nighttimelights

[nighttimelights]

The TRUTH

Let it go! - https://www.patreon.com/ramonn90

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Do you ever have such intense feelings for someone you barely know that you wish you’d never met them?

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The fact that I have to tell myself so often that I’m not a bad designer is making me start to wonder if maybe I am.

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what I really want is…

a collective place for me and all my friends to work. they will want a recording studio. I will want an art studio type space. concrete floors like a warehouse. big windows. space.

but I want all of us to be able to create there together.

or maybe I’ll have a two room place where I live in one room and work in the other. I’m not sure if I can handle the freelance life because I didn’t really like it before. what I really want is to be able to go outside whenever I want. not sure if there is any way of making enough money to live by only making the art you want, but I can certainly try.

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Social media is so weird. Like, someone with a Facebook profile has recently died, but it still says they plan on going to an event tomorrow.

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Say the words and cut me loose...

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Zeke Lau in Japan

Photos: Brent Bielmann

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*aggressively sings lead vocals, background vocals and music at the same time*

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You can now follow us on Instagram (aestatestudio): http://ift.tt/2ox0mQp

[nighttimelights]

I had some thoughts on my drive home from work today:

I just got out of the most bullshit meeting at my job, and I was thinking about just how much of my life will be spent at my job. Eight and a half hours will be spent at work everyday. A little over an hour will be spent driving to and from work. Plus or minus eight hours will be spent sleeping. So much of my life will be spent doing things I don’t want to do or don’t give a shit about. What’s even the point? 

Truly, what is the point of living this life if so much of it will be spent doing things I don’t want to do, things that don’t bring me happiness. But why would happiness be the point of life if it’s fleeting? And after we’re dead, all that happiness that we worked so hard for means nothing. What really is our purpose? Are we truly improving anything by being alive on this earth? Not really. Maybe our reason for living is to be remembered. But after all humans are gone, who will remember us?

Isn’t it strange that even when faced with no real reason for existing, we still push forward with our lives and try to accomplish things. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die. I just want to know if there is a reason for humanity’s existence. 

I guess in the end I just want to make beautiful things whether that’s music or photographs or sweet, sweet love.

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This song will never not be relevant.

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I still have this wish to be with a lover who lets me photograph them and we travel and we meet people and cook and take pictures in our underwear and he photographs me as much as I photograph him. We sing and play music together and lay in the dimming light of the sunset. We are happy and silly and quiet when need be. 

I know that social media isn’t truthful and that real life isn’t all sunsets and kissing in the rain. It’s driving to work on the freeway everyday and going to bed early and spending your sunday doing laundry. 

But why can’t that be beautiful, too? 

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This is honestly so relevant for me right now. Growing up is hard. And lonely.

it won’t be like what you imagined. maybe you get the road trip to the beach with coffee in your hand and the radio playing, maybe you don’t. but happy shows up. it’s in a 2 AM game of jenga with your new college friends. it’s curling up for another marathon of netflix. it’s meeting the person who will be your best man at the wedding. it’s 4:45pm in the library when the girl in the study coral across from you quietly whispers “i’m going to set everything on fire” and then turns to you and asks if you wanna take a break for dinner (say yes, she’s very nice and you both need a moment away from the stress). it’s the mornings they have omelettes and in good books and in a puddle that looks cool. it’s sometimes picturesque, but more often it’s full-belly laughter at stupid things on the floor of your friend’s house while in the background someone is debating the best way to win settlers of catan. 

i know it gets dark early now and the tired is setting in and everything sort of feels blank and hazy and you want to spend ages staring at walls thinking of nothing

but happiness will find a way in. it will be small moments. look for them.