ninjournals - Tumblr blog

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2010s

I'm watching Easy A at around 1:35 in the morning, and I've suddenly hit the 2010 nostalgia wave. It may be the color grading. But I kinda miss the early 2010 tumblr scenes. I don't know, the easier life i Guess.

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tom grice

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27 years

PART 1 (Can be interchangeable)

I started to document everything

01: Document everything.

I can't tell you how much I wish I took photos and video clips of just about everything in my life.

I'm 26 now, and I can't tell you how fast life can be. One day I just turned 16, just moving into the big city for college. and suddenly, it's been a decade already--with tons of memories.

But with just a few photos to show for it.

This is one thing I regretted doing, not documenting everything.

With the pressure of making a photo of a moment look perfect for the instagram feed, it donned on me that it stopped me from getting any core memories properly preserved. I wish I didn't fall into that trap, but I did, now all I'm left are the curated, filtered instagram worthy photos that only a few people liked.

It's the pressure from older generations to 'live in the moment', not sticking phones in our noses that we'll be missing what's in front of us. Calling us vain and out of reach, not realizing it was our way of preserving the moment. Now, I wish I didn't listen.

If I could talk to my past self, this is one advice I will give her.

Take photos of every moment, including herself.

I've always known that I've had personal looks issues. I knew I wasn't attractive, and appealing. That hit extra hard when a friend once called me a six when I felt confident at that time--in their language, it's basically a zero but with pity. I remember another friend telling me I don't look good enough to hang out with the rest of my beautiful friends that I ended up pushing them away and distancing myself. I was so scared of getting ridiculed for my looks so much that I didn't entertain any guy interaction that could lead to something more.

When I went back to my childhood bedroom in the province during lockdown, I found one of my journals. I realized how ugly I perceived myself. There were drawing of monsters that I assume was me. I was very insecure and self loathing. I hated myself too much that I preferred taking the photos than actually being in them. Now I'm regretting it.

I wish I took photos of my childhood playmates, my old dorm room, what our house used to look like before the renovations, my teachers, my college friends that I've lost touch with, the old view of the town before the buildings, places I've been in--just abouteverything! Maybe now, I wouldn't feel as lonely. and i won't be relying on my skewed perception of what the moment looked like.

I could've had a physical proof of what my parents and brothers looked like in their younger days, or what they look like now--something I could show to their future kids and grandkids.

Now thatI've had that epiphany, I've been taking clips and photographs of every moment in my life. So many videos and pictures that it filled up my laptop storage. These include photos and videos of theo-our pet rabbit. dane, my kids' future dad in his late 20s, vacations and travels with the family, growth and life progress--all summed up with a nice lofi background track that I've gotten from a free no-copyright site.

That's right, my vlog.

And now, you're witnessing me preserve my memories the best way possible.

My future self would thank me for doing this.

Finally, I'll have something to look back to, when I'm feeling a wee bit nostalgic.

I thank my parents everyday for never letting a milestone of our lives slide without snapping a photo or a video of it. We grew up with lots of photos to look back after. Now, dane's doing the same thing to me. Taking photos and videos of me when I'm usually the one at the back of the camera.

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January one of 2023

This is by far one of my favorites compared to the last two. food were familiar, less, and cheaper. We were happier

More than ten years ago, I would've opened up my nokia phone to hundreds of texts that were actually group messages or what we used to call: GMs from friends. There would be like a hundred of them already by the time i finish my new year's eve meal. Eat food, catch up with family members, clean up and go straight to bed because we'll have to go to church the morning after--which made me hate going to church, because the most exciting stuff happens after new year's eve and Christmas eve, but we're forced to cut that short because we had to go early the next day.

It would be around three in the morning and I'd still be on my laptop going through heavily edited photos from few of my friends on facebook because taking photos weren't as accessible as it is now. Photos before came from digital cameras that had to be transferred to the computers first before posting. Only a few of us can afford a decent looking camera back then, especially coming from a provincial area in a third world country. So, we were stuck with words. And it made sense why people loved twitter. I didn't. I found it toxic. Me, personally, would go directly to tumblr and scroll to new year's posts from friends or other people. That's my idea

For my future plan:

I would want my future family to have a different New Year's Eve tradition. I imagine it starting it off like having a big party with extended families the evening until twelve, but have us have naps the entire day so that we won't get tired in the evening. And around three in the morning of january first, we go home but we're not yet done with the celebration. We gather up our food and snacks, bring it to the entertainment area where we'd have the big sleeping area, watch a family friendly movie until we doze off.

Dane will be there with Bloom and Alfie--our kids.

Lilac Bloom E. Piczon

Amalfi E. Piczon

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it's 25th of December

3am

everyone's sleeping. i'm the only one awake.

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Wala naman sigurong mali kung magiging malungkot ako sa desisyon ko na palagay ko ay tama naman para sa akin.

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Music by oh, the joy. - 9pm in vancouver - https://thmatc.co/?l=C281A6F8

Music by the beattransformer - ways - https://thmatc.co/?l=1247E8B3

Music by totomi - hotaru - https://thmatc.co/?l=66B6B27E

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via @jaquelynnoelle

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Now that's it -- I'm finally 26.

If you ask me before what I think a 26 yrs old looks like, it's definitely not this. I'd think everything had already worked out, but I'm still here.

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26 lessons in :

"No one is ever invisible as they think they are."

"Falling in love with a person while looking for love--not the best time to fall in love."

Parents don't want to raise exceptional children, they just want us to be safe.

Sometimes, brags are powerful manifestations. I used to get a lot of side eyes when I see something I like--and immediately I would say I'm going to live there or buy that without having any money. Because--

Stop hating what you see the person in the mirror, looking back into the.

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i had an initial body assessment today at the gym, turns out--i lost two kilos! which is a big thing for me because, the last time i checked, i couldnt even lose a pound.

But I got home to my mom, whose forst few words upon seeing me is that i didn't help bringing up the boxes. lol i was at the gym, i was expecting them to come around 11 and it rained hard. But i didnt want to ruin the mood, so I just shrugged it off.

She then proceeded with: "Nagkadto kamo ha gym? Dagko man la gihap kamo." Just when I just found out about my 2 kilo loss after an intense work out, about to pass out, and having only just one meal that day. No one can ruin a proud moment bettdr than your own mother.

She told us about her officemate who lost all of her weight by cutting carbs, in which my brother quickly responded by saying that I needed the carbs because I'm studying. It's not easy to lose weight, without having the

Turns out, the gym was even better at being a weight loss support system than my own mom. I mean, they were used to people giving up anyway.

I wanted to have a good time, but I can't help but be anxious abd nervous around my mom. She looked at me with pure disappointment, asking about when i'll graduate. She has every right to ask that, but it wasnt my fault in the first place. The pandekic was shjt.

I wasn't expecting anything,

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555

It's August 24th of 2021.

I've been repeatedly seeing 555 today.

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Caption for Vlog 12 - Jan 2021

012 - online journal reading: January 2021.

So, I've been reading a lot of my previous tumblr blogs and I came across entries from the Holidays in the middle of the pandemic that perfectly corresponds to clips and videos I had stored on my hard drive.

Now that the pandemic's almost over, remembering what I did are ways to cope--

Music by Ashlynn Malia - Coordinates - https://thmatc.co/?l=96FAA173

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2021 January.

Friday, day one of another year in my life. New chapter, same setting? It's still in the middle of a pandemic, there's no way I could get out of the house for any reason whatsoever.

As per usual, the entire day of the 31st was a big preparation for the New Years Eve celebration. And it was so tiring, especially my mom whose been doing a lot in that department.

It turned out great tho, I helped a little with the set-up but it was all mom's. She prepared a lot for five people, but she made it so special. There were mini cakes and desserts I was looking forward to eating but in like a small bites--not because I'm trying to lose weight, it's just--my throat is very sensitive. Sweets are a big no.

There were also meals that we don't really see on our dinner table on an ordinary day, and the bowl of spherical fruits for abundance.

And of course, the mandatory--hot chocolate, was my favorite.

xxxxxxxxxxx

The morning after that night was more peaceful. After attending mass and the mandatory meals eaten in the third floor, we all retreated to our own rooms for some alone time--and to rest after a vigorous Holiday week that took place.

Most of us took naps, but I had period cramps. So, mine was cut short. I figured, other than drinking advil, wine's another way of surviving period cramps. so I went to the fridge, and grabbed a big goblet of wine, I didn't close the fridge until I emptied out the snacks--pretzels, marshmallows, macarons, chips--name it. (And yes, the other family members left them out for me)

Then, I went straight up to my room, and opened Netflix to watch the last season of Sabrina. It was a bold choice for Netflix to release the final season during the Holidays, given that the genre was more Halloween that festive. But it was good news for me, I had something new to watch while I indulge myself with cravings.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

As soemone who couldn't JUST stay still, I started looking around, hoping to find something from my past self that's interesting. All that while still watching Sabrina.

And then I found a letter. A letter I've written a few years ago--2018 or 2017, to be exact. I wasn't in the best shape then. and I was in a dark place. I was upset and devastated about something that--looking back, wasn't that big of a deal. I realized I've wasted a lot of nights in despair when I could've used the time for extra sleep! When I still had the chance.

But when I wrote this letter, I was hurt. I was in pain for something that looks so miniscule looking back. But I was HURT. It was painful, and I've spent lots of nights crying over it. It felt real to me at that time. But it also has already been a few years. So,

I figured, pouring all the pain on an old stationary paper is one way of closing the door. It's the New Year, anyway. I guessed it's way better than sharing details to people who only wanted the gossip, not exactly in the listening mood to help.

And now I'm burning it.

And it felt like a release.

I gave myself time to re-read and laugh about it but eventually, it was engulfed in flames from the scented candle that was given to my mom--that I stole.

And that's a Happy New Year to me.

2021, please be good.

Always, nin.

Music by shallow bumblebee - evenings in the delta orbit - https://thmatc.co/?l=59DA2B5E

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IKEA HAUL

ARSTID Lamp - 1,090.00

Bulb - 60.00

Black Picture Frame - 160.00

Milk Frother - 60.00

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09.05.2022

What goes in my head for the entire day.

I woke up at 10 in the morning to missed phone calls from my boyfriend who's trying to wake me up (as I asked him the night before to do so)

I have class at 11.30, that I shouldn't miss. Otherwise, I won't be able to catch up with the lessons.

the entire time, I was

spilled coffee grounds like four times today. And as the overthinking me, thought it might a sign for today? I kept seeing 333 ever since I woke up, this might be one of those too. So, I went up to google to check what it means when about coffee groudn spilling.

At first I didn't think much of it, thinking I'm just clumsy. The second, it was more of a nuisance since there's a lot I need to clean up -- and no, I won't be showing it int his video, I can't recreate the scene, it would be so wasteful.--Anyway, the third, I was starting to wonder how I', so clumsy to be doing it for the third time. And the fourth, which happened later in the day-- I went straight to google.

In my pursuit for spiritual ascendance, I

I was scrolling through tumblr (yes, I still use tumblr at 2022), and learned about this Destiny Matrix. It was supposedly like a chart of yourself, past life karmas and the future. Of course, I tried it. Got to know that myy boyfriend's past life karma was overuse of power, mine's neglectful of family. I don't think I believe it, but its kinda nice to think I'm not in charge of m