offensivehoroscopes

[offensivehoroscopes]

Characteristics of Zodiacs

Capricorn: money-lover, has no social life 'cuz all they wanna work all the damn time, fucking a chair is more fun than fucking them, will never leave you Aquarius: fuckin' wirdos, their dreamhouse is on the Mars, loves art, wants to have colourful hair, will probably die from poisoning 'cuz they r stupid af and compulsive enought to eat it Pisces: cries when u slightly raise ur voice at them, clingy af, never pays attention, just wants to be loved but too freaky in bed, alcoholics Aries: loves to steal cars, loud enough to hear from Jupiter, most likely lives in an old school bus, will eat u if u make 'em angry Taurus: has nipple piercings, loves to do stuff for money, stalking their crush atm, nice ppl as long as everything goes their way Gemini: psychos, real sexy though, will leave u, laughs a lot, many friend, attention whores basically, bootyful eyes, more unstable than u Cancer: lil puppies, needs protection and love 24/7, cry themselves to sleep every night, slight issues with anger, will never evr leave u, falls for assholes :( Leo: smoking hot & soaking wet, fancy bitchez, too hot for u but still doesn't leave u, dancing queens, the fabulous kind of hoe Virgo: cute hair, either super duper nice or cruel ass bitches, easy to understand or so hard that u don't even try :/ Libra: should be smart, can act like dicks, moms, if u looking for a daddy u ain't gonna find it here Scorpio: thinks you're their property, gets jealous if u stand next to a sexy tree, crazy ex that will never get over u, thinks about murder 12/7, has more secrets than friends Sagittarius: either cool or nerds.. no inbetween, would fuck u if u bribed them, loves to judge and diss