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[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

Memoire: A timeline of my life

Elementary Homecoming: SY’s 2001- 2007 (April 2017)

The people I created memories with for 6 years. So happy to finally reunite with them. 

Legal Age ( June 2013 )

Another celebration of my birthday, but this time, we did it with style to welcome my coming of age. It was a simple yet very intimate moment because I got to hear my parents’ thoughts and their dreams for me, as well as the people who were present on the said event. A memory carved in my heart and mind.

High School Sisters (SY’s 2007 - 2011): Not by blood but by heart  (December 2016)

We were finally in tune with our schedules thus, our mini get together! Although we were not complete at least we were able to catch up with each other’s lives.

A Family of Weirdos (March 2016 & 2017)

A precious jewel that’s hard to find: My English familia. Who knew I’d find another set of families in them, right? I’m thankful to God for guiding me to them and I’m grateful that they accepted me- flaws and all. 

... 

10.10.17      #timeline #creativewriting

[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

Dear child,

        I have seen your struggles, witnessed your tears and heard your pleas. I know your worries and fears but I want you to know that I am not merely watching, I laid my plans for you-plans that I know you’ll get through, you did, didn’t you? Trust me for I know everything, and although what you have been through are just the beginning, trust that all that are coming are for your well-being. Have faith and always keep it strong, do your best and fight head-strong, and I will do the rest for you.   

                                                                                                  Your Savior

10.09.17 💋💋 #lettertoGod #creativewriting

[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

Dear God,

             I’m writing you a letter not to ask for something but to thank you for everything. You became my anchor when I was lost wandering, your guidance gave me the strength to move forward and your words gave me hope. I can always turn to you when I’m doubting myself and the things around me. I felt peace and serenity every time I call out your name. My lowest moment made me realize how vital you are in my existence- and I’m sorry for not realizing it sooner, for blaming you when I, alone, was the one at fault, for saying that I’m no longer a believer just ‘cause you tested out my shallow waters. Thank you and I’m sorry- they are the only words I can decipher my feelings into but know that my faith goes beyond my words and my actions because you are my savior.

                                                                                            Yours,

09.15.17 💋💋  #lettertoGod #creativewriting

[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

The Woman They Loved 

I know you can't be fully happy without experiencing sadness; that pain will always be constant in love. But what I didn't know is that it'll hurt so much.

 "Why?" Please, answer me. Your silence is killing me?! I shouted inside my head. Words that I can't seem to utter. 

He looked at me, nonchalantly. Why do you look so unattached? Did you forget already? You told me it's the same with you! So why?! Please! I felt my heart shutter into pieces. I want to hurt him so bad. Slap the living shit out of him. How could you?! I was always true. 

Instead of crying, I found myself laughing, sarcasm dripping in my voice.

"I see..." So this is how it is huh? I feel like my tears are going to fall any moment, so I walked away. 

The moment my back was on him, my walls broke down. Covering my mouth for him not to notice. Everything came back to me making me feel even worse. 

------- A couple of weeks ago... 

"happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you.. Know that I'm always here for you and that I love you so much! Mwuaaahhh!" I giggled thinking how he'll react about this video. Silly I know but what can I do? I just really love that man so I don't care if I'll look crazy.

"Hmm.. There's no reply yet?" maybe he hasn't seen the video? I guess I have to wait a little longer. Well, why rush? I'll meet him later anyways. I thought cheerfully.

I picked out my dress and went to take a shower. Then, I started preparing for tonight. I wonder why he hasn't replied to my texts too? Maybe he's busy. But this is a first, he never misses to text me regardless of what he's doing. I tried calling him but his phone's turned off. 

"Julia! Come on! We're going to be late!" Oops! I think I took too much time preparing. 

"Yeah!" Okay! I'm ready! I hope he'll like my surprise. I am actually nervous. He doesn't know I'm going to their party. I told him I have a prior engagement so I won't be able to come. Funny thing is, he didn't even say anything about it. He just merely said "okay". 

I wonder what's wrong with him. This has been going on for weeks now. Tonight, I'm going to talk to him. 

"Hi guys!" I greeted to our circle of friends when I got to the venue. 

"Uh, hello. What are you doing here?" one of our friends asked me. 

"Why shouldn't I be here?" I asked her quizzically. Why the heck are they looking at me like that? 

"No reason." While laughing awkwardly. O-kay. 

"So, where's the birthday boy?" I asked instead. 

"Uh. He's here somewhere." again with the awkward laugh. What the heck? I think I just heard someone say "What should we do?"  uh-huh? This is getting weird. 

"Okay. Guys! Seriously, will someone tell me what's going on? You're all acting weird." The party's going well and everyone's enjoying themselves excluding the people sitting on our table. Something's diffinitely not right here. I saw them laughing their heart out while I was still coming their way but the moment they saw me, they fell silent.

"You know what? The heck with this! I'm gonna tell her!" I heard one of the guys whispered with force, standing abruptly. If I wasn't paying attention to them, I wouldn't have noticed him. That's right. Tell me. 

"Yeah! Maybe you should because I'm really starting to get pissed." I cocked one eyebrow at them. Willing them to tell me. 

"You see, I think it'd be best if you go." one of the guys said to me. Now I'm insulted. 

"And why? Is there something wrong with me being here? I'm your friend too." My smile turned upside down. Way to spoil my night. 

"It's not like that. We're just thinking of you. This is not the best place for you right now. So, please just leave." 

"What the hell? Why should I leave? Tell me! Are you guys hiding something from me?" Now I'm agitated. Why are they like this? I'm trying so hard to stop myself from shouting. 

"Julia-" my friend tried convincing me but I cut her off immidiately. 

"I haven't even seen him. Where is he?" I asked instead. 

"He's..... there...." they all look defeated. 

"Whe-" I tought I would be doing the surprising but boy was I wrong. Right there in the corner I saw the person, who I thought was mine, kissing another man?!

 "What the?! What is going on?!" I shouted the moment I reached them, grabing his arm. 

"Julia? What are you doing here?" really? Can you get anymore original?

"Shocked? Well, imagine my surprise. So this is the reason why you've been so distant." I said venom lacing my voice. 

"Stop. Don't create any scene here." Wow! Just wow! 

"You have the guts to tell me not to create a scene when what you're doing is even more scandalous?!" My voice getting louder by the second. 

"Stop." he sternly said. 

"Don't you dare tell me what to do!" pointing my finger in his face. 

 "I know you have this kind of nature. I accepted you despite this fact! Why do you have to lie?!" I felt my resolve wavering, my voice shaking. No! You can't cry. Not in front of him and definitely not in front of the man beside him. 

"I never lied to you. I simply didn't tell you." He said it like it's the most natural thing in the world and that he could care less about me. That's when I exploded. The loud echo of the sound made by my hands when it came in contact with his face made everyone halt. Everything stopped not even a single breath can be heard in the hall. They all watched what would happen next. Ow! That actually hurts. My hand started to get bit red and I tried soothing the pain by rubbing it smoothly. I saw movement in the corner of my eyes and when I looked up, I saw two mesmerizing eyes. Then I realized it belonged to the man who ruined my happiness. Paulo's lover. His looking at me-no, he's looking at my hands. His eyes getting darker by the second. What now? 

I looked around me, noticing every eyes on me. You're expecting a show? Well sorry to disappoint. I turned to Paulo. 

"That is for humiliating me. For making me believe that you're mine. I will never forgive you. One day, you will kneel before me and I will no longer feel anything for you aside pity." I looked at him, my voice low. Time will come. Just you wait for it. 

With my chin up, my back straight. I gave one last look at him and his lover. Then I walked away, not missing the smirk from the man who was looking at my hand awhile ago. 

 A few weeks later... 

"You've been hold up inside your room since that day. You are not eating much either. You are killing yourself." I hear my roommate say at the other side of the door. I just closed my eyes and cover myself with the blanket. Leave me alone! I tried to open my mouth and say those words but instead my tears started streaming down my face. I muffled my cries with my pillow. 

"Please, Julia! You have to snap out of it. It's not the end of the world." You wouldn't be able to say that if you were in my shoes. 

A moment later, foot steps can be heard descending down the stairs leaving me with silence. This deafening silence. I want to die... 

A loud knock brought me out of my reverie. What?! My mouth stayed close.

"Paulo is here! He wants to talk to you!" I opened the door automatically, startling her. He's here! He's taking me back! 

"Where?!" I know I look weird. My hair all tangled, my eyes swollen from crying. My face must have looked like a mess but who cares. With a big smile in my face, I ran downstairs. Finally. I saw him sitting in one of the chairs. I quickly hugged him. 

"I know you'll come back!" I said while laughing. 

"Julia! wait! Let's talk." He said while taking my hands off his arm. My smile faltered but I decided not to mind his action. His back anyway. 

"Okay." I smile at him, sitting beside him. I saw him look at me with pity? 

"Not here. Why don't you wash first? I'll wait for you outside." And then he's out of the door. No. 

"Hey! Go wash up. Don't make him wait." Trying to erase the anxiety brewing inside me, I nod my head at my friend and quickly went back up. 

We're at the park. Standing centimeters away from each other. I don't like this. Again with his distant look, he's looking at me but I feel like his not really seeing me. 

"What do you want to talk about?" I hesitantly asked. 

"I want to clear some things between us." I stayed silent. Dreading what was to come. 

"You have to understand that it wasn't my intention to hurt you. You know my nature, I didn't hide that from you. You were the one who insisted its fine. Albiet I do have feelings for you but I realize its not the same with him..." He talked to me like his talking to a toddler. Stop. 

"Please stop." I closed my eyes trying to block out his words. 

"I know my actions brought you hope that our relationship can work out. I did too. Trust me, I did. But I was wro-" Before he could finish, I cut him off. 

"How long has this been going on?" I look at him in the eyes. I knew what was coming but still, my mind seems to reject whatever his saying. 

"Julia-" He tried reaching out to me. 

"Tell me." I insisted. No, don't. Stop. 

"A month." If we weren't close enough, I would not have heard him. Oh my God. I looked at him incredulously. A month? One freaking month?! And I didn't even notice?!  

"Did our friends know about this?" He has that look where-the-hell-is-she-going-with-this? He shakes his head not liking the situation. 

"Yes." They all hid it from me. My mind don't seem to function right now. That was why they no longer tag me along when they're going out. They all acted weird and me being the fool that I am, didn't even thought anything bad about their behavior. 

I look at this man and I remember every happy memories we had. Every moments we've shared. Can I throw it all away? Can I really forget? I... can't. 

"I don't care." I uttered. My voice full of conviction. 

"W-what?" He asked, confused. Yes, that's right. I don't care if I beg. But I won't let you go. Not yet. 

"I don't care. I know, yes. That's why I've decided to let it be. I don't care if you are in a relationship with him, just please take me back." I held unto his arms, begging him to stay with me. 

"Julia! Do you even know what you're saying?" His face gave it all away. He's looking at me as if I'm a thing he can't understand. He started shaking my shoulders as if to knock some sense into me. 

"Yes! I do! I want you back! I'm not saying you should break up with him. I can understand. You can still go to him but please I'm begging you, don't break up with me." I feel my tears forming in my eyes as I hug him again. God! I love this man so much. 

"Stop this Julia." He forcefully break the hug. 

"We were never in a relationship. Yes, it was mutual but I never asked you to be my girlfriend." He angrily said to me. If I wasn't broken enough then I, certainly, am now. He saw my expression but still he continued. 

 "And we cannot go back to what we were before because I. love. that. man." My world stopped. What he just said broke me entirely. He loves him. Then why?! 

"If you do love him, then why did you hide it from me? Why didn't you tell me in the first place? Why didn't you say anything?! Why make me believe that we still have a chance?" I incredulously asked. He stayed silent, not finding any words. "Why?" Please answer me. Your silence is killing me. 

 -------------- Present

The blinding light and the loud noise of a car brought me out of my memories. The car stopped right before me. A little more and I would have been dead. Oh, how I wish I was. I turned my head to check where I was, that's where I notice I am in the middle of the road. But my mind don't seem to register that I was just a little too close to danger. 

A man got out from the car in front of me. "You?!" I gasped when I saw who it was. He is reason why I'm in this situation. 

"Are you alright?" He quickly grabbed me. Looking at my body like he's checking if I am hurt. As if he's really concerned. 

"Let go!" Don't touch me.

"Are you alright?" He asked me again. 

"I'm fine so let go!" I snatched my arm back, stepping away from him. I saw something flash in his eyes the moment I did. What was that? 

"Let me take you to the hospital." Putting his hands in his pocket. It seems this man doesn't know when to give up. 

"I said I'm fine meaning there is no need for you to take me to the hospital." My eyes turned to slits looking at him like his someone suspicious. I walked away from him. Disgusted with his presence. 

"Hey!" He called out to me but I continue walking like nothing happened. 

"Hey! Wait up!" he started following me. 

 "What do you want?!" Again with that mesmerizing eyes. Why does it have to belong to the person who is one of the reason for my heartache? One of the people I am tarting to loathe the most? Damn that eyes! Closing mine trying to erase my wayward thoughts. I looked at his head instead. 

"I told you I'm fine. And for the third time. Let.go.!" I told him as calm as I can. I want to get this over with as fast as possible. We're in the middle of the road for Christ's sake. 

"No." Was his reply, still holding me. I felt my jaw drop. How stubborn can you get?! 

"Know what? You are the most hard-headed person I've ever met!" I frustratedly exclaimed. The bastard just freaking smiled at me. So infuriating! That smile though. 

"Stop smiling! You know me right? And you're trying to flaunt the fact that paulo left me for you!" He immediately lost his smile. I back away from the anger I saw in his eyes. Now its my fault? You were the one who stole him, not me! He started walking towards me. He's so close I can smell his minty breath. 

"Trust me sweetheart. I have reasons." He huskily said. He then left, leaving me standing there speechless. 

1 week past since my "almost-accident". And for the first time, my mind was not occupied by Paulo. Someone had me all thinking and I must be going crazy because instead, I am thinking about his lover whose name I don't even know. I'm crazy. How can I be thinking about him. He's the reason why Paulo left me! I don't know why but his face won't leave my mind. That ugly smirk. That horrible laugh. That hideous eyes. Arrgghh! Why is everything about him so sinfully beautiful?! No! Everything about him is ugly! Yes. Ugly! Then I started remembering his swoon-worthy smirk. No! Stop! I kicked and screamed in my bed. I was about to get up when my phone started ringing. Ah! Yes! There is someone else who has been in my mind as well. 

"What?" I answered. A horrible laugh was heard in the other side of the line.

"Hello to you too sweetheart.”Shoot! I just dropped something. I think it starts with the letter U and ends with the letter R. Get a grip girl! 

"Will you stop calling me sweetheart? I told you a million times already!" I told him, exaggerating my point. He laughed again and I think that "thing" just flew out the window. 

"No." He really is the perfect definition of a "one-word-man" notice the sarcasm please. I rolled my eyes albeit he can't see me. I asked what he wants and he just simply said he missed my voice. Cheesy much?! Thank God he can't see my face. I must be as red as a tomato right now. 

"Will you tell me who you are now?" I absentmindedly said. I've been asking him the same question the moment he texted me. I don't usually entertain messages from unknown numbers. But I don't know why I replied to his simple "are you alright?" question. Maybe because I just needed someone to talk to or maybe because his question really caught my attention. I mean, who would send you their very first message asking if you were okay? And a stranger at that. Normally it'd be a "hi or hello?" That's why I find it super weird. I've been bugging him to tell me, but the man is as hard as a mule. So stubborn. His attitude actually reminds me of someone. Ah no. Let's not go there. It's impossible.

"You'll know soon sweetheart. Soon." uh-huh? Whatever. I laugh inwardly. If he knew my thoughts, he'd be annoyed.

"Well, if you've got nothing important to say then I'm hanging up." I said, emphasizing on the word "important". I was about to drop the call when he spoke again. 

“When I said soon, I actually meant later. So, wanna meet later?" Oh. I think I just lost my vioce. He's meeting me now? I-I mean later? I shrieked inside my head. What to do? What to do?! I started pacing my room. 

"Hey? Still there?" I almost forgot, the call's still on. Biting my lip, I contemplate on what to do. 

"Um. Ah. It's fine, I guess." I slowly said. I can't stop from fidgeting! 

"8 p.m. I'm picking you up." With the phone still in my ear, it took me a minute to actually understand what he said. What? 

"Wait. How did you know were I live? Hello? Sebastian? Hello?" I looked at the phone seeing he already hang up. 

Should I go? I am actually feeling giddy. A feeling I shouldn't actually have right now because I am meeting with a complete stranger. What if he's a con artist? What if he is one of those human trafficking cindicate? Or what if he kills me and sell my organs? Or worse, rape me and throw my body into the bermuda triangle? I screamed. He's not, right? I mean, he seemed really nice. I think my nail's going to disappear soon 'cause I've been biting it for quiet some time now. My insides are in turmoil. Albeit I'm still having a fight with my inner goddess but actually I'm already dressed. It's actually minutes away until 8 O'clock and that is what's making me so nervous. Exactly 8:00 p.m. my friend knocked on my door. 

"Julia, come down. Someone's waiting for you." 

"Okay. Thanks!" I heard her leaving. I checked myself again in the mirror. Nodding my head. Good enough. I ran downstairs just to stop on my tracks. What the heck? 

 "Sebastian?" He's back was on me but I'll bet my friends he looks absolutely mouth watering already. When he turned around that's when my jaw dropped. Shock, then confusion and then anger. 

 "You?! What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him accusingly. Pointing my fingers, I stalked towards him. He simply smirked. The bastard, again, just smirked. Urrgghh! 

"Hello to you too sweetheart." He greeted like I did not just snap at him. 

"You're Sebastian?" I asked, not believing what I'm seeing. 

"Hmm." He walked to my back to lead me outside but I stopped him. 

"Wait. Wait. Wait. I'm not going with you. Nu-uh." Shaking my head, I went back to my previous position. No way. Not a chance sis. The man in front of me is Paulo's lover and no way in hell am I going with him. 

"You tricked me." I accused him. 

"I seem to have made the impression that you easily conclude things that actually didn't happen." His eyes dancing with laughter. Are you serious? 

"Don't you dare laugh at me! You also seem to have made the impression that I would simply associate myself with you. Don't forget that you took Paul away from me. You are in a relationship with him." Right back at you. I mentally pat my head. Take that assh-I mean b*tch. 

"I never said I am." His deep voice answered. 

 "And what do you mean by that?" Crossing my arms, I cocked one eyebrow at him. 

"Why don't we just go. You aren't chickening out, are you?" before I could think of saying "I'm not going". My mouth already said "of course, not." It was automatic reaction to challenges. Damn this competitiveness. His smirk is back on its rightful place. I rolled my eyes at him. When we got to his car, he opened the door for me. Paulo never did that. Chivalry is not dead, after all. He took me to a restaurant with no other people inside. 

"Where are the other costumers?" I asked, looking around the place. 

"Just order, Julia." hmmp! So bossy.

"Don't talk to me like that. We are not friends. You are my rival in love." I told him sternly. 

"We'll see about that." And ladies and gentlemen, his smirk is back. Tsk. Spending time with him isn't so bad. The man actually had humor even when I'm the only one laughing because of how serious his face is when he cracks a joke. He's not so bad. That one dinner didn't end there. The following day, he took me out again just to tour around Philadelphia . He is so fun to be with. And then it was followed by another date, until I lost count of how many times we went out. We have been spending night outs as well but he never took advantage of me, never even tried to kiss me. Maybe because he has Paulo. And that thought actually bothers me. I want to ask him about Paulo but when I see his happy face, I stop myself. I don't have the heart to spoil his mood. 

I know it's wrong to spend so much time with a person who is already spoken for. But I don't know why I can't say no every time he asks me out. I haven't even thought of Paulo, he hasn't crossed my mind until now. 

Not doing anything can also really tire people, I mean I'm just laying in my bed but I feel tired from all the thinking. My thoughts sometimes scares me 'cause I end up thinking of the worst scenarios. What if he is just luring me in because that's what Paulo told him to do? Or maybe he's just trying to hurt me because Paulo and I had something together? Hope not. 

The ringing of my phone had me jumping. No one has been calling me except him so I automatically answered the phone without looking at the caller I.D. I shook my head to get rid of my negative thoughts. 

"Hi." I sweetly greeted him. Where could he be taking me next? Biting my lip, I try to imagine where. But the voice turned my smile upside down. I frown, checking the caller finding it's not Sebastian.

"Paulo?" I asked unsure. 

"Julia. I have to talk to you." His voice sounding so desperate. 

"I have nothing to say to you Paulo. We are done talking and I believe it's also mutual when I thought we should not talk anymore." I told him. I no longer feel anything when I'm talking to him. Nothing. 

"Please Julia. I'm begging you. I have something important to ask of you. Please." His voice made me doubt my decision to not talk to him. Closing my eyes, I asked him where and he told me to meet him at the park where we last saw each other. 

“Okay. I'll be there in 5 minutes. You better not waste my time Paulo." I hang up not waiting for his reply. 

When I arrived, I saw him coming towards me. His expression desperate.

"Speak." I told him the moment he reached me. 

"Julia. Answer me honestly. Is there something going on with you and Sebastian?" His question left me speechless. What should I say? Yes? No? Maybe? 

"W-what?" Was all I could say. 

"He's been avoiding me. He doesn't reply to my messages or calls. The last time was when he told be he doesn't want to see me ever again." He started walking back and forth, clutching head like he's going crazy. So, all along he hasn't been seeing Paulo? The thought made me happy. 

"Julia please help me. Someone saw you together with him. Please convince him to come back to me. I'm begging you. Don't take him away from me. I love that man so much." 

"God, I love him so much." His words reminded me of myself when I was the one begging. Did I look so pitiful like him? Is this what I looked like? 

"Paulo, Sebastian is not a thing that we can give or take. He can make his own decisions." I told him. This is what love can do. It can make the most conceited man, beg. 

What he did next shocked me. He kneeled in front of me. Paulo kneeled. 

"One day, you will kneel before me and I will no longer feel anything for you aside pity." I remembered what I told him. Yes, I wanted him to kneel before but seeing it now, I don't think I'm liking it. Especially when his begging for someone I can't give.

"I'm begging you. Give him back to me. I can't live without him." Tears. He's crying. We may not be in the best terms but I can't easily forget what we had. Before the love, we had friendship and that's why I feel for him because I know how it feels to get your heart broken even when he was the one who caused it in the first place. 

"Paulo. Paulo, stand up." I went down to his level and tried making him stand.

 "What the hell is going on?" I whipped my head to the side so fast, I felt dizzy. Sebastian. When I look back to Paulo, I noticed our position. It can actually cause a misunderstanding to others who just saw us because Paulo and I look like we are hugging each other. Blame me for telling him that I'm meeting Paulo. Idiot! 

"Seb-" I was about to explain when I was cut off by a voice calling him.

"Sebastian!" Paulo automatically went and hugged him. My stomach clenched. No. Don't come near him! I shouted inside my head but my body stayed rooted on the ground. 

"You're here. Why didn't you reply to my calls and messages? I've been waiting." Paulo's voice turned sweet all of a sudden. Gone was the man who was begging in front of me. He nuzzled his face in Sebastian's chest like a man contented. I felt my heart drop. Is this what they've been doing before? 

I looked at Sebastian and I saw him looking intently at me. My eyes must have given me away because I know he can see my pain. No! Not again! I can't experience another heart break. I won't be able to take it. But instead of answering Paulo, Sebastian broke their hug and walked towards me, his anger evident. You're mad at me? He hugged me, the moment he reached me. He's not mad at me. 

"Whatever you're thinking. It's not." He said kissing my temple. I feel my tears in my eyes. My hiccups now audible. Why is he always so gentle to me?

"Sebastian! What's the meaning of this?" Paulo's voice took our attention. Paulo. He's still here. How could I forget. Instead of answering him, Sebastian asked me. Ignoring him again. 

"Why did you meet with him? I told you not to." He told me softly, wiping my tears. 

"Sebastian stop. Paulo's still here." It's like he just noticed Paulo and turned towards him. 

"What are you doing here, Paulo?" He asked, anger can be heard in his voice.

"W-what? I c-came here for you. I-I knew you'd come here if I t-talk to her." Paulo answered like a boy scared of being scolded. What happened to him? What happened to the Paulo I know? I looked at Sebastian. What did you do to him? I mentally asked. 

"You have to understand that I don't feel anything about you Paulo." Sebastian told him ruthlessly. 

"But you said liked me. Took me to places and spent time with me. You made me believe that you're in love with me." Paulo tried to justify. What? He's done those things to Paulo too? I looked at Sebastian incredulously, not believing what I'm hearing. What the hell is your game Sebastian? Noticing my eyes on him, Sebastian turned his attention to me. He must have read my thoughts because his face automatically changed into concern and nervousness. 

"Julia. I'm going to explain okay? Please just let me deal with him first." He said pertaining to Paulo. He looked so shaken, I would have laughed. But I don't have the energy to do so because my mind is full of questions and I'm so confused.

"By all means." I answered. Making my face blank. I saw the panick in his eyes but he as well covered it with blankness. Nodding his head, he looked at Paulo.

"I never told you I liked you Paulo. You were the one who put that in your head. I spent time with you not because I liked you. I had other reasons, reasons I don't want to tell you because I haven't even told Julia about it. I never asked you to break up with her nor did I lead you on. You created that delusions on your own." This is not the Sebastian I know. He looked so scary like he's going to pounce on him. 

"But you tried kissing me! That must mean something right?!" Paulo exclaimed. I can see that he still can't accept what Sebastian's telling him. Yes, the kiss. I definitely saw them. I turned my head to Sebastian, seeing his jaw hardened and his eyes darken with anger. 

"I never kissed you. Hell, I will never want to kiss you. I have nothing against your sexuality but I don't swing that way. It looked like I did but it's because I have another motive. I wanted it to look like I'm kissing you to hurt Julia, so that she will leave you." Paulo crumpled to the ground, crying his heart out by Sebastian's revelation. But I could care less because what he just said surprised me more. He did what to hurt me? His words echoed in my head. He wanted to hurt me? 

"You wanted to hurt me?" He seemed to realize what he just said because the panick is back in eyes. 

"You got close with him, led him on and acted like you were kissing him because you wanted to hurt me?" I asked, pointing at myself. No! How could you? I feel like everything is repeating itself. My thoughts, the pain and still with the same people. It's just that, the positions are reversed. 

“No! It's not like that! I wanted you for my self that's why I did those things." He looked so scared, like I'm gonna leave him any second. I guess love really can ruin a person. This is the result. 

"What you're feeling is not love Sebastian! It's obsession!" I exclaimed. How could I ever think of falling for a man this twisted. 

"No! You're wrong! I am in love with you!" I could no longer hear him. My thoughts are eating me. My mind is closed for any explanation. 

"This is not love Sebastian. Love is suppose to give happiness to others, but this? This is craziness. Sebastian, you can't use or hurt other people just so you can get what you want. It's not normal. It's against the beauty of love." I told him calmly, trying to explain to him that what he's done was a mistake. He just stood there. 

Shaking my head, I backed away. Everything is really repeating itself. Again, with the same action, here at the same place. Walking away must be my forte. 

"Julia wait! Okay! I was wrong, I'm sorry. I just love you so much." He caught my hand and turned me towards him. I'm so near him. Oh Sebastian. I touched his cheek one last time. I'm sorry too but I can't face you right now while my head is still confused, because I might actually forgive you this instant. And we can't have that because you need to learn from your mistakes. One last look and I stepped away from his grasp. Leaving him and Paulo there. Another heartbreak huh? It hurts.

I ran away from the people who caused me so much pain. It hurts because I realized I fell in love with him a little too early. I shouldn't have opened my heart that quickly. I felt my tears blurring my vision. 

One moment I was running then suddenly I felt myself in the air. And then I was in the ground, my breath labored. What's going on? I can't breath! I ache all over! I hear screaming and shouting. I can taste the metallic liquid that's running down my head. Blood. I hear sirens. I can see the car in front of me. Ah, an accident. I must have gotten hit by the car. I hear Sebastian's voice calling out to me. Sebastian. My sweet Sebastian. I'm sorry. Maybe this is my punishment for ruining the both of you. 

I guess, it's all happening again. The road, the car... but now it didn't just stop before me. It did hit me. My wish came true. With that last thought, I was gone.

---------- 

"I want to die..." 

"A little more and I would have been dead. Oh, how I wish I was." 

-The End-

-vi 08.20.17 💋💋 #storywriting #englishelites

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If

If given a chance to go back to the past, I would choose to go back to the 16 year-old me, almost 7 years ago. I was a freshman then, taking up Mass Communication. The me before was an extremely shy girl who knew nothing outside the cage built for her. Her world only revolved around the people she knew all her life, the places she’s only allowed to go to and the rules she’s expected to follow. So, imagine the surprise and thrill she felt when she was thrusted into an environment that’s all new to her.

 At first, she was determined to follow her parent’s wishes and abide by their rules yet again but when she met new people and got to spend time with them; know their lifestyle and their day-to-day activities, she started taking relish in the things that the new found freedom brought her. Until, she lost track of her goal and her purpose. From then on, her nightmares began. It was too late for her to realize the consequences of her momentary pleasure.

I have mixed emotions regarding the events that has taken place in my past. But if I will be given another chance to meet the old me, I would tell her not to beat herself up too much and to let things take its course ‘cause I believe that everything that happens has its reasons. I’d tell her that I am who I am now because of who she was and that she’s so brave and strong for overcoming her own demons alone. And finally, I’ll tell her that she’s come a long way and I’m very proud of her and now its time for me to take on the burden of our past.

-vi

08.17.17        #IF #englishelites

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A weird wake-up

Today was the strangest day of my whole life. When I woke up, it was raining inside my room! I went to the bathroom and the toothpaste was black instead of white! Everything was the opposite. First, I put on my shoes. Then, I pulled my socks on over them, and when I went out of my room, I saw my sister shaving her jaw!

I tried asking her why she’s doing that but she just looked at me like I grew two heads and said:

“Well, duh! This is what you call grooming!” 

I was kinda freaked out by her and so I quickly ran downstairs to tell my parents about her behavior. But what I saw was even more disturbing. My mom was doing the plumbing, while dad was the one cleaning the house wearing an apron!

“Mom? Dad?” I asked them hesitantly.

“What is it, son?” my mom answered in a guttural voice. Sounding like a man.

I gasped when I heard her.

“Why is your voice like that?!” I sorta yell-asked.

I was really starting to freak out and I’m on the verge of screaming my lungs out.

“What?! Will you stop your nonsense and eat before you go to bed? And don’t forget to wash your plate!” my dad shouted like a girl, going up the stairs to continue cleaning.

“You know how I hate cleaning! And why should I go to bed when I just got out of it?! Will someone explain to me what’s going on?! I just saw my sister shaving her jaw and now this?!” I yelled in the entire house.

“Oh, son. This is all because you’ve been very lazy. If you’re not going to help in doing the chores, then you won’t be able to wake up from this dream. Ever.” my mother frighteningly said to me while hovering over me and looking directly in my eyes, making the place look dark.

I shouted murder at the top of my lungs, tears in my eyes.

Not only am I crept out by her because of her menacing and scary tone but also because of the equally scary characters, that I’ve only ever seen inside my computer, coming out all over the place; from the ceiling, to the walls, and then the floors and tables. They’re everywhere!

“Someone! Help!” I shouted and then…

I jolted awake. All sweaty and heaving from the nightmare which seemed so vivid.

“Phew! Thank God, it was only a dream.” I sag slightly from the relief I felt. 

The moment I woke up, I promised myself to contribute when it comes to doing the household chores and to listen to my parents’ wishes. 

I was going to go back to sleep when I notice something right under the side of my bed.

I saw my shoes inside my socks!

-vi

08.14.17 💋💋  #writeup #englishelites

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Never underestimate a person who's learned his lesson.

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Melanie Smoother, the protagonist of the story, left her hometown and created her own life as a designer in NYC. Along the way, she met and entered a relationship with Andrew Hennings, who is from a politician lineage, and later on became engaged. What the man don’t know is that, Melanie had been and still is married to Jake Perry, her highschool sweetheart back in her hometown. She hid this fact and all other things, and created another persona of her to show others that she belong to the high society of New York and that she is also someone of high status. This facade was later revealed to Andrew when he decided to follow her to Alabama. He was clearly disappointed when he knew about her truth but still, he persued her and even granted her wish to let the wedding take place in her hometown amidst the great opposition of his mother. All his efforts though, had been for nothing because Melanie discovered that she, in fact, is still in love with her “legit” husband and that she can not contine with the wedding. Andrew let her go, understanding her again. Melanie then ran and went to look for Jake; the man who even had a place dedicated only for her, who had loved her despite her leaving him and who had been so against their divorce because he thought they can still work it out only if she went back home to him. Finally, they reconciled and even had a baby girl. Melanie is now contented of what she has and what she is.

I believe almost everyone can relate to Melanie’s story, on how she wanted to forget so much about some parts of her life and how much she regretted the decisions and the things she did in the past. I, myself, have had those experiences and regrets. I have made decisions that did the complete opposite of what I thought it would. I have taken so many things for granted, thinking that they will remain. I tried wearing revealing clothes just so I can match up to my friends. I stopped coming to Uni so I can tag along with them because that’s what they always do and I even lied to my parents about it because I thought that it was the only way for them not to be disappointed, and for my friends not to laugh at me. I did those things which were not me so that they will like me. But, obviously, those decisions were wrong and I regretted them even up till now. But those are the reasons why I also believe that everyone can have their redemption and that they can start again because it’s not too late to change and that we can all have our own version of happy ending. You just have to be true. Don’t change yourself just so other people will like you because at the end of the day, it’s yourself who will be there for you. You just have to remember that all things happen because God has his plans and that he won’t give you struggles and problems you can’t carry. Eventually, they will all work out one way or another.

-vi 07.23.17 💋💋 #moviereflection #englishelites

[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

The moment you start loving what you're doing. It's no longer working. It's called living.

[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

💋💋

The Pursuit of Success

Life is about giving and taking. It is about how you work with it and accept the challenges around it. As we encounter the persona of life with this promising lady. We are given the possessions to motivate and feel the embrace of true meaning of life. Call her, Mary Antoneth the person captivates the heart and soul of the learners to become like her. Who is she? How does she manage life’s struggles? Well, let’s take a look how she put into fire the red carpet of success.

           Mary is not just an ordinary person but she is the person who can influence the youth to aim the pursuit of success in life. She considered herself as a thirst of intellect mind and compassionate heart that life is like a tire, sometimes we are on the bottom to encounter difficulties first before tasting the magnificence.

      Mary is a family oriented person. For her, family should come first before intimate relationships. She is a goal keeper that sets aside pleasures in life because for her education is the key of everything. To check her brief background, her birthday falls on June 13, 1995. As I observed the way she shares her family, I can see how strong their bond. Her parents served as her gold with their strong encouragement and faith that strengthen her to pursue. In relation to her Education Background, she has this one great teacher who uplifts her personality to become a productive English Teacher soon. Since Education is not her first choice of course, there is a lack of interest and love towards Mass Communications that led her safely home and brought her into a mission at College of Teacher Education to touch the heart of individuals not just with knowledge but a full package of values and skills.

That is why Mary hold on to her promise to herself and to her family that she will finish her bachelor’s degree with pride, honor and dignity as a woman. Moreover, a reliable and valid source to her friend that her attitude is alarming sometimes, preferably couldn’t control her anger management. So how can she handle this? I can see that her heart is on teaching that made me a relief that she can control this negative sides on her. With regard to her attitude, does this person’s life make a good story? Yes, because this person has the potential to be someone who’s professional on the top market right now. She has the sagacity with strong passion and commitment to work. Nobody can claim passionate because not everyone has the heart of everything. And she has that crown.

The person like her is worth to write because she gives a widen charisma to the world that she has a big heart that provide light to everyone.  With this, this will be the main ingredient for her to motivate herself and arouse the interest of the readers to give value of learning. One thing about her that catches my attention is, she never thinks of giving up but accepting her flaws and lapses that brought her to stand up and continue to face the fate.

Can anyone feel strongly about her? Well, I have two answers for that. For positive point, yes because she can be a person to entice any other learners to be like her that Education is the most influential weapon to change the world. For negative point, I didn’t or we can’t envy her or felt like overpowered by her personality because we are all aware that being unique starts within ourselves.

To end her story, the last contribution to the world is to be dedicated and strong committed with a passionate heart for her students. She will leave a mark or lesson to everyone if the value of learning is achieved and maintained equally. The Pursuit of Success starts a change within her because she has all the answer of everything. Life is a meaningful cycle, let us be tantalized with her sharing to put into action that we can produce a great impact to millennials. An own version with yourself starts a productive change to your students.

This story will not leave a mark to our lives, if there is no inspirational quote leading her to life. Rudolf Steiner as mentioned as “You will not be a good teacher if you focus only on what you do and not upon who you are”. This statement lived by the heart of all teachers who are devoted to their work that, we will not just focus in teaching by knowledge but it should be with values and skills together with knowledge because this will be a greater possible experience for them to understand the meaning of contentment in life. Learn to value and find the key of education. So that the students will follow how to become a professional like you. The bottom line is, focus on their strengths not their flaws then everything will be manifested.

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The World’s Brightest Seas

Puerto Rico is known for their hospitality and generousity. Not only do they have some of the most beautiful sceneries and landscapes, they also have places that are the liveliest at night.

During the day, you can tour around areas that are naturally amazing, like it got out straight from a magazine.

And at night, that’s where the real fun starts. The people are so lively, they dance at streets. Tourists are even cajoled into joining because of how fun it actually is; dancing with strangers, who are all smiles, without a care in the world.

But the real majic lies not at land but somewhere you can get those toes and hands wet. Puerto Rico is pretty well-known because of their beaches that got tourists wanting to check-out the place. If you’re planning to visit, make sure that you won’t miss it.

Their beaches are deemed to be some of the most enchanting seas in the world. One of them, located in Isla de Vieques, basically won a Guiness Book of World Record title in the year 2008.

The beaches are already gourgeous during daylight but if you wanna witness something magnificent and alluring, you better stay a little while longer because their beaches? Literally glows at night. That’s right! there are 3 beaches in Puerto Rico that basically light up at night (given that the occurence can only be seen after dusk) due to chemical reaction. How amazing is that?

The beach in Isla de Vieques called Mosquito Bay has organisms named Pyrodinium Bahamense, Dinoflagellates (dinos). These dinos are also present in the other two bays in Puerto Rico, but Mosquito Bay is considered to be the brightest out of the 3. These creatures are the one’s who are responsible for this wonderful phenomenon.

The dinos are able to reproduce thousands of times freely and easily because of how conducive their habitat is.

Although every little movement makes the water glow because of the chemical reaction which will entice you to touch it more, you’re not really allowed to dip yourself entirely into the water because of the chemicals and substances you apply on your body. It may exploit the minute creatures living there so better follow the rules the guides will tell you during the tour.

There are other ways to enjoy the experience though, such as riding boats that will let you roam around the area, so no worries. And while you’re at it, better take pictures or videos with the best quality as to enjoy it to the fullest.

Check out the youtube video posted at the top for a more vivid impression of the place ;)

-vi 

07.10.17 💋💋 #goals #TOPlacestovisit

[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

Not So Introvert After All

Don’t mess with her ‘cause this lady can sure land one heck of a punch when provoked.

One look at her and you’ll definitely think she’s the shy type; the one who’s always in a corner keeping to herself, but mind you, being the only lady in the family besides Mrs. Marilyn (her mother), she grew up surrounded by 4 men and their raging testosterone so it’s no mystery if our supposed to be silent and shy lady has a hidden character.

In the company of her friends, she’s Ms. Shy no more and the outspoken person that she actually is, appears. She won’t take crap from other people and won’t stand still if one of her friends is on a difficult situation.

One example for that was when her classmate took a beating from her for trying to bully her friend. The poor child actually had to suffer from a black-eye, and that too when she was still in her elementary so imagine what would happen of another, much similar to that situation, happens again.

But this girl is just as selfless as she is, when she’s trying to protect her friends, in dealing about other things. Lending a hand is definitely not new to her. Even when she’s got nothing to offer, if her friend actually needs something and asks her for help, she offers what little she has just so she can help. That just proves that there’s more to her than meets the eye.

She’s silent because she listens, not because she’s scared to talk. She can be witty when she wants to be.

She’s aloof and likes to do things her way, not ‘cause she thinks she’s so great and can do things better by herself but because she just doesn’t want to be a bother. Just like what they say, don’t judge the book by it’s cover, look inside and? read the content (jk!). Of course, it’s discover to know the person better. 

She’s no ordinary lady when it comes to her favorite activities either. While others are addicted to television shows and trending news on social media, she prefers to do track ‘n field and be out in the sun. Picture such a small girl competing with big bulky men during competitions, that’d be a fun sight.

Like every student, her main goal for now is to finish her degree, that is why for the past few years, she’s worked so hard as a student assistant to support her studies. Her hard working trait still shows although she’s no longer one because she now works as a part-timer somewhere else.

We all have a story to tell and just like everyone else, she’s experienced difficulties as well. But she sure is one tough nut to crack because even when she’s knocked over, she still fights her way into this cruel thing we call life to achieve what she wants. All these attributes just proves that she, in all actuality, is not so introvert after all.

-vi

07.10.17 💋💋  #biosketch #englishelites

[ohcrapitstoneth-blog]

Slowly but surely. Time will come, there's no need to rush.