notesfromthecactuspatch-blog

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(via It Was 50 Years Ago...)

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It Was 50 Years Ago...

In honor of one of the greatest scary movies ever made, I’m posting a picture of my late, late cousin, Chumley, who worked as a shark wrangler and trainer on the iconic 1975 movie, Jaws. He was always hamming it up with the cast and crew and thought he had trained the white shark to join in the fun. This picture was taken a few seconds after he informed Quint and the Chief that they would need a…

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Ask A Texan: Preaching And Peaches In Lonesome Dove

Substantial Advice For Folks Outside Of Texas The Texan This Texan received a letter from Mr. Augustus McRae of Lonesome Dove, Montana. It seems that his middle child, a wealthy TV Preacher, has abandoned him and his wife, leaving them to fend for themselves in their old age. Mr. McCrae: Back in 1978, I was doing some cowboying on a big ranch in South Texas and grew tired of everything. I…

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(via Ask A Texan: The Quest For Big Rock Candy Mountain And The Bates Motel)

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Ask A Texan: The Quest For Big Rock Candy Mountain And The Bates Motel

Sort of Professional Texas Advice For Folks That Can’t Afford The Real Thing. The Texan This Texan received a postcard from The Walmart in Tom Joad, Oklahoma. It seems that Mr. Junior Steinbeck’s wife, Rose of Sharon, thinks she is dying and wants one last trip, which he can’t afford. Mr. Steinbeck: Mr. Texan, I’ve never written a request for advice, so please consider this my first and bear…

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(via Ask A Texan: How Bucc-ee's Changed Our Culture)

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(via Ask A Texan: Mrs. Gentry's Dilemma: Boat Motors vs. False Teeth)

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Ask A Texan: Mrs. Gentry's Dilemma: Boat Motors vs. False Teeth

Down Home Advice For Folks That Are Out Of Options The Texan I received a letter from Mrs. Gentry of Tallahatchie, Mississippi, stating that her husband, Catfish John, had taken the money she gave him for a set of new false teeth and spent it on a new boat motor. She’s as mad as a cottonmouth. Mrs. Gentry: Mr. Texan, I’m surprised I’m having to ask a stranger for help. I saw your articles in…

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(via Ask A Texan: Every Southern Man Needs A New Pickup)

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Ask A Texan: Every Southern Man Needs A New Pickup

Free And Clear Advice For Folks That Don’t Live In Texas But Are Trying To Get Here As Fast As They Can… Mr. Boufrone Boudreaux of Chigger Bayou, Louisiana, writes that his son thinks he’s a girl, and his wife and daughter are all in on it because they can all swap their clothes and shop together at The Walmart. Mr. Boudreaux: Mr. Texan, us Cajuns Coon-Asses don’t like to ask for advice from…

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(via Ask A Texan. The Cultural Shift: Cats, Pride, and Texas Traditions)

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Ask A Texan. The Cultural Shift: Cats, Pride, and Texas Traditions

Fancy Advice For Folks That Don’t Live In Texas, But wish’un They Did The Texan This Texan received a letter from Mr. Merle T. Haggaurd of Muskogee, Oklahoma. It seems that his wife and her pet kitty have gone off the deep end of the Red River. Mr. Haggard: About a month back, my wife’s pet kitty, Toonsis, appeared to have a nervous feline type of breakdown. I don’t know a lick about cats,…

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The Day I Tried to Fly: A Superhero Story

I wrote and published this childhood memory back in 2018. Any kid who has ever dressed up in a superhero costume can relate to my true experience. Thinking back to that time in the mid-1950s, I now realize my neighborhood buddies didn’t care if I died right there in front of them while attempting this stunt. We were all bullet-proof and somehow had nine lives. It was all about the show, as I soon…

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Exploring the Beat Generation: Kerouac and Cassidy's Road Trip

Jack Kerouac Two Catholic boys, Jack Kerouac and Neal Cassidy, are on a road trip by car across the American West to find the meaning of life. The badlands of New Mexico held all the secrets that New York City would never have. It could be a great book are a movie. But, as it turns out, it was a book first. What could go wrong? It was 1947, and half the country still lived in a Norman Rockwell…

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(via Ask A Texan: Finding Joe Bee's Father)

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Ask A Texan: Finding Joe Bee's Father

Pretty Stable Advice For Folks That Don’t Live In Texas And Can’t Get Here The Texan This Texan received a letter from Miss Sparkle, a business owner in Chattooga, Georgia. She runs the Papa Gus River Rafting and Fish Camp, which was made famous in the movie Deliverance. My little boy, Joe Bee before he grew up into a man Mr. Texan: I can’t get no help around here from nobody: it’s just a…