nycto-thaiphile

[nycto-thaiphile]

everyday i wake up, there's a sound at the back of my head saying 'you should be somewhere else. you're not supposed to be here.' it haunts me then. if i'm not supposed to be here, then where should i be? and if i move away from the things that i'm not familiar with, would this sound at the back of my head disappear? what if in the process of reaching that place, i back up and the inner voice keeps saying that it's not it? would all the struggles become a waste of time? or is it because i kept seeing my peers, my friends reached that stage where they able to create a brave move and it didn't feel like cost them so much?

I realize that this period of my life were just unstability here and there. everything i try, is not leading me somewhere i want. but i think this period of life is also about figuring out, discovering, what's behind the other door, and i don't know how many wrong turns will be in front of me. I'm not supposed to find the answer anytime soon, because if i do find it today, for instance, it won't feel right. it has to happen in the perfect time, perfect moment, and then everything will fall into place.

will i find eternal peace? a peace where the inner voice at the back of my head keep saying that this situation is not ideal for you? maybe not. maybe my whole life, i will keep searching. i will never be satisfied with what i achieved, with whatever i completed, because then if i reach eternal peace, then everything will just stops. there's nothing left to search and be my reason to wake up in the morning. i actually dream a simple day. a day where i wake up and i don't feel like being haunted by the question of regrets. so that i could just live normally like everyone else. but i don't think it's supposed to be easy. i don't know.

[nycto-thaiphile]

P!nk

I don’t know, i feel like I’m finding the rage that finally represents me. I’m screaming, I’m raging, I’m mad. All this time, I can’t channel this rage in the right sense.

I found Pink albums and I really like how she screams. How she pour her heart out. It’s rage and flames into one. I hardly found other artists channel their strong emotions in their voice. Either they portray their deep emotions on the lyrics, or they’re not angry at all.

I’m angry. This whole time. And P!nk represents how I feel.

[nycto-thaiphile]

i want victorious to come back but as a friends-esc more adult sitcom about their crazy hollywood adult lives

[nycto-thaiphile]

I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making it look my whole life is revolving around some guy. But loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn’t everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more? Julie Delpy as Céline in Before Sunrise (1995) dir. Richard Linklater

[nycto-thaiphile]

Budapest, Hungary-based photographer Bianka Schumann captures the fragile transition from childhood to adulthood in her evocative series Arkhai. Using her younger brother and his best friend as subjects, Schumann explores the “no man’s land” of adolescence from the viewpoint of an adult outsider. Entering their secretive world, she photographs the pair’s adventures in the wilderness, documenting their relationship as their minds and bodies are become caught in the vulnerable stage between youth and maturity.

[nycto-thaiphile]

!!!!!

I need a lot of new people to walk into my life. People I will potentially fall in love with

[nycto-thaiphile]

I can't sleep. So I tried to remember good memories so I can fall asleep. Shoot, all I remember is you. What should I do now?

[nycto-thaiphile]

via @extramadness

[nycto-thaiphile]

all the time bb

via @extramadness

[nycto-thaiphile]

oh man, remember how john green has a This Machine Kills Fascists sticker on his laptop despite never in his life even thinking about doing anything subversive  

[nycto-thaiphile]

“i can’t care about the feelings of people who aren’t marginalized like me” is bad politics

[nycto-thaiphile]

Ooo ahh hot hot

[nycto-thaiphile]

an ad for an amusement park in Indiana came up on my facebook feed and this freeze frame is begging to be a meme

[nycto-thaiphile]

oh i remember this kind of feeling. Applying for something, knowing 90% I would get rejected but deep inside there’s a teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeny little feeling hope that I would get accepted

I might get the decision from the college I applied to in a few days and I’m soo nervous about it. I also might not get it for another like 2 weeks lol 

in my heart I know they’re going to reject me and it was a waste of $50, time and excitement but there’s still a teeeeeny tiny part of me that has a little bit of hope, unfortunately. because that small part of me is going to take over the big part of me when I get rejected and take down the whole system lollllllll 

[nycto-thaiphile]

friday, 27/04/18 — 22:34 (07/26)

spent the afternoon in costa with my mum; she read and i studied some more psychology ☕️ everything was so peaceful & calming, definitely one of my new favourite things to do!

[nycto-thaiphile]

shouldve bought that big black belt

[nycto-thaiphile]

cinta sama Goteborg :)