let’s talk about the early stages of hyperfixation where you can literally feel your brain getting doses of serotonin because of a show or a movie or a person or a character and mentally you’re like ‘ooooh no’ but it’s like a blackhole you can’t run or escape from so you just gotta ride it out knowing full well the next few months maybe even years are going to be spent mindlessly obsessing over this thing
No, taking that shower, eating that meal, cleaning your space, going on that walk or having that conversation won't cure you, but there's a good chance it'll make you less miserable in the moment - and isn't that a fine goal by itself?
does anyone else think about the task of carrying yourself to your own suffering. walking to a test you know you’ll fail. driving fifteen hours to watch a family member die. jesus walking to golgotha carrying the cross. you know.
Had a dream where I was sitting in a dark office and reality felt really altered and strange and there was just a fishtank illuminating the room and then this fuckin fish looked at me and grinned with human teeth and in this super deep voice said “you’ve been here awhile, better wake up before you forget how to” and I fuckin woke up in a cold sweat
the worst memories of being bullied is when ppl would pretend not to be bullying you and ask you questions and u thought they were just asking u stuff but they were actually laughing at you the entire time and u had no idea bcos you were young and you didnt understand why people would be mean to you when you didnt do anything wrong.