noclassroom-blog

[noclassroom-blog]

When a student says something shitty to/about me under their breath. 

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What my job feels like

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When the Common Core tells me to read more rigorous texts with my students

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The end of each marking period

Student: Mr. L?

Teacher: I am extraordinarily busy, sir.

Student: I just wanted to ask about the grades, the lifetime supply of passing grades, for me. When do I get them?

Teacher: You don’t.

Parent: Why not?

Teacher: Because you broke the rules.

Student: What rules? I didn't see any rules!

Teacher: Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the syllabus signed by you, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy - "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum! It's all there! Black and white, clear as crystal! You turned in ABSOLUTELY nothing! You BOUNCED around the classroom, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get... NOTHING!!! You lose! GOOD DAY, SIR!

Student: You're a crook...You're a cheat and a swindler...! That's what you are! How can you do a thing like this?! Build up a little boy's hopes, and then smash all his dreams to pieces?! You're an inhuman monster...!

Teacher: I said "GOOD DAY"!!

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My advice when students show me their paragraphs

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My student's face when I call on someone else

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When I tell a student to move their seat and they say "I AIN'T MOVING MY FUCKING SEAT."

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When my students complain about how laborious writing A WHOLE PARAGRAPH is, I think they expect me to do this

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My morning routine, pt. 1

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When my students start acting REALLY nice to me right before grades are due...

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When I give my students grade-level texts 

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When I'm looking through a stack of recently turned in essays

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When my students tell me a book is boring before opening it

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When a student looks smugly satisfied after finishing the front of a two-sided worksheet and declares "I'm done!"

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When a student asks me to write her a letter of recommendation after being a complete terror all year

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When a student says "Mr. __, could you make him stop bothering me?"

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When, after I tell an off-task student to get back to work, she says "whatcha gonna do about it?"