nothinghewouldmind

[nothinghewouldmind]

“how much of us is real?”

i’m romanticizing times that don’t exist

like the river of styx i feel my world has divided

from the truth and my dreams

sometimes you set sail and cross to me

from dream to reality

docking in the turquoise water

stepping footprintless onto this sandy shore

we gaze

at each

other as

if this

was real

your eyes like sunsets break me in two

and we embrace each other for too long to ignore

any feelings pent up inside

but nothing is ever said

but after our silent goodbye

as you’ve already set sail

you say the words I only dream of

[nothinghewouldmind]

‘ego death’

the beach that i once called home is now flooded by your memories

and it swept me away and my body scraped on the rocks ‘til i bled

awoken scarred limbs now throw themselves across a desolate valley

a haze like a smoker’s basement fills the air

as the sun meets a house on the horizon

an older place of an older home

dilapidated and abandoned it shakily sits in tears

wondering why i had run off when IT happened

when a minute of grace could’ve put the stove fire out

because I wanted it to die.

as i close the door behind me i collapsed in despair

and as i finally stood again my body remained

forgiveness is a fatal drug

[nothinghewouldmind]

you need to be respected

you need to be seen

you need to be understood

you need to be loved

you need a hand to hold

you need to be held back

you need infinite reassurance

you feel you need to be saved from drowning

you need to learn that you can swim.

[nothinghewouldmind]

sometimes when i look at you i squint my eyes and see everything in a new plain. here we are with our nervous glances gazing out into an icy empty wilderness. so bleak yet beautiful. the sky reflects every color of love and the clouds turn our surroundings obsolete. are you seeing what I’m seeing?

[nothinghewouldmind]

there’s no words in any language

to describe this type of hurt

stinging eyes and body aches

thank god i know my life’s worth

tracing old scars with my hands

those who broke me again and again

there’s too few words in the world’s languages

to describe every regret i’m holding

but for now i’ll lay here crying

in the dark so know one knows

that i’ll be just as sad tomorrow’s evening

despite the daylight’s glow

(november 2024)

[nothinghewouldmind]

at the end of the day there’s nothing left

i’ll miss your laughter and your advice

as the day ages and the shadows grow

your warmth and brightness overshadowed by something more

as the sky shows its true form

and space showers you with darkness

when the sun sets there’s nothing left

of your face or heart or soul

and it only glimmered from gifted light

of people hoping you’d rediscover your own

something more

as the sky shows its true form

the moonlight now hits your eyes

like a predator in the night

(november 2024)

[nothinghewouldmind]

there’s something about you that makes me sick

turning green on these moonlit city streets

retracing my steps to avoid you for a little longer

not because i hate you but i hate how i feel for you

how your face makes my stomach do somersaults

as your voice flips my heart on its head

how your aspirations have locked me in a trance

you make me regret my dreams of being dead

how youve caused me to start writing again

to keep my friends less sick of my shit

how my thought make me squirm in embarrassment

just because we’re both men

if only i could hold you

maybe it’d hurt a little less

(october 2024)

[nothinghewouldmind]

if there was a god

if there was an image

we’d all be created the same

but this cruel universe

proves why we defined anger

dangling love above each other’s heads

(september 2024)

[nothinghewouldmind]

i’ll never come back to you but god i wish i missed your words

waterfalls and constellations used to cry and shine your name

and now to my own surprise the moon revealed a better life

one where i left you behind

nothing shares the pain i felt when i saw playlists we spent years creating recently reviewed

it seems these winds blew me forward, hitting with a cold refraction, with everything i’ve heard

i’m sorry that i grew so harsh and bitter and let it fester long enough to never love you again

a drab sight of a clouded sunset

i wish i could change my words

nothing can erase the hurt

oceans passed i stopped and wondered if i should just turn around

to walk you to the moon and back for a storybook ending

but my feet wont retrace their steps. i know i’d be a fish again, drowning in that haunted air

i should have never been there

fireworks shimmered and heard

nothing’s gonna change my words

(december 2024)