nuson84

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Ask Rodney, LaTasha, and many more

It's been goin' on for years, there's plenty more

When they ask me, when will the violence cease?

When your troops stop shootin' niggas down in the street

Niggas had enough time to make a difference

Bear witness, own our own business

Word to God, 'cause it's hard tryin' to make ends meet

First we couldn't afford shit now everything's free so we loot

2pac-I wonder if heaven got a ghetto

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The Immortal Hulk

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Define the word drop and this is a gift.

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The soundtrack of my life 👌

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"If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." From Gurlyand's Reminiscences of A. P. Chekhov, in Teatr i iskusstvo 1904

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Art can be hidden or presenting out in public it still earn it title as art.

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Never be embarrassed by enjoying the things that make you happy!

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This is such a iconic cover that tell so much and force you to think.

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The Body of a Black Autistic

I feel like an uninvited guest in my own body, not seeing through my own eyes but rather watching a reality that I'm not a part of play out in front of me. I recognize the person in the mirror as me from the indentation on my forehead from some careless fall as a child. The rich mystery dark skin that as a child I tired scrabbling raw for I thought of it as dirtier. I love my long slightly feminine eyelashes that I got from my mom, my large thick lips which I owe to my ancestry. The disconnect I feel come not from a dislike but what I can only describe as mechanical. I feel like my body is a machine that I'm operating but know not the function it designs to perform. I know not what my meaning is or purpose, and with this very thought I think why I haven’t found a church to take me or a place I am need. I have hands and yet haven’t built anything of use, feet but have gone nowhere. I am blinded but not cause of a lack of slight but rather I choose to cover my eyes during the scary parts. I have come to understand fear as simply not knowing but my ignorance is of my own choosing. I have an Instagram but rarely if ever I post not out of modest but of what it revealed of me a part that I don’t always recognize of in the body I’m in.

Now is probably as good as any to state that while I understand that some might have described similar feeling by those in the train’s community. I never feel that I was born to the wrong gender, I say this because I don’t want to cheapen any understanding of that trains people have about they own identities. Finding one own identity for many is a life journey for accepted and if you know that the body you in isn’t the one you meant to be in then the courage come when you can accepted your truth. Some may find another explanation if not deny than it surely Depersonalization disorder and if I was to simplify it a medical diagnosis where one feel disconnected from one’s body. I already WebMD it and while I sure studies have been done; I feel this to be a lazy diagnosis. Let me go more into detail, this feeling isn't the same as depression for I have at different points in my life been depress I know the different. When I was deep in a depression state, I thought of suicide but then feeling that if this body isn't mine, I would be trap within it behind closed eyes and a darkness that is endless. I believe in a soul but much like taking your car off a bridge into the ocean if the windows are roll up then you are trap, bury beneath the ocean unable to escape.

I never quite know what to do with my hands putting them in my jacket packets in the winter months and during the summer taking hold of them in one another. For most of my life I have been left off cop’s radars, being pulled over only once for a burned-out headlight. I tied remembering where my hands were at but as I reward back, I found that most of the tape to be blank. Even when it just me I find that I will at times sit on my hands so of to not reach for some idea thing. Smartphones have made it a lot easier to busy my hands as I scroll through my Twitter feed. Being black and on the spectrum is of course reason to be cautious as society see my race as a threat and cops see my actions as suspicious. People who are on the autism spectrum tend to be view as suspicious add on being black then you’re also now in the eyes of a cop a threat. In this age of smart devices, it a bit easier hiding in yourself behind a screen and simply being as everyone else.

The public show symptoms of autism but being black can still single you out and get you shot. A phone is a gun and I constantly remind myself this when pulling out my phone. It happens all too often to be by chance and giving that most diagnosis of African Americans come later than that of they white peers. I'm lucky cause I can be self aware of traits reminding myself to make eye contact and to take my hands out my packets when walking into stores. American will quickly remind you that you’re other forcing you to learn whites feeling of uncomfortable is a sign that you should then feel endanger. Not the same when you on the spectrum and black. Because you’re unable to pickup on other body language you’re unaware that jumping up flapping your arms is seen as a threat by them.

I led a tour of my body with my hand recognition every scar, every line, as mine own. It's not a comfort that one feel by the sense of a touch but more as so an invading of another space. Every scar I leave upon it feels like a violation of another not me. Growing up I played with actor figures and though they body differ I knew that the arm connection to the shoulder. In this connection I was able to identify each part of each one of my action figures. Matching the plastic green legs to that of plastic green hips, their simply shaped together and became one. If I had to pin an exact extremity that I feel most disconnect from it would be my legs. Legs that wobble like stilts I can't speak for all on the spectrum, but I do know a few who had described something seemly in feeling like a disconnect from one own body. It not something easier Google as most don't know how exactly to describe it, many had called it not having awareness of their body. Most that I know on the spectrum tend to walk in a skipping fashion or drag their feet. Many females who are on the spectrum tend not to be aware of their development bodies and will continue to dress like adulation. My cousin whose also on the spectrum is nonverbal and tend to at times not be aware of pain, not in the sense of not feeling it but a delay reaction. Autism people aren't lost in their own world but rather trapped in their own bodies without a mean to expression themselves.

Depersonalization disorder is marked by periods of feeling disconnected or detached from one's body and thoughts (depersonalization). Diagnose are objectionable to racism as well sexism and I make it a point not to accept a false or positive as an answer. The only time white men are diagnosed with anything is when one carried out a massive shooting. Our election officials think a man identifying as other is crazy, but what to say of the man who subscribes to Soldier of Fortune. There are those who feel more comfortable seeing a white man with a gun than seeing a brown woman wearing a hijab. This to them is depressing they feel it they right to stare and own. I don't like wearing shorts mainly cause as a child I had terrible eczema on my legs. Even though I'm not that child anymore I still don't like wearing shorts. People feel it they place to asked me why when it 90 degrees out I’m wearing jeans. All of me must be reveal if not then I must be hiding something. About a week ago a woman I met online asked me to show her my dick, so she could size it up and I did. I didn't want her to think I was hiding anything but whereas other guys take, they shared of dick pic. A part of me feel exposed and when she bluntly said, “oh I need more dick to satisfy me “. It didn't bother me, more so her words were read but I was not at all hurt. I’m not attached to an ideal of masculinity and don't defend it as an identity.

So yes, I’m scared and share this because it not shames that I feel or a secret hiding behind brand clothing. Identity isn’t as simple as checking a box or putting other. It’s not rejecting what is projecting but rather not letting it be the only thing that defines you. I’m not someone ideal of a characteristic portray of masculinity. If they say I carry myself queer then be that which is made I don’t have anything to prove. I’m autistic and black kinder awkward and love geeky shit. Its not a identity but who I am and at 35 it no longer bothering or do I feel the need to impress. I’m the best version of me and I the only one who have to live with me.

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The meaning behind Roy Bradbury words are lost if you don't own this book physically.

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I definitely understand your loyalty to others can have u in some fucked up situations

Her

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@u_R_Like

I'm done with being bothered

Yall gone about yall way

Say so and needed the ego of a pornstar

Reading between but not written with a pin

Tweeting a self righteous that captive the I

The truth in any other means is a lie

All this and still you haven't said

I read it as if the dead is owe

Back dues for your 50 likes

Take a fuck leave a fuck

Why are you making it your business?

Acting like you care but rarely is love find here

Too much in a hurry only to be bury

At the bottom of a feed

Being swirled around and then sucked dry

Following a thread that lead down

To some shallow self

Where you mistake rape for having someone take your place in line

The hate you give

Reveal hurt not heal

Oh if not only so vain

I could had gain you as a follower

I am owe but never told

Sorry for taking and never leaving gratitude

For not waking to my calls

Falling in and outer your mentions

Dumbing down my diction

Didn't make you listen

So I brake

Not checking for likes

Or be told the plot to another brother getting shot

Yall getting block

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Bullets have no rights!

Bullets have more right to travel freely than people...so I'm guessing I to blame for getting in they way.

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