nolovevip

[nolovevip]

of silver skies & broken rockets

Group: Block B/Winner Pairing: Seungyoon/Mino, Mino/Zico, Seungyoon/Zico, Seungyoon/Mino/Zico Characters: Seungyoon, Mino, Zico Rating: M Words: 10k Chapters: 1/? Summary: A space team led by quite possibly the craziest person Seungyoon has ever met, this isn't ideal for his first assigned mission, but he's stuck with them now. Every single psychotic one of them...

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[nolovevip]

inferiority complex

Group: Monsta X Pairing: Kihyun/Minhyuk, Kihyun/Shownu, Jooheon/Wonho Characters: Kihyun, Minhyuk, Shownu, Changkyun, Jooheon, Wonho, Hyungwon Rating: Teen Words: 2.7k Chapters: 1/26 Summary: a deadly virus has spread throughout the world and seven friends try to get to the city, in hopes it still stands. their end might lie ahead, or it might be sitting right next to them...

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[nolovevip]

01/05/18

well, it’s been...a few months, but here we are with another diame

i’ve been...interesting. life has been all over the place but also holding still in the exact same place and i feel like nothing has happened but so much has happened. i’m kind of stuck in the middle..of everything and nothing all at once. i got a promotion at my job and we were super busy over the holiday season so i haven’t had time to sit down and write. my depression has sort of had it’s ups and downs also, that just creates more of a hindrance for my writing.

the decline of my current mental health started around december 18th, i’m sure you’re well aware of what that day was and if you’re not, i’ll inform you. that was the day that jonghyun of shinee took his own life, that was the day that i lost an idol, someone who meant a great deal to me, someone who i had connected with on such an inexplicable level. i lost him and as selfish as it is of me to say, it hurt so much. it hurt more than my grandmother passing and the fact that expressing my pain resulted in my family shaming me, it hurt even more than it should have.

it was around that time that my mood swings went from bad to worse and they haven’t gotten much better. an example: the other day i was getting ready for work and i was just so..happy, i felt so lighthearted and cheery and i was excited to work and excited to come home and i was excited for the future and just...everything. so i went to work and it was a good day at work and as soon as i got off, i got home and that was when i just felt this huge crushing weight. it just hit me like a brick and i lost all motivation and i was holding back tears that i had no reason to shed and i was miserable. i felt impossibly alone and it just felt like everyone had forgotten about me. only one of my friends would actually talk to me and that made it so much worse, it felt like people were avoiding me. idk if you’re familiar with this feeling, but sometimes when my depression is bad and i convince myself that people hate me, then i get this creepy feeling that i’m being watched and i keep looking over my shoulder, expecting to see people pointing and laughing or scowling at me. it’s odd.

but all of this to say that i haven’t been writing. i’ve only just now sat down to write, and i managed to get a paragraph or two for the first time in three weeks and it feels..good i guess?

also i’ve finally managed to save up enough money to move, which will be in april. my family knows i’m moving, but they don’t acknowledge it, they pretend like i’ll be at home forever, cleaning up after them, and doing whatever they want. i just hope they’ll realize that they don’t have a lot of months left of me being at home and i hope i can actually spend time with them before i say goodbye. obviously i’ll visit, but it’ll be expensive and i doubt they’ll be willing to come visit me, as it’ll be too long of a drive for them. *sigh* it’s just a matter of time, but i’m prepared to put in the effort that they won’t, i have to i guess.

this diame went too many different ways and i feel like i didn’t actually explain anything, but i like it that way. i’m not writing this to tell other people about my life, i’m writing this to tell myself that i’ll be okay in the future. so that i can look back here and know how far i’ve come. so that when i get better, i can remember where i started. here’s hoping i actually get better...

[nolovevip]

in the faded memories, i left you behind

Group: Pentagon (who’s surprised here) Pairing: Jinho/Hongseok, OT10 Character: Jinho, Hongseok, Hui, Wooseok, Yeo One, Shinwon, E’Dawn, Yuto, Kino, Yan An Rating: Mature Words: 1.9k Chapters: 8/? Summary: 3 years after the worst day of his life, Jinho struggles with reconnecting with the other members. Particularly the one who broke his heart.

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[nolovevip]

in the faded memories, i left you behind

Group: Pentagon (who’s surprised here) Pairing: Jinho/Hongseok, OT10 Character: Jinho, Hongseok, Hui, Wooseok, Yeo One, Shinwon, E’Dawn, Yuto, Kino, Yan An Rating: Mature Words: 1.9k Chapters: 8/? Summary: 3 years after the worst day of his life, Jinho struggles with reconnecting with the other members. Particularly the one who broke his heart.

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[nolovevip]

okkk sorry i’ve been so inactive, i was on vacation :D

[nolovevip]

i reblogged from the wrong acc whoOPS

n e ways

i’m so glad you liked it!!!! thank you so much for reading and i’m sorry it made you so messy orz

Do you have any minkwang fic recs

i do!!! i recently read cold rain by @nolovevip and it was v v good i loved it lots even though i was a mess half the time! also theres another tumblr called @btobfic and while they havent been active lately sadly they have some great recs as well! i’ve read all of the ones on their minkwang list i think ^^

[nolovevip]

people who like my OCs

[nolovevip]

cold rain

Group: BTOB Pairing: Minhyuk/Eunkwang, Hyunsik/Ilhoon Characters: Minhyuk, Eunkwang, Hyunsik, Sungjae, Ilhoon, Changsub, Peniel Rating: Mature Words: 12k Chapters: 1/1 Summary:  “How about like the colors AU except it can be your voice or your hearing instead that comes and goes when your soulmate dies. Imagine how your soulmate’s voice is the first and the last thing you’ll ever hear.” -colormayfade.tumblr.com

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[nolovevip]

08/30/17

 yes hello, i am starting this, here on this day. tonight. right now.

welcome to my diame (diary/me). it’s my thoughts and feelings that i cant understand or need to get out. a little peek into...well, me.

i’ve been having a lot of mood swings recently. i go from being happy and dancing in the kitchen to gfriend, to achingly sad to the point where i physically feel crushed. it’s kind of funny sometimes, but then instead of laughing i feel myself just staring at a wall. the urge to c*t has been creeping back in and i can feel it, but i dont want to do that again. i dont want to disappoint the people who’ve told me that they want me to be better.

i had a close friend until recently. we were close for almost a year, but...idk one day she stopped replying to me and when i dared to text her and ask if i had annoyed her, she said she was on vacation, didnt have data and would be back the next morning. despite not having data she’d been on tumblr consistently the entire time and she hasn’t contacted me since then. that was two weeks ago and i’ve never felt so alone...

you go from talking to someone every day for a year to suddenly not. i guess she got bored of me, or annoyed. i still dont even know.

but that was sort of where it started. i was doing relatively fine before then, until that happened and now my depression has come back in crashing waves and im starting to feel really lost.

on the other hand, i’ve recently gotten the desire to fall in love. i dont know where it started, but it came into my head a few weeks ago that i have never once been in love. i have had a small crush once before but that was it. that’s all i’ve ever had and i wonder if it’s because my standards are too high or just because im a shitty human. i cant even human properly.

arent humans supposed to fall in love? isn’t that like...their one “big” flaw? whatever it is, it hasnt worked for me so far. i feel pain from everything else, why cant i feel pain from love? sometimes i wondered if i was aromantic, but aro’s arent this desperate to love...are they?

anyways, i have a friend that i want to fall in love with. like...i want to. i might even, but only time will tell. the japanese have a phrase for it actually, you might recognize it from the title of one of my fics -  koi no yokan (恋の予感) (n.) "premonition of love"; the sense one can have upon first meeting another person that the two of them are going to fall in love, an unspoken feeling that you are about to fall in love.

please excuse my languid use of the copy-paste.

but yes, it feels like that.

for now, i’ll leave

[nolovevip]

hello my 14 followers! i really appreciate all of you taking the time to follow me and maybe (hopefully) read my fics!

as this is a blog for my writing - the couple thousand words where i bare my soul and pretend it’s someone else’s - i decided that i would turn this into a proper blog and write little...journal-esque diary type things and post them here.

i have a lot of dark thoughts sometimes and a lot of emotional thoughts most times, so if you want to unfollow me now, you’ve been forewarned and you’re more than welcome to do so. i completely understand if you really dont want to hear about my thoughts and feelings, so it’s totally okay!!

i’ll try not to spam you all, but i really need an outlet outside of fanfiction where i can truly be myself and talk out what i’m feeling/thinking because, obviously, writing is my creative tool. it’s my heart, it’s what i do and what i need to get by.

so if you decide to unfollow me, that’s okay! thank you and i love you. if you decide to stay, thank you and i love you and im sorry

(๑꧆◡꧆๑) stay fresh

[nolovevip]

uwu

ahhh you’ve found my writing blog lol

hiiiiiii  ⸜( ˙˘˙)⸝

[nolovevip]

not pentagon, but i have a 26 chapter monsta x fic coming up, so i probably won’t be posting anything for awhile. i’ll miss being active ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

[nolovevip]

koi no yokan 恋の予感

Group: Pentagon Pairing: E’Dawn/Hui, Jinho/Hui, Shinwon/Hongseok, Yan An/Yuto Characters: Hui, Jinho, Hongseok, Shinwon, E’Dawn, Yeo One, Yan An, Yuto, Kino, Wooseok Rating: Mature Words: 9k Chapters: 2/? Summary: koi no yokan (恋の予感) (n.) "premonition of love"; the sense one can have upon first meeting another person that the two of them are going to fall in love, an unspoken feeling that you are about to fall in love.(can i be him sequel)

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[nolovevip]

9/9 posted!

365 Fresh

Group: Triple H, Pentagon, 4Minute Pairing: E’Dawn/Hui/Hyuna, Hyuna/E’Dawn, E’Dawn/Hui, Hui/Hyuna Characters: E’Dawn, Hyuna, Hui Rating: Explicit Words: 6k Chapters: 1/? Summary: Friends lie, friends deceive and friends cheat, can you really trust them? If you killed someone, would your friends help you dispose of the body? Would they hide you? Well, they say the would, but there’s really only one way to find out…In which Hyuna has an…unseemly run in with a customer at her shop and calls the first people she ever thinks about.

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[nolovevip]

ahhh i’ve forgotten to keep this updated, oops. sorry everyone, i’ll do my best to keep this consistent!

[nolovevip]

365 Fresh

Group: Triple H, Pentagon, 4Minute Pairing: E’Dawn/Hui/Hyuna, Hyuna/E’Dawn, E’Dawn/Hui, Hui/Hyuna Characters: E’Dawn, Hyuna, Hui Rating: Explicit Words: 6k Chapters: 1/? Summary: Friends lie, friends deceive and friends cheat, can you really trust them? If you killed someone, would your friends help you dispose of the body? Would they hide you? Well, they say the would, but there's really only one way to find out...In which Hyuna has an...unseemly run in with a customer at her shop and calls the first people she ever thinks about.

read here

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