olli-is-a-fish

[olli-is-a-fish]

Sure hope a god doesn’t come around and punish him for his hubris

[olli-is-a-fish]

I want a fic where Bruce is only 17 when the Flying Graysons die. Dick is 8 and Bruce is 17 and he desperately wants to take in this child who’s going through hell just like he was, but he can’t because he’s a minor and the state won’t let him.

And Alfred, seeing all this happen, does the responsible thing: he adopts Dick himself.

But for whatever reason, the media all just runs with Bruce being Dick’s guardian. Really, they’re more like brothers.

So years later, when the Batfam has expanded, all the batkids are sitting around one day complaining abt Bruce and someone jokes abt “their dad being an asshole” and “ugh we hate him” Dick just laughs.

“Not me. I love my dad. Sucks for you guys tho B is an ass with the emotional range of a teaspoon.”

And they are all so confused. Bc Dick what the ever loving fuck are you talking about.

And Dick just stares at them all like they’re total moron.

“Bruce is NOT my dad. He was my weird roommate. The emo older brother. ALFRED is my dad I love him he’s the best. U guys all got the shit end of the stick tho that really sucks for you, my condolences.”

Their minds are all fucking blown. Not a single one of them knew Alfred was the one who adopted Dick. They all assumed Bruce did.

Meanwhile, Alfred is just ridiculously proud of Dick. He turned out so normal in comparison to Bruce.

[olli-is-a-fish]

another archeological find for you all

[olli-is-a-fish]

sometimes masochism is a sex thing and sometimes it's rooting for phil in a dan vs phil

[olli-is-a-fish]

(Headcannon of how the bat-kids would find out if Clark and Bruce became a thing)

Tim: Complaining about something Bruce did Jason: What do you expect? He's f*cking Batman Clark: Were you talking about me? Tim: No...? Everyone: ...

Meanwhile Dick is planning their wedding. He's already picked out a wedding dress.

[olli-is-a-fish]

the JL probably stopped thinking that Batman was the greatest detective in the world like, the minute that any of the batkids started getting involved in team missions. they get to watch the Robins run circles around Bruce consistently and without hesitation and i bet they wonder how the fuck they ever thought he was untouchable.

*during a world threatening, all hands on deck emergency*

Batman: everybody understand the plan?

Flash: we’re good to go, on your word.

Batman: then lets get on with it.

Robin, picking up his katana: agreed, let us engage the enemy. and also real quick before we do, i have to tell you that i got suspended from school for two weeks for slamming another student’s head into a table. alright, lets go.

Batman, visibly doing a doubletake: -woah wait hold on, Damian-

Red Robin, scornfull: seriously B? you’re gonna get distracted and let THOUSANDS of people die, because of that little tidbit? what, and now i guess you’re gonna freak out because i got a DUI a few days ago?

Batman: YOU GOT A DUI-?

Robin: father, honestly, priorities.

Batman: i- uh-

The rest of the league, exchanging blank looks:

*massive explosion*

Batman: um- OK WE HAVE TO GO BUT WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER-

*after the fight, ten hours later, everybody is exhausted and covered in blood and dust*

Batman, wrapping gauze around Robin’s wrist: i… feel like there was something i was going to say earlier. regarding you.

The league, watching the Robins stay completely silent:

Red Hood, without blinking: yeah old man, you promised us all that you’d buy pizza on the way back to Gotham.

Batman: …i don’t remember saying th-

Nightwing: fucking course you don’t. first you forget to tell me my little brother dies until after his funeral, now you forget to feed me. are you gonna forget to invite me over for game night, too?

Batman:

Robin: *silently making an ‘a-ok’ gesture behind Bruce’s back*

Batman: …right. yeah. that must have been it. we’ll get pizza ordered to the manor.

Superman, leaning over to Green Arrow: do you think he’ll be ok alone with them? they’re kinda mean

Green Arrow: no i knew that man in college. he brought this on himself.

[olli-is-a-fish]

Phwoah dads,

Calling all phannies!!

Have you ever wondered how many of those phannie stereotypes are true? Can we really all be lesbians? Do we all fit into the 4 G’s of the Dan and Phil demographic? And most importantly, do we all agree Sister Daniel is hot?

Now’s your chance to find an answer. The huge data nerd that runs this account made a Phannie Census to ask everyone these questions. The survey consists of demographic questions and questions about some common phannie stereotypes and should only take about 5 minutes to complete. If you, too, are curious about these results, please take the survey and reblog for sample size!

Athankyouverymuch *sexy end screen dance*

[olli-is-a-fish]

[olli-is-a-fish]

[olli-is-a-fish]

clips that have the same energy to me

[olli-is-a-fish]

Sub-Radio, the band that did Stacy's Dad, coming out with another banger for Pride.

[olli-is-a-fish]

"(...) and at the same time you know yourself (you've only to open your eyes) that you are not helping anyone by it, not saving anyone from anything?"

— Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky

[olli-is-a-fish]

[olli-is-a-fish]

[olli-is-a-fish]

at every customer service job i’ve worked at, during the initial introduction and workplace tour there’s always that moment where it stops being a professional ‘this is our workplace and these are the rules’ intro and becomes the ‘this is hell and these are the corners we can get away with cutting’ tour, i.e ‘this is the cupboard we go to sit and cry in during bad days’ and ‘you aren’t supposed to steal but we get minimum wage so nobody gives a shit if you take a handful of biscuits’.

with that in mind. Tim showing Damian the ropes of being Robin.

Tim: so after patrol you’re supposed to do a nightly report of any incidents at the batcomputer, i’ll show you the login and how the system works…

Bruce: *nods in satisfaction and walks away*

Tim, the second they’re alone: ok so to be honest you’re supposed to do it at the batcomputer so it’s thorough but none of us can be fucked with that so what we usually do is just keep a note on our phones of any major incidents and then on the way back to the cave we send a screenshot of it to Oracle and she inputs it remotely, it saves you like half an hour every night.

Damian: i see.

-

Tim: this is the weapon storage centre; at the end of the night every bat tool has to be accounted for and scanned into the system.

Damian: everything is to be returned to here?

Tim: yeah, Bruce’s orders. but what we haven’t told B is that Dick broke the scanning system years ago so if you want to nick a cool knife or grapple gun for everyday use then you can literally scan, like, an apple or something, and input the code as the item you’re stealing and Bruce never notices.

Damian: *intrigued*

Tim: i scanned a sharpie instead of a flamethrower i was supposed to return one night. Bruce still doesn’t know it’s in my school backpack.

-

Tim: this is the usual patrol route; that’s where we usually get to rest for fifteen minutes, by that 7-11 down there, and over in that alley there’s a really secluded abandoned balcony that no civilians can see.

Tim: that’s where we go during rough nights when we want to cry or stare into space for a few minutes.

Damian: good to know.

-

Tim: if you hurt a rogue too badly you’re supposed to log the injuries inflicted on them to Bruce’s online files so he gets flagged by any major incidents, but Jason figured out that if you tag the injury as ‘light skin trauma’ it will register in the system as a scratch and automatically get put in the ‘unimportant’ file which Bruce isn’t notified by. So even if you stab Scarecrow in the neck, as long as you tag it as ‘light skin trauma with metal implement’ Bruce won’t see it.

Tim: the same applies to our own injury reports, so like, if you ever can’t be fucked with having to sit still and be examined in the medbay after a busy patrol, that’s how you get around him knowing you’re hurt.

-

Tim: there’s supposed to be a limit on the amount of training you can do per day to stop us from ‘over doing it’ but if you time your workout to the evenings where Bruce works on the batmobile, then he never remembers to keep an eye on the timer and we get like an extra hour.

-

Tim: this is the only chandelier in the manor that Alfred can’t get to to clean it, so he relies on us to swing up and polish it every now and then. So if you smoke, up there is where Jason hides his stash.

Damian: …i am eleven.

Tim: Jason started when he was ten, i dont know.

-

Tim: you’re supposed to take water with you on patrol so we all have our own bottles that attach to the belt. Bruce checks that we have it but not what’s inside it, so you can fill it up with whatever. i usually go for coffee. one time Jason and Dick split a pint of margaritas in theirs and tried to see who could drink and swing the best. Dick hit a lamppost.

Damian:

Damian: …well yes. the pit enhanced Todd’s metabolism, so alcohol rarely will effect him.

Tim:

Tim: that sneaky motherfucker

Tim, turning away: DICK GUESS WHAT-

[olli-is-a-fish]

just one more merthur moment that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Merlin & Arthur | 4.06 "A Servant of Two Masters"

[olli-is-a-fish]

The prophesied Once and Future King 👑