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[nihcas09]

The Evolution of a Self-Centered Soul: Embracing a Life of Love and Connection

Have you ever felt like you were sleepwalking through life, going through the same thing day after day with no true meaning or purpose? That was my situation not long ago. Life was all about pursuing the next progress, purchasing the latest electronic substance, and engaging in shallow relationships that never entirely crammed the void within I was dangling through in autopilot, heading nowhere fast, until a few remarkable people entered my life and startled me awake. They saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself, and they loved me in a manner that horrified and altered me. This is the tale of how a few important connections flipped my life upside down and started me on the path to becoming alive. It's time to buckle up; it's going to be a wild ride.

I was hesitant to allow anyone to get close to me because I felt it would make me weak. For years, I was proud of my independence and self-sufficiency. I avoided emotional bonds and commitment as an adult. Relationships were solely physical to me—a method to satisfy wants and desires. I was frightened of having to rely on someone else. What if they abandon me? What if they cause me harm? It seems safer to be alone. But, deep down, I want closeness. I was curious about what it felt like to be fully seen and understood by another person. To share the ups and downs of life with a supportive companion. But my dread of being exposed was paralysing.

Growing up, I was always the least attractive fowl. I didn't feel comfortable approaching people or establishing new friends. When I was subjected to criticism it was never prosperous. No one thought about me until they needed someone to humiliate. I built hedges in all of my interactions because I was afraid that others might use my secrets against me later. Because of my inferiority issue, I became self-centered. I didn't place a high priority on emotional ties or understanding others. Because of my fears and distrust of people, I avoided closeness and pushed others away.

Back in college, I thought that wealth and authority were the answers to all of life's issues. I used to believe that acquiring wealth was the only way to achieve power and control over my everyday affairs. Money and prestigious possessions such as an expensive automobile, a fancy home, and fashionable clothes were important indicators of achievement. Relationships were more of an external demand to me than a mental necessity. My family and friends rarely saw the real me, and I was emotionally estranged from them. This was how I functioned for many years. But, over time, an emptiness began to emerge within me.

My year off after graduation proved to be one of enormous growth and self-realization. I was able to reflect on my life choices and priorities while away from the everyday grind. I realised I had grown estranged from my friends and family. My self-centered, heartless approach left me unsatisfied and empty. My fresh viewpoint enabled me to prioritise relationships and create closer bonds with family members. I tried hard to reestablish trust and convey thanks to those who had always been there for me.

Putting myself in the position of others let me realise how foolish I was in misjudging my parents. I observed how much they had given up in order to provide for me. Two months apart from my family helped me realise how important they were to me. I never noticed or appreciated all the tiny things they did out of concern and care until they were no longer there. My parents adored me above all else, and everything they did was motivated by that pure love. I took their regular praise and support for granted. My buddies, who psychologically adopted me, were like family to me. For the first time, I felt a longing for someone not linked by blood. The comfort, humour, and closeness we experienced helped us get through the difficult times. Their kindness and warmth were a blessing. They demanded nothing in return and provided without expecting anything in return.

Relationships used to be only a material requirement for me, but my perspectives have shifted. Relationships, I've realised, are the cornerstone for a meaningful life filled with purpose and fulfilment in life. The connections we create and the ties we form with others are what define us as humans. I have a renewed respect for all of my interactions, from family and friends to neighbours and coworkers. Everyone has worth, and connecting with others provides endless opportunities to learn and improve.It was an emotional reunion when I returned home after those two months. That's when I realised that home is where the heart is, and my heart would always be with my family. The embraces, laughing, and delight we felt when we saw one other again were beautiful reminders of our deep love. I am glad for the second chance to develop an even deeper relationship with my family based on understanding, communication, and gratitude. The path that led me to this point in my life has changed me into a new person, moulded my thoughts, and provided me with knowledge beyond my years.

My path to fulfilment began with friends who listened without judgement and gave support. During the lockdown, I had extended phone chats with a few close pals in which we candidly discussed our problems. Their willingness to listen without judgement to my deepest thoughts and secrets assisted me in working through feelings that I had hidden for years. They supported me even when I was self-centered and heartless. They attentively listened as I poured my heart out about previous regrets and my wish for change throughout our calls. Their compassion and sensitivity aided me in beginning to repair past scars. My friends, with whom I spoke during the lockdown, revealed their own struggles with despair and the search for meaning. Their candour and knowledge gave me hope that I, too, might change my life. Our open, honest chats forged a profound bond and assisted me in confronting my inner emptiness.

While empathy and compassion were important, I also needed people to be tough on me and call me out when I fell back into old behaviours. When I protested, my friends, who had always been forthright, did not sugarcoat things. They reminded me that my selfish behaviour was causing harm to people closest to me. Though it was difficult to hear, his candour and truthfulness discussions bolstered my commitment to improve. Friends also revealed uncomfortable realities regarding my obsessive interests. Their constructive critique, along with compassion and support, provided me with the impetus I needed to make significant adjustments. Though I was first resistant, their comments rang in my mind and emotions, assisting me in breaking free from old habits. My road was long, but the people who listened, shared their emotions, and offered me harsh love were crucial in assisting me in finding contentment. I'm grateful to them for seeing my potential even when I couldn't see it myself. Their faith in me gave me the confidence to trust in myself.

Samarth and Gouri were the first to teach me the meaning of unconditional love and caring. Their kindness and empathy thawed my calcareous heart, allowing me to trust and care about others. They taught me that relationships are built on mutual understanding, trust, and being there for one another. You are the reason I now live each day as a fresh opportunity to promote love throughout the world.

Rohan and Sukanya taught me the genuine meaning of friendship and community. Despite our disparate origins, they embraced me with open arms. Their generosity and optimism pushed me to be a kinder and more compassionate friend. Having you as pals has made my life richer. Thank you for assisting in transforming my limited vision of relationships into one in which I may experience the delight of sharing life's moments with others. I have had an indelible influence on the person I am now. My heart is overflowing with thanks for your love, generosity, and compassion. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping to shape who I am today. Your influence on my life is incalculable.

“My story of transformation would not have been possible without you four”

The transformational path is continuous. Every day is a new chance to learn and grow as a better, more compassionate person. Here are some of the things I've learnt along the way: Life goes quickly. One day I'm young and full of potential, and the next I'm thinking on decades gone by. I now value every minute and the people in my life. Make time to accomplish simple things with tremendous affection. I no longer live with regret. I am willing to risk failure in order to achieve my aspirations and passions. "Whatever you do or dream, you can start it," as the phrase goes. Every day, the journey continues. My metamorphosis was the consequence of modest adjustments over time as a result of lessons learnt and love provided. I still have a long way to go, but if I can stop to appreciate the little things, be kind wherever possible, and follow my interests, I know I'm on the right track. When I discovered my revolutionary route towards a life of meaning, purpose, and love, the benefits were immense.

The path from inner emptiness to a life full of meaning and purpose The voyage converted a man concerned with financial prosperity into someone who discovered genuine riches in relationships. I thought I had it all figured out at first. That life was nothing more than a game of amassing as much money and physical pleasure as possible. However, life had other ideas. It brought me some wonderful people who noticed my potential and believed in me. They taught me what is important in this life. Family. Neighbourhood. Finding Meaning and Purpose Leaving a Legacy I'm not the same person I was when this narrative began. And I will be eternally thankful. The trek was lengthy, but the reward was well worth it. Cheers to fresh beginnings and living life to the fullest. Cheers to the power of love and connection to transform me in ways I never expected. Cheers to the adventure that went through me. 

Dear SaGo and RoSu,

I wanted to take a minute to convey my heartfelt appreciation to the four of you for having such a tremendous influence on my life. Your presence and affection have changed me from a self-centered and emotionless individual to one who loves family and enjoys the warmth of those who love him. When I reflect on my trip, I realise how fortunate I am to have met all of you. You have taught me the true meaning of compassion and kindness, as well as the value of genuine friendships. I was lost in my world until I met you, disconnected from the feelings and needs of others around me. But you showed me that when we open our hearts, life becomes so much more fulfilling. You four have created an environment in which I feel protected, loved, and valued. You've showed me that family is more than genetic ties and that we may choose to be surrounded by individuals who bring out the best in us. You have welcomed me into your life and enabled me to feel the warmth of a genuine family. Your acts have not only changed my life, but also my outlook on the world. I've realised how much joy there is in selflessly giving to others, being there in the lives of those we care about, and fostering relationships based on trust, love, and mutual support. I will be eternally thankful for the positive implications you have made on my life. You have assisted me in shedding the layers of self-centeredness and embracing the joy of connecting on a deeper level with others. You've shown me that genuine pleasure is found in the love we give and receive, the memories we make, and the ties we form. As I begin this new chapter in my life, I pledge to keep your teachings with me at all times. I aspire to be someone who exudes love, compassion, and empathy. I want to make a home that is full of laughter, warmth, and a sense of belonging. And I want to keep developing the connections that have provided me so much fulfilment. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for being the guiding light in my life. I will be eternally thankful for your love, reassurance, and bonding. May our bonds of camaraderie grow deeper with every passing moment. 

With love and appreciation,

NIHCAS

[nihcas09]

The Love That Was Never Told: A Letter to the Girl I've Loved for 13 Years

Hey,

It's been a while since I've seen you. I'm not sure if you ever know me, but I sure do think of you all the time. I don't know what it is about you, but I can't get you out of my head. I've loved you for so long, but I never told you because I was afraid of being rejected.

It's been 13 long years since I first saw her. And in all that time, I've never told her how I feel.

I was always scared of being rejected. What if she didn't feel the same way about me? What if she thought I was weird or creepy? These thoughts kept me up at night, and eventually, I realized that it would be better if I just never told her at all. I could have told her every day, but I was too afraid of what she might say in response. Maybe it was a foolish thing to do, but that fear of rejection held me back for years.

It was in Class 3A, and I had just transferred in from a different school. I was sitting in the back of the classroom, trying to inconspicuously adjust to my new surroundings. That's when I saw her. She was beautiful, and I instantly fell in love with her.

I don't remember what she was wearing that day, or what she looked like, but I will never forget the way I felt when I saw her. It was as if a light had switched on inside me, and I knew that I would love her forever.

Looking back, I wish I had done something–anything–to let her know how I felt. But I was too afraid of being rejected, so I kept my feelings to myself. And as time passed and we grew further apart, I came to believe that she would find me naturally. But now that she's engaged and planning her own life, I know that won't happen.

It kills me to think about all the chances I missed–the chances we both missed–because I was too afraid to speak up. But it's not too late to tell her how I feel. Even though she's engaged and independent, she'll always be the girl who stole my heart 13 years ago.

Christmas is a time of family, friends, and love. It's a time when we come together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. For me, it's also a time when I reflect on all of the memories we did not share.

You were always my Christmas wish. Every year, I would write out a list of all of the things I wanted and you were always at the top. I would imagine us celebrating Christmas together, surrounded by family and friends. I would see us opening presents, laughing, and enjoying each other's company. But that never happened. I never got to experience that with you. We never got to share Christmas. We never even got to spend time together outside of class. You were always busy and independent. And now, after 13 long years, I understand that I will never see you again in this lifetime.

It hurts me to think about all of the holidays we missed out on together. But I'm grateful for all of the memories that we do have. Even though we were not able to physically be together, our love was still there, just waiting to be discovered.

My final day at college came and I realized something— it was highly possible that I won’t be able to see this girl again in my lifetime. She is engaged, and independent, and she's staying here forever. I was leaving the country and even if that weren't the case, the odds of me randomly running into her on the streets were slim at best.

I thought about all of the opportunities that I had missed over the past 13 years to tell her how I felt, from small moments like talking in class to bigger ones like turning down an invitation to a party or a date. Every time I was too scared to make a move and instead trusted that nature would present me with another chance in the future-- which never happened.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks and made my heart sink. It was uncharacteristic of me to not take risks, but when it came to this girl, I could never get myself to take even the smallest ones.

There is so much I wanted to tell you, so much I wanted to show you. Yet the time has gone and it seems it’s too late. I should have been brave instead of being scared of rejection. It was always in my hands, but because I was afraid of losing you by saying something wrong, it seemed like an easier option to do nothing at all. I wish I could go back and change that decision now.

I know if I had said something, there would be a chance for a happy ending for us. But unfortunately, it still feels like the wrong time. You are engaged, settled, and living your life without me in it anymore. Now that the time has gone past us and the chances of us being together are over, all I can do is apologize to you for never saying how much I loved you when you deserved it the most.

It's only now that I realize that I was too scared to tell you how I felt. Afraid of being rejected, I bottled up my love and never let it show. For years, I watched you date other guys - all while I was too cowardly to say a word. It haunts me to think of all the missed opportunities, all the moments I could have told you how I felt but didn't. And now, it's too late. I'll never get the chance to tell you how much I love you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

My Dearest,

Words cannot express the heartache I feel in writing this letter to you. For thirteen years I have been in love with you, yet I never had the courage to tell you. I was afraid that you would reject me, and the thought of it was too much to bear. Yet in the wake of all my fear and trepidation, time inexorably passed us by and I watched with a heavy heart as the natural opportunities to express my love came and went. I kept rejecting them, thinking that nature would bring you to me if I just waited long enough. But now, thirteen years later, I know that the odds of our paths ever crossing again are slim. You are living your own life, and I must accept that. But I want you to know that, even though I never had the courage to tell you how I felt, you have been the love of my life. I could write for hours about all the ways in which you have touched my heart and soul, and all the dreams we could have shared together. But I know that there is no point in rehashing what could never be.

I just want you to know that, out of all the people in the world, you were the one I wanted to spend my life with. My love for you will never die, even if our paths never cross again. I will carry you in my heart forever, and I will never forget the love we could have shared.

Farewell, my sweetheart. May you always be happy, and may you know that I will always love you.

Yours Forever,

Nihcas

[nihcas09]

Thank You

"I want to be free,".

"I want to be independent. I don't want my parents telling me what to do."

I pen these words with conviction as if they will make everything better. As if they will set me free from the chains that bind me. But I know they won't. My parents are too controlling for that.

"They think they know what's best for me," I write later that night. "But they don't. They never have."

I am angry now, frustrated with the way my life has turned out. I don’t want to be living with my parents at age 22. I want to be on my own, free to do whatever I want. But that's not going to happen.

I fall asleep angry and resentful, dreaming of a boy’s life where he is in control. A life where he is free from the restraints of his parents.

"But they don't know anything."

It's painful to realize that the people who are supposed to love and support you the most can be the ones who make your life the hardest. For years, I struggled under the weight of my controlling and dominating parents.

They always had an opinion about what I should do and how I should do it. They never hesitated to compare me to others, always pointing out what I was doing wrong. They didn't allow me to make my own decisions, instead constantly telling me what was best for me.

This went on for years, and it took its toll. I grew up feeling suffocated and stressed, always afraid of making a mistake. I wanted nothing more than to be free to be myself, but they never let me go.

It's difficult to grow up feeling like you can never make your parents happy. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells, constantly trying to be the perfect son so that they would stop yelling and punishing me.

I wanted to be free, but they always managed to find new ways to control me. Every decision I made was scrutinized and criticized. If I didn't do what they wanted, they would withhold love and support. I was so tired of it all.

It's heartbreaking to read that this 22-year-old son has had to detach himself emotionally from his parents, but it's a powerful act of self-care. He recognizes that, even though it may kill him inside, he deserves to be happy and free. And he thanks them for all they've done for him, even though it's come at such a high cost.

It's strange, but even when I had everything at the best of my life, it never felt like it was mine. I always felt like I was living in someone else's world, doing what they wanted me to do, instead of what I wanted. It was so suffocating, and I spent years feeling like a caged animal.

I know it might sound crazy, but even though I had everything I wanted, I felt like a robot running to complete the mission assigned by the owner. I was so stressed out all the time, and it got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted freedom—freedom to be myself and do what I wanted. And that's what led me to write this letter.

Freedom to me is being able to make your own decisions and mistakes without the fear of judgment and criticism. It's being able to explore the world without having to answer questions every step of the way. It's also having the courage to take risks, even if that means making mistakes because it is then that we truly learn.

It is about having faith in oneself for who you are and for whom you can become if given the space and opportunities to do so. It is not about having perfect choices or answers but learning from our experiences and growing from that instead.

It’s about living life with a purpose and passion, knowing that whatever path I choose will be for the betterment of myself and those around me. It’s about loving yourself enough to take a leap of faith, trusting in yourself that whatever outcome will bring you closer to your goals in life.

Saying thank you to my parents for all that they have done for me is incredibly important, not only to show them respect and appreciation but also to signal to myself that I'm not just cutting ties with them. After all, every relationship is a learning experience, and I want to honor the lessons they've taught me.

It's also important to remember that my parents did their best with what they had. Sure, they may have been controlling and overbearing at times, but those were choices made out of love rather than malice. They wanted the best for me and I want to acknowledge that in this letter.

By saying thank you in these words, I'm also empowering myself and setting myself free from the control and domination of my parents. It may seem like a small gesture but it's a huge step towards reclaiming my identity and reclaiming my freedom—something I've always wanted but never had.

Growing up with parents who always felt the need to dictate my life, I had to learn how to come to terms with their controlling and dominating nature. Even though this was a difficult situation for me, I also knew that there were things that made them behave this way.

For example, parents are usually protective of their children as they have certain expectations from them and have provided them with all the support and comfort. It could be hard for them to let go and give their children the freedom they need to grow.

I understand that it must have been tough for my parents during all these years, but understanding them doesn’t mean that I should accept their controlling behavior. That’s why after understanding the reasons behind my struggle under my parents’ rule, I finally decided it was time for me to break free.

It was hard, to let go. All these years I had been under their thumb, and suddenly I was on my own. But it was worth it. The freedom I found was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I was finally able to be myself.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for all you have done for me. I know it wasn't always easy, but I appreciate it. I may not have always shown it, but I know I am grateful. This is the last letter I will write to you, but I hope it won't be the last time I say hello.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Dear Mom and Dad, my heart is heavy and words are difficult to express how I feel right now as I write this letter. As I prepare to leave this country and embark on an adventure of my own, I want to thank you for all these years and all that you have done for me.

You have provided me with a great and comfortable life, but what I have been missing all this time is the freedom to make my own decisions, to live my life the way I want to, and to make mistakes and learn from them.

Yes, you have always been there to guide me, and I am thankful for that, but I am afraid that your guidance came with a lot of controlling and dominating attitude which made it hard for me to live a stress-free life.

I wanted to make my own choices, explore new things, meet new people, and be creative and innovative. I wanted to push my boundaries and challenge myself, but I was always scared that I might make a wrong decision or do something that I would not approve of.

I wanted to fail and learn from my mistakes, but instead, I was made to believe that failure was not an option. I wanted to express my thoughts and feelings, but I was always told that I was being too rebellious. I wanted to break free from these chains that you have put around me, and I'm sorry if I was not able.

With love,

Nihcas