only-knives

[only-knives]

a few towns over now. ffs. kill me

you step outside and it's immediately just like. you're sweating. your skin feels like it's squeezing your body. can't take a full breath.

legit a few minutes outside immediately feels exhausting

if you're going to be out and about in an area in heatwave & are able. carry water on you, for yourself and strangers. especially unhoused people.

how its going in metro new york. hellfire.

[only-knives]

how its going in metro new york. hellfire.

[only-knives]

supposed to have $273 in EBT cash but the deposits won't load so i just have $91. like it says there were 2 deposits this month and yet my balance reads the same. ugh. ughhhhh

[only-knives]

tips to get your life back on track after a breakdown™

sleep. your body needs to rest. the average panic attack takes as much energy as running a half-marathon. let yourself rest. take a 20 minute nap. any longer and you’ll hit your REM cycle, and you’ll wake up worse off. after, you’ll feel so much better.

clean something. literally anything. a plate, a drawer, the whole mf bathroom. it doesn’t matter how much or how little. it’ll make you feel more in control, and it’ll make your surroundings more appropriate for recovery.

get some fresh air. even just opening your window for a few hours will help. if you feel up to it, take a walk. take your dog. pick some flowers. cloudgaze. even just sit in your garden for a bit. your body will thrive off of non-stale air. 

eat and drink. I know for some people, myself included, this is Hard. it’s alright if all you can manage is a granola bar, or some cereal. anything is progress and will fuel your body. drink water if you can, but anything apart from alcohol will hydrate you.

take a shower. I have clinical depression. have done since I was 12. I know how hard it is to take a shower. but it fucking helps. if you don’t do anything else off this list, do this. it’ll help more than you know.

talk to someone. I can’t stress this enough. humans are social creatures! we crave interaction. even the most introverted introvert needs to talk to someone. call your mom. text a buddy. skype your brother. chat to your local cashier. anything !! you’ll feel less alone, and hopefully get some good serotontitty flowing.

do something fun! same as above, it’ll make u feel so much bette, and provide a distraction. some good options are writing, drawing, watching a movie, dancing - anything you enjoy!

be kind to yourself. it’s okay if you relapsed, or if you had a bad day, or anything else. treat yourself gently. you wouldn’t so harsh to a friend in your situation. it’s gonna be okay.

if you can’t do all of these, it’s okay. there are better days ahead. this, too, will pass.

[only-knives]

i just filled out a cybertip about it and i have no idea if anything will come of it bc it was 9 years ago and the instagram + skype messages may be gone or inaccessible =/

but at least i did what i could. i'm sorry eran. i'm sorry this happened to you. you were a good kid. we were a good kid.

well. turns out it wasn't no big deal or a few creepy interactions. it was straight up, rapidly escalating digital CSA / CSAM. i managed to get out before it got even worse. thanks to my friend at the time.

i feel. horrible. right now. horrible. my head hurts so bad. why is it always worse than i think it is. how much trauma have i been through that i don't remember. how deep does this even go

[only-knives]

i’m so quick to block people, i do not care .. piss me off fr & ima getcha gone 😂

[only-knives]

well. turns out it wasn't no big deal or a few creepy interactions. it was straight up, rapidly escalating digital CSA / CSAM. i managed to get out before it got even worse. thanks to my friend at the time.

i feel. horrible. right now. horrible. my head hurts so bad. why is it always worse than i think it is. how much trauma have i been through that i don't remember. how deep does this even go

[only-knives]

Actually I know I promote smoking like no tmr but SERIOUSLY younger trans men and enbies who would consider top surgery in the future stay the fuck away from tobacco products until well after surgery, the chemical dependanty is easy to start and is HARD TO END. And to get top surgery you will be required to quit nicotine 6 months in advance because the chemicals in cigarettes prevent your body and lungs from healing properly, leading to a higher risk of complications or infections. I myself have struggled to quit and it's still actively something I'm struggling with because it's so incredibly hard to quit. Don't prevent yourself from a better future because of immediate pleasures yk. I want y'all to get that surgery. At least it's not the same for weed tho u only need to kick that for a couple weeks so just stick to pot and be responsible

[only-knives]

it's going great guys

andd the heatwave has caused a power outage in my area

so me and my neighbor are chilling in my apartment

its getting warm in here tho

[only-knives]

and we're backkk woo power. that took 2 hours which. isnt that long tbh

oh also a restaurant down the block caught fire

andd the heatwave has caused a power outage in my area

so me and my neighbor are chilling in my apartment

its getting warm in here tho

[only-knives]

andd the heatwave has caused a power outage in my area

so me and my neighbor are chilling in my apartment

its getting warm in here tho

[only-knives]

i know horrible things are already happening in the world but i cant shake the feeling that it's about to get much much much worse

[only-knives]

does anyone else think that its crazy (remembers i’m in discourse time-out this week) how the wind blowing thru the grass is so common yet so beautiful. one of many marvelous experiences in this wonderful life

[only-knives]

I’m sure most of you have seen the video of the Palestinian boy that went viral

talking about hunger, fear, and life in Gaza.

He wasn’t just speaking for himself... he was speaking for all of us.

I live in Gaza too. And I’m living the same reality — struggling to find food, to stay safe, to keep hope alive.

If his words touched you, please know there are many of us going through this every single day.

Any support — a share, a kind word, a donation — can make a real difference.

[only-knives]

I talk about living a diverse life a lot because honestly it's one of the most important things I've learnt about since moving out of an abusive household and recovering from alcoholism. I was raised not entirely knowing who I was or what I wanted. and I figured out pretty quickly that it can cause a lot of problems if you don't let yourself have needs + desires anddd that the first step to letting yourself have those things is to figure out what they are

it's a process that can take a long time to figure out and it's something that a lot of us need to be deliberate about. this year I set myself ten goals for the year that all relate to trying new things. small things like making + eating new food, going to new cafes, and going to art exhibitions. exposing myself to environments and situations that are unfamiliar so that I can find out who I am and what I like. there are still heaps of things on that list that I haven't come anywhere close to being able to tick off, but hey it's only june

anyway. it's okay to be deliberate about learning who you are and in fact I would recommend doing so. as I used to say in my youth. #yolo

[only-knives]

oh gosh i just checked the wishlist again and thank you you have no idea how much better of a day that's made for me

thank you <3

[only-knives]

whatever whatever the “dopamine addiction” industry is lying to you the point of life is to have as broad a range of pleasures as you can. the problem with dependency is not that it’s evil to be dependent on something, it’s that it can be unhealthy to rely completely on a singular source of happiness/pleasure/escape. this does not make the desire to escape inherently evil or some kind of inherent weakness. you are not addicted to dopamine you have a habit of relying on one thing for all your needs and that is a habit you can change slowly over time without complete ‘abstinence’ so to speak. and comparing any of this to a substance addiction is unhelpful + unhealthy + will get your local addict (me) to kick you in the shins very hard