oldcityache

[oldcityache]

It's POTS FOR GOD'S SAKE I AM FUCKING HIGH

Oh yes fuck it let's ball *adderall and three posts of coffee*

[oldcityache]

Oh yes fuck it let's ball *adderall and three posts of coffee*

[oldcityache]

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

[oldcityache]

[oldcityache]

So here's the thing, I didn't have any strong opinions on Teruko before this.

It's not like I didn't like her, she was a fun character, but as I've said before, I've struggled to become attached to any of the Hunting Dogs.

But after today's chapter???? I'm fucking devastated about her

What do you meeeaannn war was literally all she knew???

FIRST FEW MONTHS

She was a BABY! A literal BABY! They put a weapon in her hands before she knew anything else! She was taught to murder before anything else! She was a goddamn BABY!

And what did Fukuchi do?

Save her??? No, he gave her more of the fucking same, he just managed to convince her that being a Hunting Dog was somehow better. She was still a child soldier, a child experimented on, a child weapon.

It's no wonder she idolized him and went along with his dumb fucking plan, she WAS TWELVE

He was her hero, her savior, her father, her captain, the closet thing to family she probably ever had and he was using her for his plan, disregarding her feelings to spare Fukuzawa's (whose feelings he still managed to also managed to fuck over).

And she still forgave him, she was willing to die to kill fyodor and was okay with it because she thought it would reunite her with Fukuchi.

And she STILL looked like this when she thought she saw him again.

SHE WAS A DAMN CHILD

I'm sobbing, Teruko, you deserved better than this. You deserved better than to be a weapon your whole life. You deserved better than what the Hunting Dogs did to you. You deserved better than fucking Fukuchi.

[oldcityache]

I was thinking recently about how "alt" subcultures are so aestheticized now but they used to be much more about your societal views than the clothes you wore or even the bands you listened to, and my brain connected some dots. Idk if this is anything

[oldcityache]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[oldcityache]

It would have been so funny when dazai must have called chuuya short and chuuya just reacting in a flabbergasted way that dazai goes ":0" or ":3" because he was in the mafia with no proper social skills and meeting someone of your age but them having a different personality must be confusing for dazai.

hc that Dazai made a point of calling Chuuya small when they met because Dazai was used to being the small one.

like, finally there was someone shorter than him. because let’s be real, Dazai was barely taller than Chuuya in Fifteen.

i think people forget how small Dazai was too— not just in height, but also in weight. He was underweight in Dark Era, but in Fifteen & even at present he's barely within the healthy weight range for his height. he was constantly described as a twig in Fifteen, and almost every time he's introduced in the light novels he's called lanky, slender, etc.