not-mr-durden

[not-mr-durden]

Fight Club bathing/showering headcanons

Cw for gross stuff, and also kinda kinky (?) stuff but in a humorous way.

Tyler

• Before Project Mayhem he used to shower once a day or, sometimes, once every two days. After it, he just showers... Um... When he can ❤️ (He smells.)

• He prefers showers because they're quick and he doesn't really see the point in wasting time in the bath if he's alone.

• If Narrator is there, though, he doesn't mind bathing and relaxing for a while.

• One time, he managed to find some rubber ducks and boat toys, so he started bringing them into the bath with him. When the water overflows a little, and one falls out, he chuckles and pretends it's dead, and he won't pick it up, because "no one is going to save it".

• He uses really dry/hard sponges because he thinks they scrub better, but Narrator tried to used them once and hasn't felt such pain since.

• When there's a liposuction fat shortage, he's a bit hesitant to use his own soap, but always ends up doing it anyway.

• Brushes his teeth while he's showering ???

• When bathing, he likes to go underwater and hold his breath to see how long he can last. When he isn't doing that, he likes to whistle.

• After showers, he just walks around butt naked.

• One time, after doing it with Marla, he gave her a new sample of soap that he was testing, and told her to go home and wash herself with it. She asked if she smelled or something, and he just laughed while shaking his head, so she began thinking that it was a kinky power play situation. After learning that he made it, some time later, she started thinking of it as a gift and a way to show affection... Tyler just really wanted an external review, because he knew that Narrator would praise it anyway.

Marla

• She showers once a day, unless she's feeling depressed and doesn't want to go out. In that case, she showers once a week at best.

• Prefers baths because she can lay there as long as she wants, and kind of hates the water pressure of showers. However, a lot of the time, she decides to take showers because she's afraid that the water bill will go up too much if she bathes too often.

• She likes to sit on the toilet and read magazines while she waits for the tub to fill up. She used to do it while bathing too, but one time she dropped one in the water and never tried again.

• She likes to sing and listen to music while she's bathing. She also likes to pretend that she's dead and lays there for hours, and she imagines the reaction of people finding her after days.

• While she's in the water, she shaves with a razor. She doesn't use shaving cream and doesn't even want it near her, because as a kid she heard horror stories about people confusing it with shampoo, and now has this irrational fear.

• Before and after bathing, she has fun by posing and making silly faces in the mirror. Then the random sadness hits her and she quits immediately.

• Likes to inspect her body in the mirror to find zits and pop them (which is rare, because her skin is really dry), or new bruises (which she randomly wakes up with).

• Loves to steal bath bombs and products that smell good and create bubbles. Most of the time she doesn't care enough to use them, but sometimes they're perfect to feel better at the end of a bad day.

• As a result of her shoplifting, all her products are super colorful and pretty.

• She wraps herself in a towel, paints her nails and toenails right after bathing.

Narrator

• Before meeting Tyler, he used to shower 2 or 3 times a day (one in the morning, one after work/in the evening, one when he can't sleep at night). After meeting Tyler, he started skipping it a few times due to being too tired from Fight Club. When Tyler left him, he started taking baths that lasted hours, but only twice a week, and that's it.

• He prefers showering as a quick way to clean himself before or after work, but he hates everything about them, especially the fact that the water pressure and the water temperature are too hard to regulate. He will never admit, not even to himself, that baths may be better for him, because that's FOR GIRLS!!!

• After moving in with Tyler, despite hating the awful dirty water, he started taking baths more often, because it can't really be too feminine if Tyler's doing it.

• If it was for him, he'd spend hourssss in the bath/shower. When he had his condo, the bills weren't even a problem, but long showers make him faint. Long baths, instead, make his butt cheeks hurt. He also hates, sensory wise, sitting down on wet ceramic.

• In the bath, when he's sad, he sits with his knees up and his arms wrapped around them.

• He HAS to use extremely soft sponges, otherwise his skin gets irritated.

• After showers, he wears a bathrobe.

• One time, shampoo went in his eyes, and they started to burn. While trying to clean them, he slipped and fell, all while trying to save himself by holding onto... The stream of water? Also the curtain broke. The next day, he bought a rubber mat at IKEA, and baby shampoo (because that one doesn't burn). The cashier, all giddy, asked him if his wife was pregnant, and he responded with a dry "yes."

[not-mr-durden]

yes it's cool when unrequited love isn't treated as this huge tragedy and people can still be friends or accept it and move on but i do love the fucked up dynamic you get when someone is so utterly obsessed with someone else that they beg and plead with them just to be allowed to devote themselves to them like a dog even if they get nothing in return for it. when the love is completely one sided but it isn't any less intense for it.

[not-mr-durden]

his swagless mental breakdowns this, his homoerotic patterns of grief that. what about HER grief-stricken moments of extremely poor decisionmaking? what about HER incredibly alarming isolation and trauma-driven life choices?!?!?!

[not-mr-durden]

What if I said soapshipping.

i love characters who do the “i worship the myth i make of you” and in turn dehumanize and get wrong the object of their devotion and love. yes project a thing that does not exist onto a pedestal and kneel at it like it is your altar. this will surely not blow up in both of your faces eventually

[not-mr-durden]

This about Tyler and the Narrator......... I feel ill

[not-mr-durden]

Fight Club Trans Headcanons

I'm gonna have to say that this one is more serious than my other posts. If you're not in the right headspace, or are triggered by mature/depressing/traumatic (?) themes, don't read this.

Tyler

Literally does not care.

Is loud & proud and doesn't listen to any idiotic criticism

Uses any opportunity to be shirtless

Feels extremely confident about his top surgery scars, which healed well

Wasn't afraid to wear what he wanted even before the surgery

Sunglasses give him gender euphoria for some reason

Has always had a bit of extra muscle on him, when he started exercising to prepare for the surgery he built muscle very fast

Passes perfectly but also doesn't care about passing

Testosterone didn't give him as much body hair as he thought it would, but he doesn't mind

Had made up his mind when he was still very young

His voice is deep mostly because of how many cigarettes he smokes

As a kid, he'd only play with boys and would get upset (sometimes even aggressive) when others wouldn't call him a boy

Testosterone hit him with the heightened libido

Narrator

Envy consumes him. Like he might actually explode.

Still feels guilty sometimes

Stares at cis guys & confident trans people in public but is almost always mistaken as a weirdo or a transphobe

Speaking of. The meeting on the nude beach........... Let the implications speak for themselves

Fight Club makes him feel way more like a man, as well as hanging out with Tyler

Testosterone hit him with premature hair loss

He tries wayyy too hard to force his voice to be deeper

Even after top surgery, still slouches and often crosses his arms over his chest

Figured it out only in his mid to late 20s

Gets super nervous every time the lgbtq+ is even just mentioned

Has an entire mental list of things he can't do because they make him feel like a girl

Has prayed to be "turned back normal"

His top surgery scars don't look half as good as Tyler's

Has the "Am I passing? Oh god. Do they know? They're staring. Am I being feminine? Are my pants looking wrong?" internal dialogue 24/7

Marla

Hook ups mostly with cis men to feel more like a "real woman"

Can't and won't be caught wearing anything that isn't feminine

Dysphoria eats her alive

Subconsciously romanticises smoking because it gives her gender euphoria

Absolutely hates catcallers but feels validated in a weird way

Has probably damaged her voice to make it sound higher

Wants to learn how to do her makeup but is way too mentally exhausted to even try

Doesn't pass often

If anyone comments on it, she gets angry and leaves

Her mother supports her, but only because she always wanted a girl

Genuinely thought the "we need to talk, I know what you are, you're a faker, I'll expose you" speech at the support groups was about her being trans at first

Likes hooking up with Tyler because she doesn't have to force her voice or act too girly around him to feel comfortable

Doesn't try too hard to pass, and doesn't care about others but is still feminine for her own comfort

[not-mr-durden]

Talking to everyone but me

I'm stayin' on later just in case

You come up and ask to leave with me

[not-mr-durden]

How to navigate this blog (because it's getting messier than I intended):

#my headcanons

#au idea

#my art

#lol - fight club posts that don't fit in other categories

#questions - me answering any asks

[not-mr-durden]

Real question: who's winning the bald off...

I'm literally shaking buy him a wig pls

[not-mr-durden]

Modern Narrator has a daily screen time of 14+ hours, falls for ragebait, doomscrolls and bedrots basically all the time. He watches tiktoks about online drama and absorbs absolutely no information because his brain is fried from not sleeping.

Modern Tyler has a weekly screen time of 10 mins and it's just to reply "👍" and "ok man" to the narrator's messages, if he does reply. During Project Mayhem it increases because he has to communicate with the Space Monkeys, and the narrator constantly spams him like "Tyler I can see you're online.", "Tyler reply to me please", "Where are you???", "Fight Club tonight?"

[not-mr-durden]

Here's some Marla for you guys (my beloved wife)

Stuck in art block.

What am I even doing?

Help me!!!

(please click for better quality and please get what I was trying to do with the smoke)

(this took me 1 minute and 9 seconds. Humiliating)

[not-mr-durden]

Fight Club sleeping headcanons

Tyler

Sleeps naked or only wearing pants from the day before

Sleeps on his back or on his stomach and has to be sprawled all over and around

Snores extremely loud (and does not care)

Can sleep literally anywhere and in any condition

Randomly scratches himself in his sleep

Stretches as soon as he wakes up, not because it's healthy but because he needs to

Obligatory yawn before falling asleep and right after waking up

Takes up all of the space on any bed

Messes up the blankets, tangles them, and often makes the pillows fall off the bed

Often ends up in a diagonal starfish position, one leg under the blanket

Will not wake up even if he's shaken or if there's loud noise

Often switches positions or rolls around

Often splashes his face with cold water to properly wake up

Marla

Very light sleeper

Sleeps exclusively on her side

Sometimes mumbles, moans or groans in her sleep

Has very vivid, weird dreams and likes talking about them

Doesn't move too much, but occasionally has little spasms, like kicking her leg or throwing the blankets off herself

Speaking of. She constantly feels either too hot or too cold and is in a constant battle with the blankets

Doesn't take off her makeup before going to sleep. Every day it gets more smudged but she likes how it looks

Also doesn't brush her hair when she wakes up

Sleeps in the clothes from the day before, or in her undergarments

Has cute slip dresses and pajama sets gifted to her by her mother and only wears them when she's sad

Has stuffed animals but doesn't sleep with them, only complains to them or asks them rhetorical questions

Likes to smoke on her bed, especially before going to sleep

Has fallen asleep with a cigarette in hand and burned a bit of her blanket multiple times

Likes to stay in bed after waking up for about 30 minutes

Is super grumpy and snappy in the morning (unless she has hooked up the night before)

Narrator

Oh boy. Here we go. (This might be controversial)

Hasn't slept for way longer than 6 months in the past

Falls asleep with his mouth open and drools all over the pillow

Wraps his arms around the pillow

Likes to stay under the blankets even if the weather is very hot

Has tried meditation and "self love" to fall asleep before

Doesn't move at all when sleeping

Also doesn't make a sound

Has fainted multiple times, even at work

Because he doesn't sleep, his metabolism and immune system are in hell. He's always sick (colds, fevers, etc.) and brings tissues everywhere. He's also very weak and feels like his body is heavy, so he has to sit down often. Constantly has a headache

Things he has experienced due to his lack of sleep in the past: memory loss, misplacing things, irrational behavior (saying things that don't make sense, actions not matching his words, etc.), trouble focusing, constantly zoning out, trouble with comprehension, psychosis, delirious/euphoric/anxious states, hallucinations, having to fight fainting/falling asleep (despite not being actually able to)

Has tried drinking too much caffeine to stop himself from fainting or behaving like a zombie at work, which has caused heart palpitations, tics, constant stomach aches

[not-mr-durden]

@paperstreetlocal Please never hide something so funny in the tags again. This is genuinely taking me out

"Tyler is a bit shorter than the Narrator" TRUE however I think that he appears taller than him because he stands straight and puffs out his chest, while the Narrator slouches and basically bends on himself like a foldable chair.

[not-mr-durden]

more headcanons please

I'm so happy you guys like them, I'll post more soon!

[not-mr-durden]

"Tyler is a bit shorter than the Narrator" TRUE however I think that he appears taller than him because he stands straight and puffs out his chest, while the Narrator slouches and basically bends on himself like a foldable chair.

[not-mr-durden]

I think that at first they'd be pretty okay, maybe even good-looking, and as Fight Club goes on, they get more yellow and some teeth start missing. During Project Mayhem he would have horrible teeth, like he just stopped caring about them and focused all his time on the project. It's also the way the initially "perfect" image of him deteriorates in front of the narrator.

Note to artists: PLEASE don't forget his fucked up front teeth when you draw Tyler in the last scenes

a hc i have for tyler ive never seen is yellowed teeth. this fucker chain smokes and hes drawn with pearly whites. haha. No

[not-mr-durden]

I think Tyler likes lollipops. Like he would occasionally have one in his mouth. Because he's bi. Send tweet