officialpoptates

[officialpoptates]

new york's hottest club is riverdale. held in an underground bunker, this town answers the question "how are they still making enough money to stay on TV?"

this place has EVERYTHING. twins. cults. a kid named jughead. gargoyle kings. incest. things that aren't technically incest but still feel like it. bdsm clubs. bears. bears, but the animal kind. underage boxing competitions held underneath a prison. and look who just walked in! it's chad michael murray, and he wants to remove your kidney.

so come on down this weekend for the chance to play your very own game of "is that a ghost, the spirit of the twin i absorbed in the womb, or just my mom trying to gaslight me into insanity?"

[officialpoptates]

Riverdale should just do a musical episode with the songs from the 60s, make KJ Apa sing Sugar, Sugar

[officialpoptates]

As mentioned Vinnie steals a time machine from Dilton, then uses it to rob the choc lit shop, rewinding time whenever he sets off the alarm, Archie finds out about the time loop & gets Vinnie caught & sentenced to 40 years in prison. Vinnie is broken out of jail by time traveling Old Vinnie, they alter time to make him King of Riverdale where the townspeople have to serve him nachos, but Archie foils this again. Continued in the next message.

in the final episode, the Vinnies try to destroy Riverdale by bringing Dinosaurs to the town, sending Archie back in time where he directs settlers to riverdale, make Betty meet Archie, ETC. The dinosaurs cause damage, but they're rescued by Old Archie, who came to stop old Vinnie, frustrated Vinnies try to erase Archie from time stream, but Vinnie gets erased from time in the ensusing scuffle. Old Archie also leaves before he can tell who he married. Crazy, crazy story!

This is WILD. Sounds like something out of Jughead’s Time Police (ever read that comic series? It’s friggin’ nuts)

[officialpoptates]

Mind spoilers for the Vinnie Wells story arc, it was really wild!

Nah, I don’t mind spoilers. Tell me about it!

[officialpoptates]

I don't remember the one where everyone at school was a Robot. The one with the Nacho obsessed teen, named Vinnie Wells, was the time travel trilogy with the first episode being Archie's date with Fate, you can watch it on youtube if you don't want me to spoil it for you. There was also an episode where all the adults became teenagers & Geraldine Grundy started aggressively flirting with Archie & Reggie much to their disgust(in her defense, teen Grundy thought she was a student).

ooohhh you’re talking about the show! I was talking about the comics. there’s some overlap in the stories, I guess. I remember the episode of the show where the adults become teenagers! and vampire veronica, and the one where everyone gets mind-controlled by potatoes. 

[officialpoptates]

Remember that time in Archie's weird mysteries Pop Fates become automated by a HAL 9000 style robot that ultimately decided the customers needed to be "recycled" to make the shop perfect or that time a river dale teen wanted money for Nachos at Pop Tate's choc lit shop so badly that he stole a time machine?

agdgsdfosfpfg I remember the robot but I do not remember the teen using a time machine to acquire nachos. Remember the one where that guy replaced all the faculty at riverdale high with creepy robots? 

[officialpoptates]

riverdale musical episodes are so embarrassing bc none of them can sing EXCEPT casey cott who is literally gonna be in a Broadway musical and so not only is everyone terrible but then you hear casey cott singing his head off and you’re like oh WOW they’re even worse than I realized 

[officialpoptates]

I watched a few interviews with the cast of riverdale and it really seems like they’re all aware that the show is a ridiculous farce and I find that immensely entertaining. None of them give a single fuck anymore.

[officialpoptates]

cole sprouse commenting on a riverdale fan theory, quote, “or maybe it’s just a plot hole” is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life 

[officialpoptates]

To all the nonbelievers who say riverdale has no range explain this iconic dialogue

[officialpoptates]

if Archie is kissing boys now, when is he gonna kiss jughead

[officialpoptates]

in 2003, riverdale creator roberto aguirre-sacasa was threatened with a cease and desist letter from Archie comics after writing a play in which archie andrews is gay. in the same play, archie happens to meet the 1920s murderers leopold and loeb. in 2018, the riverdale season 3 premiere ended with archie being sentenced to the leopold & loeb detention center, a clear callback to the aforementioned play. in the promo for 3x05, we see archie andrews kiss a boy, suggesting that the entire riverdale franchise may, in fact, be an elaborate, pre-meditated revenge ploy by aguirre-sacasa. in this essay i will

[officialpoptates]

Sabrina and Salem in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (2018-)

[officialpoptates]

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina | Official Trailer

[officialpoptates]

jughead + “s” tops [requested]

[officialpoptates]

u know what’s some Good Shit™? replacing unnecessary love triangles with happy polyamorous relationships instead.

[officialpoptates]

they’re bastardizing sabrina next??? good luck topping the 90s show lmao