noticedandannoyed

[noticedandannoyed]

Want to Confuse AI? Live a Closeted Life!

What the heck?!?!?! I just noticed that when I tried adding a contact to my secret account on a private browser, it asked if I wanted it to pre-fill. Pre-fill? It was a NEW contact... on an unshared account... on a private browser. Well, it intrigued me, so I clicked it. It didn't pre-fill with what I thought. It grabbed a name... from my personal contacts... on a different account... that has never been opened on that browser. Damn AI!!!!!!! Now I'm annoyed.

But maybe that's what we all get for allowing AI to automate things. Nothing is going to be secret any more. Even if you have a secret desire to enjoy fried cockroaches, it's going to probably announce that to the world.

So much for staying in the closet. Guess only time will tell if my marriage stays in tact. Not like I can sue AI. **exasperated sigh**

[noticedandannoyed]

Positive Male Thoughts

Sometimes I forget how masculine men really do change the world. I know I'm not one of those men, but that's okay. I can still be a man and have my moments of change around me.

It was nice to see a real man post real things about himself. I recently started following him and it was refreshing and encouraging! It made me feel good about myself as a man.

Sadly, the annoying part is that I probably will feel like a complete idiot tomorrow and everything that happened today will be a distant memory. I hope not. Maybe if it is, I can just reconnect with some older posts from him and get back my masculinity a little bit more.

[noticedandannoyed]

Hypocrite or Hero, You Decide

Well, considering the fact that we're all sinners and God doesn't view one sin more heinous than the rest (except blasphemy), I noticed that some Christian leaders are okay with some of their minor sins being a part of their lives but not the major sins of others. How annoying!

I think that's simple enough to not have to explain. So, I'm just going to leave it at that.

[noticedandannoyed]

Thoughts and Actions

I have too many thoughts that either don't turn into actions or thoughts that start to turn into actions and then get left on the side. I know it's not something that is uncommon, but I've noticed that my drive to do things is often taken away because of the distractions of the world. Most commonly, sex. Specifically gay sex.

It's a pleasure that I enjoy, but have to only think about. I could do things with my wife, but because I'm gay, sex with her is difficult. I am not going to go into the details, but I hate having this kind of push and pull in my life. I'm sure that if anyone were to read my writings here they might consider me a madman. But honestly, I am just writing what is in my head and I'm trying to use it as a way to just let my emotions out. THIS is a a thought that is turned into an action! THIS is an accomplishment (even if it's terribly written and complete nonsense... LOL)!

The only annoying thing about this is that I use this platform for viewing images of guys I like and that's going to remain. So, as annoying as it is, I think that's okay.

Enough for today.

[noticedandannoyed]

Being Stupid vs Being Ignorant

I've noticed myself watching people say things or do things that are difficult for me to watch. They make me cringe. But I think the biggest problem with it is that those people are making me wonder about humanity.

There are people out there that know what they are saying and doing, but they have a subconscious thought that tells them the reason they are doing it is because of "X" or "Y" and not because of what is truly going on. Those people don't take the time to figure out what is really going on because they "know" they're right and everyone else should look at things their way. I call those "Stupid People."

Then there are people out there that don't know what they are saying and doing, but rather following what they've been told and their subconscious thoughts are to follow what those around them have told them. Those people will often realized their thoughts and actions are in the wrong when someone GENTLY guides them to an understanding of what is truly happening. I call those "Ignorant People."

For instance, if a rugby player is out on the field and he takes off his shirt and starts pouring water over his face to cool off, the Stupid People will say that he's trying to show off how masculine he is. And yes, even the Ignorant People will say that (if around other Stupid People). However if someone says to them both, "Man, it's so hot out here, I'm glad they have water for those guys so they don't get overheated." The Stupid Person would shrug it off while the Ignorant Person would realize, "Good point. I didn't think about that since we're here in the shade."

But what I really wonder is what the gay Christian man thinks? Does he think either of those thoughts? Or does he just admire that God created that man and seeing that was God's way of showing off His creation for the gay Christian to worship and praise? Just my random thought for today.

What I find most annoying is that our world seems to be led by agendas on every side. I just wish it weren't that way.

[noticedandannoyed]

(D)(I)(R)ecting the Media

I'm not sure when it started but I cannot remember a time when I didn't notice it. Whenever any media references congress, they have to separate out everyone by party. Sometimes they have the party affiliation with their name (i.e. "Joe Smith, State (D)") or they have to put up how what side voted for a bill and what side opposed it (Republicans - 30 NAY).

All that has ever done is provide the initial fuel to the fire. Why can't the media just list the name and the state they represent. That way if they are from my state I can actually care about what they say and decide if I'm going to vote for or against them the next time they are on the ballot. And why can't they just list how many votes were taken on a bill, not how a party voted for or against it. It's really starting to become annoying! We don't do it by gender. We don't do it by race. We don't do it by age, but yet we do it by political party.

I think there should be a new word, "politicobureauphobia" that should be used in this instance. This would be the fear of bureaucrats individual choices influencing the government rather than the will of the people. Because who is actually supposed to be running the USA? I thought it was "We the people...." Not "We the elected...." Not "We the media...." But maybe I'm just super naive to think that this country can be governed by the people. (Sigh!)

I think that's enough of my political thoughts for a while. I'll be back to my normal posts soon enough.

[noticedandannoyed]

"Have You Stopped Beating Your Wife?"

Not many people in today's society will remember Groucho Marx and his game show "Bet Your Life" where Groucho would ask the contestants loaded questions. One that seemed to be associated most often with the gameshow and Groucho was the question, "Have you stopped beating your wife?" Well, any answer would assume you have beaten your wife. But what if you haven't... how does someone answer that question?

Well, I've noticed that online media platforms have started using this tactic in a way to force your hand to turn ON your "personalized ad choices" within their platform. For example, on several occasions in the last year I have turned OFF personalized ad choices on various platforms (YouTube, Facebook, Amazon Video, etc.). It was a conscious choice to opt out of personal ads. But when I did, the next time I opened the platform, the ads that started playing were for sex of some sort. Sometimes they were "Never has 8 inches felt so good. When my husband took the new..." and other times "... and all these girls are available just a click away."

WHAT?!?!?!?! I don't want those ads! So when I complain to the feedback/help desk on the platform, the responses I get always are similar. "Well, sir, if you would turn on your personalized ad choices, only the ads that are relevant to you will show up in your feed." But considering I don't want these platforms to know that I love chocolate covered everything or that I want to some day go to Bora Bora (because they'll just keep throwing ads about those in my face), I choose to turn that feature off. Then, before the conversation is over they add the final nail, "Sir, when the feature is turned off we cannot control what ads are shown to you." BULLSHIT!!!! They may not control them, but they sure do know what ads are going to be offensive to me.

Maybe I'm not making sense. Maybe I'm getting old and crotchety like the generations before me. But maybe, just maybe, I'm onto something and it sure does seem like they're forcing me to choose. Either choose to have your ads personalized, or deal with ads that will disgust and offend you. (...sigh...)

[noticedandannoyed]

Picking Sides

As time marches on there seems to be a lot of influencers expressing their opinion in ways a vast majority of people become shocked. I am noticing that some people are shocked because they actually agree with someone who they typically HAVE NOT agreed with in the past. Or they don't agree with someone they typically HAVE agreed with in the past. Why? Because people haven't learned that it's okay to be an individual. You don't have to follow someone exactly as they do. It's okay that people have individual opinions about various topics. Yes, it's really okay.

What I'm annoyed with is that people are trying to justify why they agree/disagree with someone like #DaveRubin, #BillMaher, or #AndyStanley. It's okay to agree on some things and not on others. That's how we all (including politicians) should live. What's wrong is the anger or even regretful remorse that some have in their hearts. Let's be realistic and real. Don't be angry, be upset. Don't be remorseful unless you're truly going to change.

Maybe I'm expecting too much out of today's society. But I'm not giving up on the human race. Especially when we have Jesus. Over the years of being a closeted gay Christian, I've learned a lot about what people are really like under their skin. Sadly, I was one of those people. Or, maybe I still am.

[noticedandannoyed]

New Year, New Challenges

I sure have noticed an uptake in my gay desires recently. Not sure if it's from the holidays or from something else. Maybe it's from all the ads about weigh loss and the sexy men they use in them. I know there are sexy women in the ads too, but I'm glad they don't make me drool like the guys do. I guess I'll just have to be annoyed that these ads run for a while before they start to fade away. (Or maybe I don't have to be annoyed with them and can use them to my advantage in some personal alone time! HA!)

[noticedandannoyed]

Why Do I...

Anyone care to tell me why they think I stay trapped in this closet? I know I've put my self here, but over the years I've noticed that I am more afraid of what's on the outside of that closet. I'm scared of what my family will think (and there is a LOT of them). Staying in the closet is safe because I am in control. If I open that door I let other people in. And often times, other people are vicious and hate filled. Pretty sure I'd be even more depressed.

I've never been annoyed with my decision to stay in the closet, but there are times when I think about all the "what if's" that could have been, or even worse, the "what if's" I would have missed had I not stayed on this path I am currently on. It sure makes it difficult this time of year too. Too many emotions to keep bottled up.

Just had to get that off my chest.

[noticedandannoyed]

All Over the Place

If you've read any of my posts you'll see that I am all over the place. I noticed that this week. I don't think I'm bi-polar, and I do not like to label people (including myself). I find that annoying. But considering that my mind goes from one side of the religious fence to the other almost every day, I feel like I better say something. If for no other reason than to make sure I have a record that I did think about it.

Hope everyone has a good holiday season. And no matter what you celebrate, just remember those you love and show kindness to everyone (even those you don't love). Hate should be hated.

[noticedandannoyed]

Living In Harmony

I don’t usually put scripture here, but I feel it necessary as a reminder to us all. So here is Romans 12: 16-18 (CSV)...

16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Give careful thought to do what is honorable in everyone’s eyes. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Has anyone else noticed that harmony/acceptance isn’t looked at as a positive Christian trait? Why not! We should all be annoyed when we see others that claim to be Christians behaving in an unforgiving and hateful manner.

Remember, GOD is in control. Or don’t you believe that? Don’t come up with excuses as to why you can have hate in your heart.

[noticedandannoyed]

It’s Just Too Much

I’m going to throw this out there because I feel things are going to go crazy in a few days.

I’ve noticed that too many people have too strong of an opinion that they are unwilling to hold out a hand to others. We are all human beings, but apparently everyone forgets that during these times. It’s annoying.

Forcing others to have to accept your beliefs is wrong no matter what side of the fence you are on. No one can live like that without conflict. We all need to be forgiving and that includes me. I HAVE to forgive those that force their opinion upon me. They can have their opinion and I can have mine.

But these days it seems like it is becoming more and more like, “If you don’t like hamburgers, I will hate you!” What if I like cheeseburgers? What if I like tofu burgers? Why do we have to hate others just because we like things our own way.

And why do we have to force others to do what they don't want to do. There never should be an absolute that HAS to happen. Even God gave us free will to choose Him or not. It needs to be an open option. Allow life to bring you opportunities for decisions. If you make a bad decision, learn from it. If you make a good decision, learn from that!

Only time will tell if I will be able to like what I like and others will be able to like what they like. I pray the next few days will not cause us to destroy ourselves.

[noticedandannoyed]

Time to Surrender?

Yesterday was a great day at church. Good sermon. Great baptisms. And last night's Bible study was... raw. Sigh!

I've noticed that I am ignoring God. Just flat out ignoring Him. I'm distracting myself by getting on here (Tumblr) and looking at my feed of naked men. Wanting to be with one like them, but knowing it won't happen. Ever.

I'm annoyed that I think I can even be a part of that culture. I want it, but I know I will never feel completely at peace even if everything worked out well. My head just isn't going to accept what's in my heart.

[noticedandannoyed]

Play or Pray

Yep, I put that. Only because I've added a "Stop/Pause/Pray" event to my daily calendar to get me to stop being gay. I know it's stupid. But what's worse is that I noticed I'm ignoring it and in fact, I'm annoyed by it. Today I opened a gay porn website JUST as my calendar notification went off. I did close the porn website, but it triggered me to write this. I guess you can sense where I am in this daily struggle.

[noticedandannoyed]

I Hit Pause...

So, I hit the pause button and let everything sit for a while. Honestly, it only lasted 5 days but part of that was because the internet was out at home, so I'm not sure that counts. I sure wouldn't mind some release though. It's been tough holding it all in. But that's what I do. That's who I am.

I think what I noticed most was that when I filled my time doing things, everything was fine. But I was annoyed that when I didn't fill that time with anything, my lust filled thoughts came back. Maybe I'm doomed to live this gay life in the shadows for the rest of my life.

I wonder what the Bible says about how heaven will be like for me?

[noticedandannoyed]

Sweating It Out

In the heat of yesterday afternoon a friend was out for a bicycle ride with one of his riding partners. My friend is a fitness freak (not muscle, just fit) and they had pushed themselves a bit too far in the heat. He called and asked if he could stop and get some water. I said absolutely and got six bottles of room temperature water ready for them. When they got to my house both were sweating profusely and I had them sit on our back deck in the shade. I made sure they were okay and watched them as they recovered.

I began to notice myself looking over their bodies. Their sweat glistened in the summer heat, dripping onto the deck boards, pooling. After they had cooled down and left, I was so tempted to go and lick the sweat off the boards of the back deck and chairs they were in. I didn't (for obvious fears of being caught).

But then I thought about it and became annoyed at myself. Is that something a friend would do? Was it wrong to think about that? WOULD it have been wrong to do it?

I doubt anyone will read this, but I'm just curious and want to know if that was okay to think about (or even do). Or does that go too far?