novakafka

[novakafka]

Life can sometimes be so cruel that it makes a person stick out his tongue mocking it even in the cart leading him to execution..

He walks through the alleys and the night spreads his arms and the sky is cloudy wanting to cry and bleed no light for the moon nor stars to spread hope

He walks swaying the sparkle in his eyes has disappeared, the destruction of his soul beseeches death to sever his connections and his connection to life..

The story of a wounded narcissist whose wounds refuse to heal, who once danced with the planets and inhabited the galaxies, free and unbowed by anything or any creature, not a human being, that being who was imprisoned in the folds of matter and the mortal body

He sees death as freedom and life as a shackle that he could not break, who advised killing love today fell victim to his feelings

A gazelle broke the fangs of the lion and shattered his claws

It was the consolation of worry and the antidote to poison that contained the floundering of his anger and the hesitation of his soul And the chaos of his feelings from the wild beast's garden

The end of the story was not written with a kiss that turns the beast into a human, but rather the beast was killed with a kiss of betrayal and a poisoned dagger that she stuck in his heart, destruction that he sees as the end

Excuse me, this is by saying she betrayed him, but she didn't

He refused to accept his fate

He who did not care about the departure of a person or his death was torn apart by longing and separation

Death took her from his hands among thousands of promises to stay

She was the only being he would give his life for

Dark feelings ate him, he did not describe his sadness in words, and nothing concealed his anger

Sometimes he says I wish I had never loved, while he screams in pain

Sometimes he hits himself and talks to her, Damn you, do not defile her memory

That boulder that nothing has shaken before bursts into tears

My feelings are truly tearing me apart, your separation has destroyed me... I cannot live under this burden, I do not want to live without you

If they knew my pain, they would kill me as a consolation And mercy

How do I live after you... I couldn't let anyone into my heart and no one let me into theirs and everyone who tried broke it intentionally or unintentionally

Do you realize how many times I wanted to take my breath away and couldn't

Their looks prevent me, their words restrict me

I get sad and my heart tears if I try to say I love you or my love I miss you

Once my soul fails me and I regret that I loved you, because I adored you, because I was infatuated with you

Excuse me... you are the one who left and left me

Do you remember when I told you my feelings for the first time, do you remember when you hugged me with your eyes and opened your heart to me

Do you remember your laughter at me when I try to do something romantic for you but I always fail

Do you remember when our fingers intertwined for the first time? Remember when you told me I will never love anyone but you until my death

Do you remember the day you made me laugh so hard when you fell into a pool of water and turned around with the angry looks of a little girl Then you laughed hysterically and your eyes sparkled innocently because you found me laughing

Do you remember when your brother beat me up badly and I didn't move a muscle for you?

Do you remember when anger clouded my vision and I broke my biggest promise to myself not to hit a girl, remember that I broke it because that girl pulled your hair harshly?

Do you remember when you made me meet your parents and I ate myself out of shame?

My eyes really bleed when I remember so much

Sorry, sorry, I don't want to be miserable or let myself be destroyed after I promised you that day that I would never be sad

Life has no meaning without you

I wanted to tell my story in the third person, but look, my dear, I can't..

I write simply like this to relieve some of the weight that is weighing down my soul

Do you know that I lost my friend right in front of my eyes, but I didn't move a muscle

I became weak and my soul is fragile

I revealed myself to you, but your sudden departure erupted a volcano In my heart I could not return to the way I was before I knew you

When I lost that friend I saw your face

You are a rose worthy of heaven As for me, I am black dust If I die, no earth can hold me, no sky can hold me, and no creature can remember me

They do not know that you are the only person to whom my soul has submitted and found comfort

They do not know how fake everything is in my life, not even my father

Why did you leave me

Why did death snatch you from me

Two years, six months, two weeks, and six days have passed since you left

My sky is pitch black and my earth is mud I drown in every day

My hope is dead, buried with you, and my anger has not been tamed by anyone, and my narcissism is a whip that tears backs that no one has held after you

My laughter, even if it is virtual, is fake, even my smile is dead, spreading sadness instead of happiness

Do you know, I met your little sister Aya, she has reached the age of fourteen, she has become very similar to you, I could not look at her face

But I smiled I thought you came back to me at least to bid me farewell

As for your father, he smiled at me sadly, I think he looked inside me and saw the devastation

He said in a reassuring tone, "Badr, don't do this to yourself, be fine."

I said, "Uncle, I'm sorry, but how can you smile? How did you live with it? I really couldn't. I couldn't. I'm torn apart. I'm in pain. I want to cry bitterly." He answered me, "Because she's in a better place now. I love you because you made her laugh, because you turned her life from sadness to happiness. Badr, do you know that not a minute has passed without me remembering you..."

Really!! Did I make you happy? Did I turn your life into happiness? They don't know that you are the one who changed me, that you are the one who revived my garden and breathed life into it.

I miss you... I really miss you. I miss you with my soul, my heart and my limbs. I miss you in my sleep and when I am awake, in my solitude and contemplation of my joy and sadness... I miss you.

I want to leave this life, for I am not alive after you, but only a pulse waiting to stop and a breath waiting to exhale for the last time...

I don't know if I am talking to you here or talking to myself, but I do it every now and then, for this somewhat comforts my soul. Look, I am smiling... Your image never leaves my sight. I close my eyes and see you in front of me...

Wait for me, I will come soon. I think that death is lurking for me, I think that its heart has softened towards my condition...

A day will come when I will gather my courage and complete the book that I was writing to you when your heart was beating...

Goodbye, my dear...

God afflicted you with a disease that you always fought while smiling despite the pain, and your life ended suddenly with it and you left me But know that He is merciful and will compensate you for it in the highest heaven, God willing...

I know that you are angry with me for my condition, but I promise you that I will try as much as I can to live for you and for me... Goodbye now, I will write to you again after a while..