notvanillababy

[notvanillababy]

No you can’t pull out, I have separation anxiety

[notvanillababy]

“Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.”

— Paulo Coelho

[notvanillababy]

Ddlg is not always age play.

Sometimes, for example, it's the aftercare dynamic for partners who engage in intense play, and has nothing to do with sex.

For subs who struggle with low self esteem and discomfort with lingering pain after they're no longer sexually turned on, being babied and cared for prevents sub drop by helping them feel safe and valued.

& It may be less obvious, but it's beneficial for the Dom as well. Taking on a caregiver role after being aggressive and sadistic can help prevent Dom drop for people who struggle with guilt once climax is achieved and the passion quiets down.

[notvanillababy]

I is for Impact Play 🏓

Some people like soft caresses. Others? They want to be spanked, flogged, caned, and smacked until they’re a puddle of endorphins. Welcome to Impact Play—the art of controlled force, sting, and sensation.

💥 What is Impact Play? 💥

Impact play is a type of BDSM where one partner strikes the other for pain, pleasure, discipline, or submission. Whether it’s a light spanking or a full-blown flogging scene, the goal is controlled intensity—not harm.

⚡ Types of Impact Play:

✔ Spanking – Bare hand, over-the-knee, classic and always effective.

✔ Flogging – Multi-tailed whips that deliver everything from gentle caresses to deep thuds.

✔ Paddling – Thick, broad paddles that leave an aching impression.

✔ Caning – Thin, flexible rods that create sharp, stingy pain and leave perfect red lines.

✔ Whipping – Long single-tail or short dragon-tail whips for intense, focused strikes.

✔ Face Slapping – A mix of impact and humiliation, but always consensual.

✔ Punching/Thuddy Play – Using fists or heavy objects for deep, bone-rattling impact.

🎯 Different Sensations:

Thuddy = Deep, bruising impact (paddles, fists, heavy floggers).

Stingy = Sharp, surface-level pain (whips, canes, slaps).

Warming = A gradual buildup of heat and sensitivity (spanking, repeated strikes).

🧠 How Impact Play Can Be Therapeutic

For some, impact play is more than just a kink—it’s cathartic, grounding, and healing.

✔ Stress Release – The rhythmic impact helps release built-up tension, much like a deep massage or exercise.

✔ Emotional Release – Some people cry during or after scenes, allowing them to process buried emotions in a safe space.

✔ Endorphin Rush – Impact play triggers a flood of endorphins and adrenaline, leading to a natural high and deep relaxation.

✔ Sense of Control (or Letting Go) – Submissives may find comfort in surrendering control, while dominants can feel empowered and focused.

✔ Deepened Trust & Bonding – Engaging in this level of intensity requires strong communication and trust, strengthening relationships.

🛑 Impact Play = Safe, Sane, & Consensual 🛑

NEVER hit joints, kidneys, spine, or the face without skill.

Use safe words and check-ins. “Red” means STOP.

Warm up first! Going straight to hard strikes can cause real harm.

Aftercare matters. Ice packs, lotion, cuddles, reassurance—don’t skip it.

🔥 Bottom Line: Impact play isn’t about just hitting—it’s about control, connection, and intensity. Whether you’re in it for the discipline, the marks, or the sweet, sweet pain, respect, consent, and communication come first.

[notvanillababy]

H is for Humiliation 😳

Some kinks are about pain. Some are about power. And some? They’re all about getting inside your head and wrecking your ego—in the hottest way possible. 🔥

Welcome to Humiliation Play—where embarrassment, degradation, and shame become the turn-on. 😜

What is Humiliation Play? 🤔

It’s a psychological kink where one partner (typically the dominant) embarrasses, degrades, or "lowers" the other (typically the submissive) in a way that’s consensual, controlled, and—let’s be honest—downright filthy. 😏 Some love the power imbalance, some love the emotional intensity, and some just get off on feeling "dirty" in the best way possible.

Types of Humiliation Kink: 📝

✔ Verbal Humiliation – Insults, teasing, name-calling (slut, pig, worthless), or forced apologies.

✔ Public Humiliation – Being embarrassed in a semi-public or private-but-exposed setting (online, at events, or in front of trusted partners).

✔ Objectification – Being treated like an object (furniture, pet, sex toy) rather than a person.

✔ Degradation – Being made to feel "less than" through words, actions, or roleplay.

✔ Embarrassment Play – Forced blushing, exposing secrets, or making someone admit something "shameful."

✔ Messy Play – Spit, sweat, food, bodily fluids—making things gross on purpose.

✔ Financial Humiliation – Being "forced" to give money, beg for funds, or be financially "controlled."

✔ Clothing Control – Wearing revealing, mismatched, or embarrassing outfits.

Isn’t That… Mean? 😟

Not when it’s consensual. Humiliation play is all about trust, limits, and aftercare. A good dom knows what works for their sub, and a good sub communicates what’s too far.

Humiliation = Deep Psychological Play

This kink isn’t just about words—it’s about dynamics, emotions, and pushing boundaries. For some, it's about punishment and control. For others, it’s about letting go and embracing the "shame." But at the core? It’s a power exchange, just like any other BDSM play.

💖 AFTERCARE IS A MUST. 💖

Humiliation can hit deep. Even if it was hot in the moment, check-ins, reassurance, and affirmations are key to making sure everyone feels safe, respected, and emotionally okay after.

👉 Bottom Line: Humiliation play isn’t for everyone, but for those who love it? Nothing is hotter than being torn down in the exact way they crave.

[notvanillababy]

G is for Gorean Lifestyle ⚔️

Ever heard of the Gorean Lifestyle? It’s a niche within BDSM inspired by the Chronicles of Gor—a sci-fi/fantasy book series by John Norman. Unlike your typical D/s dynamic, Gorean relationships follow a strict, structured hierarchy based on dominance and submission, often with a heavy focus on Master/slave (M/s) roles.

🏛 What is the Gorean Lifestyle? 🏛

In Gorean dynamics, dominants (Masters/Mistresses) are seen as natural leaders, and submissives (slaves, kajira/kajirus) are expected to serve them fully—mind, body, and spirit. Unlike many BDSM relationships where submission is negotiated and flexible, Gorean submission is often considered absolute and lifelong.

🔥 Key Aspects of Gorean Relationships:

✔ Strict Power Exchange – The Master has total control; the slave has none.

✔ Protocols & Rituals – Slaves follow specific speech patterns, movements, and clothing rules.

✔ Use of Titles – Dominants are often called “Master” or “Mistress”; female slaves may be called kajira and males kajirus.

✔ Philosophy Over Kink – While BDSM elements exist, Gorean dynamics are more about a lifestyle philosophy than just play.

✔ Natural Order Beliefs – Some followers believe in a "natural order" where dominants lead and submissives exist to serve.

⚠️ Controversies & Misconceptions ⚠️

Not all BDSM practitioners accept Gorean beliefs—it’s often seen as extreme or rigid.

The philosophy promotes strict gender roles, which not everyone agrees with.

Some misuse the term to justify abuse or coercion (but true consensual Goreans emphasize willing servitude).

It’s NOT fantasy roleplay—real Goreans take their power exchange seriously in everyday life.

🔗 Bottom Line: Gorean dynamics aren’t for everyone. They require deep trust, strong commitment, and mutual understanding. Whether you admire the structure or find it outdated, one thing is clear—Goreans live by their code, and they take it seriously.

[notvanillababy]

F is for Full-time Power Exchange ⛓️

FULL-TIME POWER EXCHANGE: When BDSM Becomes a ✨ Lifestyle ✨

BDSM isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom—sometimes, it’s a way of life. Enter Full-Time Power Exchange (FTPE), also known as Total Power Exchange (TPE). This is where dominance and submission go beyond scenes and become constant, 24/7 dynamics.

⛓️ What is Full-Time Power Exchange? ⛓️

It’s a relationship where one partner completely surrenders control to the other. This can range from daily decision-making to physical control, financial control, and even lifestyle rules. The dominant leads—the submissive follows. Every. Single. Day.

👀 What It Can Look Like:

✔ The dominant chooses the submissive’s clothing, diet, or schedule.

✔ Rules for how the submissive speaks, acts, or even asks for permission.

✔ Controlled finances, with the dominant handling money.

✔ Required rituals—kneeling, greeting protocols, specific household duties.

✔ Sexual control, including chastity, scheduled orgasms, or denial.

✔ The submissive addressing the dominant with specific titles, commonly known as "honorifics" (Sir, Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, etc.).

⚠️ Isn’t That Just Abuse? ⚠️

NO—because consent is EVERYTHING. True FTPE is agreed upon, negotiated, and revocable. The submissive chooses to surrender control and can withdraw consent at any time. It’s based on trust, structure, and mutual satisfaction.

🛑 Things to Consider Before Entering FTPE:

✔ Communication is KEY. Boundaries and expectations must be crystal clear.

✔ Contracts can help. Some couples create written agreements to outline rules.

✔ It’s NOT for everyone. Some people love it—others find it overwhelming.

✔ Submissives still have rights. Dominance does NOT mean mistreatment.

✔ It evolves. Power exchange can shift over time based on needs and comfort levels.

🔗 Bottom Line: FTPE isn’t just a kink—it’s a commitment. Done right, it creates deep trust, purpose, and structure. Done wrong? It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Know yourself, know your partner, and never forget: consent first, always.

[notvanillababy]

E is for Edge Play ⚠️

Not all BDSM is created equal. Some kinks are light and playful—others dance on the razor’s edge (sometimes literally). Welcome to Edge Play.

🔥 What is Edge Play? 🔥

Edge play refers to BDSM activities that involve higher physical or psychological risk. These are the kinks that require serious negotiation, skill, and trust because when done wrong, they can lead to real harm.

🔪 Examples of Edge Play:

Knife Play – Using blades for sensation, fear, or controlled cutting.

Breath Play – Restricting airflow (choking, bagging, gas masks) to heighten pleasure.

Blood Play – Anything involving intentional drawing of blood.

Fear Play – Inducing controlled fear for psychological thrill (mock kidnappings, home invasion roleplay).

Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) – Pre-negotiated “forced” scenarios that mimic non-consensual acts but are fully agreed upon.

Fire Play – Using flames or heated tools for stimulation.

Electrostimulation (E-Stim) – Using controlled electrical currents for pain or pleasure.

⚠️ The Risks Are Real ⚠️

Edge play is not beginner-level BDSM. Unlike spanking or bondage, these activities carry actual danger—suffocation, deep cuts, burns, trauma, even death if done irresponsibly. This is why education, communication, and consent are non-negotiable.

🛑 Before You Try Edge Play:

✔ Do Your Research. Read, take classes, learn from experienced players.

✔ Use a Safe Word AND a Non-Verbal Signal. Especially for breath or fear play.

✔ Have a Plan for Emergencies. First aid, safety shears, aftercare.

✔ Play with Someone You Trust. Edge play is NOT for random hookups.

✔ Understand the Mental Impact. Some types (CNC, degradation, fear play) can have deep emotional effects.

🔗 Final Thought: Edge play isn’t about being reckless—it’s about pushing limits safely. If you’re going to dance with danger, do it with knowledge, skill, and respect.

[notvanillababy]

D is for Drop (Sub Drop / Dom Drop)

("Dominant" & "discipline" discussed in "B is for BDSM" post)

So you just had an amazing scene. Adrenaline? Through the roof. Endorphins? Sky-high. You’re riding that kinky high like a champ… and then—BAM. You feel exhausted, emotional, maybe even empty. Welcome to drop—and yes, it happens to dominants and submissives.

❓ What is Drop? ❓

Drop is the emotional and/or physical crash that can happen after an intense BDSM scene. Think of it like the post-concert blues but with way more chemical imbalances. It can hit minutes, hours, or even days later.

🚨 Signs of Drop:

✅ Feeling emotionally raw or down

✅ Fatigue or exhaustion

✅ Anxiety or irritability

✅ Physical aches or chills

✅ Questioning the scene or your role in BDSM

💖 How to Handle Drop:

Aftercare, Aftercare, Aftercare. Water, blankets, cuddles, snacks, check-ins—whatever helps regulate emotions.

Rest & Hydrate. Your body just went through A LOT. Be kind to it.

Talk About It. A good partner will check in on you, but if they don’t—advocate for yourself.

Self-Soothing. Journaling, comfort food, favorite movies—do things that make you feel safe.

Give It Time. Drop isn’t a sign that something went wrong. It’s just your body recalibrating.

🫶 Dom Drop Is Real Too! 🫶

Yes, dominants can experience drop too! Just because they’re in control during the scene doesn’t mean they’re immune to emotional crashes. Dominants need aftercare too!

🔗 Bottom Line: Drop is normal, but it’s important to recognize it, communicate about it, and take care of yourself and your partners. BDSM is built on trust—checking in after the fun is just as crucial as negotiating before it.

[notvanillababy]

C is for Consent 🤝

Without clear, enthusiastic, and informed consent, it’s not BDSM—it’s abuse. The whole point of kink is mutual enjoyment, trust, and exploration. Every scene, every boundary, every dynamic relies on ongoing communication and agreement.

✅ SSC & RACK: Two major frameworks help guide safe BDSM play:

SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) – Ensuring play is safe, thought-through, and fully agreed upon.

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) – Acknowledging that some activities carry risk, but everyone involved understands and consents to them.

🖤 Why Consent Matters:

Establishes Boundaries: Limits keep everyone emotionally and physically safe.

Builds Trust: Knowing your partner respects your limits makes play hotter and more fulfilling.

Allows Freedom: When boundaries are clear, you can explore kinks without fear or guilt.

Prevents Harm: Even if something feels “normal” in a scene, without consent, it’s a violation.

🚦 Consent is NOT:

Coerced (“If you really loved me, you’d do this.”)

Assumed (Just because they said yes once doesn’t mean always.)

Implied by a relationship status (Being partners doesn’t mean unlimited access.)

💡 Bottom Line:

If you don’t have enthusiastic, informed, revocable consent, you’re not engaging in BDSM—you’re crossing a line. Kink is about respect as much as it is about pleasure.

[notvanillababy]

B is for BDSM

Bondage / Discipline

In BDSM, bondage refers to the practice of restricting a partner for physical, psychological, or emotional effects. It can be both physical and mental (or metaphorical) in nature.

Physical bondage involves using restraints such as ropes, cuffs, straps, or other devices to limit a person’s movement. This can range from light restriction, like handcuffs or a blindfold, to more elaborate techniques, such as rope bondage (Shibari). Physical bondage is often used to enhance power dynamics, heighten sensation, or create a sense of vulnerability and trust between partners.

Beyond physical restraint, bondage can also be psychological or emotional. Mental bondage occurs when a submissive follows rules, protocols, or verbal commands that create a sense of restraint without the need for physical ties. This can include obedience training, behavioral restrictions, or power exchange dynamics where a dominant’s word or expectation acts as the “restraint.” Some people experience deep mental submission, sometimes referred to as "subspace", where the idea of being bound or controlled is just as powerful as actual physical restraint.

In BDSM, discipline refers to the use of rules, structure, and consequences to reinforce power dynamics within a consensual relationship. Discipline can also be both physical and mental, depending on the dynamic and agreements between partners.

Physical discipline involves the use of corrective actions, such as impact play (e.g., spanking, paddling, flogging), position training, or other physical consequences, to reinforce desired behavior. These actions are not meant as actual punishment in a negative sense but rather as a consensual way to establish structure, enhance submission, or provide a sensation-based experience. The intensity and method are always negotiated beforehand, ensuring safety and mutual satisfaction.

Mental discipline focuses on behavioral conditioning, obedience training, or enforcing rules that shape a submissive’s actions and mindset. This can include protocols, speech restrictions, posture requirements, or task assignments designed to reinforce submission and control. Mental discipline can be just as powerful as physical discipline, as it creates an ongoing sense of accountability, self-restraint, and devotion to the power dynamic.

Dominant / Submissive

In BDSM, roles are defined by the dynamics of power exchange, where one partner consensually takes on a controlling or authoritative role while the other yields or submits. However, these roles exist on a spectrum, and there are different ways individuals express dominance and submission.

A Dominant (often abbreviated as Dom for men and Domme for women, though “Dom” can be used for all genders) is a person who takes the controlling or leading role in a BDSM dynamic. Dominants can be strict or nurturing, firm or playful, depending on their style and the needs of their submissive.

A Submissive (sub) is someone who willingly surrenders control to a Dominant, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. Some submissives enjoy complete surrender, while others have structured boundaries around their submission.

A Switch is someone who enjoys both Dominant and submissive roles, depending on the partner, situation, or mood. Some switches maintain a preferred role in most interactions, while others shift dynamically between Dom and sub roles within the same relationship or scene.

Understanding these roles helps clarify the various dynamics that exist in BDSM. Whether someone identifies as a Dominant, submissive, or switch, the key to a fulfilling experience lies in clear communication, trust, and mutual consent.

Sadism / Masochism

In BDSM, sadism and masochism refer to the enjoyment of giving or receiving pain, sensation, or humiliation in a consensual and controlled environment. These dynamics are often paired together in what is known as S&M (Sadomasochism), but they can also exist independently.

A sadist is someone who derives pleasure—often physical, psychological, or emotional—from inflicting pain, discomfort, or humiliation on a consenting partner. This pleasure isn’t necessarily about causing harm but rather about the power dynamic, the reaction of the masochist, and the shared experience. Sadists may enjoy activities such as spanking, flogging, impact play, degradation, or teasing.

A masochist is someone who finds pleasure—whether physical, emotional, or psychological—in receiving pain, discomfort, or humiliation. The enjoyment can stem from the endorphin rush associated with pain, the emotional release it provides, or the trust built between partners. Masochists often engage in activities such as impact play, temperature play, sensation play, or consensual humiliation.

Consent and Boundaries

In BDSM, all sadistic and masochistic activities are based on informed consent, communication, and mutual enjoyment. Boundaries, safe words, and aftercare play crucial roles in ensuring that both the sadist and masochist have a positive, fulfilling experience. Unlike non-consensual harm, BDSM-based sadism and masochism are about trust, connection, and controlled exploration of sensation and power dynamics.

[notvanillababy]

A is for aftercare 🫶

In the BDSM community, aftercare is one of the most essential practices to understand. It refers to the process of tending to a partner’s physical, emotional, and psychological needs following a BDSM scene. This intentional care helps ensure the well-being of all participants, fostering trust, connection, and a positive overall experience.

The nature of aftercare varies depending on the type of scene, as well as the agreements and communication established beforehand regarding each partner's needs.

A submissive's aftercare needs may include physical care, such as tending to any wounds, as well as emotional support. It is common for them to seek reassurance through tenderness and closeness, reinforcing that they are loved, valued, and respected.

The dominant’s needs should also be considered. They may require physical care, such as hydration, or a snack. Reassurance is also important, affirming that their enjoyment was not harmful and that the submissive had a positive experience as well.

[notvanillababy]

This is NOT a sh urge, it's a masochistic urge, but if you're easily triggered by the c word or bl**d do not read this.

I want to cut myself open and make art with my blood. I want to feel the sting and see the pretty red pour out of me so bad 🔪 🩸

[notvanillababy]

my "act right" button is located deep in my guts so 😏😏😏

[notvanillababy]

Cute bdsm fantasy: having your basic needs taken care of

[notvanillababy]

New sadism technique. Be so nice to someone they start crying

[notvanillababy]

Types of BDSM Dynamics (aka Relationship Flavors for the Kinky Soul)

So you’ve got a kink or ten and you’re thinking, “Maybe I want something a little more structured... or a lot more structured?” Welcome to the world of BDSM dynamics, where power exchange meets personal flair. Here’s a breakdown of some of the more common (and not-so-common) types:

1. D/s (Dominant/submissive) 🥀

Classic. Timeless. One partner takes the lead (Dominant), the other follows (submissive). Can be sexual, emotional, service-based, or all of the above.

2. M/s (Master/slave) ⛓️

More intense than D/s. This is high protocol, total power exchange. The slave gives up control willingly, and the Master/Mistress takes responsibility for them. Requires huge amounts of trust and communication.

3. CG/l (Caregiver/little) 🧸

Think nurturing + power exchange. One partner takes on a caregiver or parental role, the other enters a more childlike or youthful headspace (NOT ageplay unless explicitly agreed on). Comfort, rules, stuffies, structure.

4. Owner/pet 🦴

Animal roleplay meets devotion. Pets can be kittens, puppies, ponies, etc. Owners train, play with, and care for their pets. Leashes may or may not be involved. (They usually are.)

5. Daddy Dom/little girl (DD/lg) / Mommy Domme/little boy (MD/lb) 🍼

A popular CG/l subset. Mixes discipline, caretaking, and sometimes a bit of brattiness. Emotional connection often emphasized. Also: daddies and mommies can be any gender.

6. Brat/tamer or Brat/Top 😈

The sub misbehaves on purpose to get attention, affection, or punishment. The Dom either plays along (Tamer) or shuts that down real fast. Bonus: chaos.

7. Switch/switch ↕️

Can’t pick a lane? Don’t! Switches enjoy both Dominant and submissive roles and might flip depending on mood, partner, or scene. Versatility is sexy.

8. Handler/little monster 👹

Edgy CG/l meets chaotic cryptid energy. Think: “You're feral, and I love you, now go drink some water.” Can be nurturing, can be unhinged, often both.

9. Trainer/trainee 📢

Goal-oriented kink! One partner takes the role of a coach, instructor, or trainer. The other learns, performs, and improves—physically, mentally, sexually. Spankings for missed homework? Maybe.

10. Primal hunter/prey 🐇

Raw, instinct-driven, and less about titles. The hunter chases, the prey runs—until they don’t. Can be deeply sensual or ferociously rough. Growls encouraged.

11. Boss/secretary (or other roleplay-based dynamics) 👔

Themed dynamics based on scenarios: teacher/student, doctor/patient, knight/princess, etc. Can be ongoing or just in the bedroom. Bonus points for costumes.

---------------------------------

Important PSA:

Not every dynamic is 24/7. Not every sub wants to serve tea in a collar. Some Dominants are soft and cuddly. Your dynamic is valid if all parties are adults and it’s safe, sane, consensual (or RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink), and works for you.