clothes and laying him on the table

Julian proceeding to play a famous concerto in A Major (pain in the ass), using Avra as his instrument, working him up to a stunning climax (pun intended and literal) at an operatic high C

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Avra's Heralds deck just getting increasingly blunt with him when he ignores its advice

Goes from him pulling The Bower again and again and again to somehow generating new cards like 123. The Idiot Who Will Get Stabbed.

404. The Familiar Looking Man Getting Stabbed For Being Stubbornly Idiotic.

789. Avra Helvaçi, World's Biggest Idiot, Being Stabbed In 5 Minutes If He Goes Into That Alley, With No One To Save Him, Dying An Entirely Preventable Death That Not Even Luck Can Save

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Avra scrambling up Julian to perch on his shoulder like the world's most unfortunate parrot, or perhaps some kind of gargoyle