officialleehadan - Tumblr blog

[officialleehadan]

I'm finally getting around to editing my fanfic for actual publishing. Any warnings for Kindle Direct Publishing?

Aside from, you know, "It's Amazon and they'll fuck you out of every penny they can on principle," I can't really speak to it -- I've never used Kindle Direct. My only real experience with pub/sales through Amazon is the fact that when I allowed them to sell my books via Lulu, they artificially inflated my prices because they take such a massive cut of your profits. I have a little more discussion of how that works at this post (look for the paragraph just after "wait, what?").

Now, that said, Amazon is a much, much larger platform for your work than Lulu and unless you are marketing from a platform where you already have a readership (like my blog) then Amazon will probably get more eyeballs on your work. Especially if you are marketing primarily to people who aren't familiar with you, they'd much rather buy from somewhere known, like Kindle, than from a random website they've never encountered like Lulu.

You might peruse @thebibliosphere for more useful information than I can give -- Joy has a lot more experience with Amazon's various fuckeries and has spoken to them pretty extensively. I don't know what the tag is offhand but Joy's tumblr is fun reading anyway, so if you browse around you will also get entertained :D

Readers, if you have info to share, please feel free! Remember to comment or reblog, as I don't repost asks sent in response to other asks.

[officialleehadan]

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Top Banana - 1x02

[officialleehadan]

Writing advice from my uni teachers:

If your dialog feels flat, rewrite the scene pretending the characters cannot at any cost say exactly what they mean. No one says “I’m mad” but they can say it in 100 other ways.

Wrote a chapter but you dislike it? Rewrite it again from memory. That way you’re only remembering the main parts and can fill in extra details. My teacher who was a playwright literally writes every single script twice because of this.

Don’t overuse metaphors, or they lose their potency. Limit yourself.

Before you write your novel, write a page of anything from your characters POV so you can get their voice right. Do this for every main character introduced.

[officialleehadan]

when a powerful figure is reduced to kneeling. when the lord is forced to bow. when the exile stumbles into an unwelcoming bar. when the “beast” is chained by their horns. when a god is dragged behind their enemy’s chariot, a captive and trophy. when the loyal “guard dog” character is muzzled and the silver-tongued thief falls silent in horror.

that’s the shit

it’s about the contrapasso. the reversal of roles and the sudden, plunging terror of being unable to hide.

[officialleehadan]

I think about the writers who stopped writing because people went after them.

I think about the new reader who got scared off from commenting because they might say the wrong thing.

I think about the artist who was going to dip their toes in, but saw a blacklist posted and debated in the fandom they so recently were excited about.

I think about all the people who would be here with us, writing meta and squeeing and creating and lifting up creators. Who became ghosts, afraid that to speak up is to stick out your neck.

How many stories won't we get to read, how many pieces of art won't take our breath away, how many comments won't be put in notes or on stories that push us through our blocks... because anger and pettiness and jealousy and aggression are so common in fandoms that so many become ghosts before their time, and the ones who stick through it are still healing from their battle scars?

I mourn all the stories I will never see, all the friends I will never make, all the headcanons that will never bring stars to my eyes.

And I hope that all those who went quiet before they could speak will find a place to be safe, so that one day I may hear their voice.

[officialleehadan]

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

[officialleehadan]

Rig guide

[officialleehadan]

grounding techniques, ok 5 things i can see. ugly man. shitty palm tree. clear evidence of air pollution. conservative bumper stickers. roadkill. why do i feel worse

[officialleehadan]

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

[officialleehadan]

it's hilarious how if you do any amount of research into life or death melee combat the prevailing themes that emerge are that

you're gonna get tired very quickly

tired leads to injured, injured leads to tired, tired leads to—

you're not gonna be as composed as you expect

humans are more fragile than you think and also more durable than you think. both are true and neither stop them from dying of an infection later (DO NOT GET BITTEN)

DO NOT GET STABBED (generally good life advice)

DO GET A SPEAR

knights are faster than you think

[officialleehadan]

As always, here's my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it's especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn't gotten easier, and we're in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We'll make it though this.

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

[officialleehadan]

.

[officialleehadan]

My face is having uncontrollable spasms. Great. It hurts really, really, really bad.

I think part of why I have trouble explaining pain to the doctor is when they ask about the pain scale I always think “Well, if someone threw me down a flight of stairs right now or punched me a few times, it would definitely hurt a lot more” so I end up saying a low number. I was reading an article that said that “10” is the most commonly reported number and that is baffling to me. When I woke up from surgery with an 8" incision in my body and I could hardly even speak, I was in the most horrific pain of my life but I said “6” because I thought “Well, if you hit me in the stomach, it would be worse.”

[officialleehadan]

So, for those who are counting, I’m now about nine months pregnant and so full of baby I’m about to pop, so I thought I would revisit this post.

Let me tell you what’s changed.

Remember that zero chill I have? Well the fun update is that I now have exactly two settings. My default setting is “I am FUCKING CALM.” I hold onto it with both hands, because my other setting (and there are no additional settings by the way) is “HOMICIDAL RAGE.”

My adoring husband has been a pillar of strength, sanity, and understanding even though ‘almost started crying because I wanted the other ice cream out of the freezer’ is a thing that happened. I am clinging to my serenity because the other option is going off like a bomb and killing everyone in the room.

So when I say that Padme, our lady of negotiating with a blaster, who never had any chill to begin with, hits this phase, she is not weeping. She is not begging. She is not negotiating.

She is getting on a ship with murder on the mind.

If Anakin is half as Force Sensitive as he supposedly is, he would feel that wall of rage coming for him about the time she got on the ship and would be, very sensibly, on his knees begging for mercy before she even hit Mustafar’s atmo.

(Obi-Wan has at this point been regulated to getting Padme snacks every twenty minutes or so, and given the constant job of helping her up, because she can no longer stand without help. He is being very very very quiet because the last time he tried to say anything, she politely and clinically explained where she would stick his lightsaber if he offered any more helpful opinions. His kyber crystal is afraid of her. It’s smarter than he is.)

If for some reason Anakin had not realized that his wife was about to hit the planet like a nuke from orbit, he would be treated to a very, very pregnant woman waddling off the ship. I do mean waddling, too, because lemme tell you, between the baby fatigue and the very determined baby kicks directly to my liver, my max speed is about the same as a geriatric slug. I only have one baby in there. Padme has twins.

She feels bruised inside all the time. She has to pee every four minutes, she has not one but TWO babies trying to scramble out through her cervix (which also fucking hurts by the way) and she has heartburn so bad she could swallow Mustafar whole and it would be a cooling sensation. This is a woman who hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in months, because every time she tries, a baby tries to crawl into her lungs.

And now her husband, who has been swanning around while she deals with morning sickness, doctor appointments, an increasing loss of self and agency over her life, and now notable physical discomfort she’s not even allowed to be grumpy about because “it’s so magical to feel your baby move [it is. It absolutely is super magical. In the way a 6d6 firebal roaring directly at you is magical] has gone fucking crazy.

Remember that two moods thing I mentioned? Remember how that second option is HOMICIDAL RAGE?

This is where that gets important.

So we have established that Padme is at this point in pain, feeling bruised inside, can’t even complain about it, or Anakin, to anyone because they’re supposed to be a secret, has to pee, and can’t get up from the goddamn couch without help.

And you think THIS is a woman who has not given up entirely on being calm and has simply decided that being a widow will be better for her, and she’s gonna make it happen right now on the spot.

Force or no Force, a plasma cannon is pretty hard to block with a lightsaber, assuming she didn’t just grab a Mandalorian slugcaster (shotgun) to settle his hash.

Anakin ‘cannot judge danger worth a damn’ Skywalker is, at this point, starting to get worried. He should be terrified, but in his defense, he’s pretty crazy at this point.

Padme ‘watched democracy die this morning’ Amidala is so far in fuck debt that she doesn’t actually care about consequences anymore. (She never did, but she did sometimes consider them in passing. That’s not happening anymore.)

So, Anakin gets shot. What he gets shot with depends on what she had handy and how very justifiably terrified he was to realize all that fury was pointed directly at him. If he begs pretty enough, she might not aim for the face, but I wouldn’t count on it.

(I’m imagining it being rather like taking a supernova to the face, from a Force perspective.)

When say that she walks off that ship with absolutely no peaceful options in mind, I mean that she could glare the emperor down and then make Obi-wan cry.

I’m here to tell you that tears and rational thought haven’t been around since Month Five. She hasn’t seen them WHILE and is not currently rational enough to stop a charging elephant in its tracks.

Really, the only question is how many times Anakin gets shot before he falls over long enough to pack him into the ship.

The safe money is on at least four times. She might get as many as ten.

Anakin is very pretty but also kind of dumb, and has no idea that she is mad enough to shoot him a bunch.

And this is all BEFORE she goes into labor.

(Obi-Wan is still being very, very quiet. His job is to carry Anakin onto the ship and pretty much nothing else. He can’t help but notice that Anakin’s kyber crystal is also afraid of Padme. He agrees that this is sensible and prudently hides Anakin’s saber at the bottom of the ship’s freezer, under the approximately ten different flavors of ice cream Padme has been living on since they left Coriscant. She can give it back when she’s feeling better.)

I wouldn’t want to be Anakin Skywalker just now

At about six months pregnant myself right now, I can’t help but think of that scene in Star Wars when Padmé shows up on Mustafar after Anakin swan-dives off the cliff of crazy and like.

There would not be tears. There would not be asking nicely or sobbing about a broken heart. Padme would waddle her nine-months-pregnant-WITH-TWINS self off that ship, grab her idiot Sith husband by the hair, and drag him into the ship, all without saying a single word that wasn’t profanity.

That woman negotiates with a blaster when she’s NOT pregnant. You think she magically got more chill once she was full of babies, couldn’t breathe, was leaking fluids from every orifice including several that didn’t formerly leak, felt like she was about the size of a gas giant, and had just discovered her husband apparently WENT CRAZY AND MURDERED CHILDREN??

I am here to tell you that I can accept aliens, and space wizards, and whatever the hell is going on with Palpatine.

But a pregnant woman tearfully hoping to talk reason into her batshit crazy space wizard husband?

No.

She would make extremely hostile eye contact, say his name through gritted teeth, and point at the ship meaningfully. Anakin, realizing that there is no hell like a very angry, very pregnant woman with a blaster, would mumble apologies, and slink onto the ship, with Padme waddling furiously behind him.

I’m having a peaceful, easy pregnancy. My husband has been adoringly getting me absolutely anything I want and is complaining frequently that I’m not asking for things enough. Even so, I have just about zero chill right now. I get irrationally outraged because the trash bags aren’t put in the bin just right. I can’t imagine the level of GET YOUR SORRY SITH ASS ON THE SHIP that I would be feeling in Padme’s shoes.

[officialleehadan]

Latitude: 7.31415, Longitude: 155.15845 I somehow managed to Stitch it up, landed in the middle of the ocean, but somehow ON A TINY ISLAND in Micronesia.

go to this random coordinates generator and say in the tags how you would fare if you were dropped where it generates without warning. i’ll go first i’d be dropped in the middle of the fucking south atlantic ocean and perish

[officialleehadan]

[officialleehadan]

People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter