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In light of recent posts, I find myself wondering - if wizards can boil water almost instantly for the expenditure of a little personal energy, have they figured out how to caramelize onions quickly? Nita briefly wonders about culinary wizardry (in Wizard’s Holiday, if I recall correctly) but I can only imagine the possibilities!

Probably there are methods that would work. But I'm finding it all too easy to hear what the onion would have to say about that... looking back at that discussion with the lettuce.

—I'm sorry, you want me to what?? Excuse me very much, but I am being transmuted, here! I am in the process of leaning a whole new style of existence! I who was only ever fierce and overwhelming am being made subtle and sweet! I am becoming something I thought was never even going to be possible for me! Here I am, in fact, relinquishing my old state of being for a new one—indeed, right in the middle of dying in slow nurturing fire and ascending into glory—and you want me to rush? Fine. Be that way. And when you're in your last moments of your old existence and relishing your last chance to say farewell to all you've been and once held dear, I hope some unsympathetic transdimensional being that forgot to pack enough fucking Planck time comes along and tells you to hurry up. But yeah, sure, go right ahead. Just try to push me. I am going to scorch so bad. Won't waste my time feeling guilty about it, either. ...Gonna give you heartburn, too. Just watch, smutbutt.

...In any case, on the whole, I suspect that wizards who routinely work in the culinary mode need to be either quite patient, or made of fairly stern stuff. :)

HTH.

[nimblermortal]

Song of the Lioness x Community ("Oh Britta's in this?") x St. Trinian's (2007)

[nimblermortal]

MY BROTHER GOT A PARENT-ADMIN CONFERENCE FOR PUNCHING A BABY

My high school was and remains big into trade education, which is great given its demographics, and one of those was of course home ec or... whatever. The class where you have to look after a baby. So they had the super fancy model where it's actually a doll and it's programmed to need feeding and other needs at intervals and it starts crying when you have to do a thing to it.

So my brother's friend was carrying one of these around and it started crying and the friend couldn't get it to shut up, and my brother the hero announced, "I'll shut it up" and punched it off the table

Someone raised a huge fooferaw and my mom got called in to consult with the vice principal of the school, who was trying so hard not to laugh at how he'd been employed to tell her this was a serious offense and she needed to raise her son to not punch babies.

Anyway, yeah, it's a real thing.

okay americans i gotta ask because as an European i grew up with lots of american shows and cartoons and in a lot of them there was an episode where they give the protags a doll or an egg or a bag of flour or whatever and told them pretend to be its parents or something

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hey. do any of you trans/autistic mfs wanna see a baby werewolf

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Why are there wraiths in my gardening game?

A Wildmender review

The point of Wildmender is that you are given a big ol' desert, and some plants and gardening tools. The plot is superfluous.

So why do the wraiths keep attacking me?

I beat the game! I murdered their leader! Why are they still staging attacks at regular intervals!

Okay, that said, the difficulty settings are super easily configurable in many different ways, so you can turn wraith damage off, etc, to make the game fit your needs and desires. I haven't actually messed with this because I'm cool with smiting a wraith every so often. Also, on standard difficulty you can just surround your home base with tower defense sigils and they will literally take care of everything up to and including the final boss for you. With the teleportation system, all you have to do is go home when a wraith attack occurs, and then lead the attackers to their doom. So the wraiths don't have to be a problem.

I really like climbing around a 3D world building my garden. I think there's a lot of end game potential - I really want to see if, if I upgrade all the springs fully, I can fill the channels of the salt flats with water, for example. (In which case I will need some sort of swim mechanic to get more pearls to upgrade the rest of the springs in the game.)

I liked how you can just garden your way past the game's obstacles. You're supposed to have a special bracelet for the salt flats to keep them from draining your water, but if you just fill your inventory with acorns and revive every spring you come across, the water drainage is manageable without that.

I think there should be more plants. There are a lot at the beginning of the game, and then toward the end it starts to feel kind of repetitive, you've got some half dozen base plants that come in different skins and all the loot is the same. You could get some really cool DLC in there by adding end-game quests to revive old strains of plants, explore seed bunkers, etc.

It's also a very lonely game. You are literally the only living creature in the world when you start. Oh, there are the gods, and your tutorial leader, but once they run out of tutorials it's just... you and the plants. Which is great! It's exactly what I'm looking for! but the loneliness creeps on you. Maybe I'm not hugging my frogs enough.

(Pro tip: Collect pearls from the salt flats and feed them to your frogs not for the upgrade capability but so that they glow purple and you can find them more easily.)

I had a lot of fun, but it would be more fun in co-op. I really want to play with Tea, but Tea cannot handle combat at all - I was hoping for a combat-free game, and then I was working on my save to beat the final boss so that the wraiths would go away so I could get Tea to come garden with me. So that's really why I'm upset about the continued wraiths. (Mind, Tea doesn't have a Windows operating system to work with, so the day is far anyway.)

Blooper Reel

It's about impossible to play the game without a mouse. You can't strafe without one, and even climbing the spiral staircases was extremely difficult. (The difficulty level dropped dramatically when I plugged in a mouse. Wraiths were a minor concern compared to getting the timing right to WASD myself around a spiral staircase with no rails.)

The game does not prevent you from going off the edge of the map, it just puts a really big cliff there. So if you want to push your boundaries, empty your inventory of important material first. I do not recommend jumping off the cliff with all the easily-obtained instances of the most difficult resource in the game. Usually you can reclaim your body, but not if it's rolled off the bottom of the cliff into doesn't-exist land.

The game tells you that you can cycle through tools using the keyboard shortcut T. It does not tell you that if you have a mouse with a scroll wheel, you can also use that scroll wheel. For a long time I thought it was the worst glitch in the game (there are others) and also that the game was poorly designed in terms of giving you about a dozen tools that you have to keep jabbing T to get round the circuit of. I still think a hotkey system with numbered tools would work better.

It took me a really long time to find out the cape of winds was useful. I got it to tick off the quest box, and then kept on climbing and using the vine bridge mechanism. Once I figured out the cape holy crap were the salt flats less miserable. up down up down up down infinite umbrella mushrooms...

[nimblermortal]

I would like to collect some orchestral stereotypes.

Like, violinists are passionate, egotistical, and headstrong; they're drawn to instruments that have the melody because they want to be the center of attention and get their way. (I'm a violinist.) Violists are charismatic hipster party people, they are really fun to be around and... don't mind playing support?

I'm particularly interested in band folks, as I don't know what the blowy things are have no experience with the wind section.

[nimblermortal]

“Lord Byron gets up at two. I get up, quite contrary to my usual custom … at 12. After breakfast we sit talking till six. From six to eight we gallop through the pine forest which divide Ravenna from the sea; we then come home and dine, and sit up gossiping till six in the morning. I don’t suppose this will kill me in a week or fortnight, but I shall not try it longer. Lord B.’s establishment consists, besides servants, of ten horses, eight enormous dogs, three monkeys, five cats, an eagle, a crow, and a falcon; and all these, except the horses, walk about the house, which every now and then resounds with their unarbitrated quarrels, as if they were the masters of it… . [P.S.] I find that my enumeration of the animals in this Circean Palace was defective … . I have just met on the grand staircase five peacocks, two guinea hens, and an Egyptian crane. I wonder who all these animals were before they were changed into these shapes.”

— Percy Bysshe Shelley on the lifestyle of Lord Byron (via timemarauder)

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[nimblermortal]

Between the off balance, the nausea, and now the burping, I think this headache can officially be termed a migraine!

[nimblermortal]

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

[nimblermortal]

FJSJFJAJFJAHFOSJHDJAJDHAHDJAJDHA

[nimblermortal]

Aarau, a real city in our real world called Eaglemeadow

(der Aar, the eagle, in modern language shortened from edler Aar to Adler, + Au, a sort of field or meadow)

You could decimate its expected population just by calling it Birdfield instead

[nimblermortal]

Spring Asparagus and Turkey Bacon Pizza

Follow for recipes

Is this how you roll?

[nimblermortal]

You should be able to use your titties and balls as storage

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